The first of the month came quickly, and there was still plenty of… avoidance between Blaine and Kurt. And between Blaine and almost everyone. It seemed Kurt was avoiding everyone, too, though, other than perhaps Finn and Rachel. They were both just so worried over college and the future (which seemed a forbidden word) and so freaked out about what was happening with each other as well, that they were pushing everyone away.

"Oh, my favorite gays!" Sebastians voice rang through the lobby of the theatre where Regionals were being held. Blaine rolled his eyes and Kurt muttered something about Sebastian being just as gay as they were. Then, both boys went over and hugged their friend, Kurt throwing in a slap on the ass for the gay comment.

Soon enough, they left Sebastian in the audience and took to the stage. Kurt sang about holding hands and Blaine felt his heart aching with how badly he wanted to do something so simple as hold his boyfriends hand again. How long had it been since they strolled through the halls of McKinley hand-in-hand? Hed lost track, and it just made him sad. Blaine missed his Kurt more than anything.

Once theyd finished their setlist, there was some time to wait for the other schools to perform. Sebastian quirked his brow when Kurt and Blaine each took a seat beside him, sandwiching him between them, but there wasnt really time for words as the next group was starting to sing.

By the time there was a chance to comment, Kurt had started nervously biting his nails and before Blaine could even reach over, Sebastian had a hand on Kurts shoulder and his other hand tugging the boys fingers from his mouth. "Kurt, cmon, quit it. You have nothing to worry about, okay? You killed that solo. Youve got this." And Blaine couldnt hold back the whimper as he realized that Bas had just taken his place and comforted his boyfriend.

The pitying look Sebastian threw him was even worse, and Blaine had to excuse himself to the bathroom. Tears slid down his cheeks before he even got the bathroom door open. He stood at the sink and wept for all the things going wrong. He cried for the relationship he felt like he was losing. He cried for everything spiraling out of control while he stood by and watched.

To Cooper: Can we Skype tonight? Please?

From Cooper: Yeah. Ill be home by 7 your time. Whats up?

To Cooper: Tell you later. I just really need my big brother…

Knowing he could break down after dinner that night, Blaine got himself together enough to rejoin the New Directions and get to the stage for judging. Sebastian gave him a look when he passed, and Kurt asked why his eyes were puffy, but he didnt say anything just then. He had to see what would happen on that stage first. Then he could focus on getting out of his costume and into his normal clothes. Then getting home. Small things. Individual steps of his day. Thats how he would get through this.

When they were announced the winners, Blaine could barely force a pained smile to his face. Kurt looked at him as the countertenor hugged Tina, but the boyfriends didnt even hug each other. Blaine was well aware of the vibes he was putting off. He was clearly asking for space. Not to be touched. He was too close to shattering. One touch would send him over the edge, falling to pieces right there on the stage.

They changed amongst happy cheering, but Blaine was so distracted it was hard to even get his arms through the holes in his cardigan. Soon, everyone else had left and it was only him and Kurt in the room. The blue-eyed boy walked over with hesitation, looking at Blaine with questions in his eyes. "Hey… What… whats wrong, sweetie?" he asked, and Blaines eyes narrowed.

"Sweetie? I dont think you really have a right to even call me that anymore, Kurt," he snapped, unable to hold in the tears or the anger. He felt like a child throwing a tantrum but… he needed someone to pay attention to him, to his needs. He was so damn alone again, and he couldnt go on like that anymore. "You havent paid any attention to anything thats been going on with me lately! Do you even know I got a finalist letter for NYADA? I declined an audition, though. Didnt want to steal you and Rachels spotlights."

His voice was so bitter. It was so harsh. Blaine felt his own heart breaking, but he couldnt take back the words. He was just so hurt. Again. How many times would Kurt hurt him before he realized what he was doing?

"You know, you hurt me when you thought Id betray you and talk shit about you to Bas. I thought that showed how much I cared, but I guess you still fucking doubt me, huh? You wont even talk to me about next year, Kurt! We had all these plans! What changed? Dont you want that anymore?" His cheeks were wet with the tears and his chest hurt. "You know what? Dont answer that. I dont even know what I want anymore. I just… I thought we really had something. I never thought youd be the one to make me feel so damn insignificant…" he trailed off, wiping at his face and giving up on tying his bow tie back around his neck. "I need a break, Kurt. I… I just cant keep doing this right now."

Blaine gathered his bag and pushed past a stunned Kurt, only to stop when the countertenors voice rang through the room. "You know what? Fuck you, Blaine! I am terrified of next year! I dont know what the hell Im doing and my dad has no idea how to help and theres so much to do to make sure my applications are the best and you are a shoe-in at NYU, dammit!" Those eyes were full of angry tears and Blaine had to fight to stop himself apologizing right then and there.

"So maybe Im pulling away. Im fucking scared and Im jealous, okay? And you havent exactly been the most supportive boyfriend either, just so you know. God, I dont even know why Im wasting my breath. You made up your mind, right, Blaine? Just walk away like everyone else always does. When things get hard, leave me to deal on my own. I dont even care." His breath hitched and his fists were balled at his sides as Kurt gathered his own things and hesitated, letting Blaine leave first.

He slipped out of the room and into the lobby, though he avoided everyone out there and waited alone for them all to be ready to head out to the bus that would take them back to McKinley. Of course, he spotted Kurt coming out from their dressing area, cheeks blotchy and shoulders shaking.

Sebastian spotted Kurt and rushed over, taking the slightly shorter brunette in his long arms. Blaine couldnt hear the words of their conversation, but he was pretty sure Bas asked Kurt what was wrong, and he heard a sobbed everything in reply before Kurt collapsed into the Warblers arms, burying his face in Sebastians neck and crying harder than Blaine thought hed ever seen.

The bus ride home found most of the group oblivious to the sadness hanging over Kurt and Blaine as they all celebrated the win. The boys excused themselves as soon as they got to the school, each driving home where they promised themselves they could finally break down, which they each did. Growing up, making big decisions, and doing it all without hurting those you cared the most about? That was some really, really hard stuff to do…

_________________________________________________________

"Hold on, Coop, I got a message," Blaine said thickly, nose utterly stuffed after crying for a good two hours with his brother. He rummaged through his bag to find his phone, leaving his brother to look around the pristinely kept room from the screen of his laptop. "What the fuck does Bas want now..?" Blaine muttered to himself, popping back onto the bed and not even glancing at the confused look on Coopers face.

From Sebastian: WTF happened with Kurt today?

From Sebastian: Are you really serious about this break thing, Blainers?

From Sebastian: Hes really upset. I think he ruined my shirt he cried so much on it. Seriously, Blaine, the hell is going on?

The rapid fire texts made Blaines breath hitch, and he groaned, flopping on his bed while Cooper grunted at him. "Baby brother? Are you… alive?" He knew better than to ask if Blaine was okay. Theyd established that he was far from okay in the first half hour of their conversation. There was also the fact that Coop could see how swollen and bloodshot Blaines eyes were. He was very clearly not okay.

"Yes, Coop, Im alive." He looked up at his brother then, heart warming at the clear concern on Coopers face. "Sebastian is just trying to help. And hes the most obnoxious person I know next to you. So, hes not exactly actually being helpful. Its… sweet that he cares though, I guess." Blaine sighed, another text coming through.

From Sebastian: Blaaaaaainers. I had to go over to Kurts place because he wont talk to his dad. Burts worried about him. I think Finn tried to hug me for showing up. I cant do this, Blaine! You need to make up so I can be the sarcastic friend and not the responsible… whatever this is. Hes starfishes on his bed and refuses to speak! The fuck am I supposed to do now?

There was a picture, then, of a pathetic looking Kurt, face down and sprawled over his bed, face practically buried in his pillows. Blaine groaned. "What was that about then?" Cooper asked, poking at his webcam in an attempt to get Blaines attention.

Rolling his eyes, Blaine answered while tapping out a reply on his phone. "Bas is trying to help Kurt, too. Apparently its not going very well. I dont know what the hell to do, Coop. I mean, I really do love him. I do. I just… I needed him and he wasnt there and he already doubted me with the Sebastian thing and I just dont know. I want to trust him but… I dont want to get hurt anymore, Coop."

To Sebastian: I dont know if I can just make up Bas. Im really hurting right now. I just dont know…

Golden-hazel eyes stared at the brother who was across the country, wishing he was there to hug Blaine. He was so scared, so lonely, and all he wanted was to have an easier time loving the boy he gave his heart to. Why was this so hard?

"Love is never easy, Squirt. I know I dont have some permanent girlfriend or anything, but Ive been there before. I know how hard it is. If you really love him, and if Kurt really loves you, which Im pretty damn sure he does, then youll find a way." Their eyes met and Cooper offered a sad little smile. "If you want something bad enough, you always find a way to make it work. Kurts not a quitter, and neither are you. Blaine, just… dont give up. On him or on yourself, okay? And if this break turns into a break up, well, thats okay too. Youre a fighter, Blainers. Youve got this."

They ended the conversation soon after that and Blaine stared at the newest message on his phone. He really didnt know how to respond, so he just exited out of his messages and set his phone beside his bed, curling up and staring at his ceiling.

From Sebastian: All hes said is that he ruined everything and that he hates himself, Blaine. I dont know what to do.

"I dont know what to do, either," Blaine whispered, closing his eyes as another tear slid down his cheek. He was tired and sad and so very alone. All he wanted was Kurt, but he still needed to figure out how he really felt about them. So, Blaine fell asleep still half dressed and with a heavy heart. Nightmares plagued him all night, and he woke up a few times throughout the night, shaken awake by his own sobs.

_______________________________________________________

February had started and continued in a rather cold fashion. There were still flurries in the air and plenty of scarves and mittens in the lost and found, and Blaines heart felt that the weather was only appropriate. He felt empty. Hollow. He felt like a piece of himself was missing as he trudged to his locker and sighed when Kurt scurried away, avoiding his eyes and wiping at his face in such a way that Blaine just knew the countertenor was crying.

They were both miserable, but it seemed neither knew how to fix things and Blaine at least wasnt even sure what was going on. He hadnt actually broken up with Kurt. Not technically. Hed said they needed to take a break. A few days wasnt really a significant break, though, so he kept stopping himself from cornering his boyfriend and demanding that they both stop acting stupid and kiss and make up.

It wasnt that he didnt want to do that, but at the same time Blaine did know that he didnt want to just forgive and forget. He wanted Kurt to understand why hed snapped. He wanted them to really put each other first, and learn to lean on each other. They both had dropped the ball in a serious way. It was like they were both so scared to trust another person that they kept trying to handle everything on their own, and when it came crashing down they just… gave up.

From Sebastian: Its been a week, Blaine. How long are you going to tip-toe around him?

To Sebastian: Im not ready yet, Bas.

From Sebastian: Well what the fuck are you waiting for?

Blaine rolled his eyes and tucked his phone back into his pocket before heading into the choir room. They needed to start thinking about Nationals. And love songs were sure to be coming up soon. Valentines Day was only a week away, after all. Their anniversary. His eyes stung as he took a seat in the back row and willed himself to keep it together.

At least Kurt looked just as miserable as Blaine felt. Though, to be honest, that just made him feel even worse. Why couldnt life be a little easier?