March 16, 2013, 10:21 a.m.
Sweet Little Sixteen: Shame
E - Words: 5,130 - Last Updated: Mar 16, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 34/? - Created: Aug 27, 2012 - Updated: Mar 16, 2013 112 0 0 0 0
"How are you feeling, love?" Blaine asked and brushed a lock of hair away from Kurt's forehead.
The moment they had entered the apartment Blaine's company had provided Kurt had broken completely down. Blaine had guided him to the bedroom where Kurt had sobbed himself to sleep in Blaine's arms. Blaine had done his best to comfort him, stroked his hair and promised him that things would get better.
The problem was that in deepest honesty Blaine didn't know how to make it better. At this point he couldn't see any way to make it better. He was confused, and scared of what was going to happen.
He remembered back to when he had first met Kurt. He had been so ashamed of himself and his body. Ashamed of who he was. He was still ashamed. The only difference was that at least he hadn't been alone with the secret over the past few months, and he had learned to be comfortable about himself and his body. Until that moment a few days ago where the entire town found out. When someone leaked Kurt's biggest weakness to everyone in the town he grew up in, where he lived with his family.
"I'm not as tired anymore. I haven't really slept since… that day. It was good to sleep with you again," Kurt mumbled lowly. His voice was rasp and he looked like he was still mentally exhausted but physically relieved. His eyelids fluttered a little and he rolled closer to Blaine.
While Kurt had been asleep Blaine had been taking notes for a dinner meeting he had that evening. He really didn't want to leave Kurt alone but he didn't have a choice. It was now late afternoon and Blaine would have to get going soon to make his meeting on time.
"I have to go to a meeting soon. I've made some dinner for you. It's in the fridge. Will you be okay? I'll keep my phone close," Blaine cooed and ran his fingertips down Kurt's naked arm.
Kurt's skin was burning under his fingers. His body wasn't used to the temperature of the Californian summer and Blaine wasn't surprised to find that Kurt's face was flushed and moist from sweating. Right now he wished more than anything to be able to take Kurt to the pool and shower him in kisses and caressing touches.
"I don't want you to leave. But I know that you have to. Just… thank you for bringing me here. I couldn't stand…" Kurt started, but his voice broke and he bit hard down on his lower lip.
"Shhh. I know, sweetheart. But you are here now. The day after tomorrow I only have a party to show up to in the evening so I will stay with you and we will discuss what to do. I'll tell you what I've talked to your dad about," Blaine assured Kurt and ran a hand over his hair for comfort.
What terrible boyfriend was he to not be able to stay with Kurt when he was so shattered? Blaine hated himself for it, but he had to stay responsible and mature. He couldn't just drop everything he had. As much as he wanted to.
"Thank you," Kurt muttered and sat up next to Blaine, rubbing his eyes from sleep, followed by a light yawn.
On careful feet Kurt stumbled towards the bathroom. Blaine stayed on the bed watching him disappear before he got up and found out a tie from the closet. He pulled on his blazer an checked it all in the mirror when Kurt reappeared in the door, looking like a scared kid with his sleep ruffled hair, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs and a t-shirt.
"Are you gonna be out late?" He asked.
"I mean… it's fine if you... I just don't…" He hurried to stammer and Blaine was in front of him in a heartbeat.
"I know. I won't leave you alone a second longer than I have to. I'll be back to you as soon as I see a chance to get away," he assured the boy, knowing that Kurt probably was nervous to be alone for the first time since his life had been turned upside down.
In response Kurt threw his arms around Blaine and squeezed him with a force that made Blaine lose his breath. He put his arms around his boyfriend and kissed his hair.
"I love you, Blaine."
"I love you too, Doll-face."
xXx
When Blaine returned to the apartment after his dinner meeting Kurt was curled up on a chair on the balcony outside the living room. He was holding a GT Magazine but his eyes were clearly not paying any attention to the words or pages. He was simply staring blankly at the glossy pages.
He crossed the floor and sat down next to Kurt who didn't move an inch. Softly Blaine put a hand to his shoulder, brushing a caressing thumb over his arm.
"You shouldn't be wearing a blanket. It's crazy hot. You'll just get sick," Blaine commented, hoping to break the ice.
"'M cold," Kurt muttered and pulled the blanket tighter around him.
"Wanna take a shower with me before going to bed?" Blaine asked.
He didn't wan to push Kurt, but he was worried about him. He was wearing jeans and a sweater. During June in LA. Under a blanket. That couldn't be healthy.
"'M tired," Kurt mumbled.
"Wanna just go to bed then?" Blaine tried, figuring that as soon as he had Kurt in his arms he would be able to cuddle up around him.
"Alright," Kurt shrugged indifferently.
He sat up slowly and sent Blaine a feigned smile before he got to his feet. He was quickly inside and when Blaine reached the bathroom he only made it to see Kurt disappear into the bathroom with his toiletries. Blaine was just about to follow when the door was locked.
He could hear Kurt go over his nightly routine of washing his face and brushing his teeth as usual. After a little while he reappeared in a casual cotton pajamas. He didn't say a word, just strolled by Blaine and slipped into bed.
In the bathroom Kurt's bag of toiletries was standing on the counter and his clothes had been folded neatly and put on a shelf next to the towels. Nothing to see, nothing strange.
Without much wondering Blaine went through his own routine, figuring Kurt was just tired. When he slipped into bed Kurt had his back on Blaine's side and was already asleep.
When Blaine slid his arm around his waist he expected Kurt to turn around and snuggle up to him as always, but instead he twisted himself out of Blaine's grip, the action feeling like a ball of ice in Blaine stomach.
"Goodnight. I love you, Doll-face," Blaine whispered sadly through the dark.
"Love you too," Kurt whispered thickly back and slipped a hand around his back to find Blaine's.
xXx
First thing done when Blaine woke up he wrapped his arms around Kurt to pull him closer and kissed his neck, but Kurt wriggled himself out of his arms and got up to go to the bathroom. Blaine sat up and looked after him with confusion.
After a moment Kurt returned with his arms folded around himself. He looked pale and sad, an expression on his face Blaine had never seen like it.
"I'm just gonna go - see if I can find something to eat," Kurt shrugged and left the bedroom.
Within seconds Blaine was on his feet, running after him. He put his hands to Kurt's shoulders and turned him around.
"I was gonna ask you if you wanted to have brunch with me and some designers," he said, staring nervously at Kurt. Something was up, and he needed to find out what it was.
"I'm hungry now," Kurt just said and continued down the hall towards the kitchen. He was scrambling around and when Blaine entered he was sitting by the counter staring into room.
"There's no food," he stated, resting his chin in his hands.
"I could've told you that. I've been eating out for meetings all week," Blaine said and sat down on the stool on the opposite side of the counter. He stared at Kurt, searching for his eyes but his gaze was blank.
"I think you should come take a shower with me and then go out to brunch with me," he said, reaching his hand out to let his fingertips graze Kurt's elbow.
"I don't feel well," Kurt said, trying to brush it off, looking down.
"I know that you don't. That's why I want you to come with me. I don't think you should be alone right now. Honey, you need to get out and see some people. Try to forget this mess," Blaine tried, desperate to let Kurt understand how important it was for him to not just close in on himself.
"I don't want to," Kurt groaned.
"Please. Do it for me. If you start feeling bad I'll take you back here," he pushed. He knew that he had promised Kurt to let him fight his own battles, but he was terrified of what would happen if he just stood by to watch Kurt shield himself off from the world.
"Blaine, I don't want to. Why is that so damn hard for you to get?" Kurt snapped, like a hysterical child, nearly surprising Blaine that he didn't stomp his foot, too. Instead he got up and walked back down the hall in the direction if the bedroom.
Fucking teenage hormones.
"Kurt, would you stop leaving in the middle of conversations?" He yelled down the hall and followed.
When he entered the room Kurt was rummaging around his suitcase. He didn't spare Blaine a glance. Simply kept his eyes locked demonstratively into his clothes.
"Stop ignoring me. All I want is for you to go out with me so you can get your mind somewhere else!" Blaine snarled at him.
"I know, Blaine! I'm gonna take a freaking shower and go with you to your damn brunch. Satisfied?" Kurt hissed. With an armload of clothes he marched into the bathroom, smacked the door and locked up.
"Fucking hell, Kurt!" Blaine grunted under his breath as he fell back on the bed with his hands covering his face.
He needed to figure out a way to get Kurt out of his shell. If he could avoid going to the meetings and stay with Kurt instead he would, but it wasn't an option, and he didn't intend on leaving Kurt alone in his state of mind. He was honestly scared of what he would do to himself.
After 20 minutes Kurt showed up, wearing a nice pair of pressed slacks and a pretty shirt. He had a sweet sash Blaine had given him around his neck and his hair was just as gorgeous as always.
"Your turn," Kurt groaned as he fixed his cuffs. He turned to his suitcase Blaine had put on the chair in the corner and found out a cardigan that he started to pull over his shirt.
"Kurt it's baking out there. you're gonna melt if you put that on," Blaine said in shock.
"Mind your own business. Didn't you have a shower?" Kurt said coolly.
At that Blaine rolled his eyes and went to take a shower. He rushed through it all, washing up and fixing his hair before he returned to find Kurt sitting on the bed with his phone in his hand. He had his legs crossed and was tipping his foot impatiently.
"Put on some clothes," he said, not looking up.
"I thought you liked it when I'm naked," Blaine pouted and leaned down for a kiss, but Kurt stood up.
"If you keep being naked we will either be late or thrown out," he declared and threw Blaine's underwear in his face.
"You gotta stop that, Kurt. I only want you to feel better," Blaine sighed, pulling on his underwear, before turning to the closet.
"Whatever."
And Kurt left the room.
xXx
During the entire brunch Kurt was sweet and nice as ever when the designers addressed him. Ever the polite and well-behaved boy Blaine had fallen in love with. But in between he was moping and sulking to himself.
It didn't seem like the designers noticed, but Blaine knew that something still was wrong. Whenever he put his hand on Kurt's he received a response by Kurt removing his hand, whenever he put his hand on Kurt's thigh under the table Kurt pushed it away and moved a little away on the chair. Fortunately, when Kurt excused himself to use the bathroom, the designers commented on how sweet and gorgeous he was.
They spent the afternoon in town. Blaine took Kurt to showrooms where he was to pick up stuff for work, and took him to boutiques where he hoped to get Kurt's mood a little up. Nothing helped.
By evening they met up with other consultants for dinner at a restaurant in midtown. The consultants were some guys who worked in the LA department of Blaine's company so he had known them for a long time. They stayed for drinks and casual chat over the evening, and Kurt didn't complain. He smiled and nodded, replying whenever he was asked something. The rest of the time he kept his gaze locked on his drink.
"Will you please tell me what's wrong?" Blaine asked when they were in bed at night.
He hadn't wanted to ask on the drive home because he wanted to give Kurt some space, but once they were back Kurt disappeared behind the locked bathroom door, not uttering a word. Now he was once again lying a great distance from Blaine with his back on him.
Blaine moved closer, putting his arm around Kurt's waist but it was pushed away. So now Blaine had enough. He refused to go to sleep before he had things cleared out between them.
"I'm tired," Kurt mumbled.
"Me too. But I'm not gonna sleep before you tell me what is with you? Did I do something wrong?" Blaine asked and tried to put his arm back around his boyfriend but Kurt moved away again.
"Kurt, what is the matter with you? You won't even let me touch you? What have I done?" Blaine asked shrilly.
"Blaine, just stop! I don't want you to touch me. I just want to sleep!" Kurt snapped, clutching his pillow tighter, curled up to a ball.
Suddenly it occurred to Blaine what the problem was. It dawned on him like a bursting volcano and made him feel sick with himself for not having seen it before.
"Oh… oh Doll-face... I'm so sorry. I didn't even consider… Is this because - baby, I think your body is beautiful. Please don't be ashamed of it," Blaine said with a knot in his throat.
"Are you serious? How could I not be ashamed? I'm a freak! And you're gay, Blaine! You shouldn't like this abnormality," Kurt suddenly cried out, filling the dark room with the robbing he undoubtedly had been keeping inside.
"What? Of course I love your body. It's the most gorgeous body I've ever seen. And I have seen a lot of naked bodies," Blaine tried the best he could.
With a firm hand to Kurt's shoulder Blaine had him turned around. He moved to straddle his waist so he could lean down to kiss his forehead before sitting back up with his eyes locked on Kurt's. There was no way to escape now.
"This body - is the most gorgeous - in the entire world," Blaine said while he slowly started unbuttoning Kurt's nightshirt. Tears were rolling down Kurt's face and his hands were closed around Blaine's wrist as if to stop him, but he was too tired to put up a fight.
"I have seen so many naked people. Men… Women… Transgender - all of them. But yours…" Blaine continued and finally had Kurt's nightshirt open.
Blaine leaned down and started kissing over his collarbone, down his chest and ribs. Over his ribs and abs, before ending with a peck to Kurt's bellybutton while he hooked his fingers in the waistband of Kurt's pajama pants.
"No. Blaine, please just let me sleep. Please," Kurt begged in panic, trying to get Blaine's hands away, but Blaine ignored it and started dragging his pants off.
He moved further down Kurt's body and let his pants drop to the floor. Now Kurt was squirming under him to close his knees, cross his legs – anything to cover himself up.
"Your body is the most delicate, beautiful, wonderful, exquisite, gorgeous, lovely body I have ever had the honor to get close to. To see," Blaine said firmly, kissing each of Kurt's hipbones.
He let his palms run down the sides of Kurt's shivering body. From his ribs to his hips - and started to take off Kurt's underwear, causing Kurt to sob.
"I love your body, baby. It's hard and soft in all the right places. It's unique. I have never seen anything like it. And not just because of this…" Blaine told, putting a soft kiss to Kurt's now exposed mound.
"Which I think is the sexiest thing in the world - no, it's because it is you!" He ended and let Kurt's underwear drop to the floor before he fell to lie back down next to Kurt.
Kurt tied all of his limbs up the moment he saw his chance to. Crossing his legs and arms, tying them up like he never wanted to be unfolded. Which he probably didn't.
"Listen, baby… You could look like a Ken-doll down there for all I care. Your crotch has nothing to do with how much I love you or how much you turn me on," Blaine sighed and rolled to his side so he could force Kurt on his side to and into his arms.
"I have been with so many guys. I was a fucking slut when I met you. Even after I met you. But it was you I fell in love with. The only person to ever have made me drop everything and have me fall in love and want to settle down and stay home watching a movie rather than going to a club. That's you. And not just because our sex is the most mindblowing in history. Or because of your hell fire hot body - but because I love you. You're the only person I've ever allowed to sleep in my bed, the only person I've ever wanted to take care of when you're sick," Blaine explained while slowly rocking Kurt back and forth in his arms, trying to stop the tears that were soaking his naked chest.
"Kurt, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't let you be ashamed of yourself. I, for one, is so proud of you. Of how you are taking this whole thing, of how strong you are. And I have to admit that now where I am out here with people I've known for ages but haven't seen or talked to for a long time - I get proud when they ask me about you. I can't really figure out how to shut up once I've started telling them about you. Because I am so proud to be with you," Blaine told, kissing over Kurt's hair, hoping he could get Kurt to ease the pressure of his nails against Blaine's naked chest.
"Kurt… The first night we met I could feel that you are different. Not because of your crotch, but because of you. I was very excited to be with someone who had a pussy. I had never been with the same person twice before I met you. Except for Sebastian and that was just because he was my roommate in school. I chose to be with you again and again because I had never been so turned on in my life. And then later on I chose to stay with you because I found out that I could never love anyone but you. I don't want to ever love anyone but you."
Blaine sighed and resumed to stroking his hand down Kurt's back, feeling the hollow thrusts of Kurt's crying. He felt hopeless, he had no idea how to make things better for Kurt.
"I just feel so disgusting and humiliated. I've ruined everything for you and for my dad and everyone. I just want this feeling to go away," Kurt sobbed.
The sound and feeling and just the presence of Kurt's despair was tearing like a knife through Blaine's entire being. He wanted to cry himself, from the frustration of not being able to make things go away, but he powered through because he knew that Kurt needed him to be strong.
"You are not disgusting. You are anything but that. And you could never ruin anything for me or your dad. You are the most important piece of my life," Blaine cooed.
"Listen to me," he said in a shaky voice and moved a little back to wipe the worst tears off Kurt's face and see his eyes.
"I've been on the phone with my lawyer every moment possible. He's looking into how to figure out who did this to you and then we'll prosecute them for distribution of child pornography and sue them for the emotional damage they have done to you. They're looking at a long time in jail for this. I know it won't take away how you feel, but it will show them that we aren't taking any shit. I won't let anything happen to you, babe," Blaine said firmly, gritting his teeth to avoid crying himself.
"I just want this to go away. I just want to be normal," Kurt wailed and tilted his head so he rested it in Blaine's palm.
"Doll-face, don't ever wish to be normal. You're much better than normal, boring people. You're the love of my life," Blaine groaned thickly, almost falling over the edge.
"I love you so much. Please don't ever leave me alone again," Kurt whined and hid his face in the crook of Blaine's neck.
"Never ever again. I promise. Never," Blaine assured him, stroking Kurt's hair until both fell asleep, Kurt wrapped up in Blaine's body.
xXx
In the morning Blaine got up early. Kurt was still naked and clasped against him, so he carefully slipped out of bed and wrapped the sheets tightly around him. Not because he was afraid he would get cold, but because he was afraid Kurt would be embarrassed if he woke up naked. Instead Blaine opened the window and turned on the ceiling fan before he folded Kurt's clothes and put it on the bed next to him. Then he leaned down to put a kiss to Kurt's temple and tiptoed out of the room.
He drove off to get breakfast and was happy to find that Kurt still wasn't up when he returned. He hurried to arrange a tray and tiptoed into the bedroom where Kurt was still asleep, looking more peaceful than Blaine had dared to wish he ever would be allowed to again.
He put the tray on the dresser and crouched down next to Kurt. With a careful hand he stroked over Kurt's hair and kissed his feverish forehead.
"Doll-face, you should wake up now," Blaine whispered, leaning his forehead against Kurt's.
Kurt's eyelids fluttered rapidly before he slowly opened his eyes, the blue hazed and clean as they searched for focus when they met Blaine's.
"Hey beautiful. Had a nice sleep?" Blaine asked quietly and tilted his head to see Kurt's eyes better.
"Mhm, I think so," Kurt mumbled.
"Why aren't you in bed with me?" His eyes turned sad as he realized that Blaine wasn't in the bed next to him.
"I went out to get breakfast. Can't have you go starving," Blaine smiled and kissed Kurt's nose before he stood up and got the tray from the dresser.
"Oh... Blaine. You didn't have to do that," Kurt said. He awkwardly sat up and rubbed his eyes. Blaine placed the tray at the foot of the bed and got rid of his clothes so he could crawl back in next to Kurt.
"Yes. I did. Because I wanted to. Do you want to put some clothes on first, or..." Blaine held out Kurt's folded underwear for him, not wanting Kurt to feel like he had to wait until he had finished breakfast if he was uncomfortable not wearing clothes.
"You even folded my clothes? Blaine, you're... thank you. I'm fine. I miss feeling you close to me," Kurt smiled and leaned closer to press a kiss to Blaine's mouth, resting a hand lightly on Blaine's naked chest.
Blaine got the tray from the end of the bed and they started eating. Kurt moved in to sit against Blaine with a smile. He ran his fingers over Blaine's wrist and hand, making Blaine smile and kiss his temple.
The moment they were finished eating Blaine put the tray on the nightstand so he could turn to put both arms around Kurt and pull him into a soft embrace. He was still boiling and Blaine was honestly a little worried, but he figured he wouldn't fuss, because he knew how much Kurt hated it when he did that.
"How are you today?" He settled for asking, hoping Kurt would get into it himself if he was feeling ill.
"I don't really know. Better. But I have a little headache," he shrugged and rested his cheek against Blaine's shoulder.
"Aww, maybe you should get some more juice," Blaine suggested, not really sure where the line between being worried and being fussed actually was.
"Can we just... lie down or something?" Kurt asked and slid further down the bed, letting the sheets crawl up.
Blaine followed, making sure to keep Kurt as close as he possibly could. He strolled his fingertips up and down Kurt's naked arm, happy that his skin felt like he was cooling down. It was hard being close to Kurt when he was completely naked, and he really hoped that Kurt would never find out that his dick was dying to be let out of his underwear and pushed into Kurt's warm body. But Blaine pulled through, keeping his urges on low as long as Kurt was feeling down. No matter how horny he was for his boyfriend Blaine would never push him into anything. He could always jerk off in the shower later.
"I uhm... I talked to your dad. I guess you heard about it. I put my lawyer on the case of figuring out who did this to you, how this could happen. He's working with Internal Affairs on it, but so far it doesn't seem like it's anything that's gone wrong at the police, so the only alternative is at the doctor's office. But we are still waiting for news," Blaine explained softly, hating to go too much into details with the things he knew would make Kurt feel bad.
"And then what?" Kurt asked, indifferently. His voice was dry and cleared off all emotion. He didn't want to show what he was feeling and it scared Blaine.
"Then – I don't know, yet. We agreed that we didn't want to make a decision behind your back. Your dad asked me to talk to you about it when you came here because he wanted you to get some peace while you were at home," Blaine told.
It had been a huge relief for Blaine to find out that he was able to discuss the situation with Kurt's dad. The last thing Kurt needed was for his dad and his boyfriend to fight over his head. It wasn't like they had completely agreed on everything, but at least they agreed they wouldn't do anything without Kurt having given his consent.
"What – what does that mean? I mean... what are the options?" Kurt asked, watching his fingers find their way between Blaine's on the comforter.
"Well... as soon as we have some names and know the details we can have my lawyer built a case and drag them through a lawsuit for emotional damage and distribution of child pornography. But that will be a tough and long and such an emotionally hard process for you. I mean, I will do it for you. I will pay what it costs, I will go through it all for you. But I want you to be really sure, because it will probably be all over newspapers and local TV. Your face will be everywhere if we do this, and then if everyone didn't already know they certainly will after this," Blaine explained carefully.
He had spent a lot of time thinking about this. It was the same consequences as if they had to go through a lawsuit regarding their relationship. That was the exact thing they had tried avoiding by taking Kurt to the gynecologist in the first place.
"And uhm... what's the other option?" Still no emotion. Still dry and indifferent.
"We can also decide to not take action. To keep your sanity and let it cool down. That way it won't be anymore spread than it already is, and with a little luck people will forget it. I know that people won't really forget it, like really forget it, but hopefully it will be pushed away and people will throw their attention at other things instead."
The sound of the ceiling fan above their heads and the birds outside the open window filled the bedroom. Blaine could feel Kurt breathe heavy against his chest and it was like a thick tension was hanging around the atmosphere.
"You don't have to decide now. It's a lot to digest and it's a life-changing decision either way. I just want you to know that no matter which way you end up wanting to go you will have all of my support. I will carry you all the way. Don't worry about the time or the money, I'll figure it all out. I just want my Doll-face to be happy again," Blaine declared, having to bite his lower lip to not let emotions overwhelm him. He had no idea how hard this was affecting him as well.
With that Kurt turned around to look Blaine in the eyes. His eyes were glassy and frightened, but still they were filled with a sense of safety and comfort.
"Thank you. I don't know what I would do without you," he said, breaking down in a cry as he buried his face in the crook of Blaine's neck, his arms folded tightly around Blaine's waist.
"Shhh, it's okay, Doll-face. You'll never have to figure out. I'm not going anywhere," Blaine cooed and stroke a hand down Kurt's back. All he could do was let Kurt cry out. Again. Showering him in kisses and love declarations, because even though Blaine had more money than he could spent and connections to get a person killed, not to mention to he could get drugs and diamonds by a click of his phone. He could make sure Kurt would never have to move a finger in his life again, never have to go to school or work, and still live a luxurious life. Still, the one thing he couldn't do was take Kurt's pain away, and it was killing him.