His hands were trembling and his insides were iced up. He was deadly scared of what was about to happen, and he didn't even know when the hurricane would hit.

He had been too much of a coward to call Tina so instead he had texted her that he would be home all day. She had quickly texted back that she would be home at normal time and that they would talk as soon as she was in.

Now it was ten minutes later than she usually came home on Thursdays and Blaine had started to consider making a run for it. He was frightened to face her disappointed eyes.

The suspense was terrible. He kept turning over on the couch, switching from sitting up to lying down and then back up again.

However, the part that was killing him the most was how much he really wanted to tell her everything and have her share his happiness with him - and have her advice him on what to do about the chaos he had caused.

The door opened and Blaine heard Tina groan loudly as her bag heavily dropped to the floor. Blaine moved his feet so she could plunk down at the end of the couch where she pulled off her boots and let her head dump to the neck rest.

Blaine didn't know what to do so he kept his eyes locked on the screen where some overexposed Hollywood teenager was trying to sell skin care products. Tina cleared her throat and he nearly didn't dare breathing out of fear for what the consequence would be.

Out of nowhere Tina forced the remote out of his hand and turned off the TV. The plastic hit the coffee table noisily and he knew that this was it.

"Blaine, sit up. We need to talk." Her voice was firm and it made his blood freeze over. Honesty hour, dead man walking - he needed to take the responsibility of his actions.

He carefully sat up next to her and did everything he could to avoid looking at her.

"You broke up with Sebastian?" She asked, and he could hear that she knew that he hadn't. She wanted to provoke him into opening the subject himself. They had never lied or kept secrets from each other, and she clearly thought that he had crossed the line.

Blaine pulled a pillow into his lap and started fumbling with the corner. He focused intensely on the fabric twisting between his fingers while trying to drag out time so he could find something to say, even though he knew it would be impossible.

"I saw you. I went to your room this morning - to check if you had come home to sleep, and to see if you were okay. Because I know your nightmares are back," she stated quietly. She didn't sound pissed anymore; in a strange way she sounded worried.

"Are you going to tell him?" She inquired. He knew what she meant - this wasn't a request, and he did have a chance to take a stand before she continued.

"Dammit, Blaine. You gotta tell him! This isn't who you are - I know you, and I know that you aren't one to cheat on your boyfriend like that. This is strictly because it's about Kurt."

She sighed heavily and did a dissatisfied snap of her tongue before she let the room fall silent around them. She had said hers, now she wanted Blaine's mind on the table.

He stared into the black TV screen with his heart beating half-paced in his throat. He could feel that if he started talking to her now he wouldn't be able to stop himself. It would be like when you get a paper cut on your fingertip and it just keeps streaming out of it and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The cut might seem small on the outside, but it contains an extreme amount of blood that will stench through everything.

"I really care about Sebastian. He's the best boyfriend I could ever have wished for - but I don't know how to make myself fall in love with him. I have tried so hard. I wanna love him so bad - but I can't. I just don't feel it," Blaine said apologetically and the blood from the imaginary paper cut had turned to tears streaming down his face.

"Because you have been in love with Kurt your whole life," Tina concluded.

"I never wanted to hurt Sebastian. I have been so afraid that he would leave me some day - because I suck. I'm a horrible boyfriend. I never wanna do what he wants to, I'm terribly boring in bed, I'm afraid of everything - he found out that I get up at night sometimes, but he doesn't know why, because when he asked me about it I just said that it was nothing instead of talking to him. I trust him, I would trust him with my life, but I just can't tell him this, and I don't know why. I just really want him to be happy, but… I can't give him the love he deserves," Blaine said and felt the panic and angst covering the words as they thrust themselves out of his mouth.

"Does Kurt know about Sebastian?"

"No. We never discussed those things. Well… except for when we told each other that we're gay and he said that the brunette in the pub wasn't his girlfriend."

Tina looked at him with sympathetic eyes, and chewed on the words.

"I think you should talk to Sebastian about Kurt. Start out by telling him your story, then he will understand that this wasn't just some random guy, and that you never meant to hurt him. I know you don't wanna break his heart, but I'm afraid that's a little too late, sweetheart," Tina said sweetly.

Blaine sniffed. His head felt like it was twenty times heavier than it was supposed to be, and his eyes felt sore and swollen. Life simply sucked at the moment.

"I'll go talk to him Sunday. He's got a lot of work right now so we already planned that I would come to his place Sunday night."

His heart felt like stone and it suddenly occurred to him that he living room had turned dark around them which seemed appropriate for his current state of mind.

"And then you should tell Kurt about Sebastian as well. If anything is to ever be between the two of you, you need to lay it all down from the start."

Anything between Kurt and me.

The thought pinched in Blaine's heart and chest, but he knew that she was right so he nodded in agreement. The question was if he wanted anything with Kurt like that, because at the moment he had no idea what he wanted. He was so confused. There was also the question of whether Kurt wanted anything with him. Especially after he would come tell him that he had cheated on his current boyfriend to be with him.

Tina put her arm around his shoulders and dragged him close. He rested his head on her shoulder as she kissed his hair with a soothing brush up his arm. The closest thing he would ever get to someone taking motherly care of him.

"Next time you steal our condoms tell me, though -" she teased and squeezed around his hand.

Blaine had completely forgot about the condoms and now that she mentioned it he wished that he could turn himself invisible.

"How was sex with Kurt, anyway? As awkward as with Sebastian? You didn't like… cross your own boundaries too much, did you?"

Finally Tina was back to being his best friend, the friend with whom he talked to about everything. Even the stuff he nearly was too shy to think about, so surely she would know this because she knew how he felt about sex and how scared and self-conscious it made him.

"Sex with Kurt was… something. He was so different from Sebastian. Of course he didn't know how I - you know, feel about it. But I told him that I have never been naked with anyone before and he respected it. He was really noble about it," Blaine explained slowly while letting the act of the night return in images, sound bits and feelings creeping around his insides and his skin.

"So… when you kept your shirt on he didn't find it weird? That's really great. That was so great of him," she said and sounded impressed.

"No I… I didn't keep it on. I let everything off, even the covers. But the lights on. And I looked him in the eyes and it was just… really different," he told and felt a suction in his stomach from the thought of the intimacy.

"Wow. That is - everything you never did with Sebastian. You sure you didn't feel pressure into it?" She was worried, afraid that he had taken too many steps at once.

"It was really good. I have never felt better, honestly. I felt so safe and protected. Even when I woke up naked this morning, and Kurt was naked too. It was perfect."

He swallowed and felt his guilt wash back in over him. He was happy that he knew that Tina was well aware that it wasn't because Sebastian didn't treat him right, because he sure made it sound that way - but it wasn't Sebastian's fault that he was so messed up.

"I didn't have any nightmares last night. When sleeping in Kurt's arms. We nearly slept like when we were kids - except this time we were both naked and clasped so close together that we could have been Siamese twins," Blaine chuckled.

"I'm glad to hear that. I hate it when you have nightmares. I've never seen anyone as scared as when you wake up from one of those," Tina cooed and rested her head against his.

They didn't discuss it any further. The subject was out for now, and there wasn't anything they could do anyway, so they could just as well spend time together instead of going it over again.