8.

Kurt didn’t know how much time had passed since Blaine stormed out. He was still standing in the middle of his room, tightly clutching himself. A quiet sob cut through the silence once in a while.

He didn’t allow his brain to go back to functioning. He wasn’t ready to face those thoughts that were brewing in the back of his mind so he just kept staring at the door.

He cried until his legs started hurting and his fingers were numb from grabbing his own shirt. He made a few wobbly steps to the window to pull down the shades and went to bed, immediately falling into a dreamless sleep.

When he woke again it was night. 11:30 pm, he realized when he turned to check his alarm clock. He raised his head a little and found Teya sound asleep in her bed. She must’ve slipped back in while he was sleeping. A sting of guilt shot through him at the look of her and then suddenly everything came rushing back like a brutal wave.

Blaine knew, he thought as he climbed out of bed and put on his shoes.

He knew and he had cried and he had screamed. Kurt thought as he silently closed the door behind him and went down the hall and stairs and started walking around campus.

His mind was oddly clear. Blaine knew and he wouldn’t have cared.

The pain rose in his chest again and he could hardly breathe. He didn’t want to believe, it couldn’t be true. Blaine could not have realized what he was saying. Kurt tried to convince himself that that was the case. But something inside him knew that Blaine had told the truth. He could hear it in his voice and saw the honesty in his eyes.

And then it hit Kurt.

He wouldn’t have loved him less.

He had to stop and sink down on a bench. Regret was washing over him, making him shake. He could’ve turned to him that day in the common rooms and he could’ve said it back and hugged him. He could’ve gone to prom with him, proudly holding hands not caring if anyone looked.

They could’ve gone for walks in the winter and cuddled in bed afterwards. They could’ve gone to the lake in the summer and shared a tent giggly with excitement.  He could’ve kissed him on the cheek after performances and dragged him home to show him how proud he was to be his boyfriend.

He could’ve held him. And he could’ve been hold by Blaine. All those nights.

He didn’t know if there was a way back, if that was it. But for the time he let those fantasies run free in his mind. Sobbing everytime he came up with a particularly beautiful one.

At some point he fell asleep again, this time on that bench on the college grounds and woke again to sounds of people passing by him.

They shot him confused looks, some of them recognizing him. Kurt didn’t notice, he got up and straightened his clothes. And he knew as he walked back to his room that he needed all these things. He had needed them all along, when he was working on pushing them away. He needed to be held and to be loved.

Suddenly an immense craving started growing inside of him. Something he hadn’t felt in so long, but it must’ve been there all this time. He had smothered it, somewhere deep down. But now it had broken free, setting his skin on fire and making his blood rush through him. The possibility of having it all making him buzz and act on autopilot. He showered and changed and left the building.

He didn’t think, he didn’t think once as he entered that Starbucks again. Blaine had mentioned that he came there every morning and when he scanned the people seated around the small tables his eyes fell on him. He was sitting in the back of the shop talking to someone. Kurt noticed how sad his eyes were while he was talking. And how the short smiles he made were small and unconvincing. He was wearing a purple shirt and a bow tie, that didn't sit all the way straight on his collar. 

Kurt then realized that he was standing in the middle of a coffeshop staring at a guy and panicked not knowing what to do. He didn’t even know what he wanted here or what his plan was. At that moment Blaine looked up and saw him.

He got up from his table without excusing himself and went over to stand in front of Kurt who had followed him with his eyes.

For a while they both stood there staring at each other, emotions silently battling in their faces. Insecurities getting the best of him, Kurt looked down not knowing what to do next. Something started to grow inside of him and he raised his eyes again, shocking Blaine with the intensity of them. He reached out to adjust Blaine's bow tie, as if it was something he did every morning.

He suddenly looked 17 again, with all the hope and affection clear in his expression. He realized that he felt it too, as Blaine stared at him looking like an old version of himself. His eyes were shimmering with nervousness and adoration and a small smile crept over his features.

“I’m so sorry.” he said and reached out to touch the back of Blaine’s hand.

“I’m so sorry for…”

“It’s okay. I forgive you.” Blaine interrupted him, intertwining their fingers. Their breathing was short as they looked at each other, not moving an inch.

After what felt like an infinite time of staring, Blaine started stroking Kurt’s fingers in small motions, raising his eyebrows in expectation.

Kurt snapped out of his daze and regained his speech. He coughed silently and made a tentative step forward.

“I .. I know, it’s not that easy, but..” he stammered, trying to find the right words. “I just.. I need to know… I..”

Blaine squeezed his hand lightly and cupped Kurt’s chin with two fingers raising his face to make him look at him. “What is it, Kurt?” he whispered.

Kurt looked into Blaine’s eyes, then down to his lips, then quickly up again.

“I was wondering, if you would have dinner with me.” he breathed.

Blaine smiled brightly at that and chuckled a bit. “Of course I would” he answered with a laugh. “I would love that.” he looked down and lowered his face a bit. Kurt suddenly hesitated, moving back a bit and letting go of Blaine’s hand.

Blaine studied his face and slowly let go of his chin. “You’ve never kissed anyone, have you?” he guessed.

Kurt suddenly blushed and realized they were still standing in the middle of a Starbucks. People around them were either staring in surprise grinning smugly or rolling their eyes at them. Blaine stopped and looked around as well.

“Well, we’ll save that one for a better occasion then.” he mumbled and leant forward to give Kurt a soft kiss on his cheek.