une 30, 2010

I was in such a state of shock, you don't even know.

“She what?” I asked, wondering if I had heard Rachel right
“She texted this during lunch, to basically everyone” she said and showed me her phone

From: Mercedes
Message: Hey guys, guess what Kurt told me this morning. He was so jealous that I got that solo that he had to start a rumor to draw attention to himself. He said that he self harms. I can't believe he would say something like that. I thought we were friends.

“Oh my fucking god. Rachel, did you believe her?” I asked, pissed at Mercedes.
“No. Well, I thought that she was trying to make the universe hate you for her benefit and then I thought about it, and if you had said it to her, then it must be true. So, I was hoping that you hadn't even said anything.” She said and looked at my scars. I flinched
“Wait, how come I didn't get one, or Finn?” Blaine asked, confused.
“I have had my phone off all day” Finn said
“I don't think she has your number, and if she did, she probably wouldn't have told you because she most likely didn't want Kurt to know she was telling people. Plus, she knows you better than interpreting that you would break up with Kurt, or turn on him” Rachel said

We went back upstairs to my room. Blaine sat on my bed, holding me in his arms, and Finn and Rachel sat on the couch. They looked at me like they had so many questions.

“Blaine, Rachel, you can stay over. I'm sure you have lots of questions. But, I have a feeling this night is gonna end with explanations, a fight with Mercedes, and me probably crying.” I said.

I still think they are going to try to make me stop. I just don't want to stop. I have blades in my bag if they decide to search my room.

It got really tense and I decided to break the silence.

“You aren't gonna take my blades away, right” I asked really quiet.
“I want you to get better, but I know that it won't help to take them away. I was thinking, that when you have a bad day, instead of inflicting that pain on yourself, you talk to me, or them if you want. You could write down your thoughts in a journal, or listen to music. I honestly think that if you get your feelings out some other way than hurting yourself, it will do you a lot more good than bad.” Blaine said.

Finn looked at him really funny. Like, he knew something that Blaine hadn't told him.

“Blaine, you're not telling me something. That's like, therapist good advice, like, you've experienced it before...” Finn said

“Well...nobody said I hadn't experienced it before.” Blaine said.
“FINN. RACHEL. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU TELL MY DAD OR CAROLE, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE A LONG FRIGGEN PAINFUL DEATH” I kinda half yelled. Okay, I yelled.
“Tell us what?” Carole asked.