Jan. 20, 2012, 3:06 p.m.
I'll Be Right Beside You: Chapter 1
T - Words: 1,822 - Last Updated: Jan 20, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 1/? - Created: Jan 20, 2012 - Updated: Jan 20, 2012 348 0 0 0 0
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin
“Hey!” Kurt called as I walked down the Dalton halls on my way to class. “Hey, Blaine!”
I stopped and turned around, waiting for my boyfriend to reach me. I gave him a chaste kiss as he reached me. “What's up, Kurt?”
“So, Mercedes just texted me saying she wanted to meet up tonight at the Lima Bean... You wanna come?” Kurt asked breathlessly.
“Any excuse to spend time with my fabulous boyfriend,” I said with a grin, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
Kurt let a huge smile overcome his face. “Great! I'll see you then.”
“Bye,” I laughed, watching as my boyfriend skipped away.
The rest of the day flew by and soon enough, Kurt and I arrived at the Lima Bean. Dalton and McKinley got out of school at the same time, but the drive to the Lima Bean was much longer for us.
“Hey!” Mercedes called, a huge grin on her face as she ran to Kurt and I at the door.
Kurt grinned as his friend engulfed him in a hug. “C'mon, now! Calm down!” he laughed, hugging her back.
“I'm sorry,” Mercedes replied sheepishly. “I've just really missed you.”
Kurt gave her his scrunchy grin, the same one he gives whenever he feels flattered but doesn't want to admit it. “C'mon, let's sit.”
Mercedes led the way to the table she had been at where Santana and Tina were already seated and waiting. Tina and I had met a few times in this exact situation, so I liked to think of her as a friend. Santana, on the other hand, I barely knew. We had met briefly at Rachel's little house party a couple of months ago, but we were both pretty drunk so it wasn't exactly the best representation of ourselves.
"So how are things at Dalton?" Tina asked with a smile as Kurt and I sat down opposite the girls.
"Things are great, as always," Kurt smiled, turning towards me.
"Agreed," I added. "Couldn't be better."
Kurt gave me a small smile, turning to face his friends once again. "How about you guys? How are things at McKinley?"
"It's McKinley, nothing's really changed," Mercedes sighed. "The high the entire school was on after the football team won the championship is starting to wear off so..."
Kurt offered her a sympathetic smile as Tina nudged Santana. "Something wrong, Santana?"
"Oh shut up, Girl Chang. I'm fine. Why don't you focus your attentions on Gelfling and his ladyboy," Santana spat.
I cocked my head to the side, slightly caught off guard. Why the hostility? Isn't Kurt her friend? Shouldn't I, by association, be as well? I looked to Kurt, trying to express my confusion without words. Kurt simply shook his head, assuring me that this was just how the girl was. I marvelled at how well we could understand each other without speaking a single word.
Mercedes was quick to move to another topic as I continued to watch Santana. "You haven't asked us anything about our New York trip," she pointed out.
"Is it because it's too painful?" Tina asked sympathetically.
"Yes, as a matter of fact," Kurt confessed. "But while the New Directions are preparing to perform at Nationals, the Warblers are preparing to perform at a nursing home in a strip mall next to a national bank," I chuckled slightly to myself at how jealous he sounded. "I'm so proud of you guys!"
Tina gave him a look. "We miss you so much!" Mercedes expressed the same sentiment with her facial expressions, while Santana looked off into the distance and... Was that longing in her eyes? Her eyes were focus on a place just above my shoulder and her face expressed nothing short of need. I tried desperately to remember what was behind me. C'mon, you looked back there when you sat down! Who's there?
"Isn't there any way you could come back to McKinley?" Mercedes asked for at least the fiftieth time.
This comment brought me back to the conversation. "I told him I'd be all for it if it wasn't for Karofsky," I told Mercedes.
Santana finally spoke up. "Wait. What did you just say?"
"Kurt needs to be safe," I informed her.
"Can we please change the subject?" Kurt begged, growing more and more uncomfortable.
As Kurt and I fought good-naturedly, I could see an epiphany begin to form in Santana's head. I had no idea why I was so interested, but I would have given anything in that moment to get inside her head.
"I've got to gay!" she suddenly exclaimed, springing up from her seat. I had to laugh a little at her slip of the lip. "Go! Go... I've got to go."
"Bye Santana," Kurt smiled as the girl rushed out of the cafe. Kurt turned his attention to his remaining girlfriends. "What's wrong with her? She's acting really weird."
As Kurt, Tina and Mercedes tried to figure out what was wrong with Santana, I took the opportunity to turn around and see what Santana had been staring at. Behind me, was Brittany and Artie, being all couple-y and cute in the corner. Hmmm...
I remembered, back when I first met Kurt, that he went through a little personality profile of all his McKinley friends. He had told me that Brittany and Santana were best friends. He said their relationship was much like David and Wes', with homoerotic tendencies lying just under the surface. He said the only difference was that Brittany and Santana actually acted on these feelings. Their friendship had a very sexual basis.
That information, Santana's slip of the lip, and the look on her face all day was all that I needed to piece it together. Santana was in love with Brittany.
It was very obvious she wasn't comfortable with it. It explains so much about why she mocks Kurt and I the way she does. There's an underlying jealousy at the fact that we can have a happy, functioning relationship despite our sexuality. She wants that too, but doesn't think she can have it.
That was the moment I vowed to reach out to her. I would help her through this.
I got her cell phone number from Kurt, trying my best to dodge his questions. I doubted she wanted anyone to know, I'm sure it was going to be bad enough that I had figured it out. She wouldn't want me to tell Kurt.
I composed about one hundred texts before I just settled for something simple.
Hey Santana! It's Blaine. I got your number from Kurt. How are ya? :)
The response was almost immediate.
what do you want, ladyboy?
Well, looks like she's ready to cut to the chase, I thought to myself.
I know you're gay, Santana.
About five minutes went by without anything and I had assumed she ignored it. She wasn't ready to talk about it. She's obviously a pretty volatile person so it probably isn't the best idea to push her.
Just as I was beginning to give up, my phone started to ring. I picked up right away, having a good feeling who it was. "Hello?"
"Who told you?" A voice barked. It was Santana.
“No one had to tell me,” I scoffed. “I figured it out myself.”
This seemed to silence her for a moment, until she asked, “How?”
“From the longing looks you were giving Brittany at the Lima Bean yesterday and knowing your back story with her, it wasn't too hard to piece it together,” I told her.
“You can't tell anyone,” she warned me.
“I wouldn't.”
“Then why do you care?” she asked. It was a good question. I honestly didn't even know the answer myself. She cut in again before I could say anything. “You just think you're some kinda gay Yoda, don't you? It's Blaine to the rescue! You're just gonna do to me exactly what you did to Kurt. You led him on for months and then his stupid fucking bird dies and you finally open your eyes. Well guess what, sweetie. As we've already established, I don't swing your way so you're wasting your time,” she sniffled. “You don't get to pick up the pieces.”
I was a little bit in shock for a moment. What was I supposed to say? I know she just threw in the stuff about me leading Kurt on to offend me, so I was ready to ignore that. But otherwise, she was completely right. I want to help her, the same way I wanted to help Kurt. I felt some kind of weird obligation.
I must have been thinking it over for too long because she spoke once again. “Exactly. Forget we ever had this conversation. I'll see ya around, Ladyboy.”
“You know Ladyboy really isn't your best material,” I teased.
“Is that really the only thing you're going to comment on?”
“Look, Santana, I don't know why I'm doing this, to be honest with you,” I confessed. “I just know how hard it was for me when I was in the closet and I know the one thing I always wanted was someone to talk to about it all... I guess I thought I could be that for you,” I paused. “But if that's not what you want then we'll just go our separate ways.”
“You know what? That'd be nice, actually,” she mumbled.
“Really?”
“Really. Thanks, Blaine.”
I grinned. “It's no problem.”
“Now, now, now! Don't go getting ahead of yourself,” she warned. “I can practically hear yourself jizzing your pants with excitement right now. We're not friends.”
I laughed heartily. “Goodbye, Santana.”
Over the rest of the school year, Santana and I really bonded. I even got her to stop calling me Ladyboy. She confided in me, telling me all about how her relationship with Brittany began right up until the day she realized she was a lesbian and told Brittany she was in love with her. She told me all about the events that occurred after that, including her little “beards” deal with Karofsky. It was decisions like these that caused our arguments, but we cared too much to let it really tear us apart. We had grown too close.
For me, it was different than things had been with Kurt. Looking back, I know I was madly in love with him from day one. A lot of what I mistook for sympathy for a friend was lover's empathy. With Santana, I just felt so protective, despite how tough she was and the fact that she was a year older than me. It was easy to forget those things when it was just her and I, sitting in the Lima Bean or talking on the phone.
Nobody knew about our pseudo friendship. It wasn't something we wanted to keep secret, but if we did let it be known, people would start asking questions. They'd wonder what exactly it was that brought us together and what we talked about. Without words, we made a mutual agreement to keep our friendship a secret.
Surprisingly, things were really great between Santana and I.
That is, until the day I transferred to McKinley.