12 Years Later

After not having heard anything from Kurt for 6 months Blaine slowly started to face that he never would again. One day he sat down and packed all of his memories of Kurt into a box and hid it under his bed. He didn't want to have them in his face anymore, it was too hard. Yet, he still couldn't bring himself to simply throw it away, it was too precious to him.

Blaine never got adopted. He stayed at Silverlake until he turned 18 and then he moved out. He and Tina moved to New York together. Tina wanted to dance and Blaine wanted to sing, and they decided that the best place to go for that would be New York. Tina had met a boy in high school that she had been in a relationship with for 3 years so he moved with them.

Now Blaine, Tina and her boyfriend Mike were living together in a small apartment in New York. Blaine was working in a pub, and on the side he had occasional jobs of singing and playing piano at restaurants and cafes.

Tina and Mike attended a dance academy and to finance that they both had dancing jobs at different events, local TV commercials and on the side Mike worked in a sports equipment store while Tina worked at the pub with Blaine.

The lack of interest Blaine had in girls as a kid continued, and when he was 12 he confided in Tina that he was gay. She said that she already knew that and he wasn't surprised. They kept his secret for 5 years where he didn't have a boyfriend or even was with anyone. He didn't think that his identity consisting of being the orphanage gay kid would be a great way to go through high school.

When they moved to New York it didn't last long until they became a part of a group of artists who always hung out together. There were dancers, actors and musicians, even some painters and photographers.

They celebrated Mike's 20th birthday party wildly. A crazy party was held at some of their friends' apartment and everyone was drunk. Blaine had quickly found that when he was drinking he either pushed away the fear of being abandoned completely and became reckless and carefree, or the fear of being alone overtook every part of his body.

That night he wasn't sure which one it was because he had been so drunk that he didn't remember a thing. All he knew was that he didn't wake up in his own bed the next day. He wasn't at the apartment of the party either, but somewhere he had never been before. Fortunately he was wearing clothes.

A stranger had entered the room and the night started to come back to him in short images. The couple who had held the party had invited a couple of their own friends as well, and Blaine had been talking to one guy in particular all night.

The guy had kissed him. At first Blaine panicked. He had never kissed anyone before. Except for Kurt. It was strange and he was embarrassed that he reacted so strongly, but he was drunk, and before he knew it he had crashed his lips against the guy's, and they had been together all night.

The stranger sat down on the bed next to Blaine, making sure to keep a respectable distance. He was pretty with dark hair and blue eyes. He offered Blaine a bottle of water for his headache and assured him that nothing had happened between them. They had come to his place, gone to bed and kissed until they fell asleep. Mike and Tina had left the party early and the stranger didn't want to let Blaine go home alone when he was as drunk as he was.

The stranger's name was Sebastian. They didn't exchange numbers or plan to see each other again when Blaine left, but after a month he turned up at a café where Blaine was playing. He had watched him from the bar and when Blaine was finished they had a beer together. They started seeing each other regularly and one day they were simply a couple.

Blaine felt loved. He was happy to have someone to hold his hand when he walked down the street, someone who would hold him in the night and someone who showed up when he needed to share something good or bad with someone.

Sebastian was mature and experienced in life. He constantly surprised Blaine with something he had tried, or with stuff they could do together. Sebastian's dad was a big shot in local politics and they didn't need any money. If there was anything Sebastian needed his dad would get it for him. Sebastian himself worked as a journalist on the culture pages of New York Times.

He often wanted to take Blaine to plays or concerts or other stuff he was doing for his job. He offered to get him backstage and said that it would be a good way for him to make contacts in the music industry but Blaine always said no.

It wasn't that he didn't want to have any help, he just didn't want to achieve anything through short-cuts; if he achieved anything that way he wouldn't feel that he had properly earned it. He wanted to work hard for it himself, and Sebastian promised to let him control his music career without interfering.

But no matter how often Sebastian surprised him, held him at night or proudly introduced him as his boyfriend to friends or co-workers Blaine still had his secrets.

He felt guilty. He didn't like holding things back from Sebastian and he felt like he was lying to him, but there was stuff he didn't tell him. He kept telling himself that he would do it, but somehow the time never seemed right.

"Are you sure about Sebastian?" Tina asked every now and then when they were hanging out alone and she could feel that something was bothering him. Like when he had spent the night with Sebastian and woken up in the middle of the night, but hid in the bathroom crying because he didn't want to tell Sebastian about his nightmares of fire and flames or people leaving him one way or the other.

"Sure. I really care about him," Blaine would always assure her, and he was honest. Sebastian meant more to him than he could say and he was scared to death that one day Sebastian would find someone who wasn't as damaged as him.

"But… do you love him?" She asked, and Blaine would feel a ball of ice in his stomach. He knew that Sebastian loved him. He didn't have a doubt about that. He had heard him tell his mom over the phone one day when he thought Blaine was asleep, but he had never told Blaine directly. Blaine suspected that it was because he knew that it would only be awkward because Blaine wouldn't be able to say it back.

"What does love mean anyway? It's just a stupid word," Blaine stammered and the conversation would be over.

He wanted so badly to love Sebastian. He had tried convincing himself over and over again that he loved him, and when he woke up in the middle of the night with Sebastian's arms around him he would cry himself back to sleep because he couldn't love him, and when Sebastian looked at him in the morning Blaine would avoid his eyes to prevent himself from apologizing.

It wasn't that Blaine didn't believe in love - the thing was that he was sure that love wasn't for him.

He loved Tina and Mike - and their friends. But deep down he was certain that he wasn't capable of loving a person in a romantic way. He didn't know if it was because he was too scared, or if he was simply wrongly programmed from nature's hand, all he knew was that he had never felt that feeling.

xXx

Blaine woke up from Sebastian placing a kiss on his naked shoulder. His fingertips were cold through the fabric of his tank top as he ran his fingers up and down Blaine's ribs, but he couldn't help smiling as he turned around to find his boyfriend staring at him.

"I have to leave. Busy day at the office," Sebastian said apologetically. Blaine could see that he had been awake for a long time, because his eyes were clear and aware, not the same blur they were when he had just woken up.

"But I don't have to go to work for the next three hours, why did you wake me?" Blaine mumbled, but already knew the answer. It was the same Sebastian always said when he woke up Blaine before his alarm was to go off.

"I couldn't leave without kissing my boyfriend, could I?" A crooked smile flashed over his face, and Blaine couldn't help smiling back.

It was nice though. He had never said anything about it, but whenever he went to sleep next to Sebastian there was always a fear inside of him that he would wake up and find the bed empty next to him. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sebastian, because he did - Sebastian made him feel appreciated. It was more that he was afraid of being alone, afraid that all the people he cared about would leave him.

"And then I was hoping you would join me for a shower before I leave? Because I miss feeling your body," Sebastian crooned and moved so close to Blaine that he nearly was on top of him.

Blaine let his lips meet Sebastian's, making him smile a little before he feigned a pout, and disappointment filled Sebastian's face. Blaine locked his arms around him to place a few kisses down his jaw in apology, guilt welling in over him.

He knew that Sebastian was eager to have them shower together, he had always been - but Blaine just didn't feel like it. Showers were a place to be alone, and he didn't like the thought of being naked in front of anyone. Not even his boyfriend. It was too private.

"Alright. Guess I'll have to shower alone. But I'm never gonna stop asking," Sebastian muttered through a peck to Blaine's lips.

"I'm sorry," Blaine apologized, feeling bad about turning him down again.

"That's okay, babe. Maybe someday I'll convince you," Sebastian said assuring before he squeezed Blaine's thigh lightly and got to his feet. He left for the bathroom and Blaine turned around to curl up under the sheets with a feeling of being unfair.

When Sebastian left for work Blaine gathered his stuff and headed for his own place. He changed into his work clothes and went through his mail before he left to go to the pub.

When he arrived not many people were there. It was a casual Thursday, and Blaine dashed around behind the bar singing lightly while chatting with his co-worker, Martin.

Around 5 o'clock people started slowly pouring into the pub, and before they knew it they were busy. Tina showed up for work at 5.30 and the pub was nearly full.

Those were the days Blaine liked best; the ones where there were so many people that he didn't have time to linger around. When the pub was nearly empty he felt useless and he started dreaming instead.

"Blaine, will you take that group over there?" Martin said and pushed Blaine away as he headed for a couple who was waiting at the end of the bar.

Blaine looked in the direction of the group Martin had sent him to and he accepted. Halfway through the room he stopped. It was a group of a short girl with dark hair, a blonde girl, a tall dark haired boy and a pale boy with light brown hair. They were all laughing and clearly absorbed in conversation - but Blaine couldn't help feeling that he had seen the pale boy before.

He got to the table and asked for their orders. He kept his eyes locked in his notepad as he wrote down what they asked for, afraid that if he looked up he was going to stare at the pale stranger. He hurried to scribble down his notes and promised to have their drinks sent over as soon as possible.

When he returned to the bar he decided that he'd better send someone else to their table with their drinks so he wouldn't trip on the way. He couldn't help a chill creeping down his spine from the feeling that he had seen the boy before.

"Someone's asking for you at the bar," Martin yelled at Blaine when he was out to get ice. That was strange, no one ever came to the pub when he was at work be cause he well… was at work.

He hurried to fill the ice bucket and placed it under the bar. Martin was by the bottles mixing drinks and pointed at the other end of the bar. Where the pale boy was sitting, looking around as if he was nervous.

"Did he say who he was? I've never seen him before," Blaine lied. Or was it a lie? He wasn't sure anymore.

What does he want? Blaine thought and bit his lower lip. He sighed and hoped for it to go well before he walked towards the boy waiting for him.

"Blaine? So… it's really you?" The boy burst out as soon as he saw Blaine coming closer.

Kurt. It was definitely Kurt. The voice, the eyes, the hair - it was all him. And his smile. Especially his smile.

"Yeah. It's me…" Blaine said baffled, not sure what to say or do.

A part of him wanted to fling himself into Kurt's arms, but there was also a part of him that wanted to scream at him, tell him to get the fuck out, ask him why he left him - and then finally there was the part that wanted to break down and cry without giving a shit about the buzzing of people around them.

"Wow. I did not expect this. What are you… how are you? I haven't seen you in -" Kurt started babbling, clearly as confused as Blaine was himself.

"12 years I think," Blaine ended his sentence.

His whole brain was cramping and crying. He had no idea what to say or do. The situation had thrown him off his feet, and he was scared to death, but still wanted to jump into it headfirst.

"I - I'm sorry. You're at work. Do you wanna… I don't know - do you maybe wanna catch up when you get off?" Kurt asked shyly. It was like he wasn't sure he was allowed to make such a proposition, but Blaine had to stop himself to not agree way too fast and eagerly.

"Sure. I could - we could do that. I get off at 7. Could you - I mean do you - I… I'm sorry," Blaine stammered, afraid that his face was turning red from how ridiculously unconfident he appeared. He was.

"Yeah. 7. That's fine," Kurt agreed and nodded. He looked up and down Blaine's frame and smiled before he turned on the barstool and returned to his friends.

Wow. Time was good to him, Blaine thought as he watched Kurt disappear in the crowd of people taking up the room. He turned around and saw Tina staring at him from the other end.

"Was that…." she whispered as she rushed by him to get a tray.

"Kurt… that was… Kurt," Blaine said and realized that he was smiling.

Tina stared at him like he had fallen from the sky, and Blaine wished that he could guess what was going on in her head, because he knew her well enough to know that the expression currently occupying her face meant that a billion thoughts were streaming around her brain 1000 miles per hour.

Blaine worked his ass off for the rest of his shift. He was so eager to get off so he could meet Kurt again that he worked twice as hard as usual.

"Uhm… Blaine - do you have a minute?" Kurt's voice sounded behind him and he froze. It was 6.30 and he was about to get ready to let his co-worker take over for him.

He turned around and Kurt was staring at him with big, apologetic eyes.

"I'm so sorry. Something happened, I have to go to work. Can we… I really wanna see you again. Can we find another day? Next week or something?" Kurt asked, sounding genuinely sorry.

Blaine's mood was trashed. He said that it was okay and they planned to meet again the following Monday. Kurt said that he would just come by the pub when Blaine was off work. He apologized one more time before he left with his group of friends, locking his arm with dark haired girl who was grinning broadly at him.