I swiftly go and get Elizabeth knowing that if her cries get much louder they will wake Thomas, and it’s hard enough trying to have a shower with just Lizzie to keep an eye on without having to worry what Thomas is doing too. I don’t have to worry about her waking Blaine however; he always sleeps like a log. And I know he will probably sleep until well after I have left to take Lizzie to day care and Thomas to kindergarten.

“Hey Lizzie,” I say peeking my head around her bedroom door to see her standing in her cot, and we do really need to get the bars taken off that thing soon.

“Dada dada,” she screams lifting her hands towards me, “pik up,” she says not quite being able to pronounce it properly. I quickly scoop her up and turn off her monitor.

“Hello princess, will you be a good girl while daddy has a shower, and then we can get you some breakfast?” I ask. I know she may not completely understand all I’m saying but I like to talk to her even if it’s just to increase the words she is able to speak.

“Toast, toast,” she screams, wiggling in my arms, and I really hope she isn’t loud enough to wake Thomas.

“Yes pumpkin, you can have toast.” I peek my head into Thomas’ room and am glad to see he is still fast asleep. I walk to the bathroom, grabbing some of Elizabeth’s toys on the way. I place her on the floor and place to toys near her, before making sure the toilet lid is down, I do not fancy her playing in there. I am glad  that we have a shower that will allow me to see her while I’m inside; I wouldn’t feel as comfortable leaving her otherwise.

I shower quickly, forgoing all but the essential parts of my routine as I know it isn’t fair on her to play in the bathroom for too long. I get out quickly and wrap my robe around myself, allowing me to pick Elizabeth up and place her to play in her play pen. People always say she would be fine playing in there while I have a shower too, but I can’t bring myself to leave her awake in another room why I have a shower. I don’t mind being in another room if I will be able to hear her but I know I won’t while I’m having a shower. I rush off into mine and Blaine’s room to get ready. I don’t know why, but I make sure I’m quiet so as not to wake Blaine, who is still sleeping. Sometimes I really do wonder why I don’t ‘accidently’ make noise so he wakes up and helps me with our children, but I’m always too kind to do so. I quickly find a suitable outfit to wear to work (I do work at vogue.com after all), before quickly styling my hair so it’s perfect before heading to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

I put Elizabeth’s toast in the toaster before getting her out of her play pen and placing her in her highchair at the kitchen table. Just as I lay her toast on her tray, I hear little feet plodding up behind me and turn to see Thomas walking into the kitchen, clutching Maggie Thatcher dog like he does every morning, his hair looking very sleep mussed.

“Hey bud, what do you want for breakfast? We need to be quick this morning as daddy needs to get you to kindergarten and Elizabeth to day care before being at work, and I need to be there on time today. Daddy has an important meeting.” I don’t know why I am telling my son about my important meeting it’s not like he has any idea about it, probably because at least he is here listening unlike his papa who is still fast asleep in bed.

“Can I have toast please daddy? Two slices?” He asks me climbing up onto the chair at the table.

“You sure can. What do you want to drink?”

“Orange Juice please.”

“Duce, duce, duce,” Elizabeth squeals, hitting her hands on her high chair.

“Yes Elizabeth you can have juice too.” I place the toast in the toaster, before pulling the orange juice out of the fridge; I fill a plastic cup for Thomas, before taking the lid off Elizabeth’s sippy cup filling it with half orange juice and half water.  I finish off Thomas’ toast before getting myself a bowl of muesli and actually allowing myself to sit down for two minutes, realising how sore my back is from the way I slept last night. I know that as soon as the food is gone, it will go back to madness, and I know I don’t have long to get the two children dressed and out of the door.

When they are finished I wipe both of their hands down with a flannel, and pick Elizabeth out of her high chair and place her on my hip, allowing me to take hold of Thomas’ hand, to lead him to his bedroom. I pick out an outfit for him to wear.

“Do you think you can get yourself dressed Thomas? So I can get your sister ready? I don’t want us to be late.”

“Of course daddy, I’m a big boy. I will even get my own school bag ready.” He says puffing out his chest to try and make himself look bigger; he even got the shortness from Blaine.

“That’s a good boy, when you have finished go and play with your toys in the living room, but don’t make too much mess please as I want the place tidy before we leave.”

“Okay daddy,” he replies quickly. I bend down and place a kiss on his cheek. He really is a good boy. And then laugh as I see him wiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, before leaving to go and get Elizabeth ready for day care.

I managed to get everything including both children ready to leave on time. I write Blaine a note, even though I know he will know where I have gone anyway.

Blaine,

                I didn’t want to wake you, so I left you sleeping. I have left for work, taking Thomas to kindergarten, and Elizabeth to day care on the way. I have an important meeting this morning, so if you do need me I won’t be contactable until lunchtime. I really hope you can make it home for dinner tonight; Thomas, Elizabeth and I miss you when you’re not there.

All my love

Kurt <3

I leave the note on his bedside table, and place a kiss on his forehead, and whisper I love you before, heading out of the house with both Elizabeth and Thomas. I still amaze myself at times, as back in high school, I wouldn’t have even been able to get just myself ready in that time, let alone myself and two young children.

By the time I get to work I am exhausted, and I  have a full day ahead of me. Isabelle corners me the second I walk in, but I can tell from her face it isn’t about work.

“Kurt, how much sleep did you get last night?” I can hear the worry in her voice. She’s just as good a boss as she always has been since I started working here 10 years ago.

“About 5 hours, but Isabelle, I’m fine,” I answer quickly and try and move on as I really don’t want her worrying.

“Kurt Hummel-Anderson, why the hell have you only had 5 hours sleep?” I sigh I don’t really want to tell Isabelle but I know she will see straight though me if I lie. That’s the problem with working with the same person for so long.

“It’s Blaine,” I sigh, knowing that’s all I have to say to stop this conversation continuing in the hall and for her to move it into her office instead. I’m correct and I’m soon in her office, and she is ordering one of the interns to go out and get me a non-fat mocha. Gosh, it feels so long ago since I was doing that!

“Spill,” Isabelle commands, the second I sit down. I’ve told her about some of the trouble I’ve been having with Blaine before.

I don’t hesitate. I know it’s pointless. She will get it out of me somehow, and I will only hold up the meeting if I don’t speak. “He didn’t get home until close to midnight. He promised Thomas yesterday morning that he would bathe him and his sister yesterday evening, but once again I had to let Thomas down and then get them both to bed myself. It’s been over two weeks since he’s eaten dinner with us; he seems to be getting more and more distant.” I rub my hand over my temple I can feel the tell-tale signs of a headache. “I was delayed on working on my sketches because I had to get the children to bed. And then when he came home he spoke about 3 sentences before heading off to bed, without so much as giving me a kiss or a cuddle. He didn’t even notice that I never made it to bed. I mean don’t kill me but I feel asleep at my desk. I just miss my husband, as in the one I fell in love with. I also know I shouldn’t, and it was so long ago, but I can’t help but worry that maybe he’s cheating on me again. I just miss him, Isabelle, and our children miss him, and it’s breaking my heart to see them suffer, especially Thomas. He is old enough to realise who Blaine is and that he isn’t around to keep his promises.” I can’t help it then, I don’t cry often and not in front of many people, but I have to let the tears fall; I can only stay so strong over this.

The thing with Isabelle is, she saw what it was like for me to go through the heartbreak I did when Blaine cheated on me, and I would like to think it was because we were much younger back then. I also don’t like to think of the idea of him cheating on me when we have a family together.

Isabelle takes my hand over the desk before speaking, she has always been very touchy feely. “You need to talk to him. This isn’t healthy for you. I’ve held off until this morning but you look more and more tired every day you come in to work. Today you just look completely depressed. He needs to understand what this is doing to you, both the two of you as a couple and the four of you as a family.”

“I know. I have no idea why he’s so distant. I mean he used to be an amazing dad to both Thomas and Elizabeth! And now while he is an amazing dad when he is there, he is never around to be that amazing dad.” I don’t really care why he has been so distant, unless he really has cheated on me, all I want to do is have him back the way I used to. If there are any issues, no matter what they are I want to be able to help him work through them. I just don’t want him closing off to me, to his family.

“How do I get him to chat, though? I mean, he is never there to see the children, let alone have time to talk about all this.” I say looking at Isabelle and I really am thankful for having such an amazing boss.

“I don’t know hon, but I do know you need to. This is really affecting you. You can only hold it together so long before you break, and that definitely isn’t what Thomas and Lizzie need. It also isn’t fair on you to be carrying everything. Oh and by the way your request for an extended lunch next Thursday for Thomas’ parents meeting has been approved.”

“Thank you and I promise I will try and find time to talk to Blaine. But come on, I have some designs I would like to show off. I got so little sleep to finish them, so I want to at least be able to parade them off.

“I’m sure they will be perfect.” Isabelle says standing up, it seems we finish in perfect time as just as she opens the door, the intern is there with coffee for both of us. Well that will be perfect for the meeting.

The meeting goes well, and I’m not surprised when all 3 designs get the go ahead to be added to my line. Yes it may be my line, but Vogue is prestigious. I still have to have every design agreed before I can add it to the pile. The afternoon is full of trying to find the right fabrics to make work with a few other designs I am finalizing, along with meeting with a few people who are potential models for my section of the next fashion show in a few months’ time.

Its days like this when I realise what people mean when they kindly tell me that I am doing way too much.  I pick up both Elizabeth and Thomas from day care Thomas having been picked up from kindergarten by the day care to allow me to get my work hours in. I feel exhausted, but I am not too hopeful that Blaine will be there when I get home.

I am right of course. I get home and he isn’t there, no matter how doubtful I am that he will turn up, I still cook enough dinner for the four of us, and end up with a disappointed Thomas when once again his papa isn’t there for dinner or his bed time. By the time both children are in bed I am so drained. I am glad it is a Friday so I don’t have to worry about working tomorrow, I can hopefully get it done on Sunday instead.  I get the kitchen cleaned from dinner and head to bed at least hoping my husband will join me sometime soon. I can’t remember the last time we actually fell asleep together. We may have been in the house together at least sometimes over the past two weeks, but I know in that time we haven’t been to bed at the same time, much less had any time to actually enjoy being with each other, and allow ourselves to get intimate. No, I know for a fact that it’s been at least two months since we made love to each other, and it hurts. Before everything started going downhill, we would always make sure we got at least one special night for that each week, even when both Thomas and Elizabeth were young babies. I carry out my moisturising routine, before climbing into bed, praying to whoever is out there that we can somehow get everything sorted over the weekend.