Chapter 8

What just happened?

After that phone call Kurt sat on the floor for what felt like hours thinking the same thing over and over...

'How could something that seemed so perfect turn to shit?'

Millions of possibilities running through his mind, he got up and threw himself into bed.

----------------------------

The next morning he called up Michael and told him to tell the theatre manager he was taking a week off.
He called the girls and told them what happened and they come round and got so drunk at 1pm it was unbelievable.
He really loved them.

Then he called his dad, just needing someone to talk to that wouldn't be all sympathetic.

'Get over it, bud.' His dad told him,
' You're only 21, there will be plenty more break-ups in the future.'

He knew his dad was right, but somewhere deep down he knew he never wanted a break-up. He wanted Blaine forever.

*
Blaine was miserable, damn right miserable.
He explained everything to Thad the next day and got told he was the biggest dickhead with mummy issues alive.

Hearing that from your best friend, then two other closest friends when they find out really gets to you.

He took all his anger, embarrassment and pain out at work.
Teaching boxing had its positive sides; beating the shit out of a punching bag whilst showing someone how to hit was rather....therapeutic.

Everyone at work noticed his anger, so they stayed pretty clear of him aswell.
It was like everyone didn't want to be near him after what happened with Kurt.

'Karma is such a bitch' he thought.

*

When Blaine got home from work Friday evening he saw he had a new email from his dad, dreading everything it was going to say he opted for a shower first.

Jumping in and letting the hot water pelt at his shoulders was nothing short of a miracle. It was like magic, slowly draining away the stress, anxiety and self hatred. It was like getting a clear conscience and he badly needed one.

When he got out and got dressed he walked over to his laptop to read what ever bull shit his dad had to say...

To: AndersonB
From: AndersonL
Subject: we need to talk.

Son,
I read the emails you sent your mother and what she said I did was not the truth. I only found out she said all that yesterday when I was looking on her laptop for an email from my boss.

I wanted to say that I know for a fact you were telling the truth, you never go off like that unless its something you're passionate about.

If this is not the case then this email is entirely inappropriate. But if it is truthful, then you should just follow your heart.

Your Uncle Darren is homosexual you know, and I would never have anything against him and his partner Chris. They may be two men, but they are an ideal couple.

I want you to know, regardless of who you like, love, marry or anything, I will forever love you.
Nothing, not even your mother, will change that.

Never back out from love, Blaine. It would be the worse decision of your life.

Talk soon, miss and love you always,
Dad.

*

Tears streaming down his face, he curled up in a ball and fell asleep.
Dreaming of a place where he and Kurt were happy and no body cared.
But now he'll never know of that world, he fucked everything up.
Like always.

*

Once again Kurt had the song they danced to on the night of their 'Olive Garden' date playing at home.
He's played this song about....10 times a day, in the past week he's been off work.

Kept hoping and hoping it would end up meaning nothing to him other then another stupid song.
No luck though, it just kept bringing little things he's never noticed before.

And what Kurt was getting pissed off about was, they dated for 5 fucking days! And he's strung up like a little school girl with a crush.
Annoyed with him self he sung along with the CD player,

"He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet.....
Me and my head high and my tears dry
Get on without my guy.
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through.
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I go back to black"

Back to black, to right for his situation.
Slowly and truly he began shutting himself off. Thinking he should just go back to having one night stands, they never hurt.
Its talk, pleasure and leave.
That's it.

"We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to...."

Kurt choked on air.

He knows why Blaine ended it.

It was so painfully obvious!

How could he not notice this before?

He grabbed his wallet, car keys, jacket, phone and thanked a god he doesn't believe in that he didn't have a drink tonight.
He needed to remember this whole thing so that he could file it under 'things to watch out for in relationships.'

He walked out of his house with a very loud 'BANG' just to go with his mood and walked over to his car.

He was thinking so much it hurt...
"Like hell am I gunna let someone I love get away with leaving like that, he can explain it to me using the balls he has, but might not have by the end of tonight!". He thought to him self.

Just as he started that car he realised something...
He actually loves Blaine.
Well shit, this is going to be a lot harder then he thought.

-----------------------------

Thad had just went out with the boys, all of them still ignoring him because of the Kurt situation.

He wish he never told them the truth, he should of just said Kurt dumped him. At least then they'd just laugh and feel sorry about it, rather then give him the silent treatment.
It was always worse then everything else.

*

Finishing the pot-noodle he opted on having for dinner the door bell rang.

He threw the pot in the bin on the way there.

Thinking it was thad just having forgot his keys, he opened the door and turned straight around walking back to the couch, without looking back.

"Seriously, stop forgetting your keys Thad, I can't be bothered to stand up when you knock."

He heard the door close but no movement come after. So he turned round...

"Tha-KURT?!" He practically screamed.
"Wha-what are you doing here?"

Kurt had his best bitch face on scowling at Blaine....If looks could kill.

*

Watching Blaine look like a dear caught in headlights was too funny for words, but he resisted the urge to laugh.
He continued staring as Blaine's mouth just opened and closed like a fish, not knowing what to say.

"I wanna know why." Kurt stated simply, as he walked towards the couch.

Blaine stood up and walked nearer, to which he backed up.

"I want to know why you decided we should end? I want to know why you didn't give me a fucking explanation. I want to know why you done it on the phone. I just want to know WHY!" He shouted.

*

Blaine contemplated for a moment whether to tell the truth, but he knew he'd just sound like a stupid little boy, afraid of his parents exception.

Well at least now he knows his dad wouldn't mind, but his mum; His mum was everything to him, and she'd just hate him if he went with his heart.

"I just couldn't do it, Kurt." He whispered.

He looked up directly into Kurt's eyes, seeing the beginning of tears at the corners, he really couldn't do this.

"I think you should leave." He said, eyes now to the floor.

*

He knew this was a lie, he could tell by the defeat in Blaine's voice, so he took a few steps forward.

"Let me guess, okay?" He asked rhetorically.

"You thought it would be alright for a few days if you just 'tested' your sexuality. Thought that maybe because you didn't try it out in college now you had a willing participant you'd try.
And I bet you realised that it weren't guys you were into, and now you've gone back to fucking pretty little girls."

"Or, OR, maybe, just maybe, you needed a fuck or something? And thought I was feminine looking enough to pass off for one because you couldn't get a girl-"

"Kurt, don’t-"

"I'm not finished! And when you realised that you actually needed a girl, because, yano, IVE GOT A DICK! And you're not into that, that you thought you'd be a 'man' -which you most definitely didn't come across as- and end it by PHONE! Phone?! Seriously, Blaine?"

He was breathing heavy now, right up in Blaine's face, he knew his own was as red as a tomato with anger, but he didn't care. It’s not like he had anyone in this apartment to impress.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing himself to calm down and not cry, he couldn't show how much this was affecting him.

He looked up into Blaine's eyes and saw guilt.
'What a fucking joke' he thought to himself.
He closed his eyes and began to wrap up his little speech.

"I realise I'm not enough for you, I realise you want things I clearly cannot provide you with. I realise that you are in fact a scared little boy, and as I'm not going to get the real reason I just want to say, fuck you, Blaine Anderson, fuck y-"

He was cut off....

Now Blaine's lips were on his, moving with such passion it took the air right out of his lungs.

He kissed back with just as much force as he could muster....

"Blaine..." He moaned.

He did not want this to happen, but now he never wanted it to stop.

*
He pulled back and put his hands on Kurt's face, when Kurt opened his eyes he stared directly in them.

Everything 'Kurt' was floating around him. All the feelings he was trying to deny he had, coming back at him in full force, he knew what he had to do.....

"Everything you said was NOT true.
I didn't go back to girls, I didn't think you weren't enough, because you ARE, god you're more than enough!
I didn't try to test out my sexuality, I was- I AM into you Kurt. More than I have been into anyone, and that's the god honest truth."

*

The tears were falling freely now, not being able to stop them he just allowed them to.

"Why then? Why?" He whispered so quietly even Blaine would have to stain to hear him.

He'd never been this confused, he needed to know why and now what they are, because 'friends' certainly do not kiss like that.

*

'Now or Never' Blaine thought.

He took Kurt's hand, ignoring the spark, and lead him to the couch to sit down.

"Kurt, what I'm about to tell you, please, please, don't get angry at me. No matter how sexy you look when you're angry, I really don't want it." He turned slightly pink at the confession he did not mean to come out.

"I just want you to know she means everything to me, that's why I did it."

He began.

*

Kurt listened intently at the story of Blaine's mother.
Blaine showed him the emails from her, then the ones from his dad.
Kurt was sure he'd never hated anyone as much as he hates Marie Anderson right now.
Blaine explained everything to why he did it.
He explained his fears of his family disowning him, then the way he felt when his dad told him 'If he was being truthful then he should follow his heart' made him feel so loved.
He was crying once Blaine finished, he took out all of his anger and just threw it at him full pelt, not knowing anything he was going through.

"I'm so sorry.." He whispered, taking hold of Blaine's hand when he finished the story.
"I'm so sorry you felt like that, and then I just barged in here and screamed at you and-"

"Kurt, it doesn't matter, you didn't know, I should have just told you. I was weak. I didn't have enough courage to just come clean. I needed you to come here and remind me what I was missing by being scared." Blaine told him.

*
They both leaned in, eyes closed, lips joining in a perfect fit. Wet cheeks on each other from the tears, both sad and joyful.

Blaine deepened the kiss, needing that extra bit that only Kurt could truly give him.

Tongues battling for dominance, whimpers coming from both sides.

This is what they needed, they only needed each other.

Kurt pulled away which enticed a moan of annoyance from Blaine. He giggled silently as he leaned his forehead on his.

"I missed you so much." Kurt whispered, breath mixing with Blaine's at the close proximity.
"I know, I'm sorry, I missed you too." Blaine replied.

Kurt opened his eyes and stared so deeply into Blaine's it was like he could see his soul.

"I want to go to your bedroom." He said in a barely audible voice.

"Why? So you can put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans?" Blaine teased.

"Shut up." Kurt said with a smile and a roll of his eyes.

"I'll be your teenage dream tonight." Blaine sang softly.

Then he slowly caught Kurt's lips in another kiss, so soft it was hardly there, but still so full of meaning for the two men.

He broke the kiss and stood up, offering a hand to Kurt silently.

"Bedroom?" Kurt asked nervously, though it was his idea, he never expected Blaine to say yes.

Blaine nodded mutely and began walking.

*

The first thing Kurt thought when they entered the bedroom was how 'Blaine' it was.
Toy model cars and posters of singers and movies. It was like the bedroom of a five year old, so yes, totally Blaine.

Blaine turned round and slowly walked backwards towards the bed, taking Kurt with him.

He climbed on and scooted over to the far end, patting the bit beside him to let Kurt know he could lie down.

Nervously, he took off his boots and lay next to the man he loved.

*

Both fully dressed and on top of the covers they lay face to face, with only a few centimetres separating their bodies.

Fingers intertwining and breaths mingling in the air Blaine spoke...

"I want you to show me everything. Not all tonight. But I want everything I haven't already done with you, and only you."

"If it means I have you, I'll show you anything you want." Kurt replied as a happy tear left his eye.

Lifting his free hand Blaine wiped the tear away smiling...

"You never truly lost me." Blaine said.
"Let's just say my sane mind went on holiday for a week."

They both laughed and kissed.
Kisses full of promises, some that would get for filled tonight, some that would get for filled in the future.

Blaine leaned over and turned off the main light, leaving the room dimly lit by the bed side lamp...

"Show me now, Kurt." He whispered simply.

Kurt nodded and they melded into each other like one.