Chapter 1

It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder – seven million women and one million men. 

For years, eating disorders have been viewed as a “woman’s disease.” And while majority of women suffer from eating disorders, only about 10 percent of men do too. 

When we think of eating disorders, we rarely picture a 19 year old boy, starving himself to look lean or wanting to emulate celebrities on magazine covers. 

He had to be thin. 

Being surrounded by stunning models who looked like they weren't a pound over 90lbs was tuff. The pressure to be perfect was so intense that Kurt decided to take matters into his own hands. 

He started minimizing meals.

Only breakfast on a good day. It all depended on what he saw in the mirror. He would snack on stuff like a spoonful of fat free jello or a bite of banana but promised himself no matter what that he wouldn't give in to his growling stomach. 

After awhile his body adapted to the "no food rule," making him try something new...It just wasn't enough anymore.

Kurt entered the familiar surroundings, flipping open the toilet. He sat down his bag before bending in front of the toilet. first was the feeling of his fingers in his mouth. Second was the awful clench of his stomach as he grasped his gag reflex retching a little before going back for more. Finally, there came the feeling of the minimal contents of his stomach being emptied into the toilet bowl below him; hands shaking as they gripped the bowl.

He whipped his sweaty forehead feeling the familiar guilty/satisfied feeling he always had after purging. He stood shakily making his way over to the mirror. 

To any ordinary person, Kurt looked sickly skinny. His cheek bones and collar bones were so prominent that they were sticking out, His rib cage was way to noticeable to be normal, and his legs looked like two twigs. They would see skin and bones which what Kurt was. They would have seen bruises on his knees, from the three times a day he would collapse on the hard, tile floor.

Kurt however, saw none of that; All he saw was his flaws. He hated the imaginary "flab" over his hip area. He hated the imaginary "loose skin" under his arms that he swore sagged. He hated the imaginary "jiggly spots" like his tummy and inner thighs. He just hated himself in general. 

Kurt knew his stomach folded over when he sat, and he didn't want that; no one does.  He wanted to look like one of those abercrombie and fitch models that had those stunning tan abs. Everyone has seen those kinds of guys before either on magazines or on Tv; Kurt worked with them for god sakes! They were skinny, beautiful, untouchably perfect. And Kurt wanted that so bad that he'd do anything to get it.

He just had to be perfect not just for himself but, for Blaine too. Keeping a long distance relationship was hard enough. He didn't need to scare Blaine away with his noticeable weight gain. 

Kurt didn't even know what Blaine saw in him. He was tan, fit, good looking, charming...and what was Kurt? Milk white, shy, and "chubby" in his eyes. He always knew Blaine was the "attractive person" in the relationship. Gosh he would give anything to look like Blaine. 

Ugh, look at that double chin when you smile! Look at those big flabby cheeks hiding the cheek bones that are suffocating in fat. Look at all those curves, and trust me not in a good way. You want your bones to be visible like your sucking in. 

You don't want to look like this do you?! You don't want this fat. Ew, look at those legs. Look at that stomach. You look like your pregnant! Do you see those bumps? They should be flat. Why aren't they? You should be getting results by now. You need to stop eating and work harder. Just take another run instill you pass out again. Yes, and don't eat at all this week. You want to look good right? 

Kurt looked away from the mirror wiping the tears from his eyes. He quickly ran for the scale.

He stepped on the little white square, waiting for the number to appear. Why is it taking so long? You probably broke it you fat ass.

 After a few moments it flashed before his eyes. Kurt was 110 pounds, and the number made him want to throw up all over again.

How was he still in the triple digits?! 

You nasty fat ass. You obviously aren't working hard enough. Kurt shoved his fingers down his throat instill he felt that awful feeling in his stomach again waiting for the rest of his pancakes he ate this morning to come up....Eventually it did.