June 18, 2013, 10:03 p.m.
Love Is Strong But We're Falling Apart: Chapter 19 - Reunited
T - Words: 1,872 - Last Updated: Jun 18, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 21/? - Created: Dec 15, 2012 - Updated: Jun 18, 2013 145 0 0 0 0
Blaine's POV
"Papa!" I hear the scream and look up to find a very shocked Thomas standing in the kitchen doorway, and Kurt standing not far behind.
"Hello Thomas," I say gently, before looking to Kurt, who just mouths, "I thought it would be a nice surprise for him." And it hurts when he says that, because after everything I've done to him he's still thinking of me.
"I missed you, papa," Thomas tells me, running towards me. I open up my arms and pull him into a hug, because gosh have I missed him. I've missed my whole family. The house has been so empty without them. As soon as he is on my lap, he snuggles his face into my chest. And I have to close my eyes to stop me getting overwhelmed by it all, because it's my fault all this happened and I am not going to cry in front of my son.
"I've missed you too, Thomas. All of you, you, Lizzie, and daddy," I tell him honestly. And I catch Kurt smile out of the corner of my eye. And right now that's all I can hope for. Smiling and not looking like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulder, even though I know he feels like he really does. And that's all down to me.
"Papa?" Thomas saying in a tone that I know means he's got a question.
"Yes, buddy?" I respond. I know that I won't be able to say no to pretty much anything he asks after being away from him for so long. And I can see why Kurt always used to give into me, due to my eyes, because Thomas definitely had inherited them.
"Because you're here now, can we make breakfast for daddy like we used to?" And him asking this makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. I want to smile because I love the fact that he remembers that once or twice a month we would try, and normally fail, at making breakfast for his daddy, so his daddy got a rest from the cooking. And it also makes me smile that he wants me to spend time with him, and that he's being kind and thinking of giving his daddy a break. But it makes me want to cry, because it used to be an occurrence in the house that Thomas used to tell me we were making breakfast for daddy, rather than asking me if we could. I know it's something he's always enjoyed. It also hurts because I can't remember the last time I actually did anything with Thomas or for Kurt. I don't even need to think about the answer.
"Of course we can, if daddy wants us to." I say. I know this doesn't solve anything between me and Kurt. But if it gives me time to spend with my son, and gives Kurt a few minutes to rest, well, then I will take it.
And even though Kurt's been standing in the kitchen with us for the whole time, Thomas wriggles down from my lap and bounds over to Kurt. "Daddy, daddy, daddy! Can me and papa make you breakfast, please?" he says bouncing on his feet.
"That would be lovely, Thomas," Kurt replies, and even if I wasn't looking at him I would be able to hear the smile in his voice. "Why don't you go into the bathroom and wash your hands and then you can take me to my table." Kurt directs Thomas, and I can only guess it's because he wants to speak to me on his own for a minute. Without another word Thomas runs off to do that.
"Thomas Hummel-Anderson, no running in the house," Kurt scolds quickly. And Thomas instantly slows himself into a fast walk along with a hardly audible "sorry daddy."
"Are you sure you don't mind doing this Blaine? He did kind of just drop it on you," Kurt asks me and I can see the reservation written all over his face.
I look directly into his eyes trying to reassure him. I should have known that after everything he wouldn't even trust me with the simplest tasks. I don't like it but I can't blame him for it. "Of course I'm sure, Kurt. He's my son." And I know it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words leave my lips.
"Yes well, that fact hasn't stopped you letting him down for the past few months, has it?" Kurt snaps. And ok ouch that hurts, because I know I haven't and I regret it so much.
I want to snap back, but I don't because I know why Kurt said it and whether I like it or not, it's true. "I know and I'm sorry for that, Kurt. I truly am. I know this doesn't make it up to him. But I would love it if my husband started to let me make thing up to both him and my son. I know that this goes nowhere in really showing you how sorry I am for everything over the past few months, but I have to start somewhere. And if it puts a smile on yours and Thomas' faces, well, that's enough for now," I tell him honestly. Because I know better than anyone that's it going to take a lot to get Kurt's trust back. And that's if he ever lets me get it back, but I know I am willing to try forever.
"I can give you that," he replies softly and as I said, that's all I can ask for. What he does next shocks me; he steps forward for a hug. I go with him instantly and while it isn't a long hug it's enough for now. Enough to show me that's he's at least giving me some sort of chance to make this all okay again.
As we pull apart Thomas enters the room, and I guess by the smile on his face that he saw me and his daddy hugging. And it makes me really think about how long it is since the last time he saw us show any loving contact towards each other. And I vow that I am going to change that. I know that I can't push Kurt right now, but I know I can start making little gestures in front of our children so they know that their daddy and I really do love each other.
"Come on, daddy," Thomas tells Kurt. "You need to come with me and sit down so you can choose your breakfast. I watch as Thomas takes hold of Kurt's hand and pulls him into the living room. I just hope Kurt choses something that there is here to cook, along with something I actually have a hope of cooking. While Thomas is with Kurt I get his stool out along with a glass and a coffee mug, because even if he doesn't ask for it, Kurt is getting coffee and juice. I turn on the coffee maker, wash my hands and wait for Thomas to return.
He comes running into the kitchen and I know I have no choice but to tell him off. "Thomas what did daddy just tell you about running in the house?" I remind him
"Sorry papa, but I'm so excited, it's been ages since we made daddy breakfast and I didn't want to forget what he wanted," he rushes out.
"Okay, calm down and tell me before you forget," I coax gently.
"Scrambled egg on toast, with orange juice," Thomas speaks slowly, making sure he pronounces all his words properly. And okay that I can do. I pick Thomas up and stand him on his stool.
"Okay, come on then Chef Thomas, you stay there while Papa Chef gets everything we need." And the way Thomas giggles just makes my whole face light up.
I grab enough eggs for all of us including Burt and Elizabeth, as I know they haven't been fed yet and I'm sure they won't say no to food. And I know scrambled eggs aren't something Kurt will mind Burt having.
I place it all down on the counter and I take Thomas' hand to place it on the orange juice so he can help me open it and pour it. "Gently," I instruct and we lift the carton towards the glass. And I let Thomas have control just guiding gently if I think that he is being a little over zealous.
"Take this through to daddy, carefully," I say once the glass is full. And Thomas just does that. I use the time to break the eggs in to the bowl, and add a few other ingredients I only know to use because of the amount of times Kurt had to teach me how to make this dish before I was actually able to do so. However I leave the mixing for Thomas.
He's soon back on the stool and doing just that.
"I really missed you papa. You haven't got to go back to work just yet have you?" I knew being back with my family would make me realize just how much I had hurt them all, but that doesn't make him saying things like that any easier. It doesn't stop my eyes from tearing up and the lump that forms in my throat. I swallow hard knowing I need to reply.
"No Thomas, papa doesn't have to work for a while. I have got some time off work, to spend with you, Elizabeth and daddy. I know I haven't been around enough recently, but I promise you I will be now. Okay?" I'm trying to reassure him, but I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't believe me. I know I've broken my promises to him way too many times.
"Okay papa. Daddy's been sad without you. And so have I," he tells me honestly.
I take the whisk out of his hand and turn him around on the stool. "I know. And I know that was my fault, as I shouldn't have kept breaking promises to you all. But I can tell you I won't be doing that again. All three of you mean too much for me to do that." I pull him into a hug knowing that I'm about to cry. I don't want him to see that; it's not fair.
After that we finish the food quickly and Thomas helps me carry the food into the living room for everyone. Now he's acting as a waiter, not letting me do anything but help him carry the food; even making me sit down so he can hand me mine, rather than allowing me to give him his. o
As I sit on the sofa between Kurt and Thomas, with Elizabeth to Kurt's right in her high chair, and Burt across the room in his recliner, I could so easily forget the past 6 months have happened. I could believe that I've gone back in time, and that I haven't really hurt my family. I could believe that we are here for a holiday just like we are every August. And I just hope that one day soon, I will be able to move past these past 6 months and be like this again, being the strongest family we have ever been.