Kurt tried not to strain to hear the sound of Blaine's car; he tried not to stare at the time on his computer screen But he couldn’t help his anxiety, his whole body seemed to ache for Blaine to return. He had to remind himself that Blaine still had ten minutes; he'd be here by noon. He was always on time.

It took a lot of will power for Kurt to avoid texting Blaine. He couldn't help but worry about what would happen if Blaine ran into his father. But Kurt had told Blaine to call if he saw his father, and he hadn't, so Mr. Anderson must not have been there. Blaine was surely driving right now anyway, so he wouldn't be able to respond if Kurt texted him.

Kurt kept trying to distract himself with Facebook and a failed attempt at working on his admissions essays. But he gave up when his computer ticked past twelve and he still hadn’t heard Blaine pulling into the driveway.

12:02 PM, Kurt picked up his cell and tapped out a quick text.

From Kurt

Almost home, babe?

12:09 PM, Kurt frowned and picked his phone up again, hitting the call button this time. It rang several times and went to voicemail. 

12:16 PM, Kurt's heart rate was speeding up. This wasn't like Blaine at all; something had to be wrong.

From Kurt

You're scaring me, baby, please tell me you're ok?

Kurt stared at his phone, willing it to ring, but nothing happened. He stood up and crossed to the window, looking out just to be sure. Only his own car was in the driveway.

"I'm sure he's fine," Kurt said to himself.

The empty house had no response.

Kurt let himself stew for a few more minutes before he tried to call again, firing off several texts when Blaine still didn't answer his phone. Finally, he jumped up and grabbed his keys, Kurt knew he was being crazy, but he couldn't stand it. Blaine's parents lived about fifteen minutes away; he'd just drive over there and look for him.

Twelve minutes later, Kurt pulled up to Blaine's house, but he didn't even bother getting out when he realized Blaine's car wasn't there. But the black BMW was there, and suddenly Kurt’s anxiety tripled. Blaine must have had another fight with his father, and now he wasn’t answering his phone. 

Kurt sat there for a moment as he considered going up to the house and confronting Blaine’s father, but he doubted that would do any good. He wasn’t sure if he should go out looking for Blaine or just go home. But he realized he’d have no idea where to start, and Blaine might already be back at the Hudmel home by now.

Kurt tried to press back the worry in his chest as he pulled out of the driveway and headed back towards home, desperately hoping Blaine would be there. 

--

Blaine sat on a curb at the edge of Westerville High School's parking lot. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, staring at the pavement and trying to chase his father's words out of his head.

You’re no longer my son. I don’t want you in my house.

No matter how much Blaine’s relationship with his father had suffered recently, those words still shattered him. A small part of him had always hoped his father would come around with time. Now that seemed impossible.

Whore. 

Blaine knew, he knew that wasn’t true. Kurt really cared about him, Blaine knew that he did. But John had a point, as much as admitting that broke Blaine’s heart. What was Blaine going to do when Kurt left next year? He couldn’t go home now, not after his father made it very clear he wasn’t welcome.

Blaine sat next to his car, on the side of the lot furthest from the school. He looked across towards the gymnasium, to the curb where he’d been beaten to the edge of death less than a year ago. The night of the Sadie Hawkins dance seemed so long ago, and yet Blaine could never quite shake it. It was always there, pressing at the back of his mind.

Frustration and anger was boiling in Blaine’s mind, and he wanted to punch something, but all he had at hand was concrete and metal. So he bit down hard on his lips and flenched his fists, holding himself in check.

With a groan, Blaine buried his face in his knees. He was such a wreck. Blaine wasn’t sure what had damaged him more, his parents, Sadie Hawkins, or the two years of constant bullying. But he knew that each element played a part in making him what he was now - a confused mess. 

Sometimes Blaine wondered if it would be better for Kurt if he didn’t have to worry about Blaine at all. He must be such a burden, Blaine couldn’t fathom why Kurt wanted to put up with him and his issues. Blaine wondered if he shouldn’t just walk away, free Kurt from their overly dependent relationship...

Blaine realized with a start that he had no idea how long he'd been sitting there and he definitely didn't have his phone on him. 

"Shit," Blaine cursed, jumping up and hurrying over to his car. He climbed in and grabbed his phone off the passenger seat. 

12:54 PM. Nine missed calls, fourteen text messages, and all of them were from Kurt. Blaine pulled up his texts and read the last few.

From Kurt

You're really scaring me, Blaine.

From Kurt

Please just tell me you're ok, baby, I'm going crazy here. Please come home.

"Fuck!" Blaine's heart thudded in his chest. He'd never screwed up this badly; Kurt had set very clear expectations for Blaine, and he'd failed to meet any of them. Kurt would be so disappointed in him.

Will he? A dark voice in Blaine's head wasn't so sure. Kurt didn't seem to actually mind when Blaine didn't follow his orders. He was worried, sure, but did he actually mind that Blaine had been disobedient?

And why did that matter so much to Blaine?

Blaine frowned and tapped out a quick text.

From Blaine

I'm so sorry, I'm ok. I'll be home in 20 minutes.

As he turned the key in the engine and buckled up Blaine cursed himself again for being so far from Kurt's house. When he pulled out of the parking lot he resisted the urge to speed, reluctant to upset Kurt further.

Blaine was angry at his dad for disowning him; he was angry with himself for failing Kurt. Blaine struck the steering wheel with his fist, frustration starting to boil over.

--

Kurt was so immersed in pacing the living room floor, he nearly dropped his phone when it buzzed in his hand. But he managed to read the text from Blaine without breaking his phone and he was so relieved he wanted to cry. Instead he let out a long sigh and sunk down on the couch, still clutching his phone tightly and resisting the urge to call Blaine or text him back. The boy was hopefully driving and Kurt didn't want him getting hurt.

Twenty minutes was a long time, and Kurt had nothing better to do than wonder what the hell had happened at the Anderson home and why it had kept Blaine from answering Kurt's texts and calls for so long. And as fear faded, Kurt had time to get angry. How could Blaine have put him through that? He'd been terrified!

Kurt also had time to doubt, to wonder if this thing with Blaine was really working. Blaine had been pulling away for weeks; he’d been distant and less responsive to Kurt’s requests.

Kurt didn't understand exactly what it was that Blaine needed from him. 

So by the time Kurt finally heard Blaine pull into the driveway, he didn't know if he was more angry or frustrated or disappointed. He stood in the middle of the living room, watching the front door, with his arms crossed over his chest. 

The front door opened and Blaine walked through, closing the door with a bit of a bang behind him. He glanced up at Kurt with worried and frustrated eyes, then cast them down to the floor again. He stood there by the door, biting his lip and hugging himself. 

There was an angry energy vibrating in Blaine, barely contained and ready to blow.

“Blaine,” Kurt said. Seeing Blaine’s clear distress he crossed the room and pulled Blaine into his arms, hoping to calm him with touch. “Where have you been?”

“Sorry I’m late,” Blaine muttered into Kurt’s shoulder. “I got in a fight with my dad; he disowned me.”

“What?” Kurt gasped, getting angry. “Blaine, are you serious? That asshole!” He paused for a moment and frowned, his worry and irritation still burning in his mind. “Blaine, why didn’t you call me?”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, a little louder.

“Blaine, I told you to call me,” Kurt said, pushing Blaine out to arm’s length and holding him by the shoulders. “You’re late, you didn’t respond to my calls or texts, I don’t understand, Blaine!”

“I didn’t think you’d care!” Blaine snapped, pulling out of Kurt’s arms and crossing the room to put distance between them.

“Why the hell would you think that?” Kurt demanded. “I was worried sick!”

“Because, you’ve been letting me get away with shit for weeks, Kurt.” Blaine was getting frustrated. “I need you to care, Kurt! I need you to show me that you’re upset when I disobey!”

“When you disobey?” Kurt asked, voice rising. “I don’t control you, Blaine!”

“Maybe I want you to!” Blaine said, almost shouting. “Stop letting me get away with shit, Kurt! Do something about it!”

"What do you want me to do?" Kurt asked, throwing his hands in the air. "Spank you?"

It was supposed to be sarcastic. It should have sounded like a ridiculous suggestion; Kurt had meant it to illustrate the absurdity of Kurt punishing Blaine for his disobedience. 

But the word hung in the air like crackling electricity.

"Yes," Blaine said softly. The fight and frustration started to fade from his face, although there was still remorse in his eyes. Then Blaine blinked, and he seemed to realize what he had just said, and he went bright red. “Shit,” he muttered, burying his face in his hands.

“Blaine?” Kurt said softly, taking a hesitant step forward.

“I’m such a mess,” Blaine muttered into his hands and shaking his head.

“You’re not a mess,” Kurt said.

“I just asked you to spank me, Kurt,” Blaine mumbled, still hiding behind his hands.

“I didn’t really mean...” Kurt started. “But, I - If that’s what you want...” Kurt stumbled with his words, not sure of himself. He took a deep breath. “I’d do anything for you, Blaine. Just tell me what you need.”

“I don’t know what I need,” Blaine said, finally pulling his hands down. His face was full of confusion and frustration. 

“What do you need to figure it out?” Kurt asked gently.

Blaine hesitated for a moment. “May I go for a walk? By myself? I think I need to clear my head...”

“Of course,” Kurt said with a nod. He hated how helpless he felt as he watched Blaine wrestle with his own mind.

“I’ll be back,” Blaine whispered and slipped out the door.

Kurt sighed and sat down again, head in his hands. Where had that come from? A spanking? It should seem ridiculous, but Kurt was surprised at how quickly the idea was growing on him. Blaine had disobeyed; it only followed that Kurt should discipline him, right? Was the idea really that crazy?

Kurt looked up suddenly when he heard the sound of the front door opening, but he sagged with disappointment when he realized it was his dad.

“Hey, what’s wrong, bud?” Burt noticed immediately at Kurt was upset and he crossed the room to sit next to his son.

Kurt frowned, looking at his hands. “Blaine and I got in a fight,” he said. “He’s not happy with me; I’m doing something wrong.”

Burt sighed. “Kurt, that kid is crazy about you. Just sit down and talk this thing out, if you love him it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I do love him,” Kurt said. Remembering what else Blaine had said, Kurt looked up at Burt. “His father kicked him out, Dad. Disowned him.”

“What?!” Burt’s eyes flared with anger. “What does that asshole think he’s doing? I have half a mind to go over there and kick his ass, if he thinks-”

“Dad.” Kurt cut him off. “I’d be happy to join you, trust me. But for right now I’m more worried about Blaine.”

“Well, he’ll stay here, of course,” Burt said, as if that should have been obvious. “He’d probably have to share your room, though. Are you comfortable with that, Kurt?”

A relieved smile grew on Kurt’s face. “Yes, Dad. I’d be happy to share my room with him.” 

“Then it’s settled.” Burt slapped Kurt’s knee and stood up. “I need to grab lunch and get back to the shop, but you let me know when you’re going back for Blaine’s things.” He pinned Kurt with a serious look. “I’m going with you; I don’t want you two confronting that asshole by yourselves.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Kurt said with a nod.

After his father made his lunch and headed back to the shop Kurt had the house to himself again, and it felt so empty without Blaine. Kurt reminded himself that Blaine would be back, and then they would sit down and sort this mess out.

--

Blaine slipped out the front door and stumbled blindly down the front walk. He was a jumbled mess and he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t get past a blinding need for Kurt to punish him, and Blaine didn’t understand why he’d never realized this before. Where was this coming from?

Realizing he’d reached the end of the block, Blaine stood still for a moment before he turned right, headed for a small neighborhood park just around the corner. When he got there he sat down on a bench and pulled his knees up to his chin.

Blaine sighed, pushing aside the idea of being spanked and thinking of Kurt instead. He had been so fast to accept Blaine’s request, so willing to take care of Blaine, no matter how strange the need. God, he was lucky he had Kurt.

Blaine loved Kurt, so much. Nobody else in his life had ever done more for him than Kurt had. And Blaine desperately wanted Kurt to know just how much he loved him. Blaine never felt better than he did when he pleased Kurt, when he knew he was behaving the way Kurt wanted. Because for Blaine, that was the strongest expression of love.

But lately, Blaine was having trouble really knowing how Kurt felt about his behavior or what was expected of him. Blaine always tried so hard to behave the way he thought Kurt wanted. But he wanted to be better for Kurt, he wanted clearer orders, he wanted to really know that he was making Kurt happy.

Blaine wanted Kurt to sit him down and just tell him what was good and what was bad. He wanted guidelines, or structure. He wanted rules.

Yes, he wanted rules. But as Blaine tried to think of examples he realized he wanted Kurt to set them. Blaine didn’t just want structure, he wanted to know he was living up to Kurt’s expectations. He wanted to follow Kurt’s rules.

Except rules had no weight without repercussions for breaking them, right? Blaine wanted the rules to matter, he wanted Kurt to care whether he followed them or not. Did this explain why the spanking had been so appealing? If Kurt were to spank him for his failings today, then Blaine would certainly know his behavior really mattered to Kurt.

And more than anything Blaine wanted to matter to Kurt. He wanted to know Kurt was pleased when he was good, but it was equally important to know that Kurt would be upset if he were bad.

The whole idea was really growing on Blaine. Kurt had already done so much to help Blaine become a better person, and this would only make him stronger. Blaine had full faith in Kurt, he knew any rule his boyfriend set would help him better himself. Any punishment would be fair, and it would help Blaine avoid the poor behavior in the future. 

This really was handing Kurt the reins to Blaine’s life, but surprisingly that didn’t worry Blaine much at all. If anything, the idea of giving up control to Kurt only made him feel secure and safe.

 “How the hell will I explain this to Kurt?” Blaine asked himself.

Blaine felt a soft thump against his elbow, and he looked down to find a small, brown tabby cat looking up at him. She sat primly on the park bench, looking up at him.

“Hi there,” Blaine said, reaching out to scratched the cat’s head.

The cat purred and rubbed against Blaine’s hand.

“How would you explain to your boyfriend that you want to give him complete control?” Blaine asked, frowning at the cat. 

The cat meowed and jumped off the bench, trotting away. 

 “You’re no help,” Blaine said, watching the cat slip through the bushes and disappear. 

Blaine sighed and got to his feet, starting to walk back towards the Hudmel home. He still didn’t know how he was going to have this conversation, but he’d worried Kurt enough that day. At least now, he knew where to start.

--

This time when the door opened it was Blaine, and Kurt jumped to his feet.

“Blaine.” Kurt took a step towards the other boy and then stopped, a little uncertain.

“I’m sorry I left,” Blaine said softly, moving towards Kurt. “Um... Can we sit?”

“Of course.” Kurt took Blaine’s hand and pulled him down to the couch. He could see the worry in Blaine’s eyes, and he hoped to reassure him. “Whatever it is, Blaine, just tell me. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yes, Kurt... OK, um...” Blaine looked up a Kurt and searched his eyes for a moment. “You already take such good care of me, Kurt; you’re so good to me.” Blaine’s voice wavered a little, and Kurt could see he was nervous. “I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful, but, I-I need more.”

Kurt could see how much this conversation was upsetting Blaine. Whatever he was trying to say, he was painfully nervous about Kurt’s reaction.

“Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it,” Kurt said, hoping his boyfriend could see how strongly he felt. “Anything.” Kurt reached out and cupped Blaine’s face in his hand. “I love you, Blaine.”

Blaine’s eyes shone and he smiled. “I love you, too, Kurt.” He seemed to gain a little confidence as he continued. “OK, I uh, I need to know what you want from me. I need... I need structure, or um, rules...” Blaine bit his lip and looked at Kurt.

“What kind of rules?” Kurt asked, a little confused.

“Things you expect from me,” Blaine said. “How to want me to behave, what you’d like me to do.” Blaine paused, watching Kurt’s reactions. “And... I want them to be your rules, what you want.”

Kurt blinked at Blaine for a moment, really absorbing what his boyfriend had said. “You want me to give you rules to follow?” 

“Yes, Kurt. And...” Blaine continued. “And I need consequences if I break them.”

Kurt was taken aback by the request, but he was determined to do whatever it took to make Blaine happy. “Alright...” he said, nodding. It took him a moment to really understand. “You want me to make rules and consequences for you. Consequences like...” Kurt hesitated, remembering their earlier shouting match and hoping he was right. “Like a spanking?” 

Blaine blushed brighter. “Or whatever punishment you see fit.”

“You want me to decide all this?” Kurt considered this for a moment. “Are you sure you want me to dictate how you live your life, Blaine?”

“Um, basically, yes,” Blaine said. “I feel more secure when I know you’ll take care of me...”

Kurt took a deep breath. “Alright, I think I can handle that,” Kurt said. His mind was spinning a little with the weight of this new responsibility, but he hoped he could handle it. He would do anything to make Blaine happy.

Blaine sagged with relief, leaning into Kurt. “Thank you.”

“Hey, it’s OK,” Kurt said, pulling Blaine into his arms. “We’ll figure this out, I promise.”

“Yes, Kurt,” Blaine mumbled into Kurt’s neck.

“There’s my good boy,” Kurt said, smiling and pressing a kiss to Blaine’s hair.

Kurt’s mind was in so many different places at once. This was so huge, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t entirely grasping it yet. That the entirety of what Blaine was asking of him hadn’t yet sunk in.

“Kurt?”

“Yes, Blaine?” Kurt ran his hand soothingly up and down Blaine’s back, doing his best to focus on his boyfriend for the moment.

“I’m sorry I disobeyed you today,” Blaine said, sounding contrite. 

“It’s OK,” Kurt said, wanting to make Blaine feel better.

Blaine stiffened in Kurt’s arms. “It’s not OK.”

Kurt paused for a moment, recognizing this as the moment of truth. This was what Blaine had asked him for; this was what he needed. “Blaine? Are you asking me to punish you?” Kurt was still new to this, uncertain of how he should react.

“Yes,” Blaine replied, voice small and muffled. He looked up at Kurt with eyes that were certain and calm, and so submissive. “Please?”