Until next time
- Kurt

I rolled over in bed grinning like an idiot. This really was the most perfect time of the year. Everything seemed to be working out amazingly. I was going to be spending Christmas with my awesome boss and his gorgeous brother and their parents would be coming down and there would be a proper Christmas day and I just knew that everything was going to be amazing.

I got up slowly, trying my best to ignore the sudden blast of cold air, and made my way down the hall to the bathroom. When I got there the door was closed and I knew it had to be Kurt. Finn had his own en suite because he used the master bedroom, and I could hear his distinctive voice echoing off the tiles as he sang some huge Broadway number. Trying to keep my thoughts innocent, I crossed to the other side of the hallway and waited.

I don't know what I was expecting when the door opened, but it certainly wasn't Kurt wearing comfortable-looking sweat pants and a grey hoodie over plain white T-shirt. His hair was under control, but nowhere near his usual coiffed hairstyle. Far from detracting from his appearance, however, it enhanced it. Instead of his usual put-together look, he looked completely relaxed. Almost vulnerable.

"At home," I whispered out loud, snapping back to reality as I realized what I had just done.

"Sorry?" said Kurt with a confused smile.

"I mean 'at last'. Sorry, things were getting pretty desperate there," I said, feeling like facepalming. Imagine covering my tracks with a conversation about my bladder's needs. "Sorry."

I laughed nervously and he did too. And then we both just looked at each other. The moment was suddenly so charged - so full of something I couldn't put my finger on - that my breath caught in my throat. I stared up at him and he stared down at me and for a moment it looked like something might happen. But he coughed softly and broke his gaze to look at the carpet in the hallway.

"I have to go make breakfast before Finn gets cranky," he said with something that almost sounded like shyness. "After breakfast do you want to help me decorate the house? I haven't had a chance to yet."

I'm sure I grinned like a maniac.

"Of course! That's one of my favorite parts of Christmas," I said and Kurt beamed.

"You don't mind if we blast Christmas music while doing it?" he asked tentatively.

"Is there any other way?" I asked and Kurt's smile widened. Neither of us really knew what to say, so we just smiled and went off to do what we had to do.

Try as hard as I might, I couldn't shake the sight of Kurt's eyes boring into mine and the small smile that played around his lips while he did. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that the feelings weren't just from my side.

I shook my head as soon as I thought it. It was ridiculous to think that he could ever see me that way.

But I had hope, and hope made me do dangerous things.

Two hours later found Kurt and I seated in his living room, cups of coffee in hand discussing how Kurt wanted to decorate the house. The way he was speaking, he wanted to decorate it with a very set color palette and I couldn't get my head around it. As much as I loved matching decor and all that, Christmas was supposed to be organic and spontaneous. It was supposed to be mismatched decorations and tinsel hung in unusual places.

I verbally chastised myself for thinking like that. This wasn't my house and besides, when was the last time Christmas at my house was anything close to happy?

Kurt frowned as he looked over at me and I could feel myself blush down to my neck. I was the worst human.

"Are you okay, Blaine?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow. "One second we're discussing decorating for Christmas and the next you're all silent and serious. You're not thinking of your parents are you? I told you to at least try to not think about all that for a few days and just enjoy yourself."

"I'm not thinking of my parents," I said softly. Well, now I was.

"Well then what is it?" he asked concernedly. "I mean, what can I do to help you out? I know things are rough for you at the moment and I really want to at least make it better for a while, but you have to tell me how to do that."

I hated myself in that moment. I was so ungrateful. This wasn't my Christmas, this was me being invited to share someone else's Christmas.

"It's really nothing, Kurt," I said sincerely. "It was just a small moment of madness. But I'm fine now. And I guess the main thing is that I can't find the right words to thank you for all of this."

"You don't need to," said Kurt softly and there it was again - that super charged almost awkward atmosphere. I smiled shyly before jumping out of my seat.

"Well, we're not going to get anything done just sitting there talking about it - let's get going."

Kurt chuckled and crossed the room to press play on his iPod. Immediately the house was filled with the sound of a fast-paced swing version of "White Christmas" and Kurt turned to me with a sly grin. My stomach did a pleasant backflip and I busied myself with some purple tinsel.

Once most of the decorations were up, I could see how talented Kurt was. Even though it was structured, it still looked homey and Christmassy. Kurt was actually a genius and since I felt bad about my rudeness, I decided I needed to make it up to him.

As inconspicuously as I could, I snuck over to the iPod dock and replaced it with mine in between songs. I made sure that the song I needed was second on the playlist and waited in bated breath until then.

When the opening notes of "Baby it's Cold Outside" started, I caught a glimpse of Kurt's grin and it was all the confirmation I needed that I had the right idea. He started tentatively singing along and when he realized it was just an instrumental version, he gave it more volume and I joined in. He was beaming at me as he sang and I couldn't help the small tingle of pride that crept up my spine knowing that it was my doing.

I had never sung the song with someone before, but it was amazing. It was the perfect amount of flirt and talent and I seemed to forget the rest of the world. Literally all that mattered in that moment was Kurt and I.

As the song started drawing to a close, Kurt grabbed the end of a long string of tinsel and I tugged on it so that he spun into me, the tinsel wrapping around him. The last note rang in the air between us and I suddenly became very aware of the fact that our chests were pressed together and there was literally no space between us. I could literally stand on my toes and kiss him if I wanted to. Which I definitely did want to.

"Could you take a step backwards?" Kurt whispered. I was surprised I heard it over my racing pulse.

"Why?" I asked, also whispering for reasons that were beyond me.

"Just do it," he said, a small smile playing around his perfect lips.

Oh God, Blaine, stop thinking about his lips, I thought desperately as I struggled not to look at them. I obediently stepped back, pulling a tangled up Kurt with me, and I followed his eyes as he glanced up at the ceiling.

"Mistletoe," I gasped as Kurt nodded slightly and I realized in that moment that whatever his feelings actually were towards me, he definitely wanted to kiss me too.

The revelation made my heart-rate triple. I was pretty sure I was close to some kind of cardiac arrest. If it were possible, Kurt moved closer and I knew it was going to happen. The thing I had fantasized about ever since I discovered his journals upstairs was actually going to happen.

I closed my eyes, bracing myself for what I was pretty certain was going to be the most surreal and perfect moment of my life when all of a sudden the piercing ring of the doorbell echoed through the house.

Kurt and I stared at each other for a moment and the full gravity of what would have happened sank in. I couldn't even begin to form words I was so embarrassed.

"I... I should go get that," said Kurt, his voice sounding dull and distant. My stomach coiled unpleasantly as he tried to untangle himself from the tinsel, eventually giving up and just breaking it as he rushed to get the door.

It plummeted further when Kurt opened the door.

"Hey, sorry if I'm disturbing anything, but I'm here to pick up Blaine?" came Sebastian's voice from just outside. "He said he was staying here while his dad's out of town."

"Oh, no, you're not disturbing. Um, I'll just go call him for you," said Kurt, and I tried to pull myself together in the brief amount of time it would take him to get from the hallway to the living room.

Kurt's eyes didn't quite meet mine and his voice was soft when he told me there was someone at the door to see me. I thanked him quietly and made my way to the front door where Sebastian was waiting.

With a bouquet of flowers.

Of course.

Feeling my hatred for myself intensify, I fixed a smile to my face and tried to act natural.

"Hey you, I almost thought you were about to stand me up," he said leaning over to brush a quick kiss across my cheek, before handing me the colorful arrangement.

"Don't be ridiculous - you never get stood up," I said, attempting humor. Sebastian chuckled, so I figured 'mission accomplished'. At least I'd get one point for acting like a normal human being that evening. "So, judging by the way you're dressed like you're on a quest to sweep me off my feet, I'm guessing I'm under-dressed?"

Sebastian briefly took in my appearance. I was wearing my casual around-home clothes - not shabby but definitely good enough to go out to dinner in.

"I'll wait for you?" he asked with an apologetic smile, not wanting to offend, but very loudly hinting that I should change.

I rolled my eyes, and went inside. After filling a plastic bowl with water and carefully placing my flowers in it (intending to properly sort them out later) I rushed upstairs to get ready.

I couldn't quite work out Kurt's half-smile as he passed me in the hallway, and the thought that it could be my fault made me wonder if I would ever work anything out when it came to Kurt.

"So have I made you fall in love with me again yet?" said Sebastian, threading his gloved fingers through mine as we made our way down a perfect snowy street in Columbus.

"I'd say you're pretty securely on your way," I joked, bumping my shoulder lightly against his. Well, against his upper arm anyway.

"Hey, I've romanced you to within an inch of my trust fund here," Sebastian said, a sly grin playing on his lips. He knew exactly what tonight had done to me. In completely uncharacteristic Sebastian behavior, he had given me the perfect holiday date. An amazing dinner, followed by a stroll through all the Christmas displays around town and then finally cookies and milk at a small bakery owned by the sweetest old lady I had ever met in my entire life. He hadn't missed a beat.

"You definitely have," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face. "And I loved every moment of it. But since you're practically bankrupt now, I've decided that coffee's on me."

Sebastian raised an amused eyebrow as I scurried off into the small coffee shop we had stopped in front of. Everything that night had been perfect and the warm glow that had been building inside me the entire evening was intensifying. I decided there and then, as I waited for our coffee orders, that if Sebastian wanted me to go home with him, I would. Really, what was there to wait for? I knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. And really if he could do all this for me, the least I could do was to stop being so uptight about sex and just do it.

My mind made up, I walked out of the shop with our coffees in hand only to be confronted with the sight of Sebastian kissing someone else.

I dropped both coffees and in a desperate attempt to erase the image from my mind, I ran. I honestly had no idea where I was going, I just needed to get away from Sebastian and the throat he had his tongue shoved down. I needed somewhere I could be alone, where I could try to process what had gone wrong in the space of a few minutes.

I stopped about ten blocks away, sobbing too hard to run anymore. I leaned against a streetlight wanting nothing more than to smash my head against it or kick it or attempt to cause some kind of damage to it.

I didn't get a chance to, because Sebastian came galloping around the corner two seconds, his saliva buddy following him.

"Blaine! I can explain everything, seriously," he said unconvincingly.

"What, how you play boyfriend with me all evening and the second I'm gone you're sucking face with another guy?"

"Whoa, 'playing boyfriend'?" asked the other guy, confusedly. As he stepped into the light I realized that he was one of Sebastian's lacrosse teammates. "Bas, you said that you guys had broken up."

"We... I mean... I just..."

"You told him we broke up?" I said, having never felt more hurt and betrayed and furious than I did in that moment.

"I didn't... not like that..."

"That's exactly what you said to me, Bas!" said his teammate sounding as livid as I felt. "How many other guys have you been sleeping with while you and Anderson were supposedly on a break, huh?"

"Sleeping with?" I said, feeling the air knocked from my lungs.

"Blaine, I was going to tell you, I swear..." said Sebastian. "I just... you weren't... and I'm a teenage guy..."

"I'M A TEENAGE GUY, SEBASTIAN!" I yelled, unable to control myself anymore. "BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME SLEEPING AROUND WITH EVERY SINGLE GAY MAN IN OHIO!"

"Oh really?" said Sebastian, regaining some of his confidence and quirking an eyebrow. "So is that why you're spending Christmas with your boss and his wonderfully flamboyant brother?"

Without thinking about it, and only realizing afterwards what I'd done, I threw as much weight into my fist as I could and made sure that it made contact with Sebastian's nose. The resulting crunch was as satisfying as it was terrifying. I realized that I had to get away before I did something I'd really regret.

"Anderson," said Sebastian's teammate and I finally made my first effort to meet his eye. "I really didn't know."

I nodded jerkily before putting as much distance between myself and them as I could. They could sort out whatever they needed to sort out. Right now my main concern was getting home - away from all this shit.

Reluctantly, but without any other option, I dialed Kurt's number.

"Blaine, I'm so glad you called," said Kurt immediately as he answered the phone. "Listen, I'm sorry if this is a bad time, but I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I mean, I don't know what I was thinking. It was just the song and the mistletoe and then you... but we're friends and I put that at risk and I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to say. That hadn't been what I was expecting and he wasn't sure what to do with this information on top of everything else that had happened.

"Blaine?" asked Kurt when my side of the line remained silent, a slight tone of worry in his voice. "Blaine are you okay? What's going on? Why did you call me."

"K-Kurt? C-can you come pick me up? I'm in Columbus and things... happened... between me and Sebastian and I'm fine, but I just can't go h-home with him," I said, surprising myself with how calm my voice had remained.

"I'm on my way just tell me where you are," said Kurt, sounding like he was running down the stairs and I definitely heard the jingle of keys at some point after that. The thought filled me with a strange comfort that seemed out of place after what had happened.

After explaining to Kurt where I was and assuring him I would find a coffee shop in which to wait for him so that I wasn't 'sitting outside in the snow dying', I hung up and kicked a stone on the sidewalk in frustration. The main reason I was so upset about what Sebastian had done was that I had almost done the same to him.

I realized in that moment that nothing could ever happen between Kurt and me. Even if he did want it too, I couldn't be that person. I couldn't let myself become that person. Kurt and I would never be more than friends.