Don't Keep Your Distance: Love

In the days following the incident in Blaine's bedroom, Kurt could barely look Blaine in the eye.

When Blaine entered the room, Kurt left. When they were forced to communicate with one another during family dinners, Kurt did his best to keep the subject matter to small talk. He was all too aware of the giant elephant in the room, and it was humiliating and painful to even be in Blaine's presence right now.

He just wanted to curl up in a ball under his bed and stay there forever.

Blaine felt awful.

Kurt could barely even look at him without flinching, and it was all Blaine's fault.

Furthermore, it was becoming increasingly obvious to Blaine that Kurt's discomfort towards him went beyond just embarrassment and awkwardness. Blaine figured that, when he and Kurt had accidentally kissed, Kurt must have realised that Blaine had feelings for him. Perhaps he even thought that Blaine had turned his head on purpose, as if to take advantage of Kurt in a vulnerable moment.

Blaine wanted to assure Kurt that he would never do such a thing – and he tried to get Kurt alone so that they could talk, but Kurt was making it nearly impossible.

It was obvious that Kurt felt completely disgusted and repulsed by what had happened, and by the knowledge of Blaine's attraction towards him. Blaine was deeply hurt, but not exactly surprised. He knew that he must come across as a creep, or some kind of sexual predator. A 29-year-old man pining after a 17-year-old boy….It was pathetic. Of course Kurt would be disgusted.

What hurt the most was the fact that Kurt was avoiding him, and keeping an emotional distance every time they were forced to interact around the family. Yes, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that Kurt would never love him back, but what was worse was knowing that he had probably destroyed the friendship and trust that they had managed to rebuild over the last few months.

He wanted his best friend back.

When Kurt went back to school, Blaine was almost relieved. He missed him, of course, but at least he had a few hours to himself, where he didn't have to see the look of discomfort and repulsion on Kurt's face every time they were near each other.

With the house all to himself, Blaine had a lot of time to think. He thought about how he could fix things with Kurt, and convince him to trust him again. He thought about Burt, and all the ways that he had broken his trust by allowing himself to fall for Kurt. He thought about his career, and his fans, and his friends back in New York.

He thought about drinking, and how much he would love to take a long swig from a bottle of vodka. How it would burn his throat so sweetly as it went down, and fill his stomach with warmth. How it would make everything fuzzy and simple and unimportant.

The cravings had been growing a lot stronger lately, and Blaine was scared. He had no question as to why the cravings had returned in full force – in the past, he had always drunk when he felt depressed, or lost, or guilty. It was his escape.

In New York, he had felt that way nearly all the time.

This was the first time that he had felt that way since his return to Ohio. And he couldn't lose the last semblance of his control now. He was barely hanging on.

Blaine decided to call Sebastian.

His finger hesitated over the 'call' button for a long moment. Sebastian had made it very clear before Blaine's departure that he didn't want Blaine thinking about New York at all, or worrying about work. He had told Blaine not to contact him unless there was an emergency - but this felt like an emergency, and Blaine needed a friend.

Sebastian picked up after the third ring. "Blaine?"

Blaine let out a sigh of relief at the familiar sound of his friend's voice. "Hi, Seb."

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Sebastian's voice was tense with worry.

"I'm fine, Seb. Really," Blaine assured him. "I just missed you."

"I missed you too, killer, but I know that's not why you're calling. What's going on? How's the family?"

Blaine sighed. "They're not my real family, Seb."

"Really? Could have fooled me, with the way you used to talk about them in your drunkest moments. Which was more often than you probably remember."

Blaine stayed silent.

"Well? How are they? "

"They're….they're good. Burt's married now, to a woman named Carole. She's great. Kurt is…really great."

"Really? I thought he'd be pissed at you."

"He was, at first. But we worked things out."

"I guess he missed his big bro."

Blaine winced. "Don't say that."

"Don't say what?"

"Don't call me his…brother. I'm not his brother. We're not related."

"Not technically, but his family practically took you in when you were a kid."

"Yeah, but we're not brothers. I didn't even get to see him grow up."

"Why are you so bothered by this?"

"I'm not!"

"Yeah, you are. Blaine, what's with the defensiveness? I thought you loved these guys."

"I do. Of course I do."

"So…?"

"So…Kurt's not a kid anymore." Blaine paused, his heart pounding. "He's seventeen. He's…different."

There was a pause. "So…what?" Seb asked, confused. "Do you not like him anymore? Did he turn into an asshole? Fuck, is he a homophobe?"

"No! God, no, nothing like that. He's gay, too."

"Oh. Okay, so not a homophobe then. Is he a brat?"

"No, he's perfect."

"…What?"

Blaine knew he should probably shut up now, but he was suddenly filled with an unbelievably strong desire to gush about Kurt, to tell Sebastian everything that he had been holding inside for months. It was suffocating to not be able to share something so huge, and Blaine wanted to let it out. And besides, perhaps Sebastian would have some advice.

So Blaine talked.

"Kurt is…amazing, Sebastian. Amazing. He's so brave, and kind, and funny, and smart. He's an incredible singer and performer, I've never met a more underappreciated talent in all my life. And he's so…strong, and beautiful, and Seb, he made me bowties for Christmas. He grew up into the most amazing guy, but…" The huge smile that had spread across Blaine's face quickly melted away as he remembered the reality of the situation. "But, as usual, I messed up. I messed everything up between us and now he hates me."

There was a long, tense pause before Sebastian spoke again."Blaine…what did you do?"

Blaine swallowed dryly. "I fell in love with him."

"Fuck," Sebastian hissed, his voice harsh and biting. "Jesus fucking Christ, Blaine. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Is this a joke?"

Blaine winced, immediately regretting opening up to Sebastian. He should probably have gone to David instead. Seb could be judgemental at the best of times.

Blaine had learned long ago that, with Sebastian, it was best to fight fire with fire. "No, it's not a fucking joke, Smythe," Blaine spat angrily.

"He's seventeen fucking years old."

"Yeah, and what? It's not like he's twelve, Sebastian, he's not a child anymore. Don't even pretend like you haven't had your share of barely legal guys."

"That's not the same, and you know it! Those were one night stands, but apparently, you're in love with the kid."

Sebastian spat out the word love like it had personally offended him, and Blaine clenched his teeth together in frustration.

"Look," Blaine said, trying to remain calm, "I know that the age difference is a little problematic -"

"Christ, you think?"

"-BUT, I can't help how I feel. So don't bother with the lecture. I seriously do not have the fucking energy for this right now."

Sebastian's voice softened a little. "I'm only trying to help you."

"Yeah, well, if you really want to help me, then please, just…tell me how to fix this. Because I'm going out of my fucking mind here."

Sebastian paused for a moment. "…Does he know?"

Blaine exhaled slowly. "Yeah. I didn't tell him, but…he knows."

"And I'm guessing he didn't throw himself into your arms and declare his undying love."

"Yeah, not exactly. He's been treating me like I have some contagious disease. He won't even look at me."

"Fuck. Blaine, you and I both know that the last thing you need right now, while you're trying to recover, is another fucking heartbreak. Why couldn't you have picked someone your own age? Someone who could deal with your job, and your past, and who knows you?"

And there it was. More judgment. Blaine felt anger bubble in his chest. "You mean, why couldn't I have picked you."

Blaine regretted his harsh words as soon as he said them.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit.

"Fuck, Sebastian, I…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yeah," Sebastian said, his voice uncharacteristically soft and vulnerable. "Yeah, you did."

"Seb, I'm sorry. That was cruel, and uncalled for."

"Yeah, it was."

"Fuck. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Just…stop apologizing," Sebastian said with a sigh. He sounded completely exhausted. "Blaine, it's no secret how I feel about you," he continued, and Blaine had never heard him talk like this before. "I haven't been very good at hiding it. I just didn't expect you to throw it back in my face, especially since you seem to be experiencing a little unrequited love yourself."

Blaine sniffled, trying his hardest not to cry. "It fucking sucks."

"Yeah. It really does."

At that moment, Blaine knew that Sebastian understood. And for the first time, he felt like he understood, too.

There was a long pause before either of them spoke again.

"You should talk to him," Sebastian said.

"I've tried, but he won't -"

"Try harder! Lock him in a room with you if you have to. Just be honest with him, make sure he listens. Let him know that you don't want to make him uncomfortable, and you'll stay away, if that's what he wants. If he's a halfway decent guy, he won't hold your feelings against you."

"I never -"

"I know you didn't, Blaine. I know you didn't. That's not what I meant."

Blaine bit his lip. "Okay. I guess I can do that."

"Good."

"Seb…thank you. So much."

"Don't mention it."

"No, really. You're…you're a great friend."

"...Yeah. I'll catch ya later, killer."

"Bye."

He hung up.

Blaine barely had a moment to breathe before his phone rang again. He almost dropped it in surprise. Assuming that it must be Sebastian calling him again, Blaine answered immediately, schooling his tone into the one he usually used for their playful banter.

"Did you forget to tell me about your latest conquest? Don't worry, Seb, I can live without hearing all the gory details of your sex life."

"…Blaine?"

Blaine's blood ran cold.

"Blaine? Is that you?"

"…Cooper?"

Kurt was actually quite enjoying being back at McKinley. 2 years ago, he never would have thought he'd say that, but 2 years ago he didn't have Glee club, and his friends.

He loved them like crazy – all of them, even Santana. Most of the time.

What had surprised him the most was how close he had recently become to none other than Rachel Berry, who had been pretty close to his arch rival the first year that they'd joined Glee. She was his biggest competition, but he didn't really mind that – what he minded was the fact that she had basically monopolised the solos throughout the first year of Glee club.

Singing was Kurt's passion, and he was damn good at it too. He wanted solos, thank you very much.

But lately, Rachel had been a lot more generous than she had in previous years. She had finally seemed to realise that the New Directions were a team, not the Rachel Berry ensemble. She and Kurt had grown quite close as a result, and she often hung out with him and Mercedes, his other best girlfriend (and, as far as talent went, Mercedes could definitely give Rachel a run for her money if the mood struck her).

Kurt was having lunch with the New Directions when it happened. Kurt was skilfully deflecting Puck as he attempted to steal Kurt's French fries, when his phone rang. He regretfully let Puck have the fries so he could answer it.

"Hello, this is Kurt."

"…Kurt," a voice said, soft and weak and trembling. Kurt's stomach immediately dropped into his feet. He would know that voice anywhere.

"Blaine," he said, "Blaine, what's wrong?"

At this point, he had the attention of everyone at the table, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Blaine was in trouble.

"Kurt, please, I need you, please,"

"Are you hurt?" Kurt struggled to keep his voice in check.

"No, but it's….Cooper, he called, and…Kurt, my dad is dead."

Kurt froze. "I'm coming home."

"You don't have to -"

"Blaine, I'm coming. I'm on my way right now. Just talk to me, okay?" Kurt got up from his seat and swung his messenger bag over his shoulder, prompting a series of questions from everyone at the table.

"Who's Blaine?"

"Kurt, what's going on?"

"Where are you going?"

"Shhhh!" Kurt hissed at them, covering the mouthpiece of his phone. "It's…a friend of mine. I gotta go, I'll explain later."

He rushed out of the cafeteria as fast as his legs could carry him, the sound of Blaine's heavy breathing in his ear.

"Blaine, talk to me," Kurt said, stumbling in his bag with one hand in search of his car keys.

"My dad is dead, and all I can think about is the bottle of brandy at the back of the cupboard," Blaine said.

Kurt stopped dead in his tracks. He used that brandy to cook sometimes, and he internally cursed himself for forgetting to get rid of it. He hadn't even remembered that it was there. "Blaine, no. Don't."

"I can't…"

"Don't. I will be home in 5 minutes, I have to drive. Do not touch that bottle. I'll see you soon."

Kurt was pretty sure he broke every speed limit on the way home, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was lucky enough not to run into any speed cameras or police cars, and arrived home in under 5 minutes, hurriedly parking his car and sprinting into the house.

"Blaine?" Kurt called out, frantic and worried. "Blaine, where are you?"

"Kurt?"

Kurt followed the sound of Blaine's voice into the kitchen, where he was seated on the floor, his legs pulled up to his chest.

Kurt gingerly approached Blaine, whose face was blotchy and tear-streaked. He looked so young at that moment, and Kurt's heart ached for him.

"Did you drink any?" Kurt asked. Blaine shook his head, and Kurt quickly pulled the bottle from the pantry before unscrewing the top and pouring the remainder of its contents down the sink.

Kurt slowly lowered himself to the floor next to Blaine, and reached out to put his arm around the man's shoulders. "I'm proud of you," he whispered.

"Why?" Blaine asked, his voice cracking. "I nearly drank it. I was so close, Kurt, you have no idea. I didn't even trust myself to pour it down the sink, I was sure that if I opened it, or even saw it, I would have drunk it. I'm weak."

"But you didn't drink it."

"Because of you."

"What?"

"I made you a promise."

Kurt felt his throat close up, tears welling in his eyes. He didn't know what to say, so he just tightened his arm around Blaine's shoulders.

"It was a stroke," Blaine whispered, his voice trembling. "He died in his sleep."

"I'm so sorry," Kurt said, wishing he could do more than offer empty words of condolence.

Blaine shrugged, his body tense and hunched up. "We weren't close."

"Maybe not, but he was still your father. I almost lost my dad once, and it was the worst thing I've ever felt."

"You can't compare the two," Blaine said. "Burt is amazing, and you've always been close. It wasn't like that with my dad at all. I never…I hadn't talked to him in years, Kurt. I always hoped that we'd get a chance to fix things, but we never did. I never even told him that I'm gay. And now he's gone, and I just feel like…"

"Like what?"

Blaine sighed. "I don't know. Just…hollow. Hollow and sad and disappointed and guilty."

"Don't feel guilty. You always feel guilty. You need to stop that, it will eat you up inside."

Blaine looked at Kurt with wide, bloodshot eyes. "It's my own fault that I keep screwing things up. I screwed things up with my parents, with my friends, and with you and Burt. I screwed up my whole life pretty magnificently, and then just when I thought I had fixed things between us, I screwed up once again."

Kurt felt rage bubble up inside him, but not at Blaine. He felt rage at the whole world, for dealing Blaine such an unfair hand.

"Okay, a few things," Kurt said sharply, and Blaine looked as if he were bracing himself for impact. "You didn't screw things up with your parents. They are the ones at fault. They're the ones who refused to support you, and only showed up when it was convenient for them. Parents should show their children unconditional love and acceptance. I was lucky enough to have that, but you weren't – and that is not your fault, Blaine. You're an incredible person. Second of all, you need to let go of the past. The guilt over what you've done – drinking, isolating yourself from my dad and I – it's still hurting you, and it's going to continue to hurt you until you forgive yourself. I certainly forgive you, as does my dad. We understand why you did it, and all we want at this point is to keep you around, and keep you happy and healthy. Also, you need to give yourself more credit, Blaine. I know that you think you're weak and cowardly, but you could not be more wrong. You're the bravest and strongest person I know, and you have heart of gold, and you have been through hell and still come out of it alive. That's amazing, Blaine. Others would have given up a long time ago."

Silent tears were openly streaming down Blaine's face, and Kurt just wanted to wrap his arms around him and let him cry into his shoulder until he felt better. But there was one more important thing that he needed to address.

"But, Blaine…" Kurt asked tentatively, "what did you mean when you said that you screwed things up between us again? As far as I know, I'm the only one who's screwed anything up since you came back here."

Blaine blinked at Kurt, furrowing his brow in confusion. "I'm talking about…the way that I feel. About you."

Kurt stared at him, confused.

Blaine sighed. "Kurt, I know that you figured it out. I'm guessing the accidental kiss was the catalyst, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that I made you feel uncomfortable. I completely understand how inappropriate it is for to have feelings for you, and I can't promise to stop feeling that way, at least not right away. But Kurt, please believe me when I say that I would never want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home. If you need me to, I…I can leave. I can go back to New York, or maybe I can even go to LA and stay with Cooper for a bit. I would miss you like crazy, but the most important thing is that you're happy, and I would like to do my best to salvage what remains of our friendship…if you'll let me, that is. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

Kurt was silent, staring at Blaine with wide, shocked eyes. "What?" He stammered, "Blaine, I don't - I don't understand. What 'feelings', exactly, are you talking about? Why would I want you to leave?"

Blaine smiled sadly. "You're going to make me say it, huh?" Kurt just stared at him.

Blaine sighed. "Kurt, what I feel for you…It's more than just an infatuation. I know that you probably think I'm just a pervert with some kind of innocence kink or something, but that's not how it is. I'm in love with you."

Kurt inhaled sharply, the sound of his own heartbeat loud in his ears.

"I love you, so much. I love everything that you are, every single thing about you. I've never felt this way about anyone before – I have been in love before, but never like this. It was never this all-consuming, and certain, and terrifying. And I know how hard this must be for you to hear, and to think about living in the same house as me when you don't feel the same way - which is why I'm offering to leave. I'd hate to go, but I think it might be for the best. I don't think I could ever stop loving you if I stayed. I might not be able to anyway."

Kurt exhaled slowly. His mind was slowly starting to put the pieces together.

The glances, the touches, the heartfelt conversations and admissions of affection and the love in Blaine's eyes – he hadn't made it all up in his head.

It was real. Blaine loved him. Blaine was in love with him, he had said it himself.

Kurt's heart was racing, and he felt like it was about to burst from his chest at any second. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead what came out was a bright, joyous laugh.

Blaine looked confused for a second, before his face crumpled in hurt. He scrambled for a moment as if to get up, but Kurt quickly lurched forward and held him in place. "We're a couple of idiots, you and I," he said.

Blaine looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"I love you too," Kurt said, and another laugh burst from his throat. "God, I never knew…I am so fucking in love with you, Blaine Anderson, you wouldn't believe."

Kurt watched as the expression on Blaine's face transformed from confusion to wide-eyed disbelief. He witnessed the moment where Blaine realised what Kurt was saying, and his eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled the most brilliant, dazzling smile Kurt had ever seen in his entire life.

"You love me?" He asked, still with a touch of uncertainty.

Kurt reached out and cupped Blaine's face in his hand. "More than anything."

Staring deeply into Blaine's earnest, wet eyes, Kurt suddenly realised what was about to happen. He swallowed nervously, subconsciously darting his tongue out to moisten his lips. Blaine's eyes widened further, and his eyes flickered down to Kurt's lips and back up before he leaned in slightly and then stopped, giving Kurt the opportunity to pull away if he wanted to.

Fuck. That.

Kurt cupped Blaine's face in his hands and quickly closed the distance between them, a soft whimper of bliss escaping his lips when he finally, finally, pressed his lips against Blaine's in a real kiss.