Aug. 12, 2011, 11:33 p.m.
A Lack Of Color: Chapter 4
M - Words: 1,186 - Last Updated: Aug 12, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 5/? - Created: Aug 05, 2011 - Updated: Aug 12, 2011 210 0 0 0 0
A soft knock on the door woke him up, followed by the screech of a door that badly needed some oil.
"Kurt? Are you okay?"
It was only then that Kurt noticed he had fallen asleep with the picture of Blaine hugged to his chest. He quickly shoved it under his pillow.
Courage, he thought to himself.
"No, Elliot, actually, I'm not. I think we should have thought a little bit more before deciding to get married."
"But Kurt…"
He gestured with his hand to cut him off. He just needed to get this off his chest.
"Elliot, we've been together for only three years. That's long enough to really get to know eachother, but I don't know if it's enough to already make such a big commitment… I mean, I love you and you know that, but marriage? We're happy just the way we are now, aren't we?"
Elliot got a weird look on his face, like disappointment mixed with anger.
"Kurt, I love you more than anything and you know that, but I still have the feeling you're not telling me something here.
"…I ran into Blaine yesterday."
"Blaine? Your ex who dumped you because he thought you spent too much time at the atelier with me? The stupid faggot who broke up with you because you didn't give him enough attention? What the hell, Kurt?"
Kurt cringes at the description, even though that was how he had described Blaine to Elliot, and the two had never met. He regretted putting him in such a bad daylight because it would make what followed that much harder to grasp.
"I don't think I'm ready to marry someone just yet."
"What?"
Elliot's face turned from confused to sad to angry in the span of a few milliseconds, but that made it even more frightening.
"What the fuck Kurt, I thought we talked about this! You said you were done with him!"
"I am, but he played this song and he saw me and-"
"Save it for someone who might believe you, Kurt. I thought you said you were completely over him before you even started to date me? So you lied to me?"
"No, but-"
It's only then that Elliot notices the framed picture of Blaine on the floor on Kurt's side of the bed. He walks around the bed and picks it up, holding it with one hand while his eyes slowly scan over the picture.
"And who the fuck might this be if I may ask?"
Courage, he thinks.
"That's Blaine."
Elliot looks like he's going to cry for a second, but then, with a roar he throws the picture into the wall right next to Kurt's head, sending a million pieces of broken glass flying all over the room. Kurt looks shocked, his hand coming up to cover his mouth, trembling all over his body, while his eyes seem to grow even bigger than they already are when they turn light grey.
With a low growl Elliot is suddenly right before Kurt.
He looks into his eyes and two rough hands grip his face and pull it to his own for a lip-bruising kiss. Elliot's hands roam all over Kurt's body and he can taste the alcohol on his lips.
Suddenly he is seventeen again, pressed against the lockers with the heavy body of the one person who made his life a living hell pressed against his, his lips on Kurt's, his tongue thrusting into Kurt's mouth, also tasting like alcohol. The air was sated with the odor of sweaty teenagers, male shower gel and desperation.
Kurt closed his eyes and with all the strength he can muster he pushes Elliot off him, looking at him with his pale eyes wide open, tears flowing on his cheeks without a sound.
Without another word he turns around and runs out of the apartment, away from Elliot, away from Karofsky, away from all the bad memories.
With a loud rumble the sky breaks open and the cold rain soaks Kurt to the bone but he hardly feels it with the adrenaline of what just happened still rushing through his body. He didn't take anything with him when he stormed out of the apartment but his phone.
He has got nowhere to go…
He keeps running until he no longer recognizes any of the buildings and street names.
People rush by, not even batting an eye as the rain mixes with the tears on his cheeks. He slumps against the nearest wall, slowly sliding down until he hits the pavement. At a moment like this he just doesn't care about Marc Jacobs.
A few streets away Blaine is all but done with his shift at the coffee shop. Like every night, he sings whatever song is on his mind. Well, not entirely. Because there is no song that can express the kind of emptiness he feels inside every day since he let Kurt go.
Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause,
I can't fight it any more.
Kurt gets his phone out, but he doesn't know who to call.
So he calls the one person who he knows will always answer his calls for help.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
Everyday he thinks of him.
Everyday he thinks it should be the last time he thinks about him.
Everyday it isn't.
The phone rings once, twice, three times before someone finally answers.
It's a quarter after one,
I'm all alone and I need you now.
"Hello, this is Blaine Anderson speaking."
I said I wouldn't call
But I lost all control and I need you now.
"Blaine?"
And I don't know how I can do without,
I just need you now.
"Kurt?"
Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
"Blaine…"
It was him. He still didn't change his number.
His voice hadn't changed.
He was still the same.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
"Kurt?"
There was something in his voice. Was it…
Hope?
It's a quarter after one,
I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call
But I lost all control and I need you now.
"I don't know where I am and I'm scared…"
And I don't know how I can do without,
I just need you now.
"What about Elliot?"
There was no hate in his voice. No disdain. It was just a question.
Except it was so much more than that.
I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
"We had a fight. I ran out of the apartment."
It's a quarter after one,
I'm all alone and I need you now.
"Kurt?"
There it was again. It was something he hadn't heard in a very long time. Something he hadn't felt in a very long time.
"Did you guys, you know… Break up?"
And I said I wouldn't call,
But I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without,
I just need you now.
"I-I… I think so…"
The realization hit him like a train. For a second he didn't know what to say or do. Even though he felt like someone had punched him in the gut, he didn't cry.
He had only cried for Blaine.
I just need you now.
"Kurt? Are you still there? I'm coming to look for you now, okay?"
Oh baby I need you now…