Chapter 20


Everyone seemed to have there clicks. The lunch tables were full except for the one Candy was sitting at. Great, just his luck! Kurt took a seat next to her. She was chewing her gum really loudly which was a huge phobia of Kurt's. beggars can't be choosers right? Right.

Be the real Kurt. Who was that anymore? He didn't even know. Ever since cutting took over he never really had a chance to find himself. It just kinda whipped his memory. 

"Hi, my-my name's Kurt." He said hoping to god she would answer him. 

She looked up and smirked as she went back to analyzing her nails.

Kurt wasn't gonna lie it kinda ruined his confidence but what did he have to lose? "Look, I think me and you got off on the wrong foot-"

"You look," she said full force, "This place was fine with out you. Don't come in here in try to change things around."

"I wasn't. I just...thought we could be friends?" Kurt asked sadly. 

"Well you thought wrong. We were like a family and you just ruined it."

What was this chick's deal? He didn't even know her and she already didn't like him. "I didn't mean to. I just came for some help." 

"Yeah ok." She replied sarcastically. "Why are you here anyway? Wait let me guess." She chuckled as she clapped her hands excitedly. "Addicted to soda?" She slapped her leg as she laughed. "This place isn't for wimps."

"Cutting actually." Kurt said crying before getting up.

That shut her up...

~o0o~

Kurt felt so lost. He just wanted to go home. He hated Candy and he was sure she didn't like him either. He just wanted some one to talk to besides clever bot and Blaine. Yes, Blaine was amazing but, he barley had time to talk to him lately due to homework.

He grabbed the photo of Blaine and him kissing in the photo booth. He softly smiled at the memory before bursting into tears. He missed him so much. He wish he could just teleport there without anyone noticing. 

He would normally cut when he felt like this but everything was taken from him. Razors, Knives, Scissors, you name it. If it had a sharp end it was gone. It was easy to pass it by Blaine but here it was impossible. 

The urge to break his skin was unbearable. He wanted to scratch his scabs open but they had healed to much. 

Kurt fisted the blanket as he sobbed into his bed. He didn't belong here that was for damn sure.

~o0o~

"I'm checking out." 

Devon looked up from her computer fumbling for her glasses and pushing them close to her face. "Kurt...why? You know your just gonna cut again." She said disappointed.

His blood boiled. He didn't care god dammit. He needed it. He needed to feel like himself again. It felt good to cut. It felt like him. He wanted it so he could actually feel something. "Because I want to." He replied simply.

"Kurt you just-just can't give up." She said as her broken glasses fogged up. 

Was she crying?...No...he was 100% checking out. "Watch me."

"Kurt come on. I'm not gonna give up on you."

"Why do you care about me so much? Huh?" Kurt snapped. "Why should I stay when it' pretty damn clear no one cares about me?" His voice cracked on the last syllable. 

"Oh Kurt, you know that's not true." 

Kurt broke into a sob as his muscles went limp. "I just w-wanna go home!"

She quickly ran over to him taking a seat next to him on the floor. "Shhhh." she cooed.

"I'm sorry." He said choking on a cry. 

"It's alright." She said stroking his hair. She just held him in till the sobs seemed to subside. "You know you remind me of someone."

"Who?" Kurt said fanning his face.

"Me."

"Really?" Kurt asked whipping his tear tracks.

"I remember needing it like I was gonna die without it. I was the biggest crack head around. I remember trying to get high on a sharpie one time because I was so desperate."

Kurt let out a laugh as he rested his head on her shoulder. 

"Looking back I didn't need it. It needed me. It consumed me. It took over. Now look, This will eleven years being sober!" She said smiling at him. "I never in a million years thought I would even be considered sober. And look what I would have missed out on. I would have missed out meeting my husband, having two beautiful children, Applying here, meeting you." She said making Kurt smile. "Your so young Kurt. You have your whole future ahead of you, Don't let cutting control it. There's so much more to life I promise."

Kurt wrapped his arms around her. "Your amazing." He smiled.

"Well I don't know about that but thank you." She giggled. "Now can I help you put your things away?"

"I'd like that."