As I look at my watch again I sigh, it’s 7pm Blaine was meant to be home at 5.30 so we could eat dinner as a family, I don’t know who I was kidding when I gave Thomas and Elizabeth theirs but didn’t eat mine convincing myself Blaine would soon be home. He hasn’t been at a family dinner in two weeks, I’m sure Elizabeth wonders who he is at times, and I mean she’s two how is she meant to understand that her papa is hardly ever around. I also know it upsets Thomas more than he lets on, he tries to smile, but every time her draws a family picture I see his face drop ever time he comes round to Blaine. I hear Elizabeth crying from the front room, and know I have to give in I can’t keep her up any longer, just hoping Blaine can kiss her goodnight or she will be over tired and never get to sleep, and unfortunately I have way to many designs to get finished. I sigh and walk from the kitchen to the living room; I’m definitely doing bedtime alone again tonight.

I smile at my children, Thomas is sat on the floor trying to make his baby sister smile, I always have to just pause for a minute and remind myself that he is only five. I bend over and place a kiss atop of his head.

“You’re a really good boy do you know that Thomas,” he looks up at me hazel eyes sparking with the praise, yes he is definitely Blaine’s, if the eyes didn’t give it away the black mop of curls would. “How about daddy puts on the telly for you for ten minutes and I will take Elizabeth with me and run the two of you a bath?”

“Does that mean papa’s almost here? He promised me this morning he would give me a bath,” Thomas tells me with an ear-splitting smile on his face. It breaks my heart to know I am about to wash that away, I know all too well that Blaine, promised him that this morning, but I’m the one that has to be bad and tell him his papa isn’t here to bath him once again.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve not heard from papa, he must have got caught up rehearsing, so can daddy give you a bath? Then I will read you a story all to yourself once I get Elizabeth down?” Watching his face fall when he realises that Blaine has broken a promise to him again, hurt’s so much. It hurts so much more than all the promises he has broken to me. But to watch him brake promises to our son, I wonder how much more I can really take, I didn’t sign up to be a single father. I know we had Thomas fairly young, but we were both in good jobs and married and we didn’t want to wait. We were both 23 and had been married two years having a child seemed to make everything so much more complete, back then anyway, now nothing feels complete.

“Ok daddy, can I still watch the telly,” Thomas asks looking at me with though big hopeful eyes, and in a way that hurts more. He is that used to being let down by his own papa he doesn’t tell me I’m nasty and he doesn’t cry, or scream or anything he just accepts it and asks to watch the telly. He gets on with it like he hasn’t only seen his papa for about an hour all week.

“Course you can buddy, what do you want to watch?” I ask him, and I am tempted to let him watch telly for longer than the 10 minuets I promised, so I can get Elizabeth to bed, before I bath him, instead of bathing them together, just so he can have that quality time with at least one of his father’s. I can’t help but wonder at times, if the relationship Blaine had with his father is affecting his with our own children, but every time I bring it up he shouts down my throat that he’s nothing like his dad. No he may not be a homophobic arsehole, a bit hard as that would mean hating himself but that doesn’t stop him being distant, and not just from the kids but from me too. I close my eyes and focus on the children before the fears of him cheating again wash over me.

“Little Einstein’s please daddy,” Thomas says politely.

“Go on then kiddo, you know where the dvd is kept.” I let him get it himself trying to take his mind off his absent papa, and it also allows me to turn my attention to Elizabeth who is sat with Sophie her giraffe in her mouth. “Come here princess,” I say going forward to scoop her up, before I’d even finished the sentence she help out her chubby little arms towards me. I pick her up and pop her on my hip after placing a kiss on top of her head too. I wait while Thomas puts his dvd, into the dvd player I don’t mind him doing it himself but I like to watch him. Before I tell him I am going to run the bath.

Ten minutes later and the bath is run, I peek my head into the living room to see Thomas smiling happily at the telly and I can’t bear to pull him away, so I decide I will bath Elizabeth on her own.

“Come on then let’s get you in the bath, I wish papa was here to help you know lizzie,” I say quietly, I know I am talking to her but I’m talking just as much to myself or to anyone who might be out there to listen.

“Nu-uh,” Elizabeth says shaking her head at me, brown hair swinging side to side, and blue eyes suddenly going a lot darker, yes she’s mine, we decided we wanted them each to be one of ours. “Dada,” she says, as while it makes me smile, hearing her saying my name, it makes me ache for her to be able to be the same with Blaine.

I undress Elizabeth and put her in the bubbly water and it makes her giggle, she loves her baths, it’s why it’s in her routine to have one every night. I can’t but laugh as she picks the bubbles up and places them on top of her head like a hat, before snapping her arms down back into the water, sending it flying everywhere; I smile and splash her back. It shows me just how much I’ve changed since becoming a father, because hello, these pants cost over $300, and they are only meant to be wash with certain detergent, but she’s my daughter and worth more than anything in the world so I really don’t care, if her splashing like she is now will keep that smile on her face. It doesn’t take long before she’s yawning and I’m not surprised her bath is late, in the hope Blaine would have been home. So I wash her hair before quickly getting her out. She is quickly dressed it her pj’s and after me sing just one lullaby with her in my arms she’s fast asleep. I lay her down gently, and kiss her goodnight, before switching on the baby monitor and going to join my son.

He is still engrossed in the telly, and it’s a good job it’s educational or I wouldn’t be quite so happy. “Hey bud, I’ve bathed your sister already I thought me and you could have some special time together, are you ready for your bath?”

Thomas turns to look at me and I can tell he didn’t even realised I’d entered the room until I spoke. “I don’t think this episode has long to go, can I finish watching it first please daddy?” Yes he hasn’t faltered on his manners once yet tonight; it is something we introduced to him and Elizabeth at an early age, as my dad always says “manners cost nothing”.

“Of course sweetie, daddy will just get a drink then he will sit with you until it finishes alright.” I don’t get an answer and Thomas is already to engrossed back in the telly. I walk into the kitchen and shut the door I don’t really want to make a drink I want to ring Blaine. I pull out my phone and dial his number. I soon goes to answer phone but I leave a message.
“Hi Blaine, it’s me Kurt. I don’t know why you’re late home again, or why I didn’t get a message and why you’re not picking up your phone but Thomas is still awake. I delayed the baths in the hope you’d come home, he was really looking forward to you bathing him tonight and once again I had to be the one to let him down, and tell him you weren’t keeping your promise. So please if you get this, can you try and get home before he goes to sleep so you can at least give him a kiss goodnight. I miss you, we all miss you. I love you Blaine, see you when you’re home.” I hang up feeling worse than I did before. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to stop myself from crying before joining my son in the living room. I sit on the sofa next to him, before helping him slide into my lap. He is soon cuddles up against me; with his head on my chest in a position on still allow him to see the telly.

I don’t say anything I’m just content with holding him here on my lap that is until he speaks; he is always so dam perceptive. “Don’t be sad daddy, as you always tell me papa is just working so he can buy us all our nice things.”

“Yes he is Thomas, daddy is just sad that the dinner is wasted when so many little boys and girls like you don’t get to eat” That is true but that isn’t really why I’m sad. I am said because Blaine isn’t home, and I’m said that Thomas has to use what I tell him to try and stop me being sad. I’m just glad he isn’t old enough to realise I am in a job that pays more than his papa’s. I wonder when this all happened, when Blaine became so distant, and I can’t really pinpoint it because if it think honestly it seems like it’s been a gradual process. I try and keep my thoughts away from that and directed at the boy curled up on my lap right now, which is hard when he does look so much like Blaine. When the show ends I pick him up and begin to tickle him, allowing his laugh to wash over me, before hanging him over my shoulder and heading to the bathroom.

“I’ve got you now you’re my prisoner and I’ve decided you need a bath,” I sing song to him, it’s a game I know he loves playing, but that I don’t do very often as I’m always scared it too dangerous

“Arrrh daddy, daddy, let me go,” and I know he doesn’t really want me to by the way he is laughing. I do however put him down once we get into the bathroom, and I help him undress. Yes he can do most of it by himself but it doesn’t hurt to help him every now and again, he’s still my baby after all.

We play happily with his toys in the bath, he has such an imagination and always wants me to join in with his games of pirates making the ruby duckies that belong to his sister walk the plank. This is one of the reasons I decided to bath him alone tonight he can’t play like this when they share a bath. I look at my watch and I’m shocked to see it’s almost 8.30, so Thomas is already an hour late to bed, and I know I still have to read him that story I promised, and then I have at least 4 hours worth of designing to do myself. If that doesn’t explain why I sometimes just want some help from Blaine I don’t know what does. I mean it looks like I now won’t getting to bed before 1am, and I know that I will most likely be up at 6am with Elizabeth, I love her but unlike her daddy she likes early mornings way too much. I know Thomas was the same at that age but I had so much more help from Blaine then.  

“It’s time to get out now if I want a story,” I tell Thomas bringing myself back from my own thoughts once again.

“Okay daddy,” he says standing up. I grab a towel and wrap in round him as I pick him up from out of the bath. We go to his room, and he chooses to wear his power ranger pjs, he always gets to choose now he’s that bit older. He chooses a story, snow white and the seven dwarfs; yes he likes Disney like both of his fathers. I sit next to him as he lies in bed reading in a position where he can see all the pictures.

“Good night Thomas,” I say kissing his head once I’ve finished the story, “I love you, see you in the morning.”

“Love you too daddy, and when papa gets home can you tell him I love him too?” he asked me, and I would never deny him that, even if not much else is spoken between Blaine and I when he gets home, I will be sure to tell him that. “Of course I will, goodnight.” I say kissing his head a final time, as he turns over and snuggles with Maggie thatcher dog, before heading out of his room turning the light out on the way, making sure I leave his door open so he can see the light from the hall way.

Once I’m fair enough away from his room I sigh, I wonder where Blaine is, a few months ago I would have panicked if he was this late home, now however I’m too used to it. I walk to my office as sit down at my desk; I have 3 designs all to finish for tomorrow. My work wasn’t helped that Elizabeth somehow managed to get in the room today and scribble all over one of them so I had to start again.

I start working and I really don’t know how long I’m there for before I hear the front door open, but I guess it must be a while as I have completed two of the designs and am just starting on the final one the one that I have to restart from scratch. I look at my watch and I’m not surprised to see it’s gone 11.

“Kurt,” I hear Blaine call, why he can’t just look at try and find where I am I don’t know.

“In my office Blaine,” I call back, “Please be quite they children are sleeping.”

It isn’t long before he is walking into my office, “Sorry I’m late home, I got held up. I mean I know the understudy was on tonight but it’s his first performance and he wanted me to watch him perform.” If our children weren’t in the house I would probably scream at him, instead I just remain calm and answer in my normal tone.

“I understand, a phone call would have been nice though. I mean Thomas thought you were giving him a bath tonight, and I had to let him down again Blaine. I even left you a message on your phone.”

“I’m sorry I really am, I will get up with them in the morning I promise.” I know he probably won’t he sleep like a log and hardly ever hears them but I agree all the same,

“Okay. Oh and Thomas said to say he loves you by the way.”

“Okay thank you Kurt. I’m going to get a drink and kiss them both goodnight, before heading to bed, are you joining me?” he asks as if I’m the one who just got home six hours late no him.

“Go ahead I need to finish off these sketches, I didn’t get time early.” I don’t saying it but I leave the ‘best you weren’t home on time,’ floating in the air. What really hurts however is when he replies with a simple okay before turning and leaving the room without even offering me so much as a hug or a kiss, and then I can’t stop my mind from running away. I wonder if maybe he is cheating on me again, no matter how distant he’s been lately he’s always been made sure to give me a hug and a kiss before either one of us heads to bed. I stay in my thoughts while I continue with my design. I don’t know when I happened but I must fall asleep at my desk and the next thing I remember is Elizabeth’s soft whimpering coming over the baby monitor.