June 28, 2013, 11:51 a.m.
Questions, Life and Family Bonds: 9: A Problem Shared
E - Words: 2,323 - Last Updated: Jun 28, 2013 Story: In Progress - Chapters: 17/? - Created: Sep 02, 2012 - Updated: Jun 28, 2013 1,024 0 1 0 0
"Burt darling, are you ready to come to bed?" Carole asked softly. She knew from the way the three men were acting that whatever had happened at the police station couldn't have been good, however she hadn’t asked. She knew she would be told when everyone was good and ready.
"No. I know Kurt would kill me, but pour me a whiskey and come and join me please love?"
She knew only too well Kurt wouldn't be impressed if he found out, but one look at her husband told her he needed it. So she went and poured them both a glass, before joining him on the sofa.
"Thank you, love," he said, taking a glass from her. "This has to be one of the worst days of my life.” He placed the glass in his opposite hand and took Carole’s free hand in his. “I can tell you what happened today, but only if you feel up to it and the emotions involved with it.”
"I’m willing to listen no matter what, however I only want you to tell me because you or Kurt wants to, not because you feel you have to," she said gently, squeezing his hand.
Burt shook his head. ”I’m doing it because I need to, to stop myself going mad," he said honestly, looking up to catch Carole’s gaze. It was exactly how he was feeling, he wouldn’t say he felt responsible per se, but he did wish he would have known or could have stopped it happening.
"Go ahead then, sweetie. Take your time. I'm here to listen." Burt could tell by the tone of her voice that she didn’t expect anything of him, that she wasn’t about to rush him or expect him to say anything he didn’t feel up to, but just be there to listen to him for a while.
“We were all convinced Kurt wasn’t going to be the father of the child right,” he paused to allow Carole to nod. “Well according to the DNA test it’s a 99.9% certainty that he is the child’s father.” Burt heard Carole swallow and could see the shock written in her face, he was sure that he looked pretty similar when he had found out. He closed his eyes to allow himself to have a few seconds. If he was being honest, he still didn’t want to believe it. He felt Carole squeeze his hand and opened his eyes to look at her.
“If you don’t want to continue I understand honey,” she said, clear concern in her voice.
Burt took a deep breath. “No I need to continue, I didn’t know anything before I was at the police station, but when they told me I was sure they were mistaken, wanted them get a re-assessment of the DNA. However the Sergeant asked to explain their beliefs first. I just wish I could do something to go back and stop it all happening.” He couldn’t help but take his hand out of Carole’s and slip it round her waist and pull her close to him, he needed to hold her close, he needed a kind of comfort that only she was able to offer.
“Burt, whatever happened you need to realise that the chances are you couldn’t have stopped it. Are you sure it’s wise for you to continue telling me about this? You look so pale.” He couldn’t love Carole any more right now; she knew just how to handle him.
“If the way Kurt behaved earlier is anything to go by I think it’s for the best that everyone in the house knows. He isn’t taking it well, however I’m not at all surprised about that, do you mind if I continue?” he questioned.
Carole stroked her hand up and down his arm gently. “You know I don’t. I just don’t want you stressing yourself out, what with your heart and everything and I know Kurt wouldn’t either.” Carole really was just like his son, they worried about him way more than they needed to.
“Before I say much else, I’ll say that Sarah is the mother of the child. The child in question is named Alaxander Eric Day.” Burt heard Carole gasp gently, he had a feeling she might.
“The child had your family’s middle name?” Burt nodded, hoping that Carole could feel it, knowing she wouldn’t be able to see him with the way they were positioned. “I don’t know whether this makes you feel better or not, but I remember having a conversation with her about Finn and Kurt and their middle names were brought up, but I never told her that it was a family thing for you. I don’t think she did it to take anything away from you, but to maybe give him a part of Kurt, without anyone else ever having to know?”
Burt had to admit it would make sense, with everything the Sergeant had told them about Sarah when she handed herself in. It would fit that she at least wanted her son to have some connection to his father.
“I think you may be right Carole, but really that isn’t the worst part about it. “ He paused, trying to work himself up to say any of the rest of it out loud, things often sound worse once they are said out loud as he knew only too well. “Alaxander was conceived on the night of the going away party we had here. Which could mean that it could have been anyone who was the father, but the DNA obviously says otherwise. However Kurt can’t remember a large chunk of what happened that night.” Burt sighed. “The part of the night when I thought he was in bed asleep, he had been drugged and she was raping him.”
Burt felt the tears start to fall down his cheeks; he could see images of this woman leading his son to bed. The only woman ever to have done that before was his mother and the images of Sarah doing so were haunting him. He wasn't normally one to cry but he couldn't stop himself this time. Carole lifted herself up from him, and took his glass out of his hand, after placing both glasses on the table she pulled him down so his head was resting in her lap, and he felt her fingers gently massage his scalp.
“Shhhh, Shhhh honey,” she cooed but it wasn’t helping. He needed to get the last bits out.
“I was here, Carole. It happened in my house, while I was present. I’m a grandfather, that is meant to be such a happy moment in my life, but right now I feel like I’m living a nightmare.”
“I know honey I know,” she spoke, still running her hand over his head. “I’m sorry to ask, but you said Kurt didn’t take it well, do you think you can tell me how he reacted?”
"He was so broken. He just sat there, he didn’t move at first and then he suddenly took his engagement ring off because he thought Blaine wouldn't love him anymore. All I can see is his face the second he was told what she did to him, it’s like it’s stuck in my mind." Burt paused for a while. He couldn't go on, but luckily he didn’t need to as Carole started to talk.
“I can see why you’re worried, that doesn’t sound at all like Kurt. Speaking from the medical side of me right now, I think the best we can do is be here for him if he wants us to be but don’t push him into doing anything he doesn’t want. He probably needs time to process everything.” Burt knew she was right. When she used her medical knowledge she was nearly always right.
“That’s the problem, Carole. He doesn’t have time to get round it, she’s sick in the head, and made it so he doesn’t have time.” Burt wanted to scream this but he couldn’t bring himself to, and it came out almost strangled.
“Why’s that honey?” Carole asked gently.
“She only handed herself in because she can’t cope anymore, but she said she couldn’t put her son into care without letting Kurt know about him, in a way I wish she just had.” He knew it sounded so horrible and it was his own grandson that he was talking about, but if Kurt had never known he could have been saved from all this pain. “She wanted him to know about Alaxander so he can take custody of him. How does that give him any time to get his head around anything?” Burt finished, moving his hand to link with Carole’s free one, the second their hands were together Carole was squeezing his, gently offering him the reassurance he needed to stay as calm as possible.
After a few seconds of silence Burt spoke again. “How am I meant to live with the knowledge I didn't protect my son? I let him down again."
Burt lost it then, at the thought of not keeping the most precious thing in the world to him safe. He'd let his son down before when he didn’t realise he was being bullied. But this was so much worse, he was so close when his own son had been violated yet he had no idea. He sobbed harder than he ever had in his life. Not only had he let Kurt down, but he'd let Marie down too. He promised her before she died that he'd take care of Kurt and he'd failed them both.
"Oh Burt," Carole sighed. "Don't ever think you’ve let your son down. There were so many of us in this house and not a single one of us knew, so you can’t blame yourself for this. This is no one's fault but Sarah's. It isn't Kurt's fault; it isn't your fault. No one who was here is to blame but her. Kurt has come out to be such a special young man Burt, and that's down to you, you raised him to be the man he is today. While this is probably the hardest thing he has ever had to deal with, he will make it through. He has an amazing relationship with both you and Blaine and I know that the two of you will help him get through this. You just need to give him his space when he needs it, and hold him close when he needs comfort. You can't turn back the clock and stop it happening, but you can help him heal."
"But how is he meant to make the decision about whether or not to take his son? A three year old son he knows nothing about but a name and the month he was born. How is he meant to decide whether to take that boy on or give him up for adoption? Sarah is so selfish to put a decision like that on an already broken boy. How the fuck is he meant to decide something like that, Carole?"
"Calm down, sweetie. I’ll be honest with you; I don't know how he’s meant to make a decision like that. I wouldn't like to make a decision like that under normal circumstances, let alone with everything else he had to learn to cope with. However I do know that Kurt is a very smart young man. I know that he won’t rush into making a decision like this. He’ll discuss the options with Blaine and they will do what’s best for them and Alaxander. We just have to be willing to help guide and support them no matter what decision they make. I know it’s hard. No matter how or why he came into this world he is Kurt's son, your grandson. I know what happened with Finn was different but I thought I was a grandmother so I know partially how you feel, even if I don’t know everything. However I do know that Kurt and Blaine will make the best decision for everyone.”
It helped. Sometimes when Burt got stressed or upset he just needed a kind and gentle voice to bring him back to earth and to help him look at everything the right way. "Thank you Carole, would you like to see him?"
"What do you mean, sweetie?" Carole enquired, clearly confused.
"Kurt took his recent picture but he gave me the picture of Alaxander as a baby. He looks the spitting image of Kurt. Would you like to see?"
"I would love to," she said softly. Burt sat himself up out of her lap, took out his wallet, and found two small photos that were within it.
"That’s Kurt when he was just a few minutes old; it’s been in my wallet ever since I was able to get it printed not long after he was born.” Burt was sure that at this point there would be a special shine in his eyes, he could remember Kurt being born like it was yesterday, and he’d come so far since then. He pulled himself out of his thoughts to show Carole the second picture. “According to what the police say, this was Alaxander at 5 days old."
"Gosh, Burt he's beautiful.” Burt nodded, he couldn’t disagree, Alaxander was a beautiful baby. “And I agree he really does look like the spitting image of Kurt. They do say that babies are born looking like their father. Something about it being nature's way of helping a father and child bond. I know it's not easy but he really is beautiful."
Comments
Noooo Burt!! :( don't feel guitly about what happened! :c Burt is like the best dad ever, and Carole is awesome too! I like this chapter; and I never doubted they both would be supportive but still, nice to read it happening :) Kurt or Burt or anyone will try to find Sarah? I don't remember reading about that :/I'll be waiting for the next!! I read this yesterday but forgot to review, silly me.xx