Chapter One.

Kurt Hummel was sitting very quietly in his French class. Normally he loved French - he was very good at it in fact, but lately, Kurt really hadn't been enjoying it.

He normally would answer almost every question his teacher gave him. He hadn't been enjoying a lot of things as of late. The bell had signalled the end of his class and he's just happy that yet another day of his pathetic, miserable life was almost over. He just had to get through Glee Club first, not that he was particularity looking forward to that either…

As Kurt stood in the empty hallway of McKinley High, he sighed. He used to love going to Glee Club, getting a chance to be who he really was and nobody judging him for it - that was part of the appeal to join in the first place, as well as being able to sing. That was until about a month ago when things had started to change for Kurt, not just in Glee, but just his life in general.

Since his Sophomore year, he had become more confident with himself, but this had changed as soon as David Karofsky and Azimio had started to bully him - calling him names, shoving him into lockers and just making his life a living hell. Azimio, Kurt wasn't scared of, he wasn't sure why, but he just wasn't. But the thing Kurt was scared of however, was Karofsky. He was the worse, not only did he shove Kurt, but the things he said got inside Kurt's head and Kurt hated that he would let him do that, but he did, David always found a way in there.

As he stuffed his French books into his locker he started to wonder if maybe he was miserable because of what Karofsky was saying to him, or the fact that nobody actually liked him. Maybe it was those things Karofsky would say to him and that he didn't deserve friends. He decided it was probably the latter.

Kurt walked down the hallways heading to the choir room, trying to avoid seeing anybody in the process. This was something that he become fully accustomed too, not being a burden to anyone. He practically tried to blend in everywhere he went.

As he entered the choir room, he sat down on one of the plastic chairs at the back away from everybody. He sat ridged in the seat not being able to get comfortable at all. He sits and plays with him thumbs and starts to chew on the inside of his lip - these were habits of his when he got nervous or paranoid.

He sat there on his own a lot now, nobody seemed to bother him, nobody seemed to really notice him there, not even his so called 'best friend' Mercedes, who was now sitting giggling her head off with Tina about God only knows what. Kurt scoffed to himself, and moved around in his seat and rolled his eyes.

Rachel stands up and makes her way to the front of the class, 'Great.' Kurt thinks to himself 'Another Berry solo.'

"Mr. Schue, I have been working on a little number and was hoping that it would be considered for sectionals." She says with far too much enthusiasm that Kurt just wants to throw up.

"Of course, Rachel, but remember that it is going to be considered, it's not set in stone, okay?"

"Fine," Rachel says, taking center position and beginning to sing.

You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lie next to your frame
Girl unobserved
You change your position
And you are changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be

We're interrupted by the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent what's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it, you're wearing thin

'Ellie Goulding?' Kurt thought to himself as the prima donna sang her heart out. This wasn't what she usually sang, this was completely different. She and Finn or Puck or whoever it was now, must be going through some sort of drama.

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist; and make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say?
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask... won't you try to help me?

As she finished the chorus and started the next verse, Kurt feels the lyrics she's singing and he's not sure why, but they are playing with him emotionally. Not that it took a lot to make him emotional.

Sat on your sofa...it's all broken springs
This isn't the place for those violin strings
I try out a smile and I aim it at you
You must have missed it
You always do

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist; and make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say?
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end

Only it's too hard to ask... won't you try to help me

You wait, I wait, casting shadows, interrupted
You wait, I wait, casting shadows, interrupted
You wait, I wait, casting shadows, interrupted

You wait, I wait, casting shadows

Why don't you be the artist; and make me out of clay?

Why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say?

Because I'd rather pretend

I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask... won't you try to help me

Kurt had to admit, she sounds pretty damn good. This was the real Rachel, getting her emotional side out, which he loved about her. But still, if she cared for him then she would had made an effort to talk to him, which she hadn't.

Why don't you be the artist; and make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say?
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask... won't you try to help me

As Rachel finished, the whole of the New Directions got up on their feet and applauded her, as to which, Rachel curtsied and blew kisses to them jokingly.

To tell you the truth, Kurt was jealous of Rachel Berry. He was jealous of all of the attention she got, which may make Kurt sound selfish, but he's only human, and everyone has flaws.

He almost stood up and said something about how everyone bitches about her behind her back, so why are they all being so nice now? But he didn't. He kept his thoughts to himself, he was tired of fighting.

"Great job, Rachel, but I still want to do this fairly, so solo auditions are still a go."

"Mr. Schue." Rachel interrupted "Please, we need me to sing a solo if we want to win."

"Like hell midget." Santana called from the back of the class "I'm tired of you getting what you want…I'm auditioning." At least someone had the same opinion as Kurt.

"Yeah, me too." he heard Mercedes call.

"Okay guys, now in order to get you in the competition mood, we're going to be having our annual mash-up performances. I'm splitting it boys verses girls. The more gender opposite your song choice, the better."

Great, just what Kurt needed, to be working as part of a team, which means actually taking part and talking to them. He decides to make things less complicated – he'll join the girls. They were more understanding and he felt a little more comfortable around them than the boy's, even if it was only by a small margin.

"Kurt…how many times do I have to say it? Boys team."

Well at least someone had noticed him, so he slowly makes his way over to the boys' team and sits patiently while the rest of them talk about some new Xbox game or whatever it was - Kurt wasn't really listening.

After Glee Club, Kurt just wants to get home. Today had been a little easier, and so far he had managed to avoid Karofsky, which was an achievement in itself.

Kurt is just getting his books out of his locker and forcefully putting them into his satchel when he feels himself being shoved against the lockers, in which he hit's his head and it he can feel blood starting to trickle from his eyebrow.

The next thing he sees is Karofsky grabbing him by his neck and holding him there so he can't run away, not that Kurt would dare too.

Karofsky gives Kurt this look that just plain terrifies him, he feels the jock's grip loosen and his hands fall to his side, but he continues to just stare at Kurt, who can't interpret what he wants and isn't sure if he wants to know either.

He swallows and breaks the stare, and starts to breathe quickly; he grabs the last book from his locker before slamming it closed shut and making a run for it out of school.

This, of course was not one of Kurt's finest moments. As he was running, he remembered his dad telling him that 'Nobody pushes the Hummel's around' and this had become Burt's mantra, but Kurt didn't know what else to do, so he just ran until he reached his car and drove home quickly.

He turned the radio on in the car to try and get him to calm down, music always helped with this.

'…Let you put your hands on me, in my skin tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight.'

Kurt grunted 'Damn you, Katy Perry' and quickly turned the radio back off and put his Wicked CD in, and felt immediately better as "Dancing Through Life" started playing.

It's not that Kurt didn't like 'chart' music, he just wasn't the biggest fan of Katy Perry. She was so over-rated.

When he finally gets home, after being distracted by his favorite musical's soundtrack and deciding to take a detour home, he quickly check the cut on his eyebrows, deciding that it's not noticeable, and steps out the car. He walks up the path way and opens the front door.

"Kurt!" he hears his dad's voice call as he comes from the living room into the hallway where Kurt is. "There, you are. What kept you, kiddo?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just um – I had homework to do and I needed the school resources. Sorry, I should have text you, dad."

"It's fine. C'mon, I'm just about to start dinner."

"Dad, you can't cook."

"Well that's why I need your help."

Kurt laughs at his helpless, when it comes to cooking, father.

"Fine." Kurt gives in and follows his dad into the kitchen.

"What do you fancy? I fancy some of that Cannelloni that you make so well."

"Yeah, sure, can you get me the pasta from the cupboard?" Kurt asks as he has already started to put together some of the ingredients to make the sauce.

Kurt loves cooking, it's therapeutic, it takes his mind off of everything, so he was going to take full advantage of that.

It reminded him of his mother. When he was about 5 or 6, Elizabeth used to bake everything with him. From cookies, to cakes, to pastries - he would love spending this time with his mother and when she died, Kurt had immediately decided to continue with this and kept the cooking going as a way of being able to connect with his mother.

"Here you go…I hope it's the right one," Burt laughs.

"It is." Kurt laughs with him as he very quickly is able to prepare the dinner and about 20 minutes later, Kurt is serving up their plates and walking through to the dining room with them as Burt joins him.

They both tuck into the meal, and Kurt has to admit to himself that he is impressed with his cooking skills.

"So, how was school?" Burt asks, shoveling the food into his mouth. It was just a simple question, so why did Kurt find it so hard to answer?

He couldn't exactly tell his dad that he hated it. That he was scared, that he was getting bullied. His dad had almost died about 2 months ago, due to a heart attack - he didn't want him to get even more stressed.

"Yeah," Kurt started. "It was great actually. Glee Club was good. We're going a mash-up, so we get our competitive sides on, so that should be fun," Kurt lied. He hated lying to anyone, especially his father, but he knew it was better to do this than to cause his dad even more stress, right?

"Oh good, you really enjoy Glee Club, don't you kiddo?"

"Yeah, I do." That wasn't a lie, or at least he used to enjoy it. He decided to try and change the subject "How is Carole?" Burt had been dating Finn's mom, Carole, after Kurt had set the two up. They had been going out for a while now, and Burt seemed happy with her.

"Yeah, Carole's great. She was asking about you. I'm sure she pretty much thinks of you as her own, y'know."

Kurt smiled at this. Yeah, nobody could ever replace his mom, but if Kurt was going to have another female figure in his life, then Carole was certainly above anyone's expectations.

That night, Kurt sat downstairs with his dad, who was watching some football game that Kurt wasn't really interested in, so he decided to get out some homework. He had an English assignment that was due in a couple of days, so he would work on that.

He opened his laptop and booted it up and waited patiently as he sat on the couch. He opened the file that he needed and got out the sheets of references he was to use for the information to finish the assignment. He researched different poets and the eras they came from. He actually found this quite interesting- how poetry had never really changed in all of its years. It was quite beautiful really.

At about 9:30, Kurt yawned and stretched out on the couch, feeling very tired indeed. He saved his document and closed the laptop down, before getting up to go to bed. "I'm going to bed, night dad."

"Night, Kurt," His dad said, holding out his arms as if to invite Kurt in for a cuddle, which Kurt happy did. "Love you, kiddo."

"Love you too, dad." Kurt said as he released himself from his father's arms and slowly made his was upstairs to his room.

Kurt put of his silk pajamas and slid into bed, taking his remote and switching his television on. He flicks through all of the channels and decides to watch the end of Family Guy, not that Kurt would normally watch this, but he was doing everything to cheer himself up, so if that meant watching some lame cartoon program, then he would do it.

The program finished about 10 minutes later so he searched for something else to watch, as to which he finally decided that absolutely nothing was on. Yes had every movie possible, but to tell you the truth, Kurt wasn't really in the mood. He wasn't tired though.

He got up out of bed and made his way over to his book shelf, scanning for at least something to read. He eventually decided on "One Day" which he had read before, and loved it, so it wouldn't exactly hurt to read it again. He climbed back into bed for the second time that night and started to open the pages of the book.

He needed something to take his mind off of Karofsky; it was too late to bake, so reading would do.

As he stared at the pages, the back lettering on the contrasting white paper seemed like just a blur to Kurt, he couldn't make out the letters and that's when he realizes that he's crying. The tears are just falling down his face and he can't stop them, no matter how much he tries. Kurt tries to stop crying, he really does, but moment's like this he just can't help it.

This normally happens at school. Kurt won't let anybody see him cry, and that way nobody makes a fuss over you, so it was easier to just get it all out when nobody was around.

Kurt didn't even know if anyone would care if he did just break down crying in school. Why would anyone? Nobody liked him, he didn't have any friends anymore, at least anyone he could trust.

It wasn't that no one cared, it was just that no one understood - not really. And that's what Kurt needed right now, somebody who understood him. Yeah, the New Directions got slushies thrown at them, but nobody got Kurt's exact situation. He's gay - it's harder for him than for the rest of them. They were accepted in society, and Kurt wasn't.

Once Kurt started to calm himself down a little, he did what he does every single night.

He put his hand under his pillow and took out his journal, it's black cover with cut out letters spelling out 'Journal' on it stared at Kurt.

He tentatively opened it and begun to write in it with his usual calligraphic handwriting.

Dear Journal,

Today was absolutely horrific, not that that's in any different to how any other day is, as I've told you before, but still.

Karfosky just plain terrifies me and I wish he would just leave me alone. I wish he could just accept that I'm gay and just deal with it.

I feel invisible. I feel as if nobody cares about me anymore. Maybe that's selfish of me, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's alright to be selfish every once in a while.

All I know is, I want it to stop. For good.

I know one way to make the torment and all the hurt, all of the bad things in my life disappear forever. Maybe I should just put everyone out of their misery and just…give up with living.

I can't do this on my own anymore.