The next day Blaine was playing at a fancy restaurant all night. He was set to play for a few hours which he was happy about. That way he wouldn't have time to think about his failure of a meeting the previous night.

He had played in the restaurant a few times a month over the past year, and now they had started to ask him to come more often which he saw as a great opportunity. The job paid good and a lot of high society people were regulars. Either it would be a possibility of him being heard by someone who had a pull somewhere, or he would be heard by people who could give him small jobs other places. All he really wanted was to sing.

By the end of the night he came home to play video games with Mike before he fell asleep on the couch. Tina woke him up to make him go to bed and the apartment was dark around them. At first he didn't recognize where he was, but when he slowly came to his senses he felt an unease he didn't know he had loosen.

He sat up and threw his arms around Tina. He held her strongly into him for a long time, clenching her to his chest, while she slowly stroke up and down his back.

"Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?" She asked him quietly as she pulled away to get a look at his face.

He didn't respond. He simply shook his head and went to his bedroom, leaving Tina in the dark living room by herself.

xXx

When Friday came Blaine had convinced himself that he wouldn't see Kurt again. He had been stupid to get his hopes up, or whatever it had been, and he should get back to his life as always. It wasn't like it had been a huge life-changing moment when Kurt had walked into the very pub he worked in.

He worked early and went shopping with Tina. They went to dinner with a group of friends, and went out for drinks afterwards. Blaine could feel that Tina was keeping an eye on him, but he was enjoying himself greatly and didn't pay as much as a thought to Kurt not having showed up.

"Wanna come back to my place?" Sebastian moaned drunkenly into Blaine's ear as he placed a kiss under his ear. Blaine felt a rush run through him as he felt Sebastian's hand run down his thigh and threateningly close to his crotch.

Blaine didn't know what it was but he had never liked the idea of having Sebastian spending the night at his place. Of course Sebastian had been over for dinners, parties and picking up Blaine for dates, but he had never got to spend the night. Blaine wasn't even sure that Sebastian had ever even been to his room.

Each time Sebastian suggested they stayed at Blaine's place he always found an excuse to go home alone or for them to go to Sebastian's place instead. He liked it much better that way. But he never had let anyone spend the night.

Blaine had been with other boys before Sebastian. He had made out with them, and slept at their place after being too drunk to go home, but Sebastian had been his first boyfriend, and the first he had slept with - which was also why he still wasn't comfortable about sex. He liked it, and enjoyed it, but had found that he distanced himself when having sex because it made it easier for him to push the exposed feeling aside.

He felt guilty and as the worst boyfriend in the world whenever he and Sebastian had sex. In his opinion Sebastian deserved much better than him - but apparently Sebastian didn't agree, and he praised himself because he couldn't imagine how lost he would feel without him.

"I don't know," Blaine mumbled and was afraid that alcohol was taking over his brain and soon he would feel lonely and paranoia of everyone leaving him would come creeping.

"Come on, babe. Please. I haven't seen you all week and I miss you. We don't have to do anything… I just want to sleep next to you," Sebastian pushed, his hand squeezing around Blaine's thigh under the table, his hand now retreated to stay almost at Blaine's knee instead.

It wasn't fair. He knew that he should simply finish his beer and then head home to go to bed before he dissolved into a nerving mess. But Sebastian's kisses and touch made his skin boil, and he started to giggle and want the others to go away.

Mike sent him a broad grin from the other end of the table, and Blaine felt uncomfortable that he clearly knew what was happening. Tina was deeply involved with a conversation about politics with a dark haired girl that had joined their party and the rest of the group had turned to the dance floor. He didn't have any excuses, no one to tell him that he'd be better of going home.

xXx

It was dark around them and Blaine was glad. He was always very strict on keeping the lights off even though Sebastian tried talking him into keeping it on, but Blaine felt uncomfortable and dirty if he as much as had his eyes open.

The room was dark and his shirt kept crawling up even though he tried his best to hold it down. Sebastian's sheets were soft and tickling against his skin and he was sure that he might explode from the heat.

Sebastian's hands were rough and determined on his body. He kept telling himself to relax, but the harder Sebastian was pounding into his ass the more tensed he got. He squeezed his eyes as hard as he could and told himself that the more he relaxed and let himself into the act the better it would be - but he couldn't.

"Shit, you're so tight, baby," Sebastian panted and kissed from Blaine's cheek and down over his neck. He let his arm under Blaine's and locked his one hand on his shoulder while letting the other run smoothly down his thigh.

Blaine forced himself to let out a moan, and hid his mouth against Sebastian's naked shoulder. He let his legs further up to lock his feet on Sebastian's back, hoping to make it easier and better with the changed position.

He felt his hole squeeze around Sebastian's cock and he could feel that he was about to come soon. He turned his face to kiss Sebastian's neck and let his hands down to push on the lower of his back, causing Sebastian's thrusts to be faster and his panting and moaning stronger in Blaine's ear.

"Fuck - you're so perfect, Blaine. Yes," Sebastian groaned and Blaine bit his lower lip. His skin was prickling and he was sweating heavily. His eyes were rolling around in his head and he could still feel the alcohol roaming in his body.

"Now," Blaine mumbled thickly into Sebastian's hair, warning him that he was about to come over their stomachs, and Sebastian raised himself to rest on his one arm so he could lock his free hand around Blaine's shaft and swipe hard until warmth spread through Blaine's body and he could feel it running out of him.

He knew that Sebastian was looking at it. Taking in the sight of how he was making his boyfriend come, and it only made Blaine feel even dirtier. He didn't like the way Sebastian enjoyed watching himself pump in and out of Blaine's ass, or when he looked at Blaine's dick. He felt exposed and violated in some way, but he couldn't tell Sebastian. That was also why he always insisted on keeping his shirt on and kept his eyes closed during the entire act.

Sebastian hadn't asked about it, and Blaine was happy that he hadn't. He didn't have any explanation for it other than it made him feel uncomfortable and wrong. Sebastian was so patient with him in so many ways, and Blaine constantly feared that one day he would call him out on all of his small, weird ideas and decide that he'd had enough.

He could feel Sebastian's hips thrusting against his ass and his warm come filling his hole. He moaned and groaned into his boyfriend's shoulder and dug his nails into his back. He knew that Sebastian wished that he would be loud, or at least a bit noisy during sex - but he felt cheap and fake whenever he tried making any noises at all. Dirty talk didn't apply to him either because it made him feel embarrassed. All in all he just didn't feel good at any of those things.

"Wow - you're so fucking good," Sebastian panted lightly as he felt limp in Blaine's arms. He kissed up Blaine's neck and found his mouth. His lips were dry and dozy as they moved against Blaine's, but his hands were fumbling as they brushed up and down his body.

"Mhm," was all Blaine could utter back and was happy to know that it had been good for Sebastian. He waited and let him find back to his senses. He stroke his hands up and down Sebastian's back to help him down from his high before he fell down next to Blaine, making the mattress do a little jump.

He continued draping Blaine's shoulder in kisses, but Blaine hurried to clean himself off with the faithful tissues on the nightstand before he dragged his boxers back on.

Sebastian locked his arm around his waist and pressed his naked frame against Blaine's clothed body. He knew that he was getting ready for cuddling, so he faked a yawn and kissed him.

"I just… can we just sleep?" He asked insecurely and watched sadness swim over Sebastian's face. Dammit, that look.

"Sure. Of course," he agreed, but Blaine could hear that he was disappointed. Ice filled Blaine's stomach and he hurried to kiss him a little deeper than the last time.

"Thank you," he whispered and stared into Sebastian's eyes for a moment before he turned his back on him. He reached his hand behind his back so he could pull Sebastian's arm to hold around his waist, and Sebastian moved so close that Blaine could feel his breathing in his hair and his still hard, naked nipples through his shirt.

"Goodnight, babe," Sebastian yawned, and Blaine mumbled a silent "Night" back, hoping to fall asleep soon, but a feeling of being dirty and ashamed was taking over his body.

He waited for a long time hoping to fall asleep, but the clock on the night stand told him that he was lying awake for over an hour listening to Sebastian's low snoring into his hair. Every now and then he placed a sleepy kiss on Blaine's neck, and Blaine instinctively tightened his grip around Sebastian's arm.

He felt horrible. He felt like an awful person, and he wanted to break down and apologize to Sebastian for all the things he was putting him through, all the times he disappointed him and all the secrets he kept hidden from him.

"Please don't leave me. Ever," Blaine whispered nearly inaudible. He sniffed lightly and squeezed his eyes hard while biting his lower lip to keep in a sob, settling for letting tears soak his cheeks and pillow.