Well, this only applies if you're gay and in love with your straight best friend.

If your best friend is straight, in a relationship and engaged to be married, chances of a happy end decrease immensely. It's even more hopeless when he can't stop letting everyone know how much he wants to finally say 'I do' at his bachelor party the evening before the wedding.

And you just feel like shit. Like an old dog left to spend his life at the animal shelter while cute little girls come to pick up cute little puppies day after day after day. You just keep waiting for someone to see your potential, how much joy you could bring to their lives, but nobody deigns to look at you.

I pull myself back into reality. When you start comparing yourself to dogs you should just stop your train of thought. I turn back to my initial plan of just sitting in the booth in the back corner of the bar, pitying myself and gazing at Blaine. Blaine, who's laughing at a stupid joke one of his colleagues made. Blaine, who's running his fingers through the soft dark curls on his head and wipes the sweat off his face. Blaine, whose shirt is drained by champagne when the stripper fails to aim the liquid at his mouth. Blaine, who keeps subconsciously moving to the music which makes him look even more irresistible. Blaine, whose honey coloured eyes keep drifting to meet my gaze. Blaine, who's smiling at me. Blaine, who makes my heart leap.

I take another sip of my champagne. I lost count of how many I've already had before this one.

I don't really know anyone else at the party but as the best man I kind of have an obligation to show up. There are some Warblers sitting at the bar but I didn't keep in touch with them after I left Dalton and transferred back to McKinley so attempting to make conversation would be slightly awkward.

Blaine is looking at me once again and the sparkling of his eyes causes a warm, fuzzy feeling deep inside my chest. I hate how much I am in love with him.
He comes over and sits down next to me.

"Aren't you having fun?", he shouts over the music into my ear. He already has difficulties forming the words and his breath smells of alcohol.

"Oh no, I am." Having fun? Me? At his bachelor party? I just want to go home, lie on my couch, snuggle into a blanket and watch Breakfast At Tiffany's while eating lots of chocolate ice cream and crying my eyes out. That sounds like much more fun than this party, full of horny drunk straight guys who are sipping champagne out of a stripper's cleavage.

Blaine knows immediately that I'm lying. Of course he does. I've known him for almost 10 years and we've been best friends for about the same amount of time. That's also how long I've secretly been in love with him.

No one can blame me for falling for the first openly gay guy my age I met. Especially not when the first time I met him he was practically serenading me, singing Katy Perry while quite obviously flirting with me. Of course that got my hopes up. I admit, I got myself in way too deep far too soon and when Blaine decided he'd much rather play for the other team and date Rachel after all it was too late - I was already head over heels in love with him.

"Do you want to get out of here?“, he asks. I stare at him quite dumbfounded.

"What?“ I must have misunderstood him over the thumping of the music.

"Go home. Maybe watch a movie together or something.“

I love him. I love him so freaking much. I just want to throw myself at him and hug him tightly and never let go and kiss him to death.

"But it's your party“, I say, not because I'd feel guilty if he left all his friends to celebrate by themselves. On the contrary. I can't think of anything that would make me happier right now. My heart starts beating at maximum speed when I think about just the two of us sitting on the couch, watching a ridiculous movie and eating junk food like in the good old days.

But I don't want him to think that I couldn't care less about his stupid party. I know that would hurt him even if he might not show it.

"Blaine!“ One of the Warblers (Jeff, if I remember correctly) waves in our direction and motions Blaine to come closer to where they've prepared some shots. "Let's celebrate your last night of freedom!“ The other guys who have gathered up around him cheer loudly.

So much for just the two of us spending the evening together. But Blaine leans in closer to me again. "Just one more hour. But now you're coming with me.“ He doesn't even wait for my reaction but pulls me up with him and drags me over to the other guys who seem to be having the best time. They're shouting at each other and catcalling at the two barely dressed strippers who some moron must have booked for the night.

Anyway, now I'm standing – or better trying to stand since I guess I've had more champagne than I thought – next to Blaine while he empties one shot after the other encouraged by the cheers of the spectators.

Suddenly everybody's looking at me and that's when I realise that Blaine's holding one of the shots out to me. Oh no. "No thanks, I'm fine, really.“

"Come on, Kurt. Get that stick out of your ass for once and live a little!“ I can't make out who has said that, but my eyes are focused on Blaine's face who's smiling at me. I know he's thinking the same although he would never put it like that. Fuck it, I think and reach for the glass.

I have every reason to get wasted tonight.

-----

Somehow we make it to my place. No party, no matter much fun I might have, could be better than some alone time with Blaine. Nothing could. We try to see each other at least twice a week, which has proven to be difficult since Blaine often has to work late and I'm determined by my rehearsal schedule but we make it work.

Of course we have moved to New York. But while Blaine's parents got him and Rachel an apartment in Manhattan, I got a small place down in Brooklyn in front of which I'm standing right now, waiting for Blaine to pay for the cab. The plan is for Blaine to stay at my place tonight so Rachel can have the apartment all to herself to get ready tomorrow before the wedding.

We stumble up the stairs and after some time I've managed to find the keyhole and let us in. Blaine almost crashes into me when I try to stand still on one foot to get my boots off.

"Oops, sorry“, he giggles. Giggles.

"You're such a dork“, I mumble but can't suppress an affectionate smile.

Blaine walks past me into the living room and I can hear a soft thump when he lets himself fall on the couch. With the state he's currently in I wouldn't be surprised if he throws up on Rachel's dress during the ceremony tomorrow.
Stop it right there. No, I do not want to think about tomorrow. At least not for now when I have Blaine all to myself.

I enter the living room and sit down next to Blaine. Almost instantly he lets his head drop onto my shoulder. His hair brushes against my cheek and I breathe in his familiar scent mixed with the stench of smoke and alcohol. I close my eyes and try to enjoy the moment. Until Blaine starts shaking.

At first I can't put together what's happening but then I realise that he's trying to suppress a laughter.

I chuckle. "What's going on?“

Blaine turns his head and buries his face in my shoulder and I feel his lips moving on my skin through my shirt. "I'm getting married tomorrow. That's just crazy.“ Now he's laughing openly and throws his head back over the backrest of the couch. "Can you believe it? Married? Me?“

I feel like something heavy is pressing down on my chest and my smile freezes on my face. I swallow. "Yeah, that's... that's hilarious.“

By now Blaine's too drunk to notice anything strange about my behaviour. "I'm getting us something to drink.“ I just need to get away from him.

I'm taking my time to walk to the kitchen and get two cans of diet coke out of the fridge. I really have to calm down. Whenever Blaine says something like this I become painfully aware of how small the part I'm playing in his life actually is. Rachel will always come first from now on. They'll get married, properly start their life together, who knows, maybe one day they'll even have kids and eventually there will be no place in his life left for me anymore. Not as his best friend. Probably not even as a good friend, who he hangs out with every other week. I'll become an acquaintance, somebody he "used to know when he was younger”. I feel the familiar stinging behind my eyes.

Suddenly I can hear music coming from the living room and I grasp the two cans and try not to spill anything when walking back to the other room.

Blaine has left the couch and is now leaning against a shelf with a CD cover in his hands, swaying slightly to the music like he did back in the bar. I don't think he even realises that he's doing it.

"I made you this one", he says with a big smile on his face. As if I didn't remember. I remember every gift he ever made me.

"I know”, I say as I place the drinks on the table and I can't help smiling back at him.

"After graduation before we - “

"Before we left for New York, yes, I remember.” He wrapped it up in red and blue paper, I suppose he intended it to be the colours of Dalton. It was a compilation of songs that we associated with our high school years - "our” soundtrack so to speak. I barely listen to it nowadays since most of the memories just hurt too much.

"Oh wow, you actually do remember.” He seems honestly surprised. As if he really doesn't know how I feel about him. Sometimes I ask myself, how he can just be that blind and stupid. Sometimes my emotions are so obvious. Whenever I hug him longer than necessary. When I can't be happy for him when he tells me about his plan of proposing to Rachel. When I try to avoid him and don't contact him for days because I just want to have him out of my life. I have given up on trying that though. It doesn't work at all.

He stumbles past me, grabs a coke and hands me the other one.

"To us!” He holds his can out for a toast. It foams up a little. "To our friendship, which will last forever and ever and ever!” His eyes are fixed on mine and my heart skips a beat when his beautiful smile spreads on his face.

"Yes. Us.” I feel like crying and laughing at the same time. But I manage to keep myself together and mime him as he takes a sip of his drink. Oh Blaine, by the way, I might know something that will ruin our friendship and leave it shattered to pieces forever. But thinking about it alone just hurts too much to even consider telling him.

You think I'm pretty without any make-up on
You think I'm funny when I tell the punchline wrong
I know you get me so I let my walls come down

When the song starts the mood switches. Katy Perry's voice fills the room and suddenly I'm back at Dalton, feeling uncomfortable surrounded by all these posh private school boys and then there's Blaine. 16 years old and as charming as ever, taking my heart without asking, catching me while falling. I know that he's thinking about that fateful day all those years ago as well. Everything was different back then.

He's looking at me strangely and I just hope he doesn't throw up which would not only ruin the mood but also my carpet.

Before you met me I was allright
But things were kinda heavy you brought me to life
Now every February you'll be my Valentine

"Tomorrow's gonna change nothing between us, you know that, right?”, he asks and I'm pretty sure Blaine has learnt how to read my mind. I blush, look away from his face and lower my gaze to the floor. This is so embarrassing, especially because I don't know how to respond. I want to have a good comeback like "Well duh, of course I know that” or "It'd better not, Anderson.” Something that won't leave me looking like an idiot.

But the only honest response I can think of would be something along the lines of "Really?” and "You promise?”. How pathetic. I'd just use it as a way to get my hopes back up again.

That's why I'd rather stare at my feet and I'm taken completely by surprise when I feel Blaine's arms closing around me.

We can dance until we die
You and I We'll be young forever

I don't even think about it when I hug him back and hide my face in the crook of his neck. It's not like we never hug but we certainly don't do it a lot so the gesture is not in danger of losing any of its meaning. Since I'm not allowed to kiss him, I just want to be able to hug him in special moments without him or anyone else suspecting anything.

And this here right now is one of these special moments. I just need him. I need my best friend to comfort me while I'm crying over heartache and unrequited love. Who tells me that everything's going to be all right even though I know it won’t.

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets – just love
We can dance until we die
You and I, we'll be young forever

I can feel the prickling stinging behind my eyes and I shut them tightly to prevent any tears from falling. I can't just start crying like a girl.

But I still don't manage to quiet the sob that shakes my chest.

"Kurt?” I can feel him trying to push me away, but I won't let him and just tighten my grip. No, don't let go. Never let go. Hold me.

And I don't know why he does it, if he actually knows what he's doing or if he's just too drunk to act differently, but he returns the squeeze and presses me even tighter against his chest so that it almost takes my breath away but that's exactly what I want. I want to be as close to him as possible. I want to imagine that there's no Rachel who he wants to marry tomorrow. Just for a few seconds I want to relish the feeling of him being mine.

My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch now baby I believe
This is real so take a chance and don't ever look back

Don't ever look back. If only it was that easy. If only I could act out on my impulses without having to think of the consequences. It just feels so right, standing here with Blaine, embracing each other, no words needed to let the other know that we're there for them. Being drunk might be another reason for not being too willing to move away. It might also be an excuse for me kissing him.

But I don't. Something inside me is still holding me back.

"Kurt?" I ignore him.

He laughs. "Kurt!" He pushes me away and this time I let him although I strongly disapprove. I drop my arms and look sadly at him. It’s only now I realise in horror that there are tear tracks on my cheeks. I didn't even realise that I have started crying.

"You're ruining my shirt." He's still laughing so I guess he can't be too mad at me. Blaine would never be angry because of something as trivial as a stained piece of clothing.

"Sorry", I mumble and feel myself blushing.

"Don't worry about it.” He ruffles through my hair and his touch causes my whole body to tingle. Normally I’d never allow anyone to mess with my hair but tonight I’m aching for every form of physical contact I can get from Blaine. I just want his hands on me, feel the soft touch of his fingertips against my skin. He cups my face in his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears off my cheeks.

"Why are you so upset?" I don’t answer but lean into his touch.

He sighs. "I know things between you and Rachel aren’t what they used to be. Something happened between the two of you and it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me but just please try to get along with her. Do it for my sake. The two of you are the most important people in my life and I don’t want to be forced to choose.”

He looks at me with his big, shiny eyes, through his ridiculously long eyelashes. Once again I’m captured by his beauty. Everything about him is perfect to me and I don’t want to share.

I’m gnawing on my bottom lip. "I can’t."

"Why not?"

I stay silent and that seems to pull the trigger. Now he’s angry. "I just don’t get it, Kurt. What’s your problem?”, he shouts at me. "I know there’s some rivalry in your business but you and Rachel went into this whole Broadway thing together. You used to be such good friends and now you barely look at her when you’re together. I know she’s trying, I talked to her about it and she doesn’t get it either.” Why are you so stupid. "Do you really think I can’t see that you don’t want me to marry her? For an actor you’re not doing a very good job at hiding how you really feel." You have no idea what I'm hiding from you.

He shakes his head and buries his face in his hands. I can barely make out what he’s saying next. "I don’t want you to judge me for who I’m falling in love with. ‘Cause that’s what it is: I love her. That’s why I’m marrying her. And you have to accept that you won’t be able to change that.” He lowers his hands and looks up at me again. My throat tightens when I see tears shimmering in his eyes.

"Can’t you imagine how this makes me feel? Being ripped apart by the two people I care most about? It hurts, Kurt. It hurts so fucking much and I just feel so helpless.” He’s breathing heavily and he can’t hold the tears back any longer.

I have no idea what to say, there’s just so much I can’t express with words. I can’t comprehend what’s running through my head when I make the decision that will turn everything upside down.

I take one step closer.

And kiss him.

Right on the mouth.

For a few moments there's just him and me and this kiss. I feel his soft lips against mine and it feels a million times more phenomenal than I have ever imagined.

It's like an electric shock running through Blaine's veins and all of a sudden and much too soon he roughly pushes me away. I stumble and fall down on the couch behind me. It's only now that I realise what I have just done and jumping out the window suddenly seems like a good way to get away from here. Shit, why did I do this? I just want to leave this room as quickly as possible before I can mess this up even worse than I already have.

"Woah, Kurt”, Blaine wipes his hand over his mouth and looks at me, obviously unsure of what to make of all this. "You had too much to drink, man.”

I swallow. "Not much more than you, actually”, I croak. I'm still overwhelmed, a thousand different thoughts running through my head, trying to get a grip on the situation.

Neither of us says anything for the next few minutes. Blaine looks a little bit lost standing there. “Hmm...maybe the party was a little bit too much after all. Let's just... forget about this, okay?”

“Okay.”

Just run. Don't mind me. It's just my feelings lying under your feet while you're trampling on them, it's really no big deal.

I can't bear to look him in the eyes. My whole body is cramped up and shaking and I know I'm about to start crying.

“Maybe you should leave.” Otherwise I can't guarantee anything, I might just decide to throw myself back at you and just not let go this time.

“Okay.”

He goes. Just like that. Leaving me behind. When I hear the door being slammed shut, I feel the first tear rolling down my cheek.

So much for my Happy End.