Aug. 14, 2014, 7 p.m.
Tuesday: Chapter 4: I Might Need A Break
E - Words: 757 - Last Updated: Aug 14, 2014 Story: Complete - Chapters: 9/? - Created: Aug 13, 2014 - Updated: Aug 13, 2014 135 0 0 0 1
Not long after their ‘interlude', they found a perfect spot to stop to have their talk. Blaine set up the camp chairs while Kurt unfolded and laid out the blanket. Toeing off his shoes, Kurt sat down on the blanket patting the space next to him in invitation. Blaine sat down on one of the chairs to unlace his hiking boots and peel of his socks, before flopping down besides Kurt. Lying on his side, Blaine propped his head in his hand, looking expectantly up at Kurt.
Kurt pressed his lips together thoughtfully, wrapping his arms around his knees. “I think we should have some ground rules,” he blurted, dropping his chin onto his arms. “I mean…neither one of us has ever really been great at putting our feelings into words…unless we're singing someone else's song lyrics. I think talking about our expectations for how we talk to each other would be a good place to start.” He looked pointedly at Blaine, inviting him to respond with his expression.
“Okay,” agreed Blaine reaching out to pick a long blade of grass. “Like what?” he asked, running the piece of grass gently down Kurt's leg.
Kurt reached out to still Blaine's hand. “Like…we agree to get everything out on the table. No holding anything back because we're worried about what the other person will think.” Raising his eyebrows, Kurt silently asked if Blaine thought that was a good idea.
“That sounds good. Fair.” Blaine rolled over onto his back, scooting closer to Kurt. “I think we should agree to listen to each other and really try to understand what the other person is saying, or feeling, instead of trying to defend our actions. That this isn't about blame…or who was more at fault or -”
“Or anything judgmental,” interrupted Kurt. “You're right,” agreed Kurt. “Because this should be about figuring out how things went wrong – so that we can stop it from happening again. Because we both want to be able to trust each other again.”
“We both want us back,” added Blaine.
“Yeah, I really do,” murmured Kurt, running his fingers through Blaine's hair again. “Blaine, I need you to know…I forgave you a while ago after I realized that being angry over what happened wasn't productive. There was nothing either one of us could do to change things…we can only move forward. And I think I'm finally ready to trust you…with my heart…again.” Kurt continued to comb his fingers through Blaine's hair, soothing both of them.
“Thank you. Thank you for being willing to forgive me. And thank you for giving me another shot. Giving us another shot,” he said, squeezing Kurt's hand. He was quiet for a time, content to sit with Kurt massaging his scalp while he wrestled internally to bring up one last request.
“Kurt? I might need one more thing,” Blaine said timidly.
Kurt glanced down to see Blaine was staring off into the distance. “What, sweetheart?”
“I…I might. I might need a break. I mean, during our talk…I might need to take a break, just for a little bit. It's something my counselor and I have been working on. As a way to control my anxiety,” he admitted shyly. “The medication helps when things get bad…but it takes time to kick in, and I need other coping techniques. I just need you to know, I'm not walking away from our conversation…I just need a break. I'll come back. I'll always come back,” Blaine explained still too shy to meet Kurt's gaze.
Kurt leaned down to kiss Blaine's forehead. “Of course. I think that's only fair for both of us. I might want a chance to clear my head too,” Kurt reassured.
Blaine pushed up off the ground to place a soft kiss on Kurt's lips. “Thank you.” Finally looking back into Kurt's eyes, he emphasized. “I love you so much.”
Kurt could feel himself flush at the honesty in Blaine's words. “I love you too. I never stopped. I was really angry at you for a really long time – and then I was angry at myself because as much as I wanted to move on…to show you how you didn't deserve me after what you did – I couldn't. I couldn't say goodbye.”
They stared at each other for several long moments, before nerves got the best of them and giggles spilled forth.
“Um, which one of us should start?” asked Blaine.