CHAPTER ONE - DEFYING GRAVITY

27th May 2026, Lima, Ohio

Kurt woke up, after the first sun's rays tickled his nose. It was his birthday. With a smile he turned around, already seeing Blaine's big smile in front of him. But what he saw wasn't his beloved husband Blaine. Instead of him, he saw the big smile of his daughter Elizabeth, which was so similar to Blaine's.

"Happy Birthday, Papa!" she said and began to sing the "Happy Birthday to you" song. Kurt laughed a little, but he still was disappointed, that Blaine was not there. Still not there. Again. Like last year and the year before. And it didn't look like this would change for the next couple of years, maybe until the end of his life, until he could see Blaine again up there in heaven, singing with the angels. With his beautiful voice and his big smile. He sighed.

"Papa? Are you okay? I got something for you.", Elizabeth said. She looked a little concerned. She gave him a box. A small box with some colored animals on it.

Kurt looked at the box for some seconds, before he carefully opened it. He smiled a little, when he saw a picture in it, with three persons on it. He took the picture out of the box and looked more carefully at it. She had totally drawn him, Blaine and herself. And he liked it, even though it reminded him again, that Blaine still wasn't there. Not even on his birthday. Not even last Christmas or on the eighth birthday of his own daughter. He felt a tear streaming down his face and quickly wiped it away. Then he concentrated on the other stuff inside the box. There was a little puppy, a stuffed animal puppy, just like the one he had bought some years ago for Blaine to cheer him up. But this puppy had black fur and a fabulous red bow tie, it was some kind of a Warbler puppy. There also was a yellow bow tie. He looked a little bit confused, when he saw it. He usually didn't wear bow ties, Blaine was the one who always wore a bow tie, except when he was sad or angry.

Elizabeth smiled a little. "I thought maybe you can give this to daddy, when you see him, someday. And I got you the puppy, so you don't feel alone anymore and the picture so that you won't forget the happy You, Papa.", she then said and hugged him tightly, trying to hide her tears. "I miss daddy...I thought maybe he would be here, on your birthday, to celebrate it with us...", she said and it was not more than a whisper into his hair.

Kurt heard what his daughter said and nodded. "I know, cupcake. I miss him, too.", he squeezed her and gave her a soft kiss on the hair."But we don't want to be unhappy, huh? You need to laugh again and I will make us some fabulous pancakes, what do you think about that?"

"I love that idea, papa.", she said and got up, dancing and jumping into the living room, where she played the CD with the songs of her daddy on it. She just wanted to hear his voice again and she sat down on the sofa and watched TV, while she cuddled the little kitten next to her, that Kurt had gotten for her last birthday. In fact, it had been Blaine's idea, to get her a little kitten, so that Elizabeth could learn how to take care of someone else than just herself and Kurt fulfilled Blaine's wish. "You know Mrs. Barbara, daddy would be proud of you, because of this beautiful bow tie you are wearing.", she said and the cat meowed in response.

After Kurt had prepared the pancakes he served them in the living room on the table and then they had breakfast together. Time was running now and soon it was midday. Kurt had thought about going out and eating at their favorite restaurant, he just loved this place. It was the place, where he used to go to with Blaine.

The doorbell rang and Elizabeth nearly jumped. "Coming!" she yelled and rushed to the door. She opened it and smiled at the postman. "Kurt Anderson's my papa." The postman nodded. She turned around, to tell Kurt about that. "Paaaapaaaa, come here, there's post for you!"

Kurt got up, wondering what would happen now. "What is it, Lizzie?"

"The postman has some post for you, Papa. Come and get it, it's from daaaaddy!", she jumped happily up and down, waiting for her father to finally come and get the post.

He walked to the door and took the envelope from his daughter, who happily jumped up and down. "It's probably only one of these normal cards we get like every year, since he moved to Los Angeles, honey.", he said and opened the envelope. He was right. It was a birthday card. It was, in fact, a beautiful birthday card. But just a birthday card. There was no real Blaine talking to him. It was his handwriting, though. And it made him smile a little bit, but he still couldn't ignore the fact, that Blaine wasn't right next to him or holding him close from behind. It was kind of frustrating, but he would get used to it, maybe. He had to. He just had to. For Elizabeth. And for him. He couldn't continue on being this sad, sad dad, crying all the time. He had to show Elizabeth how to be truly happy, how to live her life. He had to raise her. Goddamnit. He had to raise her on his own. Without Blaine by his side.

"What's it say, Papa?", she asked and sat next to him, cuddling the kitten Mrs. Barbara. She could tell, that her dad still was sad, because her daddy Blaine wasn't there. She felt exactly the same, but she wanted to be strong for him, she didn't want to cry. She wanted to cheer up her dad. Make him laugh again.

"It says Happy Birthday my love. I hope you have a wonderful day, enjoying your birthday with our beloved daughter Elizabeth. Tell her, that I love her and that I am so proud of her. I wish I could see you two. I love you, Blaine.", he sighed. "It's nearly the same text, like the last card.", he then said and looked at the card, trying to hold back his tears, when he felt Elizabeth squeezing and hugging him.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! Papa, don't you cry on your birthday. That's not happy. You have to be happy, Papa! It's your biiiiirthday! And daddy loves you and I love you and Mrs. Barbara loves you, too and you need to be happy, Papa." she said, while she hugged him more tightly.

Kurt knew, that his daughter was right. She was always right, just like Blaine. They shared this skill. To be right all the time. "Okay, okay, I won't cry. Soo, I thought, that maybe we could go out and eat at our favorite restaurant? I'd love to eat there."

Elizabeth smiled and dragged her dad to the door. "Great, we will do that. And after that we will visit Aunt Rachel, because she wanted to see you."

He followed her to the door and nodded. "Okay. That's a plan. Mrs. Barbara has enough food and water, right? Let's go, little princess.", he said while he took the keys for the car and closed the door.

"Are you really sure, we should do this, Lizzie?". Kurt stood in front of Finn and Rachel's house, not sure if he should really go in there. He didn't even knew what she wanted to do with him! And Rachel was unpredictable! He stepped backwards, until Elizabeth caught his arm.

"Yes, we should do this. It's your birthday and she would have come over, but...yeah...you'll see.", she said and pressed the door bell.

Soon after that he heard someone screaming "COMING!". Oh, that totally sounded like Rachel. Kurt waited patiently, until the door was opened and Rachel smiled brightly at him.

"Kurt! Lizzie! Come on in. Happy Birthday, love!" she said, while she hugged him.

Kurt and Elizabeth followed Rachel into the living room and took a seat on the enormous red sofa in the middle of the room, while Rachel rushed into the kitchen. "You don't have to do this, Rach, you know that!", he said, when he saw his sister-in-law coming back into the living room, carrying a big, big cake on a silver plate and placing it right in front of him.

She sat down in the dark red armchair and smiled at him. "Come on! Blow out the candles and make a wish, honey!"

Kurt sighed and leaned forward, thinking of his wish and blowing out the candles right after that. "Satisfied?", he asked, while he leaned back on the comfy sofa.

"Nope. You have to try at least one piece, Kurt." Rachel then said and pulled Elizabeth closer to her. "Oh look at you, sweetheart! How biiig and beautiful you are! Just like your aunt Rachel!", she smiled. "I love your hair, you know, they remind me of your...", she stopped, realizing what she just wanted to say. "Um..never mind. How's the cake, do you like it?"

Kurt sighed. "It's okay, Rachel. They remind me of him, too...". He bit his lip. "Sometimes I wonder, what would have happened if I didn't have let him go away...If I insisted on him staying here and talking to your manager...", he said and ate a piece of Rachel's homemade cake.

Rachel just nodded. She knew that the good mood was now broken, because of her. But maybe she knew best, how Kurt felt at the moment and all these years since Blaine was gone. These days she asked herself the same question. What if she had forced Finn to not go. Would he still be alive then? Would he now be sitting next to her, maybe with their little daughter on his lap? Would he smile at her and try to calm Kurt down? When Elizabeth cuddled her more, she realized that she was crying. Again. "It's okay, sweetheart...just...just m-memories...", she whispered and tried to wipe away her tears, but that didn't stop her from crying. "I miss him, Kurt...he would be able to help you in any way, he would have talked with Blaine and maybe he would have stayed after that...it's just...there are so many things, I didn't get the chance to tell both of them...Finn...the last time I spoke to him, when he left, we yelled at each other, because I was so desperate...I wanted him to stay and he wanted to go and be a hero like his father was and...", her voice broke, when she sat down next to Kurt.

Kurt pulled her as close as possible and stroked her hair affectionately. "I know, Rachel...I know. We both know how you feel. But I am sure, Finn knew that you loved him and he sure knew, that the things you said to him that day were not the things you wanted to say to him in the first place.", he said. He smiled when Elizabeth hugged them both.

Rachel hugged Elizabeth back and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Sweetheart, why don't you go and play with the kitten in the garden, hm?"

Elizabeth smiled, hugged both of them again and happily went to the garden to play with Rachel's kitten. She liked it, it was so cute and fluffy and it always loved to play with the ball.

Rachel waited until Elizabeth was in the garden, before she spoke again. "You know what the worst part of it was, Kurt? The moment...his heart stopped...I knew it. I don't know why, but deep inside me I knew, that he would never come back...and that's why I am sure, that Blaine is still alive, somewhere...because if he wasn't, you would have felt it. Believe me...", she said and still she couldn't stop crying.

Kurt smiled. "Yeah..hopefully you are right...because sometimes I don't know what to think...there are these birthday cards, we get every year. On our birthdays. But the text is nearly the same every year. I don't know if he is in trouble, or if he is with someone else...I haven't heard anything of him, since he left. The only sign of life are these birthday cards and then someone tells me you can tell the post office to send a bunch of cards with the same text to the same persons every year...and now...it kills me, Rachel...it really kills me not knowing whether he is alive or not...and Lizzie...god...she is eight years old. Eight! And she manages to cheer me up, just like he did and she tries to make me happy, but she shouldn't have do that. She should got out and play with her friends, but instead  she stays with me, when I'm at my worst...every single time.", it bubbled all out of him.

She looked at him. "I know, honey, I know...it's not getting better...and if you finally find something out, you didn't want to know, it's getting worse...I mean...look at me, honey. I am a living wreck! And I hate it. I can't move on. I even live in the same house since I heard of his death. I just couldn't leave...it's the same with you. But you are lucky, Blaine is alive and he might come back sometime...maybe in a few months or a few years, but it's possible. Finn...he won't come back, he's dead and nothing can change that."

Kurt sighed. Of course Rachel focused on talking about Finn. But she was right, he was dead and she had to accept it, somehow. Blaine possibly could be still alive. So he decided to just hug Rachel and wait until they both stopped crying, because now he cried, too. He just hoped, that Elizabeth would stay in the garden a little longer, so she won't see him like this again.

After quite some time Rachel sighed and wiped away her tears. She had stopped crying and now she was the one who comforted Kurt and told him, that someday everything was going to be okay, again. Even if he had to wait a couple of years for that day to arrive. But she was sure, that Blaine would come back.

"Could be possible...yeah. But...I don't get, why he hasn't said a word since he's left. No messages, no phone calls, no e-mail, no visit, nothing! It's like he disappeared without me knowing...",he said and tore his hair.

"Yeah, I know. He never called, but maybe he couldn't call you..." the way Kurt looked at her, made her realize what she just said. "Nooooo! No, no, no, I didn't mean to tell you this. Noo! I am totally sure he is alive! Really Kurt, you would have felt that, if he was dead. You need to...you need to...be distracted! You need to be distracted, so you stop thinking about Blaine like aaaaall the time. And thaaaaaat is, why I got you two cutie pies these wonderful VIP tickets for my coming Broadway debut! Yaay!", she tried to smile a little, but totally failed.

Kurt looked at the tickets, twice. "Are you serious? VIP tickets?! For Lizzie and me? Oh my God, Rachel!", now he really laughed. "I love you, you know that, right? Oh my God. We'll be there. I have to get Lizzie a new dress for this! When is it?"

"Next Saturday.", she said and turned around. "Lizzie, sweetheart, come here, auntie Rachel has something for you!", she then yelled in the direction of the garden and soon after that Lizzie came into the living room, holding the little kitten in her arm.

"You have something for me? But it's papas birthday...", she said, first looking a little bit puzzled and then worried, when she saw Kurt's teary eyes. "Papa, did you cry?", she snuggled to him.

"Yes, he did cry, but it's okay, cutie pie. Look, what your Papa got for his birthday!", she said and grabbed one of the tickets to give it to Elizabeth, who just needed to look at the picture on it, to know what it was.

"Ahh, Aunt Rachel, you did it! You did iiiiit! Papa, she did it!", she turned to Kurt and squeaked, because she was so happy right now.

Kurt smiled a little. "I know, sweetheart. And this is...", he grabbed her under his arm like a bag of potatoes and stood up, ignoring the surprised scream that came out of Lizzie's mouth. "...why we are now heading to the mall, to buy you a beautiful dress for that evening. Say goodbye to aunt Rachel, sweetheart and don't move too much!", he said, now his mood really lighten up, forgetting about the fact, that Blaine still wasn't there, for a moment.

Elizabeth said goodbye to Rachel, hugging her tightly and silently thanking her for doing this, for cheering him up a little bit, before she was carried out of the house to the car, which Kurt drove directly to the mall, to buy her a dress for the real Broadway debut of her aunt Rachel.

While Kurt drove the car, he thought, that this birthday was actually better, than he had first expected and he thanked Elizabeth for this, because he really needed it. The time to just cry together with Rachel, talking about their fears and distracting him for a while. Yes, he really needed it.