Rachel was thinking about should she say next, after all they been talking a little undera halfan hour, she need to really get to the point why Blaine was going to kill himself so in thefirstplace.

" So instead of jumping in part that not a problem, why do tell when your thoughts became suicidal?" She wasn't try to rude she was just trying to get to the point.

" Oh okay that seem fair..He took pause"Well started really at then end of the of my Junior year, I started to become distant. The reason I became that was because of fact I knew that he was going away. In a short time after his graduation to live an other part of the contry. So instead of feeling the pain and knowing the lost I push him away. With me doing that I started have negative thoughts about the fact he was leaving, and convince myself that I would not be sure I would live with out him. It was also first time I ever harm myself."

" Wait what do mean harm yourself?" she almost screamed out the last part.

" Well I mean I harm myself physically, you see I started verbally abusing myself after the accident at the dance. I felt as though I failed my family with the shame of me being gay. I tried to make myself the perfect son. I even change my whole look from my hair to my clothing to please them.

" So what he telling me is thatithe clothing he normal wear is to make him seem normal to his parents."Shewas shockedto hear that, for the longest time she always thought he liked wearing those clothing styles and hair.

"I began to pressure myself to get the best grades and to best kid parents would ever ask for.I even was pursue the care as lawyer just like them. But in their eyes it made no difference. To them I was the reason of their troubles and heart ache, but I still tried to make them proud of me. Even when we got together I still tryto beperfect not just for my parents but also to him. So when I saw him began to text to an other guy, I felt hurt and as though I failed again to someone I cared about. So later that evening grabbed a blade of a broken razor a cut myself small part of my leg. That was the beginning of my cutting. Every time I felt as though I failed someone I would make a small cut on my leg or once a while other part of my body to remind me that I how much a failed to people.

She sat wondering how someone or even Kurt not notice this?

" So you want me to go ahead to this year so you get to main a point why I am doing this?"

'' Umm.. Sure"