Kurt didn't manage to arrange his meeting for the next day, instead it was the day after that. The day came all too soon and he was now sat in the waiting room of the jail where Sarah was  being held and he was freaking out. He didn't feel at all like he could do this anymore. He knew throughout the whole thing Blaine would be right out here waiting for him but he couldn't do it.

"Blaine I can't do it. I was so stupid I made a big mistake wanting to meet with Sarah. I don't want to meet with her, not after know what she has done to me. I can't do it and I won't. Can we just go please?" Kurt says looking around everywhere but at Blaine. Looking at the dingy grey walls and the horrible black floor tiles does nothing but reminding him of exactly where he is.

"Kurt stop," Kurt stops speaking and looks at Blaine "I know you're worried but think about what you told me over dinner the other day. Think of the reasons you are doing this. You are so strong Kurt, go in there and if then you still don't think you can handle it you can come straight back out." He knows deep down Blaine is right but just can’t bring himself to admit it.

"But I don't know if I can Blaine. I know all the stuff she did to me. She kept the fact I had a son from me for over 3 years. You know how much it takes for me to hate a person and I hate her, I really do,” he speaks looking down again, "I don't know if I can do it." Kurt feels Blaine's hand under his chin lifting his face back up. He looks into Blaine eyes and sees such pride and comfort.

"You can do it Kurt. I know it's going to be hard. However you can do it. Just think after this we can go home get an early night and you can see your son tomorrow. It will be hard right now but think of the bigger picture." Kurt can’t think of the right words to say in return right now so instead of speaking he leans forward and places a chaste kiss onto Blaine’s lips, mouthing “thank you” against them before pulling away.

Kurt hadn't noticed that Sergeant Black, who had come along to make the whole process easier, had entered the room until he spoke. "Sorry to interrupt gentlemen but Mr. Hummel you are able to see Miss Day now. She is only allowed contact with you for an hour and we didn't want you to miss any of that.

"If you wouldn't mind just giving me a moment sir and I'll be right out," Kurt says, his voice betraying just how nervous he really is.

"Very well I will wait just outside for you Mr. Hummel." With that Sergeant Black turned and left through the thick wooden door he had just entered through.

Kurt turns his attention to Blaine who instantly begins speaking. "You will be just fine Kurt. Remember I will be right out here for you." Kurt allows Blaine to take hold of his hand and squeeze it comfortingly. “Courage.” Kurt can’t help but smile at that, even after all these years that word still means so much to them.

Kurt squeezes Blaine’s hand in return before dropping it and turning to follow Sergeant Black. As he walks towards the wooden door, he isn’t sure if the thump, thump, thump is his shoes tapping again the floor or his heart which feels like it is firmly lodge in his throat. He opens the door and steps out into the corridor to come face to face with Sergeant Black.

"Sorry to rush you in there Kurt,” Sergeant Black apologizes. “However I have a feeling everything you want to talk about will take a while." Kurt knows he’s correct he doesn’t know how he is meant to set his head straight in just an hour.

"I understand Sir. I just need to get this over with I think." Kurt speaks but he isn’t sure he even believes his own words.

"Okay I understand. Do you want one of my officers in there with you? Or would you prefer to be alone with Miss Day with one of the officers watching on the silence CCTV?" Sergeant Black asks again, and Kurt is glad that he has a chance to have his privacy respected.

"I think I need to be alone with her please." It isn’t because he doesn’t trust the officers but this is something he needs to be able to deal with personally he needs to be able to learn what happened from Sarah herself, without worrying about what anyone might think about him.

"Very well, if you will follow me you can go right in." Kurt follows Sergeant Black, feeling sick to his core. He just wants to turn around and run back into Blaine's arms. He doesn’t even know how he is still walking forward, doesn’t feel in control of his own body. Kurt is so busy focusing on not being sick that he almost walks into Sergeant Black as he stops.

"Sorry,” Kurt apologizes quickly.

"That's most alright Mr. Hummel. Miss Day is in this room here. I will leave you to go in when you feel ready." In a way Kurt is annoyed by the lack of emotion in his voice. Kurt knows it’s his job, but he feels that Sergeant Black must have some emotions to all this somewhere; it isn’t exactly an everyday case.

"Thank you sir," Kurt says, closing his eyes as he places his hand on the door handle and pushes it down. He opens the door slightly stopping to take a few deep and calming breaths before fully opening the door and walking in before he can stop himself.

He almost gasps at the sight in front of him. Sarah is sat at a table surrounded by plain white walls in a room with no natural light whatsoever. The thing that Kurt really notices though it that Sarah looks nothing like the way he remembers her. Her once long Blonde Hair is now brown and lacks style. Her eyes look withdrawn into their sockets and her face has lost the glow is used to have, the glow she had in the picture Kurt was shown just a week before. 

"I'm sorry Kurt." He hears her small broken voice say. Out of everything he has been expecting it wasn't for her to speak up first. His mouth suddenly feels too dry and his hands begin to tremble. He has to remind himself no matter how broken she sounds she did this to herself. He walks over and pulls out a chair to allow himself to sit down opposite her.

“Why?” he doesn’t know what one of his many questions he is expecting her to answer to that, so after a long pause he expands. “Why did you do it? Why did you want me, knowing I was gay to be the father of your child? Why when it happened did you decided that it would be best for you to keep Alexander form me?” He sees Sarah finch when he says their son’s name – and god that sounds crazy their son, something he should be saying with no one but Blaine. “Why when things got too much did you think you could just come back and ruin everything good I have going in my life?” He isn’t meaning for it to come out like this, but now he’s started he doesn’t feel like he can stop. “Why do you think I am doing to take custody over Alexander, take responsibility for your stupidity? Why do you think I would even consider doing anything you ask of me? Just why?” Kurt finishes feeling out of breath and sits there stunned at his own outburst, waiting for Sarah to reply.

"I don't know,” Sarah offers, quietly. Kurt has to remind himself he has to stay calm right now.

"Don't play the, ‘I don't know’ crap. If you owe me anything it's an explanation to all of those things. Most people wouldn't be here giving you the time of day, I however am, so you owe me, at least a truthful explanation. I'm not naive Sarah, I know to have had the drugs on you, you must have planned it, so go on why?"

Kurt hears Sarah sigh before she begins speaking again. “I was getting old. Whist I had the looks most men would die for, I just couldn’t get into a long term relationship with any. I don’t know why but I’ve always had trust issues with men. I knew you were gay, yes, and that made me see you differently from other men.” If he wasn’t in this situation Kurt would be pissed about that, he is fed up of people seeing him as less of a man because he’s gay, or has a high voice or whatever other reasons they give. “You always had so much more empathy and understanding that the average man and I felt like I could open myself up to you. I always admired your looks, I mean I know a lot of people don’t think so but you’re beautiful, and I hoped that would pass to the child. “Kurt can’t help but shudder when he hears her, the woman that raped him, call him beautiful. Only Blaine is allowed to do that.

"I also hope that the empathy, compassion and understanding you have would somehow be to do with your genes. I wanted that for my child. I didn't want them to end up like me, so I knew I needed the perfect man. The party was the perfect opportunity. I was going on holiday afterwards and it was there I found out that I was pregnant. I was over joyed but I also freaked in a way. I was happy that it had happened but I hadn't been expecting it. How could I go back to work and face Carole knowing what I had done to her step son..."

Kurt cut her off, "Don't act like you feel guilty for doing it I can tell by what you are saying deep down you really don't feel guilty,” Kurt spit out and the venom in his voice is clear.

"Well I stayed there and changed my identity. No one could know what I had done that would only get the child taken off me. I had Alaxander and everything seemed perfect. I was close to Carole as you know, and I knew Eric was your middle name and I want to give him something of yours, that’s why he got his middle name.”

"You had no right," Kurt cuts in again. When Sarah just gives him a confused look he elaborates. "You had no right to use a name so special to me. You were planning on me never knowing about him. You planned on him never knowing about me so you had no right to use something so special to me. Did you know it’s a special family name of the Hummel’s? That all first born sons are given that as a middle name for as long as anyone really knows?"

"No I didn’t, but I don't regret it. Anyway things seemed perfect at first, but slowly things started to get harder.” Kurt was a bit annoyed at the deflection but did really want to hear the rest of the reason she finally gave herself in. “As he grew older he grew to look more and more like you. Every day was a constant reminder of what I had done and what Alaxander was missing. A father and one I believe would be a damn good one at that. I kept going though I couldn’t tell, I raped you how could I." Kurt is shocked by how the word just slips out of her mouth. It makes him cringe. She knows what she’s done to him yet it really doesn’t seem to bother her. "However I lost my job and things went from bad to worse. I entered a very dark place. I was losing it, I was depressed and Alaxander was suffering. I obviously I put his wellbeing before my own, made sure he was clothed and few but, I knew I would never get out of that dark place until what I had done was out in the open. I came back here hoping that your dad and Carole still owned the house they did when it all happened. I admitted everything. I did it for Alaxander he needs his dad."

Kurt shakes his head; even now he can hear the lies coming from her mouth. "No you didn't. Don't lie to me. You did it for you. You just said yourself you were in a bad place. If you weren't in that bad place you would never have come back and I still wouldn't know of Alaxander’s existence. Do you have any idea what it's like knowing I only now know about my son, because you were trying to make yourself feel better about what you did? I will be honest with you in many ways I wish you would never have come back. My life was so much easier before I knew all of this. I was happy, so happy in fact." Kurt knows he’s ranting again be he doesn’t care. How the hell could Sarah sit here and be so calm about this, then try to make it look like she admitted it all for Alaxander and not her own self-conscious. "I had hell growing up here. Hell I lost my own mother at 8. I was gay in Lima of all places; I almost became an orphan at 16. However I found Blaine, and he changed my world. He's still changing my world. We were happy. I was happy. I was getting married to the man of my dreams, in the city of my dreams everything was perfect, and just like always in my life something has to come and spoil that. That something is you. All so you could try and stop you feeling so damn guilty." Kurt knows he is almost screaming at the end but he can’t help it, he feels like this world has done nothing but dealt him crap, especially at those points where he finally thought nothing could bring him down.

"I…Kurt...I." Kurt doesn’t wait for her to find words, he speaks over her.

"See you can't even deny it because it's true. The thing that hurts the most is the fact you have taken one of the biggest decisions in my life away from me. Blaine and I should have been deciding together about if we wanted children, and whether we were going to adopt them, or use surrogacy to make them biologically one of ours, gosh we had started making those decisions. But now, now you have fucking taken all that from me." Kurt can’t hold himself together anymore he breaks, and the tears start falling down his face. He sees Sarah go to take him hand, and screams with more force than he even knows possible. “DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!" He pulls his hand away from the table and wipes violently at his eyes, angry at them for betraying him.

"Okay I'm sorry. I must say however you have to take Alaxander you can't be responsible for him going into care." Kurt can’t believe what he’s hearing after all this she is trying to put some of the blame on him.

"No you listen to me. I will not do anything because you tell me to. I will not let you manipulate me by playing mind games. If I decided not to take Alaxander it will be your fault he goes into care, my decision may have been different had I know about him from the off. If I do decide to take him, it won't be to stop you feeling guilty about him being in care, it will be because it is what I want. In this I have had all the decisions taken out of my hands, not this time. I do what I want to do not something you tell me to do. You lost all right of that when you chose not to tell me about Alaxander to start with." He is not going to be forced to do anything, he deserves to live the life he chooses with Blaine, not one someone else is deciding on for them.

Sarah just sits there not doing or saying anything. Kurt is glad to be honest he needs a few moments to calm down.

After a while of silent Kurt speaks again. "I know this is going to sound crazy but before I leave I need to know exactly what you did to me."

"What?" Sarah asks seemingly shocked.

"You know full well what I said. I have a right to be able to move on from this. I have no memory of it what so ever. However due to the kind of person I am I need to know what happened to allow myself to work through it and start to get over it. I have a right to know."

Kurt sits in complete silence as Sarah explains in minute detail what had happened that night. Everything from the way she drugged him, to how long it took them to end up undressed in the bedroom. She describes all positions she had him in, and even how she tucked him into bed when it was all over. Kurt feels numb hearing it all. He can tell by her tone that everything she is saying is true. He knows he asked to know but that doesn’t stop him feeling sick. After she finishes explaining not much more is exchanged between the two of them, but Kurt does vow that no matter what happens he will never be being Sarah again. Once he has made that all too clear he runs out of the room into the waiting room and right into Blaine’s arms.

 Kurt felt numb hearing it all. He could tell by the way she was talking that every single part of what she said was true. Yes he knew he needed to know but that didn't stop him feeling sick. After this not much more was exchanged. Kurt vowed that no matter what happened he would never be seeing Sarah again, before running out of the room, into the waiting room and into Blaine's arms. The arms that feel like home.

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https://www.fanfiction.net/docx/view.php?id=410181

https://www.fanfiction.net/docx/view.php?id=410181