Chapter 14

Blaine sat in the hospital waiting room, trying not to think about the fact that he was the only one there. Whether it was a coincidence or planned by the nurses, he didn't know. His hands were shaking and his eyes hadn't unglazed since he'd fallen into the chair. Blood had dried into his fingers, tears to his face and dread to his heart.

When they'd ripped him away from Kurt, still crying and all around in a daze, they'd handed him a white towel (far too much like the one from Rachel's bathroom) and forcibly led him to this room, got him situated and left. He was pretty sure they'd tried to talk to him, but all he could think about was Kurt.

He didn't know how long it had been. All he knew was that he couldn't live without Kurt. A life minus him was...unimaginably agonizing. Never able to kiss him again. Never able to hold him tight during a thunderstorm. Never able to feel him shiver when Blaine kissed the sensitive flesh of his Adam's apple. Never able to sing to him again, or make love to him again, or propose, or get married, or live in New York, or have children, or grow old together. Never able to feel butterflies fill his stomach as Kurt laughed because god did he have the most amazing laugh. Like wind chimes.

One of the many things he loved about him. Blaine loved everything. Kurt's all seeing eyes, his appreciative smile. The way he styled his hair on Saturdays; messier than usual, but still perfectly designed. The way he giggled when Blaine mentioned how cute he looked in his teddy bear pjs. His dirty smirk late at night, his thick fluttering eyelashes, his dimples that only appeared when he grinned large enough to see his perfectly white teeth.

And all the things Blaine wanted to do with Kurt. He still needed to show him the song he'd been writing. Still needed to light scented candles and hold him close all night, not doing anything, just whispering sweet nothings. Still needed to slow dance in a field, still needed him to watch Blaine graduate whilst cheering teary eyed in the audience. Kiss him where ever, not caring who saw. Kiss him at the mall. On a roller coaster. In the pool. Underwater in the pool. In New York. In New York after getting married. In New York after taking their child to the first day of school.

So, so many things he needed to do. Still can. Don't give up. But what if? What if he couldn't pull through? Kurt's a fighter. He'll be okay. You saw the blood. There was so much. He can't possibly- Yes. He. Fucking. Will.

Yes. Yes Kurt would be okay. And Blaine would hold him again and kiss him again and pull a Titanic and never let go. Never.

"What's going on here?" Came a booming Burt Hummel's voice, and Blaine was pulled out of his trance, sobbing hysterically.

"Oh Blaine..." Carole cooed, rushing towards him and pulling him into her arms as Burt looked as if he was going to have another heart attack.

Blaine didn't pull away, but simply froze because it had been so long since his own mother had hugged him like this. Carole was rubbing soothing circles on his back and even he had to admit that it was helping. His cries quieted and slowed.

"I'm s-so sorry Mr Hummel. I'm s-so...so sorry. If I had known...if I had...oh god this is a-all my fault, oh god-" Blaine cried, finally relaxing into Carole's arms with another sob.

"It's not your fault Blaine. Just...what happened? Finn just said something about the hospital and cutting and Burt and I jumped in the car. The nurses won't...won't tell us anything." Carole explained, still rubbing circles.

"I...where do I..."

"Start at the beginning son." Burt told him, clearly anxious but still respecting Blaine's obviously terrified condition.

"We...god, I was getting ready f-for the trail and-and-" Blaine paused, breathing deeply. "And I was putting on my bow tie and I get a phone call from Rachel, and she said that I needed to get over there because...he'd locked himself in the bathroom and th-they thought he might...and I rushed to get there as fast as we could."

"Did he...cut?" Burt asked, and it sounded like the word hurt him to say.

"Yes. Yes, he'd locked the door. I busted it open and then...oh god, there was blood everywhere a-and he was crying and h-he said he'd hit an artery and...it's all a blur. We called 911 and I told him...I told him that I loved him. And that w-we still had so much to do together. He said that...he didn't want to die. And..." He cut off with another choked cry. "I talked about wanting t-to marry him. And live together and have kids and oh my god what if we can't, what if he went too deep and he..."

He collapsed into a pile of sobbing, Carole wrapping her arms around him tighter as she shook with her own tears. Blaine didn't have to see Burt to know he was crying too.

"I'm so sorry." He manages to say, sniffing and tearing up even further as he realized Carole smelled a bit like Kurt.

"Not your fault. None of ours. Not Kurt's either. He'll...be okay." Burt said like a mantra.

Blaine tried to trick himself into believing it.

He couldn't.

~o0o~

Half an hour later, the Glee kids had joined them in the small grey room. Most of them found out. Who knows how. probably Rachel and her big mouth. Most of them were there anyhow. Rachel was on Finn's lap, crying into his shoulder. Santana and Brittany were huddled together on one chair, whispering what Blaine assumed to be comforting words. Sam and Puck were pacing, Quinn and Tina were sitting on the floor, braiding each other's hair. It seemed like the only thing holding them together. Mercedes had sat beside Blaine immediately, bombarding him with tearful questions, but he couldn't make the answers come out of his mouth. Carole had simply shook her head. The kids had explained that Sugar was outside calling all the other Glee members who were missing, including Mr Schue, Ms Pillsbury and even Ms Sylvester. It just seemed like the right thing to do, apparently.

Blaine wasn't sure. He still hadn't moved. He was still staring at the stained towel, still fighting off sobs. A few of the girls had tried to comfort him (to no avail) and even Puck had attempted. But he just couldn't deal with anything right now. He cared about Kurt and only Kurt; everything else was stupid

"Whose here for Kurt Hummel?" A doctor asked as he walked in the room, and Blaine jumped onto his feet a fraction of a second before the rest of them did.

"Um...all of you? Okay, I just need his family. Parents, or guardians, etcetera." The doctor told them, his thick eyebrows raising as nobody sat back down.

"Uh, okay. Well then." He said, presumably giving in. "My name is Doctor Ericson. I was assigned to Kurt Hummel's care and I helped stitch him up. So, starting with the surgery. He had snagged an artery and it was bleeding profusely, causing him to lose consciousness. I was able to fix it for the most part, but the towels he had used didn't help. You see, in cases like this towels often do more harm than good because they absorb blood out of the wounds like a vacuum. So because he lost so much-"

"Is he going to be okay?" Blaine interrupted, his world stopping. God, he'd put that towel there, this was his fault. His legs were shaking and he had the errant thought that he might fall over soon.

"He...yes." Blaine fell back into his chair with a sob of relief. "He's going to be alright."

"Start with that next time, dude!" Finn exclaimed as Burt hugged Carole.

"We'll be keeping him here for the next few days, for his health and due to the delicate nature of the reason he's here." Doctor Ericson explained. "We've put him on an IV, some pain meds and we're in the process of replacing the blood he lost."

"Thank you so much Doctor." Burt said, and Blaine found himself standing back up again, tears flooding his vision because Kurt.

"Not a problem. Now, could I speak to his parents privately? There's a few things we need to discuss." Ericson stated, and gestured to down the hall.

Carole and Burt moved to follow him as the rest of the Glee kids hugged, but Blaine was frozen. He had to know. He was there for Kurt. He was his other half, his confidant, his hero (or at least he was supposed to be). He needed to go right this second. No really, he needed to, he was going to fall over otherwise.

"Can I come with you?" He asked with staggered breaths. Burt and Carole exchanged sympathetic looks, but Doctor Ericson frowned.

"This is a matter for his parents. I need to discuss very personal things with them young man, and I don't think that's your place." Ericson said sternly, and Blaine felt a fire flare within him.

"Uh, I'm his boyfriend. I know everything about him, and probably more than them!" He said, gesturing to the Hummel Hudson parents. "No offense. Just...Kurt needs me and if I'm going to help him I need to know everything because I think everyone can agree that this absolutely cannot happen again."

Nobody spoke for a second and he realized that he must look irrationally upset be he didn't fucking care.

"Yes, of course you can come, Blaine." Carole said sweetly.

"I'm not sure if that's necessary..." The doctor said and Blaine wanted to take his head off. Was he homophobic? Because he was acting so, the way he was eying Blaine with an only half hidden look of disgust.

"Yes, it is. Kurt needs Blaine like he needs air." Mr Hummel said, shooting a pointed glare at Ericson, who floundered under it.

"Yes, well." He stammered, and walked down the hall, Carole following as Burt put his hand on Blaine's back.

"Thank you, Burt." Blaine whispered, specifically using his first name like he was always told to.

"Of course, kiddo."

"So." Ericson began, stopping halfway down the hallway. Blaine still felt as though he might fall apart. "I need to ask a few routine questions."

They nodded, and Blaine felt himself subconsciously move closer to Burt.

"How long has Kurt been self harming?"

"Uh...he didn't say. A couple of months right Blaine?" Burt asked.

"Since Connor." He explained gravely.

"Alright and how long have you known?" Ericson questioned, writing on his clipboard.

"Four weeks."

"Has he ever had suicidal thoughts that you know of?"

"I...god, I don't think so." Burt answered, and Blaine shook his head firmly.

"Do you think this could have been an attempt?" The doctor asked.

"No." Blaine answered quickly. "No, it was an accident."

"Are you sure?" He asked, derision in his voice.

"Kurt wouldn't lie to me. And he wouldn't leave me either." Blaine said firmly, his shoulder straightening.

"Fine. Now, we'll be assigning him a therapist for while he's here and we recommend he continue to see her after he leaves. We assume we'll be keeping him here for the customary three days, unless there are any complications." The doctor said, finality in his tone.

"Can I see him?" Blaine asked quickly, his mind swirling. "We, I mean."

"Yes. He'll be unconscious for a few hours and that's completely normal. Nurses will be in to check on him. Room 307." With that, Doctor Ericson strode back down the hall.

"Well...that was rude." Carole muttered, but Blaine was already walking down the hall quickly, eyes scanning for that number.

His heart was pounding and he couldn't breathe because he needed Kurt and Kurt needed him and god if he didn't find this goddamn room soon...He was so numb. Everything was numb. It felt like it was slow motion.

Finally, finally he found stupid room 307 and he nearly ran into it, opening the door in a rush as he cast his eyes downwards and then...

Then he cried.

Because Kurt was lying in the hospital bed, a dozen wires and tubes sticking out of his arms and chest. He looked incredibly pale and his eyes were shut in what looked like a painful way. Bandages were tightly wrapped around his arms and his hair was very un-Kurt-like; messy and flattened. It only served to make him look younger.

But god, he just looked so tired. Exhausted and limp and just tired. The way Blaine felt as he collapsed again, this time into a chair beside the bed. He scooted it closer to Kurt and grabbed his hand, feeling the smooth skin against his rougher, and everything was suddenly alright again.

Not perfect and certainly not good but...alright. He was where he was supposed to be. With the boy he loved.

Now if only he could see those beautiful eyes again.