We Aren't Who We Were
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We Aren't Who We Were: Chapter 9


T - Words: 3,338 - Last Updated: Aug 26, 2011
Story: Complete - Chapters: 19/19 - Created: Aug 04, 2011 - Updated: Aug 26, 2011
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It was rare occurrence for Blaine to get Kurt for the night—the entire night

It was rare occurrence for Blaine to get Kurt for the night—the entire night. With the secret meetings, and all the sneaking around, it was difficult for the two to find time to just be. Whether it was just simply a night in to watch a movie, a long conversation that wasn't interrupted by a phone call, a forgotten appointment, or constricted time—which was almost always a problem.This…it was nice.


"Please. Stay with me tonight. You said Josh was away for a few weeks, and Danny is going to visit his sister for the weekend" Blaine had said. "…I miss you."

There was this sort of connection between the two, as Blaine cupped Kurt's face in his hands, their eyes locked on each other, as if they knew what each other were thinking, without ever having to utter a single word.

Kurt remembered Blaine's bright hazel eyes, softly begging him to agree, to spend the night together, alone—just the two of them.

Kurt nodded weakly, feeling the whirl of emotion mixing around in his head.

Kurt stood in the courtyard for a few moments, just listening to the hustle and bustle of the busy New York streets behind him. The familiar sounds of honking, and sirens buzzing in his ear. All the noise seemed to jolt him back into a reality.

"I miss you too." Kurt whispered, but Blaine was long gone—disappeared back into the art hall.

Kurt smiled, as he turned to walk back to the street. He was going to spend the night with Blaine. He could feel a weird fluttering in his stomach—how is that Blaine still had this effect on him? After so many years?


And here they were, Blaine leaning against the headboard of his bed, with Kurt, asleep on his lap. The dim atmosphere of the apartment was comforting and warm, with Blaine's paintings scattered around the walls and floors, the half-finished canvases adorning the floor as usual.

Blaine could hear the soft even breaths of Kurt's breathing, and smell the leftovers of the abandoned take out cartons on the night stand. The ending credits to "Rent" was playing on the TV. He let his fingers slip playfully into Kurt's thick brown hair, his other hand gently outlining his jaw, never touching with more than a fingertip.

"The movie's over babe." Blaine said, ducking down to whisper into Kurt's ear.

All he got in return was a barely audible groan from Kurt, as he snuggled back into the warmth of Blaine's lap.

Blaine smiled. Even though it was just for a few more hours, Kurt was his. They were together—away from the rest of the world—hiding in this cozy little loft.

This was one of the first times in a long while that Blaine allowed himself to actually look at Kurt. Actually Look at the flawless, beautiful being lying right beside him. This was the boy who'd made him believe in love, the boy who captured his heart—the only boy he'd ever truly fell in love with.

Blaine blinked in his realization. Wait—Kurt was the only person he'd ever truly fallen in love with?

Blaine shook his head, and picked up the TV remote, flipping the movie off. That couldn't be right—he loved Danny didn't he?

Kurt let out a soft snore, shaking Blaine out of his thoughts—and honestly, that was so cute, Blaine couldn't help but let the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile.

He cleared his mind and snuggled into the bed, wrapping his arms around Kurt, who groaned quietly, and nuzzled himself closer against Blaine's warm chest.

"Goodnight Kurt," Blaine whispered, planting one last kiss on Kurt's head before drifting asleep.


Saturday morning, the sun was shinning into the small apartment, spreading its warm beams onto the two lovers buried deep beneath the sheets and blankets strewn on top of the bed.

Kurt stretched out his long limbs, untangling himself from Blaine, whose arms had somehow found themselves wrapped around Kurt's waist sometime during the night.

"Blaine…?" Kurt asked sleepily as he nudged the sleeping figure beside him.

A muffled groan came from beneath the covers.

"Blaaaaainnneee…" Kurt tried again, running his fingers teasingly down Blaine's neck and down to outline his collarbone.

Blaine rolled over, and opening his eyes, an obvious grin stretching across his face. "Hi." He said sleepily, pulling Kurt down into a sloppy kiss.

"Morning breath, Blaine!" Kurt blushed, pulling away.

Blaine raised a mischievous eyebrow, grinning as he let out a playful growl and pounced on Kurt, flipping him over on the bed, and pinning him down.

Kurt giggled as Blaine attacked him with little kisses, tickling Kurt's sides. "Blaine!" Kurt pleaded in between giggles, "Blaine! No! Wait! Stop!"

Blaine paused for a moment, and looked down at Kurt, his grin softening into a smile. Blaine hovered a few inches above Kurt's face and whispered, "I love you," before dipping down for a deep kiss, surprising Kurt, who's face flushed even more.


They laid there on the bed, neither wanting to get up, refusing to leave the warmth of the covers.

"I wish I could stay in this moment forever." Kurt sighed.

"Hmm…Me too." Blaine hummed, trailing soft kisses down Kurt's neck, nipping at his shoulder, sending shivers down Kurt's back.

Kurt grinned, and rolled over to face Blaine.

"I wish I could just be with you forever…" Blaine murmured, scooting closer to Kurt to peck him gently on the lips.

Kurt smiled hesitantly. "Forever?"

Blaine smiled, brushing Kurt's cheek with his thumb. "Mhmm…let's grow old together."

"Grow old together?" Kurt said with a laugh, squirming under Blaine's touch.

"We could get a big house together, with a big porch, and a nice backyard. And a—um…a white picket fence and umm…" Blaine replied, knitting his eyebrows together as he tried to think of other things.

Kurt laughed, and ran his fingers through Blaine's tousled hair. "The American dream…you seem to have put a lot of thought into this."

Blaine's eyes lit up, "Oh! We'll definitely have to get a German shepherd or something, to tie the whole thing together." Blaine said grinning at Kurt's look of utter amusement.

"German Shepherd? Wow…you have put a lot of thought into this. But gosh, no! You know those shed like crazy right?" Kurt said, playing along. "No way will I have all that dog hair ruining ourfuture white leather sofas. Maybe a cute little Pomeranian or something, I could dress it up and carry it in one of those obnoxious oversized bags."

"Ooooh, sounds sexy." Blaine teased, sliding his hands down Kurt's waist.

"Shut up!" Kurt retorted, playfully tossing a pillow at Blaine's face.

"Oh, this means war Hummel!" Blaine growled again, jumping on Kurt, pressing him under his strong arms.

Kurt squealed as Blaine tickled him, squirming, trying to escape his grasp.


Sure, Blaine cared about Danny. He cared about him a lot, and even thought he loved him on some days, but there was always something missing—something that never felt quite right. He knew what love felt like. He knew that weird fluttery feeling in the pit of your stomach, or that tingling sensation you felt whenever you were with that special person. He knew that feeling down to a tee. And Blaine…well, Blaine…he loved Kurt.

Blaine had always loved Kurt. It was something that he'd known in the back of his heart all these years. He'd tried—tried to find someone to fill that hole in his heart he'd had since he and Kurt had broke up so, so many years ago but…you never forget your first love. I mean—how do you forget Kurt Hummel?

Blaine couldn't deny that fuzzy feeling whenever he was around Kurt. Yeah, they weren't usually together for a long period of time, and they didn't share too much conversation as they raced to see who could tear their clothes off faster—but it wasn't about the sex anymore…it never really was about the sex for Blaine.

He liked the after part. The part where they talked and cracked jokes, when they laid there together, enjoying that comforting silence, knowing that even though no words were exchanged, they both knew exactly what was on each other's minds. Sometimes if they were lucky they could steal some time to meet up for coffee, but Blaine knew those moments were incredibly rare—he enjoyed them when he could.


"Was this really necessary?" Kurt asked, rubbing the bright red hickey below his jaw as he stared at it in Blaine's bathroom mirror.

Blaine stepped behind Kurt, looping his arm around his slender waist, and resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "Sorry. I'll try and be more careful next time," Blaine said with a smirk.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Now I'll have to coordinate scarves into my wardrobe for the rest of the week. Lucy's been onto me for weeks now."

Blaine chuckled as planted a chaste kiss on Kurt's neck. "I'm sorry…I can't help myself. Besides, you bruise too easily."

Kurt snorted, "Yes Blaine, this is entirely my fault."

Blaine's nose nuzzled against Kurt's jaw. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

Kurt smiled, and turned to kiss Blaine on the cheek, before walking back into the bedroom to gather his things.

"Well, I guess the fun's over now." Kurt called over his shoulder to Blaine who was now splashing cold water onto his face. "Your Danny's coming back tonight…I suppose we'll have to go back to meeting in hotels, and sneaking time in the office again."

Blaine could tell Kurt was joking about it, but it still pained him to hear Kurt talk so casually about their "affair" but, it was supposed to be casual. Right? Blaine sometimes wondered whether Kurt was feeling more, wondered if he saw this as more than just "fun," like he did. This wasn't just a little "fling" to Blaine anymore—but it was hard to tell with Kurt.

Blaine cleared his throat and leaned against the bedroom doorway as Kurt gathered his stuff.

"What happened to our white picket fence and German Shepherd idea?" Blaine said in a half serious voice, hoping Kurt didn't catch his slight tone of disappointment.

Kurt laughed. "When did I agree to the German Shepherd?"

Blaine sighed, and helped Kurt gather his things. "You are a dream crusher Kurt Hummel." Blaine said, playfully nudging Kurt.

Kurt looked at Blaine. There was something wrong, but Kurt just couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Blaine…are you okay?"

Blaine quickly plastered a grin on his face, and shook his head—a little too vigorously. "No, no, just—just sad to see you leave."

Kurt nodded slowly, not quite believing Blaine. "Okay…"

"Do you want anything to eat?" Blaine called as he shuffled his way into the kitchen to make some breakfast.


Danny yawned as he stumbled out of his cab. He'll think twice about spending the night with his twisted sister and demon-spawn kids. Was having a decent conversation too much to ask? It was like ever since he told her he was getting married, she could not shut up about how awful the whole idea was.

Sarah was just so opinionated. It was always "why do you have to marry him Danny? He has no money…you could do so much better, Danny" or "Are you still carrying all the weight in that relationship, Danny?" and the ever so often, "Why the hell isn't He here…the least he could do is come and spend some time with his future sister in law, Danny." Danny this, Danny, that.Ohmygod.

Danny thought he could last the entire weekend…but he could barely survive the night. Somewhere between Sarah's eldest kid Hunter's night terrors, and her toddler's late night crying sessions, Danny had fled. He couldn't take the nagging, or the crying or the constant screaming. Nope, he was going back to Brooklyn.

It was almost 11AM when the cab skidded to a halt in front of Blaine's apartment building. Danny would have gone back to his place for a quick power nap and a shower first, but he seemed to have left his key—along with his wallet and favorite leather jacket at Sarah's…which means he'd have to go back…shudder.

Danny walked into the main lobby, his eyes still feeling heavy from a sleepless night. He stumbled into the elevator, leaning against the wall. He was too lazy to press the door close button, opting to just wait the extra few seconds for it to close automatically when—wait.

Danny squinted as he stared out the elevator, and into the lobby. Was that—was that that Kurt fellow he'd met at the art gallery? He could see that slightly familiar figure walking across the lobby and exit the front door, carrying an overnight bag.

Just as Danny stepped forward to get a closer look, the elevator buzzed and the automatic doors closed, taking Danny up to the 4th floor.

Danny rubbed his eyes. Was that from the art gallery? If it was…why was he here this early in the morning? And the overnight bag—what was up that?

Danny sighed, thinking back to the maroon shirt he'd found a couple weeks ago on the washing machine. Wait—that couldn't be…?

Danny was tired…he was probably jumping to conclusions. He drowsily walked down the hallway down to Blaine's loft, and knocked loudly on the door.

Blaine opened the door, "Did you forget some—"

"Hey." Danny said, his eyes barely staying open at this point.

Blaine looked startled, but ushered Danny in, helping him to the couch.

"Rough night at Sarah's?" Blaine asked distractedly, his eyes darting to the two sets of plates littered on the kitchen counter.

Danny nodded, "Isn't it always?" he murmured, closing his eyes and sinking into the comfy old couch.

Blaine looked a little flustered, but Danny was too tired to think. Soon he drifted off, snoring softly, clutching one of Blaine's throw pillows to his chest.


Two Weeks Later…

Kurt stared at the spread sheets in front of him, poking at his soup absent-mindedly.

Josh had returned right before the biannual Milan Fashion week. And they both—being in the fashion business—had a lot of work to do.

Kurt himself wasn't going to Milan this year, it was time to give one of the workers a chance this year. As much as he loved it, all the fashion, the glamour the excitement, he knew he'd be too busy with the magazine already, juggling fashion week and the editorials would be too much, even for him.

Josh, whose work was focused in Paris and New York, usually got a break this time of year, when all press shifted to Italy.

Kurt though—hadn't rested in days. For the next two weeks, Kurt pretty much relied on coffee, and his secretary slash assistant Lucy to help him get through it all alive.

He had interviews with all the major designers of the world lined up. Reviews of the lineups to read, review, and edit. He was constantly web-chatting and calling with the Vain representatives currently stationed in Milan. This was one of the biggest events of the year.

Kurt hadn't been in touch with Blaine let alone even seeing him since that night he'd spent the night at his place almost two weeks ago.

It was quite a reality check when Blaine finally called him, pulling him out of his work induced coma.


"Blaine?" Kurt answered, his voice obviously exhausted.

"Hey Kurt…I know it's late…I just can't stop thinking about you."

Kurt smiled, despite the fatigue. "I'm sorry I haven't called or anything. Fashion Week."

Blaine chuckled, "I'm not sure what that is but…sounds intense."

"You have no idea Blaine Anderson…no idea."


It was really late, who was Blaine talking to? Danny thought. He'd gotten up to grab a glass of water, and heard Blaine murmuring to someone on the phone in his studio.

Danny walked over to the studio doorway, furrowing his eyebrows. Kurt?

He probably shouldn't be eavesdropping, but…he was really starting to get suspicious.


"How long do I have to wait till this whole Fashion Week thing is over? I want to see you." Blaine sighed into the phone.

"Haha, well it's this week, but I'll probably be busy next week too, getting Vain ready for publishing. It sells like mad after all the Fashion Weeks."

Blaine laughed softly into the phone, "Wow…"

"Maybe I can find time to meet you on Thursday? Sometime in the afternoon? We can meet at the Marriott or something, I'll reserve a room."

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Wait so…we're actually going to meet in a hotel? Kurt Hummel! How clich�!"

Kurt scoffed, "Take it or leave it Anderson…I'm not really in the mood to get caught with my pants around my ankles in the middle of my kitchen again."

Blaine smiled, "Alright, alright, Marriott it is—but don't you dare make me feel cheap—you have to order room service or something…and wine. I want wine."

"Fine, we'll get you a Marriott cheeseburger and some wine. I gotta go, people to call, I'll see you Thursday!"

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye Kurt." Blaine said, chuckling as he flipped the phone shut.

"Blaine?"

Blaine jumped, as his head swiveled around to see Danny leaning against the doorway, his face completely unreadable.

Blaine could feel his face go pale. Shit, shit, shit, shit…shit. How long has he been standing there?

"Danny…"

Blaine could feel Danny's piercing green eyes staring daggers at him, waiting for him to explain.

Blaine could feel beads of sweat forming on his head. "Umm…"

Danny wasn't one to ignore the elephant in the room. He poked it with a giant stick.

"You're sleeping with him…aren't you?"

Blaine looked down at his hands. "Danny…It isn't—"

"Save it. You are aren't you?"

Blaine swallowed, trying hard to avoid Danny's icy glare. Blaine had a million thoughts racing in his mind. What was he supposed to say? Does he deny it? Does he apologize? Does he try to convince Danny that it was all a mistake? What…what does he do?

Blaine took a deep breath, "I love him," he said simply—not knowing what else to do.

Danny clenched his fists together, and was trembling slightly from anger. "You…You…Love him?"

Danny hated himself in this moment. How could he not have seen it? The sketches, the shirt, the way Blaine avoiding talking about him. That morning he saw Kurt at the building with the overnight bag…how could he be so stupid?

Blaine sighed and stood up, walking over to take Danny's hands in his.

"Don't." Danny said coldly, pushing Blaine's hands away, and turned away. "Just…don't."

"I'm sorry…" Blaine whispered.

"Me too…" Danny said bitterly, walking to the bedroom.

Blaine watched from the doorway as Danny threw his items into the bag he kept at Blaine's place. Blaine could see the pain, anger, and betrayal in Danny's eyes. His usual bright green eyes were pale and hazy—glazed with forming tears.

Danny paused for a moment, and looked up at Blaine. "Just tell me why. Tell me why you did this. Was I nothing to you? Just some idiot you thought you could just string along? I don't fucking get it Blaine. You asked me to marry you. You told me you loved me. You said we'd be together forever. It was all a lie wasn't it?"

Blaine felt like he'd just been pierced in the heart. "Danny, I did—no, I do love you. It's just…"

Danny looked at Blaine expectantly, his eyes slightly narrowed.

"He just…he's…"

Danny sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "I get it."

Blaine could feel his own tears welling up in his eyes. "Danny, I never meant to hurt you, it just…got out of control."

Danny turned and glared at Blaine. "What? As long as you never meant to everything's supposed to be fucking okay? I can't believe this. I just—how could you…?"

Blaine stared down at the floor.

Danny clenched his fists and pushed past Blaine out of the bedroom. "I hope he's worth it Blaine."

Blaine followed Danny to the front door.

Danny opened the door, turning to look at Blaine one last time, his green eyes burning with anger, glistening with forming tears. He reached around his neck, and took off the chain with the silver band hanging off the end, and forced it into Blaine's hands. "I really, really, hope he's worth it."

 


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