Sept. 7, 2012, 1:48 p.m.
Take My Breath Away: Chapter 5
E - Words: 8,366 - Last Updated: Sep 07, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 17/? - Created: Jun 25, 2012 - Updated: Sep 07, 2012 1,085 0 2 0 0
The Saturday after their shower evolved to be a dozy affair. Kurt found out some breakfast that he and Blaine brought to his room; apparently he didn't find it necessary for them to socialize with his family. When they were done eating Kurt asked Blaine to go with him to the mall, clearly after a lot of self-convincing.
Blaine was nervous. He didn't know how Kurt found it appropriate for them to act in public when going out together that way. At the tire shop it had been completely different because Kurt was busy so Blaine had been hanging casually around. Now they were going out together - but would they go out together as a couple?
Kurt's house wasn't very far from the mall so they walked there. Blaine was unusually self-conscious and kept sneaking glances to Kurt's hand between them, even though they were walking with a foots distance between them as had they simply been friends.
As soon as they were at the mall Blaine started feeling even more self-conscious. His friends came to the mall, his friends who were nervous about him being with Kurt. He didn't want to bump into them if Kurt was planning on acting like they were friends.
To Blaine's surprise Kurt stopped in front of a clothing store. It wasn't really Blaine's style so he kept a bit away but before he knew it Kurt had grabbed his hand and pulled him close.
"Are you okay? Don't go around moping. You have a freaking lovely smile and I wanna see that," Kurt mumbled against Blaine's temple before he kissed him there with a sore 'mhm'-sound.
Everything inside of Blaine flushed. He squeezed Kurt's hand tight and grinned broadly at him. He was sure that his cheeks were red as well but it didn't matter because Kurt was holding his hand and kissing him in front of all of Lima.
Blaine waited for Kurt to look at clothes, waited for him to try on jeans and black t-shirts. Suddenly Kurt dragged him into a changing room where he kissed him and started rubbing against him - and Blaine was sure that everything was going to be good and beautiful for the rest of his life.
However, they were quickly asked to leave by a woman who didn't find the moans from behind the curtain suitable for her store, so they left without buying anything. Kurt was laughing loudly from the look on the woman's face and Blaine was completely unable to stop watching him as he let totally go off himself.
Kurt's laughter was high pitched and giggly. In Blaine's opinion it was the cutest thing in the world and even though he had been a little embarrassed about what happened in the store he definitely found it all worth it to hear Kurt laugh that way.
Before going home they went to get coffee and when Kurt was about to pay for himself Blaine took his chance and hurried to pay for both of them. For a second he thought he saw Kurt blush and smile from the gesture, but in a second Kurt simply took his coffee and walked away.
In the coffee shop they found a quiet corner where Kurt put his arm around Blaine and pulled him close on the bench they were occupying. Blaine felt giddy and filled to the top with the feeling of Kurt holding his arm around him in public -
…when a two young boys walked in.
Blaine's friends smiled and waved awkwardly at him, and for some reason Blaine's own enthusiastic smile in their direction frowned and felt misplaced. He didn't say anything but drank his coffee and fell a little deeper into Kurt's embrace.
When they were walking back to Kurt's house he was a little surprised by Kurt not letting go of his hand on the way. Blaine clenched tight all the way back and did his best to push away the thoughts of his friends' faces.
xXx
When they entered at home the house was humming around them. Clearly Kurt's entire family was home and when they walked past the living room Blaine saw that even the Jewish girl (what did she say her name was?) from Tina's glee club was there. She was holding the hand of a tall guy who should be looking like a man but actually looked like an oversized boy.
"Come on, babe. Let's go upstairs," Kurt mumbled and before Blaine could say or do anything they were back in Kurt's room.
Kurt let his bags drop in a pile on the chair by the desk before he turned around to put his arms around Blaine. The feeling of Kurt's strong, warm embrace reminded Blaine of a reunion after having been apart for years. He wanted to ask about Kurt's family and why he was doing his best to not let Blaine meet them, but Kurt's arms around his shoulders made him dozy and instead he wanted to curl up on the bed with Kurt and never move again.
"I like the feeling of your arms around me. It feels like you never want to let me go," Kurt cooed with his nose boring into Blaine's hair. His voice was soft and tender, and Blaine suspected the cold, hard features that usually occupied his boyfriend's face had transformed to more innocent and smooth ones.
I could just tell him that I love him. Wouldn't anyone be happy to know that they are loved? Especially by their boyfriend, Blaine argued internally with himself. He wanted to stand on a mountaintop and scream it at the top of his lungs for the world to know - he was just afraid that Kurt would hear.
"I don't. I wanna stay here always," Blaine said in a cracking voice. It was terrible really, that it was bothering him so much. He should just push it away.
There was a knock on the door and Kurt grew stiff in Blaine's arms. It was like he was expecting a dungeon keeper to show up and if he stayed still no one would notice their presence.
Unfortunately it wasn't so. There was anther knock and the door was opened. Blaine had his back on the door so he couldn't see who it was, but Kurt released his grip around him and hurried to the door with hasty steps.
"Dad! I'm coming out instead, okay -" he snapped and the door was pushed closed behind him as he disappeared into the hall after his dad.
Blaine fell down on the bed, curious to what was going on. He found it odd that Kurt didn't want him to meet his family, but when he thought closer it wasn't exactly like he was planning on introducing Kurt to his family either - which was mostly because there was no way it would turn out good if Blaine showed up with his boyfriend who was a leather-wearing, smoking, school-ditching punk with studs all over his everything.
Maybe that was the point really - Kurt didn't want his family to know that he was dating a prep school boy. A boy who always did his homework, did volunteer work and could never dream of doing anything out of line. Maybe Kurt was embarrassed of him.
After a little while Kurt returned to the room. A dark look was covering his face so Blaine figured it best to not say a word but keep shut instead. He watched as Kurt sat on the desk and lit up a cigarette. He pushed open the window and leaned against the wall to stare at the sky going dark outside.
"Sorry. I tried talking us out of it, but we have to go have dinner with the fam tonight," Kurt said as he blew a cloud of smoke out the window and winced his face by the thought of what was to come.
"That sounds cool. I'm cool with that," Blaine said carefully with a hope that he could stay presentable for Kurt so he wouldn't have to feel ashamed of him. What worried him was that Kurt didn't look at him or so much as grunt at his accept.
xXx
The atmosphere in the kitchen was warm and homely. Blaine felt it like he had been there a million times before, but as he was standing partially hidden behind Kurt as they entered the room it was clear to him that to Kurt this was just something that had to be done and over with.
The oversized boy was sitting at the table with a broad grin. He introduced himself as Finn, Kurt's stepbrother. At the end of the table a woman with light brown hair was sitting. She was smiling maternally at him and told that her name was Carole. She was Finn's mom and married to Kurt's dad. Blaine sat down next to Kurt and awkwardly introduced himself.
After a few moments of awkward silence the Jewish girl tripped into the kitchen where she sat down next to Finn. This was Rachel, girlfriend of Finn. Apparently she had seen Blaine perform with The Warblers and was very impressed. Kurt's dad came as well and everyone was gathered to eat.
Kurt didn't talk at all during dinner. Whenever one of the others directed a question or comment at Blaine he felt put on spot. He looked to Kurt who kept staring into his plate before he awkwardly responded.
Kurt's behavior made him feel abandoned and lost. He didn't know if Kurt was okay with him having conversations with his family even though he did his best to stay as polite as he possibly could. He didn't want to ignore them either so he was torn between Kurt being cold and Rachel fretting him for information of where The Warblers were in their preparations for Regionals in two weeks.
As dinner drifted towards the end Blaine felt more and more like trying to grab Kurt's hand under the table. The more Blaine discussed show choir with Rachel the more it felt like Kurt was moving away from him and he didn't like the feeling - on the other hand he enjoyed discussing solos and dance numbers with her, Finn every now and then joining in with a comment of how hard a certain routine was or how he couldn't understand the way the others in the New Directions didn't need to eat an entire buffet after performing.
"What about you, Kurt? You could come back to glee club, it would be fun -" Rachel cheered, and Blaine's instincts told him that she had stepped wrong.
"Why would I ever do something as stupid as show choir again? I can't sing, I can't dance, I sound like a freaking girl whenever I try and Mr. Schue made it pretty clear that I am not talented enough for your precious glee club - not to mention how the other freaks treated me. I honestly don't know how I ever was as pathetic as I was back then," Kurt snapped and jumped out of his chair.
In a matter of seconds he was down the hall and they could hear him thundering up the stairs. Blaine was shrinking in his seat and Rachel looked like she had just had her nose shoved into a pile of horse dumping.
"I should..." Blaine tried and started to get up from his chair but Rachel clammed her hand around his wrist.
"No. Leave him alone or he'll eat you. And what he said about how we treated him - we didn't do anything!" Rachel rushed out.
Blaine rested back in his seat. Worry was filling his body and Kurt's words mixed with Rachel's were roaming around in his head. He felt caught in the middle and knew that Rachel was right; if he went upstairs to Kurt he would be eaten raw.
"He'll calm down. Kurt's been going through a tough time lately. It's been making him a bit moody, but he'll be fine," Kurt's dad assured Blaine.
Suddenly it felt like all eyes were on him and the empty seat next to him. Carole started cleaning out the table and Rachel joined her, everyone going about their business as usual.
"No I... I better go talk to him. Excuse me -" Blaine apologized and hurried down the hall to the stairs that he quickly climbed.
He knocked Kurt's door carefully but there was no response. After knocking a third time he heard Kurt growl loudly on the other side and Blaine decided that he could just as well walk in instead of waiting for permission.
Kurt was sitting by the window with a cigarette in his hand and a cloud of smoke around his head. He stared at Blaine like he had just popped up in the middle of the room without using the entrance.
"The others told me to leave you alone, but I just figured -"
"They were right. But I don't care. They can bitch about me all they want, I don't give a shit," Kurt groaned and let his head thump heavily against the window frame. He blew out a cloud of smoke and watched it as it dissolved in the air before he threw the used up filter to the lawn under him and went to fall on the bed.
"So I am guessing you'll be heading back home now?" Kurt asked casually and played with the foil around his cigarette package.
"Do you - you want to - do you want me to leave?" Blaine asked. He had not seen that coming and to be honest it was definitely a punch in the gut. He couldn't believe that Kurt was asking him to leave; had he really been that terrible at socializing with his family?
"Well - now you've witnessed the circus that is my family, and seen how screwed up I am... It would only make sense," Kurt explained, an his eyes seemed like a flicker of sadness was running through them but his lips had formed a thin line.
"No. No - no, Kurt, I... I don't care about your family, I only care about you," Blaine said and took a trying step towards the bed. He wanted to hug Kurt, to assure him that all that mattered to him was to be with him, to let him know that he thought that he was amazing just the way he was and that he didn't care that he wasn't in glee club.
"Are you sure? You're not freaked out?" Kurt asked and slowly sat up, concern and insecurity filling his face.
"Of course I'm sure. Kurt, I l... I am crazy about you," Blaine smiled weakly and stepped over to stand directly in front of Kurt sitting on the bed in front of him. Kurt smiled up at him and took his hands in his own, staring at the way their fingers were falling perfectly into place with each other.
"You're sweet. And brave - or really stupid, for not letting my family terrify you," Kurt mumbled with eyes stilled trained on their hands.
Kurt fell back on the bed, taking Blaine with him so that he fell down on top of Kurt. They laughed a little by the action before Kurt kissed his nose. Then they re-arranged themselves to lie properly down, facing each other with their hands locked between them.
"So - you wanna tell me what that was all about?" Blaine asked hesitantly. Apparently it was a sore spot for Kurt, but he felt like he needed to know in order to know Kurt better. He also felt that he needed to ask to show Kurt that he cared.
"There's nothing to tell. I was in that stupid glee club, but when I came to my senses and stopped being such a fag I quit - simple as that," Kurt explained with a dry voice.
"Don't... Kurt, it's really hard believing you when I've heard stories from Tina. You are talented, you just need to believe it yourself," Blaine said, ending with a sigh from the feeling that he was fighting a pointless battle.
He hated whenever he had to bring Tina into their conversations of whether Kurt was worthless or not. It shouldn't be necessary, Blaine should be able to argue for himself instead of using his friend's arguments.
"Quit the crap, Anderson, you don't know shit about my talents just because Girl Asian tells you stuff," Kurt snapped and Blaine was taken aback.
He sat up in the bed and Kurt stared up at him like he had just set his motorcycle on fire.
"So what you're saying is that I'm a fag because I love being in glee club, I'm stupid for liking your family and my best friend is a liar? Some boyfriend I am, huh -" Blaine thrust out, desperate to let Kurt understand what it was he was saying to him, that it wasn't just random words.
Kurt looked like he had just had his head dipped in a tub of ice cubes. He hurried to sit up, struggling to sit properly next to Blaine and grab around his arms.
"No baby, that wasn't - I didn't mean it like that. I don't think you're a fag -"
"But you just said that you were a fag when you were in glee, and since I'm the frontman of my glee club that would make me over-fag," Blaine said pointedly.
"God, can't you just listen to what I'm saying?" Kurt growled, his fingers digging a little deeper into the flesh on his arms.
"I am, Kurt! That's my point. Every time you talk trash about yourself you talk trash about me too, because the things you say apply to me as well. but even worse; I get so hurt, because what you're saying isn't true. You're not that terrible - I would kill to get to see you perform, and I hate that I missed that proud, life-loving Kurt that I've heard stories about," Blaine said defeated and had a need to bury his face in the pillow and just scream until his lungs hurt.
Kurt let his hands drop and let his forehead fall to Blaine's shoulder. He tried to suppress a groan but it turned out as a low growl at the back of his throat.
"Dammit, Blaine. You know I suck at these things. Like... I just can't be good enough for you. Not that you expect too much from me but it's just - I don't feel that I'm good enough for you. I always wanna do the best I can but... you shouldn't be with me, because there are so many great guys that you deserve to be with instead of a bum like me. I'm just selfish and hope that you won't realize it any time soon so I can keep you. I'm - so afraid that one day you'll realize how much I suck and you'll leave me," Kurt revealed with his face hidden against Blaine's shoulder. His voice sounded broken and weak - like he truly was scared.
Everything inside Blaine turned over. It was like his blood was freezing, and he had never expected Kurt to open up to him like that.
"Kurt - I couldn't leave you. I'm to crazy about you to do that. But you are so terrible with feelings, but you're getting better and I feel blessed that you will waste your time on me. I wanna be with you, Kurt, but I want you to like yourself, because you are so extraordinary, you just need to allow yourself to see that," Blaine tried explaining.
Kurt raised his head and looked up at Blaine from under crazy long eyelashes. It was like Kurt was seeing him for the first time.
"I'm gonna disappoint you very soon," Kurt sighed.
"No, you can't disappoint me - that's impossible," Blaine cooed and pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead.
Kurt stretched up to press a kiss to Blaine's lips, his hands grabbing Blaine's face with his thumbs caressing over his cheeks.
"Now tell me about when you were in glee club. I've only heard stuff from Tina but I wanna hear from you," Blaine tried again as they drew apart and fell to lie back down.
He adjusted himself to a comfortable position with his head resting on his arm so he could keep up eye contact with Kurt. Now he waited, watching Kurt roll his eyes and bite his lower lip - he was thinking, he actually wanted to tell him about it.
"First of all - when we first started out everyone was very excited about pointing out how gay and girl I was. Which was before I came out. I was pretty much the collective joke of the school," Kurt told dryly.
"Then they wouldn't let me do a certain song because originally it's done by a chick - and I was pushed into lockers, slushies shoved in my face and thrown in dumpsters regularly." Kurt was staring into the sheets and Blaine wished that he would look at him instead so he could have a chance of knowing what he was thinking or feeling.
"And theeeeen - god it's so lame. Then everyone naturally kept making fun of me. When this new guy started both Finn and my dad said I shouldn't ask him to sing a duet with me because I'm gay and apparently he would feel violated - and then it resulted in no one wanting to do a duet with me so I did it by myself, and when a guy in school kept bullying me more and more no one cared. A few of the guys confronted him but it didn't really make a difference. No, they just wanted to keep me around to have someone to mock," Kurt blabbered off under his breath before he let his head dump heavily to the pillow under him.
Blaine was speechless. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was devastating to hear Kurt talk about the tormenting he had been put through, and Blaine couldn't stop imagining different terrorizing scenarios.
"I'm sorry. Kurt, it's terrible. I wish I had been there to... support you. Didn't your dad do anything? Or your teachers? And how your dad just…" Blaine asked, hoping to find some kind of sunlight in the dark story.
Kurt chuckled. Apparently he found the thought of someone actually being there for him completely ridiculous.
"No. My dad was... he had a tough time dealing with me, so when he met Finn's mom he finally got the man of a son he always wanted, so no need for me anymore. And my teachers? Please. They pretended to care but didn't really do much - except for the coach of the cheerleading team. She gave up a position as principal in protest of the school board not doing anything about the guy who bullied me and threatened me. So since a worthless piece of nothing was all they ever saw that is what they get," Kurt told.
It was hard for Blaine to not scoop him up into his arms to hold him and promise that he would take care of him forever.
No one will ever hurt you again. I love you and that's all that matters.
"No one should be treated that way. But - just because they treated you like that doesn't mean it can't be different. I'm not saying you should go back to glee club and pretend everything is cool, because it really isn't. I'm just saying that - you aren't worthless, you aren't nothing. And they should see that, you should be rubbing your awesome in their faces!" Blaine tried, and his mission succeeded - a vague, but sincere, smile spread on Kurt's lips.
"You are the world's most obnoxious human being," Kurt grunted and rolled his eyes.
Blaine felt defeated. Apparently nothing he said could make Kurt feel just a tiny bit better about himself. It was hopeless, and sometimes he felt the need to grab his shoulders and just shake him until he understood what it was he was trying to tell him.
"Thank you. No one's cared about me like that before. You shouldn't - but I'm glad that you do," Kurt muttered and poked a finger into Blaine's belly.
"But could we not talk about me now? Who were those guys at the coffee house earlier? Competitions that I have to slay to keep you to myself?" Kurt asked with a sharp look. Blaine couldn't see through whether he was serious or not, so he guessed that he had to stay on the safe side of things.
"No. That was just Nick and Trent… from my school. They're not gay, so nothing to slay anyone over there."
"Then what the fuck was their problem? They were staring at you like you had just peed in their pool," Kurt snorted. He definitely wasn't too happy about the way the strangers had been looking at his boyfriend. Blaine couldn't help but find it cute.
That wasn't his main occupation at the moment, though. He had completely pushed away that he had seen Nick and Trent at the coffee house and the way they had looked at him. It stung to think about and he didn't want to think about it.
"They're just… worried about me. They don't really understand why I'm with you. I mean - they want me to be happy, they're my friends… but they're afraid you're gonna hurt me. I told them you won't, but it's just because they don't know you."
Blaine felt terrible. He didn't want Kurt to think that The Warblers were bad friends trying to take Blaine away from him, but he had no idea how to explain to Kurt why they were so concerned. Because he actually understood their concerns to a certain point even though there was no reason to it.
"But you're the one dating me so they should just shut the hell up. They shouldn't put their snout in your private life so what's the big deal?" Kurt tried, his eyebrows meeting above his nose and lines filling his forehead.
"It's making you upset? I won't let anyone make you upset!" He declared when he saw the look on Blaine's face.
He let his hand run from Blaine's wrist, over his arm to end on his cheek. His blue eyes pierced into Blaine's and somehow he managed to simultaneously seem both soft and sharp.
"If they upset you then fuck them! No one is worth so much that they are allowed to upset you, you fucking hear me?" Kurt exclaimed, his voice completely different from Blaine had ever heard him.
Kurt's eyes were searching Blaine's intensely and it felt like the world had gone silent around them, waiting for Blaine to have a reaction.
"Kurt, they're my friends, I -"
"No. If they hurt you I will kick their ass. You're way too precious for that."
Kurt strengthened his grip on Blaine's cheek a little before he stretched his neck to press a kiss to Blaine's lips. A forceful kiss that felt like an exclamation point for what he had just said.
"They won't hurt me. I promise. Like I told you; they're just worried about me. As soon as they see how darn happy you make me they'll change their minds, I promise," Blaine smiled insecurely.
Kurt grinned at him and dragged his face back to a kiss, this time more innocent and light.
The rest of the night they spent watching a movie on Kurt's bed. Kurt was lying behind Blaine and occasionally pressing kisses to his neck and ear whenever he was bored with the movie. It was hard for Blaine not to let himself completely into Kurt's power and simply abandon the movie in turn of Kurt's lips and touch, but he also enjoyed the feeling of them doing something together that wasn't kissing and hands all over each other all the time. Those were the time he really felt that they were a couple.
When they finally decided that it was time for sleep Blaine was sure that Kurt spent over an hour kissing him all over his body without so much as insinuating that he was trying something sexual. He simply worked his lips, and sometimes tongue, slowly and sensually around Blaine's nearly-naked skin.
Smiling and warm Blaine fell asleep with the thought that maybe Kurt wouldn't be so mad if he told him that he loved him after all.
xXx
When Blaine woke up it was in the middle of the night. Everything was dark around him, nearly black, and he had a massive headache from the heat filling the room. At first he thought that he had woken up because he was hot and thirsty but then he realized what was going on.
His bare chest was nearly soaked and Kurt's arms were clinging to him. He was writhing and whimpering with tears rolling down his face.
Blaine panicked. He was used to Kurt every now and then having bad dreams when they were napping together after Blaine got off school. He would whimper and cling hard to Blaine until Blaine had him eased down to earth - but he had never cried, never been complaining this bad.
"Please… he's sick!" Kurt sobbed in his sleep, voice thick from sleep and crying.
His fingers were digging into Blaine's chest and his tears were warm against his skin. Blaine had no idea what to do. He was afraid that if he did anything at all he would wake him up, and Blaine wasn't sure how good an idea that was.
He made a snap decision: Blaine folded his arms around Kurt and gently pulled him closer though it was nearly impossible. Kurt was now so close that his cheek was clasped against Blaine's skin. Blaine started singing quietly, a lullaby his mom had sung to him when he was a kid. He had no idea where it came from but it was the first that popped into his head.
"Mom. Please don't leave me. No -" Kurt begged weakly, but his breathing and sobbing had slowed down now. Blaine kissed him on the hair between verses and brushed his fingertips up and down his back, hoping for a miracle to end this terrible dream Kurt was having.
"Shhh, it's okay, baby. It's just a dream," Blaine tried quietly to comfort him, but the tears were still wetting their skin and whimpers were still floating from Kurt's lips.
Blaine stayed with arms locked tightly around Kurt for a good while. He kept singing to him, brushing soothing patterns around his skin and whispering comforting words like "it's gonna be okay" and "you're just having a bad dream".
The sobbing and whimpering slowly faded out before it stopped altogether and Kurt's breathing was reduced to its usual sleepy humming, so Blaine kissed his temple, silently whispering "that's good, baby" and got ready to go back to sleep when Kurt suddenly sat up and stared at him through the thick darkness.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He snapped, his eyes lightning even though it was hard to make out the rest of his features from the lack of light in the room.
"I was just… you were having a bad dream, and you were crying so I -"
"I don't cry!" Kurt cut him sharply off. Blaine was definitely thrown off his feet. This was completely unfair. He hadn't done anything wrong, he was only taking care of him. Or at least trying to.
"Well you did, Kurt! And I tried to comfort you because it breaks my heart when you're sad!" Blaine thrust out in confusion, a mix of anger and frustration filling his body.
"Fuck you," Kurt grunted and moved as far to the other side of the bed as he possibly could without falling to the floor. He laid with his back on Blaine, but it was only a few short moments before Blaine could hear in his breathing that he was back asleep.
He couldn't believe it. He had just tried to comfort his crying boyfriend only to be cursed at like that. It was impossible for him to do anything right. However, he didn't regret his attempt at comforting Kurt.
The darkness felt like a suffocating blackness around Blaine and he constantly had to stop himself from moving closer to Kurt, from putting his arm around him and kissing his shoulder. Instead he curled up on his own side of the bed and watched Kurt's ribs rise and fall every time he drew a breath.
"I just love you. Why is that so terrible?" Blaine whispered, doing his best to make sure Kurt wouldn't hear him even if he was awake.
xXx
"Why are you lying all the way over here?" Kurt's sleep-drugged voice sounded directly into Blaine's ear as he woke up to chill fingers on his ribs and teeth around his earlobe.
Kurt was pressing a morning-erection against Blaine's ass and he could feel how Kurt was doing his best to let it find between Blaine's ass cheeks through the fabric of his underwear.
At first Blaine let a smirk fill his face. He liked waking up that way. However, it only took him a moment before he remembered why he was sleeping at the other side of the bed. He quickly turned around to face Kurt with a shocked expression and sharp eyes. At least he hoped he had sharp eyes.
"Are you kidding me? Kurt - you pushed me away, you told me to fuck off and then you moved as far away from me as you could. For a second I wondered if you were planning on sleeping on the couch instead," Blaine exclaimed. Now it was his turn to be angry, though his anger quickly turned to guilt when he saw the expression painting Kurt's face.
"I don't remember doing that. I'm sorry," he mumbled ashamed. He looked like a kid who had just eaten his best friend's last cookie on accident. He moved back to the other side of the bed, back to sitting as far away from Blaine as he could without standing up.
"You did, Kurt. And I was really hurt. You were clearly having a nightmare and you were crying and all I did was try to comfort you and you told me to fuck off and left me to feel horrible about myself. You are being so selfish sometimes!"
Blaine instantly regretted his words. All of this had happened because Kurt had been crying, had needed him - who was he to judge whether Kurt was selfish or not if he didn't want his comfort? Surely he was allowed to decline if he didn't want it.
"I don't fucking cry," Kurt snapped halfheartedly.
His eyes were avoiding Blaine's and his lips were slightly parted in an insecure fashion. As if he was caught off guard, or push off the edge in surprise. The loud-mouthed Kurt Hummel had turned speechless.
Before he even had any idea of what he was doing Blaine was crawling across the bed to sit on his haunches in front of Kurt. He grabbed his hands in his own, looking at himself caressing Kurt's hands before looking up on his face.
"It's okay. It's… I don't find you any less of a man for crying. Quite the opposite. When I woke up and you were crying and mumbling in your sleep I got scared. Really scared. I had no idea what to do. All I could do was try to comfort you. But crying takes bravery - even in your subconscious you're brave, you just need to allow that courage get back through that armor in the form of that leather jacket you're always wearing. I know you have it, Kurt, you're just hiding -" Blaine tried, well-knowing that Kurt would feel totally off course from the deepness of his words.
"Stop being such a girl -"
Kurt's attempt on being hard failed. His voice nearly broke halfway through the sentence and he had to look away. His cheeks flushed and his eyelashes were fluttering.
"I'm not being a girl, Kurt. Stop saying that - I'm being your boyfriend. You boyfriend that cares about you, your boyfriend that hates seeing you sad - even if you never want to admit that you actually have feelings. I'm being your boyfriend that won't give up in my quest of making you feel better. I know you have it all in you," Blaine smiled and tried catching Kurt's eyes.
"Your quest? What are you? The knight in shining armor?" Kurt laughed dryly. He clearly wanted it to be mocking, but it fell completely apart when Blaine saw the peek of affection sneaking out in his eyes.
"If you want me to be your knight in shining armor that is exactly what I will be," Blaine said and surprised Kurt by throwing his arms around him and press a wet kiss to his lips.
It felt like Kurt melted in his arms. The tension in his body faded away and his hands slowly drifted up Blaine's back to make his fingers into his curls. Blaine couldn't help feeling that this was how it should have ended over the night; with Kurt safe in his arms where he could show him that he would never let anything hurt him.
"You can't force me to be your princess, you know -" Kurt moaned against his lips, brushing the tip of his nose against Blaine's.
"I don't want you to be. I don't want a princess. I just want you. But the real you, not the façade-covered punk you want people to think you are," Blaine sighed.
"That's who I am," Kurt argued, not even trying to sound hard now; he knew that Blaine would cut it down within seconds.
"No it's not. And I'm gonna get the façade off so I can dig through to the real Kurt - you do have feelings, you are brave and proud and I am sure you are fabulous," Blaine chuckled. He wondered if he had crossed the line, but Kurt merely let his lips back to Blaine's and his tongue into his mouth in a passionate way Blaine wasn't sure he had felt before.
When they released each other Kurt slid down under the covers and forced Blaine with him. He started to teasingly bite Blaine's shoulder before he kissed it and rested his temple against it and drew a heavy sigh.
"I really fucking hate us arguing like that. It makes me sick. I don't wanna fight with you," he said in an exhausted voice and made his fingers into Blaine's before staring up at him, his eyelashes nearly clashing against his eyebrows.
"I don't wanna fight with you either. I just need you to… not be so defensive all the time. I need you to trust that I'm not out to hurt you. Quite the contrary. I want everything that is good in this world for you," Blaine assured him and kissed his forehead with a smile.
It was weird how they could from bickering to cuddling in only a matter of minutes. Of course Blaine didn't want them to ever fight, but he had to admit that he loved how sweet and affectionate Kurt was after.
"God - you're gonna turn me into mush with all that romance crap. How do you keep it up? Is there a fairy hidden in you or something?" Kurt chuckled and poked him teasingly in the ribs, making Blaine giggle highpitched and surprised.
"You love it," Blaine maintained, determined to keep it up until the one day where Kurt would cave and admit that he was just as much of a romantic as Blaine himself.
"Dork!"
xXx
The entire Sunday was spent on kissing in bed until Finn knocked on the door and asked if they wanted to join him for lunch since their parents were out of the house. Blaine thought it was a good idea, but he didn't want to say anything in case Kurt would kill him. To both Blaine's and Finn's surprise though Kurt grunted his acceptance and told Finn that they would be down in a minute.
As soon as the door was closed he dove under the covers and forced Blaine's underwear down to suck on his head quickly, his tongue sliding around the slit, before he neatly placed the boxer briefs back in place, kissed Blaine's bellybutton and got out of bed.
Blaine was left panting and whimpering on the bed from the adrenaline-shock, but Kurt threw a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt in his direction before he pulled his own on with a satisfied smirk covering his face.
"That was so unfair!" Blaine exclaimed one he was safely on his feet and dressed in too-long-for-his-liking sweats.
"I just really love the taste of you, baby," Kurt smiled gleefully and put a kiss to Blaine's nose before opening the door and heading down the hall towards the stairs, Blaine right after him.
Lunch with Finn was odd, but luckily it was quickly over as Finn ate faster than anyone Blaine had ever seen. Kurt rolled his eyes at Finn when he was slurping a glass of milk loudly down and Blaine had to look away to not giggle from the pair.
"You're disgusting, man -" Kurt groaned when Finn was finished with his food before Blaine and Kurt were even halfway through theirs.
"Hey dude, not cool," Finn protested before he headed towards the living room.
"True, nonetheless," Kurt said and smiled at Blaine over the top of his coffee mug. Blaine hurried to bring his attention back to the bagel on his plate.
As soon as they were back in Kurt's room the terrible reality hit them straight in the face; it was Sunday, and Blaine had to leave early to make it realistic that he had been at Tina's place over the weekend.
While Kurt was sitting by the window smoking Blaine started to make sure he had everything in his bag he had brought there. He changed into his own clothes while feeling Kurt's eyes absorbing his every movement, and closed up. He had to go home.
When Kurt had crossed the floor and put his arms around him he coughed a little, but assured Kurt that it was okay when he started to pull away. He smelled like sleep and Kurt and cigarettes - the best combination of scents Blaine knew. Everything that involved Kurt was.
His skin tasted like salt and his lips and his tongue tasted like coffee and nicotine. Blaine had grown so accustomed to the taste over the weeks that he could actually see himself describe it as a taste he enjoyed. Even though Kurt always did his best to brush his teeth, eat half a pack of gum or remove the taste another way before kissing Blaine after he had been smoking - it was impressive how considerate he was about that.
"I want you to stay with me. How am I ever gonna fall asleep in that huge bed without you?" Kurt complained while kissing down Blaine's neck.
It was hard not to get smitten when Kurt was being so touchy and affectionate, and Blaine wished that he had more will-power so he was sure to make it home before it was suspiciously late up the day where he usually would already have been home.
But Kurt's hands and lips on his skin made his knees threaten to betray him and his heart run faster. If Blaine could have it his way he would spend every single of his last living minutes this way - only he couldn't, because he had parents in charge of everything.
"I wish I could. If you call me tonight I can help you not feel so lonely," Blaine suggested and sent Kurt an apologetic smile.
They discussed the misery of having to break apart for a good 20 minutes before Blaine finally got himself together and left. Kurt walked him to his car and pressed him against the door to kiss him one last time before walking back into the house.
The entire drive home Blaine had to remind himself to stay focused on the road instead of the hearts and butterflies filling his intestines.
xXx
When he entered at his own house no one was home. He figured that his mom was out for lunch with her friends and his dad was probably playing cards with some of his friends - a pretty typical Sunday at the Anderson residence.
The freedom of being alone was very welcomed because that meant the chance of being able to unload his bag, shower and get back to his usual doings before he had to face his parents, which was a good thing because at the moment he was a rainbow of joy and he wasn't sure how to explain that.
Luckily he was drawn to halfway asleep over his English essay when his mom came home. He was sitting in the living room and could hear her heels click around the tiles of the kitchen floor before he could hear her walk down the hall and cross the woodwork of the living room floor.
"Hey sweetie. Had a nice weekend?" She asked as she sat down and kissed his cheek.
For a moment he was close to sighing relieved but had to remind himself that it wouldn't go. If they had somehow figured he hadn't been at Tina's house they surely would have called him so he had no reason to be nervous at all.
"Yeah. It was okay. We had fun," Blaine shrugged, struggling to keep himself from blabbering out about how in love he was with this amazing guy.
"Why are you doing your homework now? Wasn't that the reason it was so important for you to be at Tina's for the weekend? So you could help each other out on your homework?" His mom asked confused and took off her pumps.
She was dressed in a classy dress in a sky-blue color that matched her dark eyes perfectly. Her brown heels were her favorite to wear on a casual day and Blaine knew that his theory about her being with her friends had been right.
That was one of the moments with his mom he loved the most; when she had just been with her friends and her mood was light and uplifted. This was the way he wanted it to be if he ever found the guts to tell her about Kurt.
"Yes, but this one was more tricky than I thought, so I didn't get quite through it," he smiled at her.
"What is that? Are you… Blaine, why does your clothes smell like smoke? You're not smoking are you? Honey, your asthma can't take it, and it's dangerous," his mom said with a wrinkled nose. She was gripping around the hem of the sleeve of his t-shirt with two fingers, looking like she was ready tho burn it right then and there.
"No, mom. Of course I'm not smoking. If I ever so much as tried I would end up in the hospital. We just… I just… On my way home I stopped at the gas station and I walked by some guys who was smoking. No big deal," he said, hoping he sounded convincing to her, because he wasn't sure he would have believed him himself.
"Good. You scared me for a moment there. As long as you don't socialize with them. I've heard they're a really bad influence," she sighed relieved and kissed his temple before grabbing her shoes and getting back up.
"Throw that t-shirt in the hamper and I'll wash it tonight," his mom called down the hall as he could hear her walk towards the bathroom at the other end of the hall.
"Shit," Blaine whispered to himself and let his forehead fall to the table in front of him.
That was close. Really close. He should have known better than to put on one of the shirts that had been lying in his bag in Kurt's room over the weekend.
Rookie mistake, I'll remember that later, Blaine promised himself silently as he started to gather his books.
Regardless of how panicky he had been from his mom noticing the smell of smoke in his clothes he couldn't help feeling proud that he had gone through an entire weekend without them noticing he wasn't where he had said he would be. He had been nervous that maybe his mom would run into Tina's mom or maybe even Tina herself and hell would break loose.
He also found a bit of unease to her comment of him "not socializing with them" and "them" being "a bad influence" - Kurt wasn't a bad influence on him. This was one good thing about his parents not talking too much with each other; by a little luck his dad wouldn't tell his mom who it was he had seen Blaine with at the tire shop.
The rest of the day Blaine spent with his mom. She showed him the new clothes she had bought the day before, they played cards and watched TV before helping each other cook dinner.
When his dad came home it was so late that Blaine was on his way to bed, and he honestly wasn't complaining. It had been good to have a day with his mom without worrying or fussing over anything, besides his smelly t-shirt.
The second he was in bed he texted Kurt and it only was a minute before his phone was ringing.
"You know, my bed feels giant without you in it," Kurt groaned into the phone as soon as Blaine answered.
"I miss you too," Blaine grinned in response, knowing Kurt would roll his eyes, but smile and maybe even blush a little.
"I am guessing that your parents didn't slaughter you completely?" Kurt asked and yawned loudly into the phone.
"No. Have to disappoint you. I'm still alive -"
"Stop that!… But - I really need to sleep, I'm exhausted. I just wanted to tell you goodnight, babe," Kurt said dozy, and Blaine could only imagine how worn out he would be looking.
"Goodnight. I really do miss you," Blaine said and shifted so his face was nearly hidden under the covers.
"Goodnight. Let's figure something out soon, right?" Kurt said and Blaine could hear that he was getting ready to hang up, a burning feeling spreading through him because he wasn't ready to let go yet.
"Hey, Blaine…"
Blaine was surprised. He hadn't expected anymore to come.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For being there last night. Nightmares sucks. I'm glad you were there - even though I was a bitch," Kurt said weakly.
"You're not a bitch. But I'll always be there. If I'm not actually there you can always call me. Always," Blaine said softly, hoping Kurt could feel the hug he was mentally sending him.
"Thanks, babe. I better sleep now. G'night - knight in shining armor," Kurt yawned with a sleepy chuckle.
"Goodnight, gorgeous."
Comments
First comment - THANK YOU for the long chapters - I really am enjoying this story. I love how Blaine is slowly breaking thru Kurt's walls. Kurt is OH SO NEEDY for love and acceptance. I can't wait to see what he does when Blaine blurts out that he loves him. Please keep it coming!
Awww. Kurt can be such a jerk and I want to slap him but when he says nice things like he just did at the end I can't help but smile and forgive him myself.