7.

Kurt was thrumming with anger when he slammed the door of his dorm room shut. His roommate jumped off of her bed and stared at him in confusion. “Kurt? Are you okay? Do you-“

“Shut up.” he interrupted. “Just please. Leave me alone, I can’t handle you right now.” He fell onto his bed and buried his face in the pillows leaving her standing there hurt and confused. “Okay…” she said silently and left the room.

Kurt was so angry at himself he would’ve loved to punch his own face. Why did he tell Blaine that? He didn’t need to know. Why did he lose his temper and scream around like a 5 year old. He could’ve just walked away. Instead he told Blaine.

His 17 year old self would kill him for that. And what if Blaine told someone? Cold fear rose up in his heart. “No.” he reminded himself. Blaine would never do that. He was the perfect, dapper gentleman. Even in a case like this, he would never out him. Still, the thought of someone finding out at the university left him terrified for a few hours. Everytime he thought back to that moment his face heated up again and he buried it in his hands. He couldn’t believe that someone was able to push him that far. To make his emotions run so high that he would spill his biggest secret. But it was Blaine after all. His Blaine.

His heart clenched at that again, and he shortly allowed himself to think of old memories of the two of them singing with the Warblers and talking on the phone every night until one of them fell asleep. The man who knew him so well, and yet Kurt had never trusted him with his biggest secret.

He had always known that he was the one who ruined everything. But it never occurred to him just how much he had thrown away. Blaine was his soulmate. He had known it that day on the Dalton staircase and every day after that, that he had spent with him. He should’ve felt lucky.  Most people never met their true love. And for him he was there, always just a few inches out of reach.

He started thinking of the hurt he caused Blaine, who had felt all the same things without ever fully understanding what that invisible thing was that was keeping them apart.

Kurt sighed. None of these thoughts were getting him anywhere. He hoped Blaine would accept his will to not contact him. After all, final exams were coming up in a few weeks and he had a reputation to live up to.

He slept a lot after that night. Two days later he had managed to pull himself back together and was working through his textbooks again.

The atmosphere in the room had been tense. His roommate seemed to avoid him at all costs and he was grateful for that. He knew he owed her an apology, but admitting mistakes was not his strong suit.

That afternoon he noticed her coming in quietly and then going back to their door. She talked to someone for a short while and Kurt tried to ignore it. Suddenly she slipped from the room and the door closed behind her. Kurt suddenly felt a little weird, like something was off. He put down his pen the second he heard someone clear his throat. Kurt immediately turned around and found Blaine Anderson standing in his dorm room.

“What the..?”

Blaine looked fearful and made a step back. “Kurt … I…”.

“What are you doing here? Who let you in?” he interrupted.

“Teya.” Blaine answered quickly. “She just went out and I told her I was a friend of yours and-“

Kurt looked at him in confusion “Who is Teya?”. Blaine blinked and looked back to the door. “Uhm. Your roommate, Kurt.”

“Oh.” Kurt answered and looked down his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Wait. Are you serious Kurt? You don’t know her name?” Kurt didn’t look up and stayed quiet.

“Oh my god. What is wrong with you? I just met her 2 minutes ago and I know her name!”

“It never came up okay?” Kurt suddenly looked up and remembered the situation they were in. “But really, Blaine. That is so not the issue here. What on earth are you doing here? I told you I don’t want to see you again.”

Blaine’s face suddenly softened and Kurt remembered. That was the first time he saw him knowing. Blaine knew now. And it made Kurt want to hide himself away forever to be protected from the rejections.

“I wanted to apologize. For shouting at you. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m usually not like that.” Blaine stammered. “I’m, .. I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

“Please, leave.” Kurt hugged himself more tightly and didn’t look up.

“Kurt .. I..”

“Leave. Blaine. I’m begging you. Leave.”

Blaine stayed silent and walked towards his bed sitting down and hiding his face in his hands. “I can’t. Kurt. I .. can’t leave things like this. I simply can’t.”

Hot tears of shame were running down Kurt’s cheeks in silence as he got up to take a few steps away from Blaine. He wasn’t looking up as he leaned against the opposite wall.

“Please…” he whispered. “Please, leave. You have no idea how mortified I am right now. I can’t even look at you.”

Blaine got up and walked towards him, touching his arm tentatively. “Can you answer one more question for me Kurt?” the other boy bolted back at the feel of Blaine’s touch and panicked.

“NO! Blaine, no more questions! Just, just get out of my room and stop ruining my fucking life! I can’t deal with this.” he shook his head violently. “I can’t deal with this!” he screamed again finally looking at Blaine. He had never seen him like that. He had never seen that much pain in anyone’s eyes. Especially not in Blaine’s beautiful ones.

“Kurt, tell me.” Blaine suddenly grabbed both his shoulders and held him in place. “Was that.. was your condition the only reason why you rejected me?” Kurt kept on shaking and not looking at him. “KURT!”

Blaine tried to calm his voice to get something out of the distraught boy in front of him. “Kurt, please… I need to know.”

“WHY? Blaine?? Why do you need to know? It doesn’t change anything.” he shouted “Why are you doing this to me?” he sobbed heavily and looked up at him. “WHY DOES IT MATTER BLAINE?” he suddenly screamed again, freeing himself from Blaine’s hands.

“Because I would not have cared!” Blaine shouted back. “Do you understand? I would not have given a single fuck Kurt. I would not have changed anything!!” a loud sob escaped his mouth and he turned to leave the room.

He stopped with the doorhandle in his hand and quietly added “I would not have loved you less.” with that, he went outside and closed the door behind him.