Feb. 24, 2012, 4:45 p.m.
Something Ordinary: Chapter 21
E - Words: 5,348 - Last Updated: Feb 24, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/22 - Created: Oct 23, 2011 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022 835 1 0 0 0
"I love you."
Blaine's eyes widened and his heart stuttered in his chest.
"What?"
"I love you."
Blaine closed his eyes and grabbed Kurt's hands, removing them from his face.
"Kurt…"
"You wanna go inside?" Finn asked them as he and Kate returned from dropping the suitcases in the truck.
"Yeah, I want to see Burt," Blaine said, taking a step away from Kurt and following Finn inside the hospital.
Kurt remained behind after they had gotten inside. He sighed loudly. He felt so much better now that he had seen Blaine and had finally let him know how he felt but he could tell Blaine didn't believe him. He bit his lip. He couldn't blame him. Who would believe him after what he'd done, after how he'd acted? He grabbed the brick of his nose with his index and thumb and closed his eyes. Sighing again, he walked back to the hospital.
When he got to his father's room, he found Carole hugging Blaine tightly and crying while Kate rubbed her back. She told them what had happened and what the doctors had told them about Burt's condition. They stayed in the room for a while, keeping the Hummel-Hudsons company. They made small talk over the Anderson's small trip and Finn and Rachel's honeymoon. At some point, Carole and Kate left to get everyone some food.
All the while, Blaine avoided eye contact with Kurt. No matter how hard he tried to make those hazel orbs to see him, the boy wouldn't bulge. He'd look at Finn, at Rachel, at Burt's lying figure, at the floor and at the ceiling but never at Kurt. Not even when he spoke directly to him. Kurt was getting desperate; he wanted nothing more than to talk to Blaine in private.
It wasn't until Blaine's phone rang and he had to step outside the room that Kurt was able to get him alone.
"No, it was fine… Yeah… yeah, they don't know if he's going to wake up…" Blaine was saying.
Kurt's heart shrunk at the words. The possibility that his father would never wake up haunted him. He didn't even want to think about it. He needed to believe that his father would come back to them.
"Yeah. I'll keep you posted. Okay. Yeah. Love you too, Quinn. Okay. Bye."
Blaine turned around to find Kurt waiting for him. Blaine looked like a deer caught in the lights. There was even a hint of fear in his eyes.
"Kurt…" he whispered.
"I think we need to talk."
"I-I…"
"I know you didn't believe me back there. But I mean it, Blaine. I love you –"
"No, you don't," Blaine interrupted.
"I'm telling you I –"
"You're scared, I get it. Seeing your dad like this was a wakeup call and now you're scared. You feel you need to fix everything. I get all that, I really do."
Blaine smiled a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"But you don't love me."
Kurt opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. He didn't know what to say to make Blaine see he meant it. He let out a frustrated sigh and Blaine raised a hand, to let him know he wasn't finished.
"Now, I'm here for you and I'm going to be here no matter what happens. I'll hold your hand if you need me to and lend you my shoulder to cry on. But please… please don't do this. Don't say things now that you'll regret later. Don't say things you don't really feel. If you're doing this is because you're scared of losing the people in your life, don't. I'm not going anywhere until I know you and your family are okay. I do still love you and I want to be here for you, but I'm here as a friend and nothing more."
Kurt's hurt look pierced Blaine's heart, tearing it apart into a million tiny pieces. He wanted nothing more than to believe those three words Kurt had whispered in his ear but he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to take it if it turned out they were said out of a moment of panic, a moment of disorientation and confusion for Kurt.
Blaine needed to protect his heart.
He gave Kurt a weak smile and walked back to Burt's room, stopping to hesitantly place a hand on Kurt's shoulder and disappearing behind the door. Kurt just stood there with his eyes shut tight and his fists clenched. He could almost hear his heart break at Blaine's words.
I'm here as a friend and nothing more.
How could he show him that it wasn't a spur of the moment thing? How could he transmit the feeling he had whenever he saw those eyes? With the way he had treated Blaine the last days they'd been together, he knew he'd never convince him.
But maybe…
Maybe if he let Blaine know everything, he would believe him. He needed to tell Blaine about the clothing line, about his plans, about watching Karofsky in the news… everything. Maybe then Blaine would understand. Maybe then he would accept Kurt back.
It was a long shot and he knew it. He knew if he had been honest from the very beginning he would never have lost Blaine. He knew there was a chance he'd tell Blaine everything and the boy would still want nothing more to do with him romantically. Perhaps he'd be stuck forever in the "friend zone".
That would be okay. Sure, it would hurt like hell, but he'd live.
He could live with that, if it turned out to be his only option. He could be just friends with Blaine, even if he'd always love the boy. He'd even shut up and take it if Blaine found someone else. There was just one thing he couldn't and wouldn't do and that was to let him out of his life again.
He needed Blaine, in any way, shape, or form the boy would want it. He just couldn't lose him again.
When he returned to his father's room, he found Kate and Blaine were saying goodbye to Carole, Finn and Rachel. His heartbeat increased and fear crept to his chest. Blaine saw him come in and gave him a small smile.
"Kurt," Kate said as she also noticed him enter the room. "We're going home to take a bath and take a nap. We're a bit worn out."
Her reassuring tone made Kurt think she sensed his fear and was trying to calm him down.
"Yeah," Blaine said. "We did just come from the airport so…" he trailed off.
"Right, yeah… Um, thanks for coming and for… everything."
Kate gave him a hug and caressed his cheek.
"We'll come back tomorrow," she promised.
Blaine stopped awkwardly in front of him.
"See you tomorrow," he mumbled, blushing.
"Yeah," Kurt replied, stepping aside to let them get out of the room.
The Andersons arrived at the hospital the next day around noon. Everyone from the Hudson-Hummel clan was there already, Rachel had brought them donuts and coffee and they were all eating quietly when they walked in. This time, Harold was also there. Both families talked a little and then proceeded to take turns around Burt's bed to keep him company.
Blaine tried not to be with Kurt alone. He had managed to keep Finn or Rachel around and so far, the only words he had exchanged with Kurt were the greetings in the morning and a few answers to his questions about New York. He knew it was cowardly to hide from the older man but Blaine needed to do this. He needed to put some space between them until Kurt got the idea of his alleged love out of his mind. He knew once things had calmed down and Burt woke up, Kurt would see things clearly and realize it was just a spur of the moment thing, nothing he actually would've meant were the situation different.
Still, Blaine had allowed himself a few moments to believe those three little words. He had been alone in his room, replaying the moment in his mind before he drifted to sleep, thinking it could somehow be true. But that moment had passed and it was time to face reality. Kurt was confused and scared but not in love.
It wasn't until way past meal time that Blaine's luck ran out and there was no one with him when Kurt joined him in Burt's room. Carole had gone to talk to Burt's doctors and Finn and Rachel had gone to catch some sleep. Blaine's parents were outside and he had spent the last hour finishing off a sketch of New York he had promised the old man before his trip and he hoped he could give him when he woke up. Because Blaine was certain Burt would wake up.
He had been so entranced by his drawing, he didn't hear the sound of the door opening and closing.
"Hey," Kurt said, earning a slight jump from Blaine.
"H-hi," Blaine replied shakily, trying to get his heart back in its place.
"What are you doing?" Kurt flopped next to Blaine in the couch, eyeing the paper in his hands.
"Um, just – you know – a little something for him… for when he wakes up."
"Can I see it?"
Blaine gave him the drawing and Kurt held it gently, delicately, as if he feared the paper would break in his grasp. He eyed it carefully and a beautiful, loving look took over his features. Blaine's heart got caught up in his throat. Even after everything that had happened between them, after the heartbreak and secrets, Kurt still took his breath away. He continued to be exactly what Blaine wanted but couldn't have. He smiled sadly at his realization and lowered his head, focusing his eyes on his hands.
"It's beautiful Blaine, I'm sure he's going to love it," Kurt whispered and when Blaine raised his head, he noticed he had tears in his eyes.
"A-are you… Kurt, are you alright?"
Kurt let out a shaky breath.
"Yeah, sorry," he said letting out a small laugh. "I'm sorry. I just keep thinking of all the things I want to say to him, you know? All the things he needs to know and I'm scared…. I'm scared I won't get the chance to tell him any of those things. I don't want him to d – um, to…" He couldn't even say it, the word itself broke his heart all over again. His father couldn't leave him. He just couldn't.
"He won't," Blaine whispered as if he had read Kurt's mind. "He's going to wake up, I know it. And you'll get your chance, Kurt. Don't give up hope, okay? You'll get to make things right with him."
"And with you?" Kurt asked in a low voice before he could stop himself. "Will I get the chance to make things right with you?"
He felt Blaine go tense next to him. Kurt held his breath, waiting for Blaine's answer and the tension in the room skyrocketed. The only sound was the beep of the monitor. Kurt's eyes were fixed on the ceiling at first but after the stressing minutes of silence passed, he had to turn and see what Blaine's face looked like at that moment.
Blaine was biting his lip, his eyes casted down. Kurt could tell he was really thinking about the answer. Blaine took a deep breath and faced Kurt.
"I don't know," he whispered.
"Give me a chance to explain myself, Blaine," Kurt begged. "Let me make you understand that I mean what I say and it's not just because I'm scared. I know you probably don't want to hear it right now and that's okay but, whenever you are ready, please… please just let me explain."
"Kurt, I…"
"Just… think about it, okay?"
Blaine looked caught in an internal struggle as he searched for something in Kurt's eyes. He sighed and turned his head sideways to Burt's bed, biting his lip again. Suddenly, his eyes widened and he jolted up from his place on the couch.
"Kurt!"
Kurt turned to see his father's eyelids fluttering as he struggled to open them. He gave breathless laugh and rushed to the bed.
"Dad? Oh my god, dad! Can you hear me? I'm right here," he said as he held Burt's hand firmly.
Blaine was smiling as he ran out of the room to get a nurse or a doctor and tell Carole that Burt was finally waking up. Kurt's firm grasp remained and he felt his father's hand curling under his. His smile widened and Burt groaned as he attempted to speak and open his eyes at the same time.
"Shh… It's okay, dad. Take it easy. I'm right here."
"Where – where are we?"
"We're in the hospital, dad."
The doctor stepped in, followed by a nurse, and Kurt had to let go of Burt's hand while they checked him up. Carole and the entire Anderson clan ran back to the room and her hand instantly flew to her mouth as happy tears left her eyes. Kurt went to give her a hug and Blaine reached for his phone and went outside to call Finn and Rachel.
"How are you feeling, Mr. Hummel?" the doctor asked.
"Tired and confused," Burt mumbled.
"Well, that's completely normal. Do you remember what happened?"
"I think I had a heart attack."
"That's right, you did. You were in a coma for eight days."
"Eight days?" Burt raised his voice.
"Take it easy, Mr. Hummel. Try to control your breathing so you don't force your heart again, okay?"
Burt nodded and tried to relax as he tried to get his mind around the fact that he was out for an entire week.
Kurt and Carole sat on each side of the bed once the doctors had checked him left the room to give the friends and family some privacy. He attempted to speak but could only muster the strength to whisper some words here and there before growing silent and drifting to sleep. It didn't matter that he was only awake for a few minutes; Kurt couldn't be happier.
He had his father back.
The next morning, Burt woke up to the sun hitting his face. He squirmed around trying to get a few more minutes of sleep when a voice made him stop his movements.
"Dad?"
Burt opened his eyes slowly and blinked a few times to focus, the face of his son coming in sight.
"Kurt," he whispered as he tried to lift himself up to a sitting position.
"Easy there," Kurt said and helped him.
Once he was settled, he turned to lock eyes with Kurt.
"Hi" his son said quietly, blushing and looking down at his feet. He looked exactly like he used to when he was a little boy and he had done something wrong. It made Burt's fragile heart swell at the sight.
"I'm sorry –"
"Look, bud –"
Kurt laughed sheepishly and Burt smiled in response.
"You go ahead, kiddo."
Kurt sighed and sat back down at the chair next to his bed.
"I'm so sorry, dad. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the things I said before you – before this happened. I'm sorry for making you get so worked up, you ended up having a heart attack. But it's more than that. I'm sorry for being such a crappy son for all these years. You deserve better and I'm so sorry I couldn't deliver. I'm sorry that I –"
"Kurt, stop. I know, okay? I know you're sorry and yes, you're right. You were wrong in many things over the years but you're never going to be a crappy son, okay? You're my boy and I love you, flaws and all."
"I know, I know you do. But see, that's the thing. You're this amazing man, this incredible father that loves and supports his son even when he screws up over and over again and I don't feel like I've showed you how much that means to me, dad. I had begun to take you and the things you do for granted. I had forgotten how rare it is to have such a supportive, caring father and it took me almost losing you to remember that. So let me just say it. Let me say what I need to say, what you need to know. What I should've let you know every single day and will do for the rest of my life.
"I'm lucky to have you, dad. You're the person I admire the most, even if I spent way too much time making you believe otherwise. But you are. And I love you so much and I'm sorry I got so caught up living the lies in my head that I forgot to tell you that."
Burt's eyes were glistening as he heard his son speak but what made him finally break and let them stream down his face were those three words he had gone so long without hearing. He gave Kurt a watery smile and reached for his hand.
"Thank you, Kurt. Thank you for saying all those things. I guess I really needed to hear them after all. And I love you too, kiddo, and always will."
They smiled at each other through their tear-filled eyes. The moment was interrupted by Carole and Blaine coming into the room. Kurt quickly wiped his tears away before either of them could see him.
"Burt, you're awake! How are you feeling?" Carole asked cheerfully and went to kiss his forehead gently.
"Hi, honey. I feel great," he said affectionately and turned to look at Blaine. "Hey there, bud. How was New York? You got me my sketch?"
"I sure did and it was awesome," Blaine said happily as he grabbed his bag resting on the couch and took out the drawing he had made. He handed it over to Burt.
"Whoa, you sure are talented, kid, Thank you for this," Burt said fondly as he eyed the drawing before carefully putting it on his lap. "You gotta tell me all about that trip."
They began talking about Blaine's week in the big city and half an hour later, Finn and Rachel got to the hospital and the rest of the day was spent inside Burt's room. Burt was happy to see everyone and was thrilled to watch Kurt's attitude towards everyone. It was like watching his little boy again. He knew Kurt would never truly go back to the person he was as a teenager but watching that spark in his blue eyes, the way his smile was honest and heartfelt and how he interacted with everyone, he was pretty damn close to his old self. Burt couldn't feel happier.
He had his boy back.
Around 4 o'clock, while everyone was having a small feast inside the hospital room, Kurt's phone rang. Blaine saw Kurt tense as he watched the caller id and stepped into the hall to take the call. He knew he should feel bothered, since he and Kurt were just friends now but curiosity got the best of him and he followed him out.
"What's up? Yeah, I know. Well, my dad is in the hospital, I'm sure they can understand that. Yeah, really. What? They are? No way! Does that mean everything is set, then? Perfect, thank you, Harry. Yeah, okay, I'll ask Linda to send the rest of the paperwork to you. Okay, yeah. Bye."
Blaine waited for Kurt to hang up, balancing his weight on his feet. He didn't know what to do or why he had decided to listen to the entire conversation. Kurt turned around to return to the room, shoving his phone on his pocket when he noticed Blaine standing before him.
"Oh."
"Um, sorry… I don't know why I followed you out."
"I-It's okay," Kurt said, looking suddenly nervous, like he had just been caught committing a crime.
"What was the call about?" Blaine asked, his curiosity increasing as he noticed Kurt's uneasiness.
"It was… I mean, I was… Shit," he muttered and ran a hand through his head.
"You know what? It was none of my business. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked –"
"It was a call from New York."
"What?"
Kurt sighed.
"It was a call from New York. Remember I told you I needed to explain everything to you?"
Blaine nodded.
"Are you willing to hear it now?"
They were sitting on a bench outside the hospital. Blaine had accepted to hear everything Kurt wanted to say but now that the time had come, Kurt found himself struggling with the words. He needed to get this right, otherwise, he would lose Blaine for good this time.
"Okay," he began slowly. "I really don't know how to explain everything to you but I hope you can understand why I did the things I did. You say I don't really mean it when I say that I love you but the thing is, I really do. I'm not saying this out of the blue because to be honest, I've been in love with you almost from the moment I met you. I just didn't want to accept it."
Blaine made an attempt to interrupt him but Kurt shook his head.
"Let me finish. Please." Blaine nodded slowly and rested his back on the bench, allowing Kurt to continue.
"Ever since I met you, you were intriguing to me. You never reacted the way I expected you to and I thought that was it. You were just fun for a little while. But then you weren't and I got you stuck in my head all day. That time at Epsilon, when you said all those things to me about being numb and pathetic –"
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"It's okay," Kurt laughed. "You were right. I was pathetic and what you said hit me hard. After that, you just… changed me. You made me see who I had become and when we agreed to be friends, things felt right, you know? You feel right. And then, when everything went down with your dad and you ended up at my place, crying your heart out, you just had me. You got a fierce hold on my heart that night; that's why I ended up telling you everything about what had happened to me in high school. That was something I had never told out loud and I did with you because you meant something to me. You sort of reminded me of myself back then. With this air of innocence and youth and big dreams of making it in the big city.
"That was the night I found out you wanted to go to New York. I didn't say anything. And then the next day, when we saw your mom at the diner after leaving your dad, you said you wanted to look for cheaper options because she would not be able to afford it, remember that?"
Blaine nodded, giving Kurt a curious look.
"I didn't want to see you give up on your dream school just like that. I wanted you to be happy, but I wanted to make you happy. So that night, after you had fallen asleep, I called my assistant and asked her to make some calls. I asked her to take the offer for my clothing line in New York."
"What?"
"I wanted to go with you. I wanted to help you get to where you want to get. So I started planning. That's why I arrived late so many nights. I had to work out the details with them."
"But then why? I mean, the smell of alcohol and drinks –"
"They're New Yorkers, they sometimes wanted to have a drink, go out for a while. So I did. They smoke like chimneys too, so that's probably why I smelled like that when I got home. But that's all we did. I never cheated on you, Blaine. Never felt the need to. I was happy with you and I didn't need anything else."
"Then explain to me why… Why were you with that man before Finn and Rachel's wedding? Why hurt me like that if you were happy too?"
Kurt closed his eyes.
"Because I'm an idiot and a coward. I loved you all along, but up until then, I didn't have to come to terms with it, you know? I could make myself believe it wasn't that big of a deal. I hadn't been in a situation where I truly realized how much I needed you until that morning when we ended up fucking on the floor, remember that?"
Blaine's lips parted and he nodded quickly.
"I got up that day and I wanted to make you breakfast so I went and got the coffee machine ready and I turned on the TV. I was getting some stuff out of the fridge when I heard… Fuck! It still upsets me… I heard Karofsky's name on the news."
"What? Why was his name on the news? Oh m god –"
Realization hit Blaine hard as he began to tie the loose ends.
"He was arrested. For rape or something. I didn't hear, I just stood there, frozen and feeling hopeless like I hadn't felt for years. And then you came into the kitchen and I lost it. I needed you then, I needed to feel you near me. That was the moment when it hit me; I need you, Blaine. I need you too much and I had spent so much time telling myself I didn't need anyone that I got scared. It scared the shit out of me to have you be so important to me, to need and want you around so badly. So I tried to prove to you and myself that I didn't need you.
"But when you walked in on us and I saw your face and I realized how stupid I was. I immediately regretted what I had done. Proving I didn't need you wasn't worth losing you. Nothing is. But then, you decided you'd had enough. I can't blame you, you put up with so much for me and instead of doing the same, instead of fighting for you, I let you walk away because I was still too fucking scared to let you know how I truly felt.
"And now, I feel like I'm going to lose you for real this time and I can't have that. I'm fighting this time, Blaine. Whatever it takes, I'm willing to do it. Yes, it has taken my dad almost dying to make me say all of this but it's not something new. It's been there all along. I've loved you all along."
Blaine was speechless as he felt his heart hammering into his rib cage. Everything was clear now, the missing pieces of the puzzle were there and now everything that had happened in the last few weeks made sense. He didn't know how to feel, a bundle of emotions were trying to break free.
"I don't know what to say…"
"Say you'll give me another chance. Let's start over," Kurt said, shifting to face Blaine and grab his hands.
"I…"
"I'll ask you out the way it should be. I'll take you out on a real date. Let me prove to you how much I love you. And when you graduate, if you decide you still want to be with me, then come live with me in New York. Hop on that plane with me and be with me."
"I'm still young, Kurt. What if… What if we do that and then I… I don't know, I change my mind? Or you change yours?"
"I'm not going to change my mind. And if you do, then I'll let you go. I'll do whatever you need me to do, Blaine."
"You're willing to do all of this for me?"
"Anything to make you happy."
Blaine smiled and shook his head.
"So, what do you say?"
"…Okay," Blaine whispered.
"Okay?"
They locked eyes.
"Okay."
Burt had gotten discharged a few days after that and everything slowly went back to normal. Blaine didn't go back to Kurt's place, he lived with his mom. Kurt was true to his word and made out a fresh start for both of them. They were now in a healthy, normal relationship. They had taken things slow, since Blaine was still having doubts about the whole deal but after the first weeks, the uneasiness he felt faded away and he got to enjoy it all again.
Now, after weeks of getting ready for it, the big moment had arrived. This was the day he'd be graduating high school. The weather was perfect, the warm breeze slowly moving the trees as the students gathered around and lined up to get their diplomas. Quinn and Santana had been crying non-stop since the moment they arrived. Blaine felt nostalgic too, but preferred to remain strong for his friends than succumb to the tears that were screaming to get out. He was certain this was not the last time they would be together like this, their friendship was stronger than that. But that didn't ease the pain of having to part ways soon.
As the names began to be called and students flanked the podium to receive their diplomas, Blaine turned to look at his family. It wasn't just his mom and dad like he had imagined it when he daydreamed of his high school graduation. Now, it was an entire row of people that were there for him and his friends. People who cared and loved him like members of his own family. He spotted Carole and Burt sitting next to his and Quinn's parents with Puck right next to them. Santana's parents were also sitting nearby. Carole was crying just like her mom was. Next to them, Rachel was smiling at him while Finn took pictures. And right at the end of the row, there he sat.
Kurt.
He looked stunning in his black suit and his bright blue eyes were fixed on Blaine.
"Blaine Adam Anderson!"
The entire row of family and friends stood up to cheer for him as he stepped into the stage and was handed his diploma. He waved at all of them before stepping down. The same ritual went on as Quinn and Santana got theirs.
This was it. They had graduated high school.
Students reunited with their families and took pictures with their friends, laughing and crying in equal measure.
Blaine, Quinn and Santana had gotten their own share of pictures, laughs and tears. After promising to stay in touch and never let that friendship end, they had gone to find their families. Blaine had already been smothered by his mom and hugged to near asphyxiation by his dad. Burt, Carole, Finn and Rachel had also gotten their share.
The last person to congratulate him was his boyfriend.
"Looking handsome in red," Kurt commented as he took in Blaine's graduation gown.
"Thanks," Blaine smiled.
"Feels weird, doesn't it? To be out of this place at last?"
"Yeah, but a good weird. I can't wait to go to New York, though."
"Speaking of which," Kurt commented as he reached for Blaine's hand and intertwined their fingers. "What did you decide?"
Blaine had thought long and hard these last few days about what he wanted to do with his relationship with Kurt. It would be extremely difficult and he knew it. Nothing was set in stone and things could still change in a heartbeat. But Kurt was worth it. He knew it.
"Let's do this together. I don't know what's going to happen. But I know I love you and I'm willing to try. So… let's go to New York…. Together."
"Yes!"
Kurt laughed loudly and lunged to hug Blaine, forgetting they were in the middle of a crowd and kissing Blaine over and over again.
"I love you," he mumbled in between kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
"I love you, too."
Kurt rested their foreheads together.
"We'll make this work," he stated. "I'll make sure of it. I'm yours for as long as you want me."
Blaine smiled.
"I'll always want you."
They kissed again.
"We should go back," Blaine said. "I bet they're waiting for us.
They caught up with their families to get to the small party they had arranged for the three graduates back at the diner. Before stepping into Kurt's car, though, Blaine twirled around to face him.
"What if you someday get bored, huh? I do live a pretty ordinary life, you know?" he teased.
"Blaine, you always turn something ordinary into something extraordinary. How could I ever get bored?"
Blaine smiled and leaned forward to kiss Kurt. He could feel the older man smile against his lips and his heart fluttered. This was right. This was what he wanted. Kurt was what he wanted.
They still had a long way to go but they would go through it together.
Just the way it should be.