Don't Keep Your Distance: Misunderstandings

Blaine frowned at the clock on the living room wall. 10:42pm.

It was New Year's Eve, and it was safe to say that he wasn't really feeling the excitement.

Kurt had left a couple of hours ago to go to Rachel's New Year's Eve party. Apparently her dads were out of town, so she had ordered all the Glee kids to come over. Everybody was staying at her house overnight, so Blaine wouldn't be seeing Kurt until morning.

He wished that he'd been able to go to the party with Kurt. Sure, he would be forced to hang out with a bunch of teenagers, but he didn't think he'd look too out of place considering the fact that Finn looked about 30 years old even though he had yet to graduate high school.

But then there was also the fact that everyone would recognise him, and God knows a bunch of teenagers would never be able to keep a secret like that.

He just wished he could get out of the house and do things. He should be able to go to a New Year's Eve party if he wanted to. He was sick of feeling that a teenager under house arrest.

He had to admit, however, that his bad mood also had a bit to do with the fact that Kathy and Evelyn were leaving the next day. He liked Kathy, a lot - she was a lot of fun, and her happiness was contagious. Evelyn was sweet and caring, like the grandmother he'd always wished that he had. He would miss the both of them when they left.

Then, of course – and Blaine had tried his best to avoid thinking about this – there was the fact that Kurt went back to school in a couple of days. Which basically meant long days spent alone in an empty house, with nobody to keep him company or distract him when things got… difficult.

He sighed, absentmindedly picking at his fingernails.

"Why the long face, kiddo?" Burt asked, strolling into the room with a mug of coffee in his hand. "Do you miss your friends in New York?"

Blaine shrugged. "Some of them," he conceded. "I don't have a lot of really close friends, but yeah. I usually hung out with Wes, David and Sebastian on New Year's."

"Sebastian…he's your boss, right?"

Blaine shook his head. "His dad's my boss, in a non-traditional sense of the word. I mean, he's the president of Smythe records, so he basically gets to tell me what to do. Sebastian's the VP, so he's kind of my boss, but really he's more of an…adviser. He sort of took me on as his personal project." Blaine frowned. "He's a friend too, though. We get on each other's nerves a lot, but at the end of the day, we still care about each other."

There was a pause while Burt seemed to think Blaine's words over. "Are – are you and him, you know…?"

Blaine looked up in surprise. "No! No, we're…it's not like that."

"Uh huh," Burt said, obviously not buying it. Blaine nearly laughed. If only he knew the truth.

"I think that Sebastian might…want that. With me. But, it's never going to happen. We're not…he's not the guy for me. He's great and everything, but…no."

Burt nodded. "Okay," he said, sounding slightly disappointed. "I just think it would be good for you, to have someone like that. I think mostly I just wanna know that there'll be someone there in New York to look out for you, when you feel ready to go back. I worry, y'know? I don't want you to be lonely, or to be too far away from your support system."

Blaine nodded. "Yeah, I get that," he said. "I don't want you to worry about me too much, though. I have some really great friends in New York, who definitely try their best to look out for me, when I let them. Sebastian included."

"Well, that's good, kid. Make sure you let them next time, yeah?"

"I will. I promise."

They sat in silence for a minute before Kathy burst into the room, her arms laden with what appeared to be several large, fluffy blankets.

"Come on, sad sacks, we're getting out of here," she said, dumping the blankets on the couch. "It's New Year's Eve and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here in the living room, drinking sparkling grape juice and watching re-runs of Seinfeld. Let's go."

An hour later found Blaine, Burt, Carole, Kathy and Evelyn seated on top of a tall, deserted hill, overlooking the city.

Everybody was curled up in the blankets that Kathy had had the sense to bring, and Blaine was seated between Kathy and Evelyn, sipping at a mug full of hot chocolate from one of the several thermoses that Carole had packed. They would have a perfect view of the fireworks that would be let off at the start of the new year, but right now, Blaine was just enjoying the view. There was something amazingly peaceful about sitting outside at night and looking up at the stars.

"About five minutes to go, guys," Kathy said. "What're your New Year's resolutions? Mine is to finally quit my lame ass job and pursue acting, like I've always wanted."

"Good for you, sweetie," Evelyn said. "I keep telling you to get a move on with that. Lord knows you won't be 24 forever."

Kathy affectionately punched Evelyn on the shoulder. "Yeah, you'd know all about that."

"You watch yourself, miss."

Kathy grinned. "Okay, so what's your resolution then, granny?"

"Hmmm…" Evelyn said, "My New Year's resolution is to spend more time with my grandchildren, and less time working. What about you, Burt?"

"I'm gonna try harder to stay healthy, for my family," he said gruffly. "I complain when Kurt makes me eat rabbit food, but I get how important it is. I wanna be the best dad I can be, for as long as I can."

Carole smiled at her husband fondly, and crinkled her nose in thought. "Hmm, I really can't think of anything I want to change. I'm very happy with my life right now, but if I have to choose a resolution…well, I've always wanted to do charity work - something with kids or teenagers, preferably. In the past it always felt like I never had enough time. This year, I'm going to make time."

Burt smiled at his wife, and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.

"What about you, sweetie?" Carole asked, turning to Blaine.

Blaine bit his lip, suddenly shy. He knew that everyone was probably expecting him to say something about staying sober, but he felt like he needed to do better than that. Sure, staying sober would be hard as hell, but he didn't just want to not be an alcoholic anymore – he wanted to become a better person.

Suddenly, the memories came rushing back to him.

A small, tearful little Kurt Hummel looked up at Blaine as he stood in the airport. Blaine gently cupped Kurt's tiny face in his hands, and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I'll never say goodbye to you," he whispered. "I promise."

Fast forward to 2012, and Blaine had just returned home, and Kurt had hugged him for the first time in 6 years. Kurt was staring at Blaine intensely, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. "I want you to promise that you will never drink another drop of alcohol ever again."

"Yes."

"I want you to say it, Blaine."

"Kurt, I promise that I will never drink another drop of alcohol ever again."

-

"Blaine?" Burt asked, and Blaine jumped slightly, startled. "You got something, bud?"

"Yeah," Blaine said. "Yeah, I do. My New Year's Resolution is to always keep my promises."

The others looked slightly surprised, but they smiled, and Blaine smiled back. It wasn't a New Year's Resolution, really. It was more like a lifetime resolution, but he'd always heard that it was best to break big goals into smaller milestones. And no matter how hard it may seem, no goal was ever achieved without starting somewhere. He was glad that he was starting back here, with his family by his side.

Suddenly, the sky lit up, and the sound of exploding fireworks and distant shouts rang out. Everybody whooped and cheered and hugged each other, and Burt kissed Carole happily, and Kathy pulled Blaine into a hug and kissed his cheek. It was 2013. For the first time in so long, Blaine felt optimistic about the year ahead.

But at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to have Kurt by his side.

It was 3:23am, and Blaine couldn't sleep.

This wasn't unusual – he often had trouble sleeping. But it was still frustrating, especially because he felt physically exhausted, yet for some reason his mind refused to shut off for the night.

The bedroom door opened.

Blaine sat up so suddenly he felt dizzy. Kurt looked back at him from the doorway in surprise, clad in his party clothes and looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, frowning slightly, "what're you doing here? I thought you were staying the night at Rachel's?"

Kurt bit his lip. "I, umm…I was going to," he said. "I left. I couldn't sleep."

Blaine's eyes widened. "Kurt, you didn't…you didn't drink and drive, did you?"

Kurt shook his head. "No, of course not. I don't drink."

Because he's seen what it's done to me, Blaine thought. He didn't say it out loud.

"Can I come in?" Kurt asked.

Blaine nodded, and Kurt shut the door behind him, before coming to sit next to Blaine on the bed. He started fiddling with his hands restlessly, and he wouldn't meet Blaine's eye.

"Kurt, is there something wrong?"

Kurt looked up at him nervously. "I couldn't sleep," he whispered.

"Yeah, you said that."

"I couldn't sleep because I missed you."

Blaine's eyes widened in shock, and his heart beat quickly in his chest. "You m-missed me?"

Kurt nodded. "It's just," he said, his voice raising in pitch, "It's New Year's. And I was at Rachel's, but I wanted to be with you. And I just felt like…I needed…"

"I missed you, too," Blaine blurted.

Kurt stared at him, his mouth opening and closing like he was trying to form words, but couldn't.

Concerned, Blaine reached out and touched Kurt on the shoulder. "Kurt? Are you okay?"

Suddenly, Kurt was moving forward, and Blaine jerked his head back in surprise just as Kurt pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Blaine's mouth.

It was over in a moment, and Kurt pulled back immediately, staring at Blaine with wide, frightened eyes. Blaine stared back at him in shock, the corner of his mouth still tingling, and he lifted his hand to press his fingers to the place where Kurt's lips had met his.

Blaine had moved his head at the last minute – he hadn't meant to, but Kurt had taken him by surprise – it had happened so fast, and Kurt had obviously missed the intended target, but Blaine wasn't sure whether Kurt had been aiming to kiss him on the lips, or on the cheek.

"I'm so sorry!" Kurt gasped, sounding completely horrified.

Blaine's heart sunk. Shit.

Kurt had obviously intended to kiss him on the cheek. Of course he had. But then Blaine had stupidly moved, and now Kurt was completely freaked out and…disgusted. God.

"I didn't – I'm -"

"Kurt, Kurt, it's okay," Blaine said quickly, a feeling of panic beginning to rise in his chest. "Really, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. It was just a misunderstanding. You took me by surprise, I'm sorry. We can just…forget this ever happened."

Kurt let out a soft whimper. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Kurt," Blaine said, his voice pained, "Kurt, please don't worry about this, it's not a big deal, really -"

Blaine reached out a hand to comfort the boy, but before he could make contact, Kurt practically leapt off the bed.

"I've got to go," Kurt said, his voice trembling. "I'm so sorry."

As he rushed out of the room, Blaine thought he heard the sound of a broken sob.

Blaine lay back on the bed, and curled himself up into a little ball. He eventually fell asleep with Kurt's horrified face in his mind, unable to believe that he could have been stupid enough to think that he actually stood a chance.

When Kurt closed his bedroom door behind him, he finally allowed the tears to fall.

He couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to think that he actually stood a chance.

At Rachel's party, when midnight rolled around and all the couples had kissed, Kurt had felt an unbearable urge to be with Blaine. He needed him by his side. It was the start of a brand new year, and he couldn't shake the feeling that they should be together.

A couple of hours later, after everyone else had fallen asleep, Kurt continued to lie awake in his sleeping bag, restless and lonely. He wanted to see Blaine so badly.

Unable to take it anymore, he had got up, quietly packed up his things, written a note for Rachel, and tiptoed out of the house. He'd driven home on autopilot, his body thrumming with nervous energy.

He'd headed straight to Blaine's room. He figured that Blaine would be asleep – he just wanted to see him. He needed to see him.

But Blaine had been awake, and Kurt had had to come up with an explanation as to why he'd driven back from Rachel's house at 3am and come into Blaine's bedroom.

Kurt found himself telling the truth – saying the words 'I missed you', and Blaine had looked so surprised. But then he had said it back, looking at Kurt with those big, earnest eyes. Blaine's full lips were pink and inviting, and his face was so close, and Kurt could have sworn that in that moment, Blaine wanted him in the same way that he wanted Blaine.

And that's when Kurt completely messed up.

In a surge of courage and affection, he had tried to kiss Blaine. He leaned forward with the intent of finally, finally, learning the feeling of Blaine's lips against his. But a second before their lips could meet, Blaine had pulled away from him. He had moved, and Kurt had ended up awkwardly kissing the corner of his mouth, while Blaine stared at him in shock.

He knew, immediately, that he had gotten it horribly wrong. The attraction that he had seen in Blaine's eyes wasn't real. It was wishful thinking – it had always been wishful thinking. Every time Blaine had touched him, or looked at him, or playfully teased him – none of it had been real. Kurt had made the whole thing up in his head.

How could he have been so stupid? Of course Blaine wouldn't want him. Blaine was a full-grown man, a celebrity – he probably had thousands of gorgeous, successful men who would fall at his feet in an instant. Who was Kurt? Just some boring, regular teenager with absolutely nothing to his name.

And now Blaine knew. He knew about Kurt's stupid fucking feelings, the ridiculous crush (no, so much more than a crush) that he'd harboured for Blaine since before he was even old enough to know what he was feeling. It was pathetic. He was pathetic, and now he'd completely fucked everything up.

"I'm so sorry!" Kurt gasped.

And then Blaine was trying to comfort him, trying to assure that it was okay, that it was just a misunderstanding and they could just forget that it had ever happened.

Kurt wanted to cry. As if the whole situation wasn't embarrassing enough, Blaine just wanted to sweep the whole incident under the rug. Apparently it wasn't even worth acknowledging. He was obviously so disgusted and creeped out by Kurt's feelings that he'd rather just pretend that they didn't exist.

"Kurt," Blaine said, his voice pained, "Kurt, please don't worry about this, it's not a big deal, really."

It's not a big deal. Of course it wasn't a big deal. Just a stupid kid with a stupid crush – not a big deal at all.

Kurt wanted to be mad at Blaine, but he wasn't. It was his own fault for being so naïve.

"I've got to go," Kurt said, his voice trembling with the effort to hold back his tears. "I'm so sorry."

He ran from Blaine's room as fast as he could.

And when he curled up beneath the blankets on his own bed and finally let himself dissolve into deep, aching sobs, he was once again reminded of how painful it was to love.