February 2016

Blaine lay in his bed motionless, he was cold and shivering. He turned around and instantly saw Sebastian’s sleeping form inches away from his. Just like every morning, he hated seeing it there, he felt anger swell up inside him, but he knew he couldn’t do anything, because Sebastian would have to ‘Punish’ him, as he liked to put it.

Slowly he got out of bed, making sure to be as quiet as possible careful not to wake up Sebastian. Over the years he had grew accustomed to this, he knew the in’s and out’s of him and what make him tick and what didn’t, Blaine had learned from experience to never get on his bad side. It only ended up worse.

He stumbled sleepily into the kitchen to start breakfast, normally, Blaine would have never made someone he hated to the point where he had actually contemplating hurting them, breakfast, but the taller boy had him well trained.

Since eventually graduating at Dalton academy, he and Sebastian had moved to New York, Blaine was pleased with this decision, mainly for one reason. Kurt was moving there, and that meant that one day, he would eventually hopefully bump in to him again.

Blaine could only hope.

Sebastian made it difficult for Blaine to do this. He made sure Blaine never left the apartment without him, and if Sebastian had found out that Blaine had left, he would have no problem in telling Blaine that he was ‘Worthless’ or ‘Pathetic’ or whatever horrible insult he could think of, before raising his fist and striking Blaine in the face and continue to hit him till he lay motionless.

As Blaine was tending to breakfast, he heard footsteps coming from his and Sebastian’s bedroom, in which Blaine immediately tensed up, every muscle in his body ached.

‘Morning’ Sebastian said as he walked out of the room, Blaine took that as the sign that he was aloud to talk.

‘Hello’ he said concentrating on cooking. He felt the taller man come up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, not in a sweet, romantic way. This was just Sebastian reminding him as he did every day, that he was his; there was no way out of this.

‘Well aren’t you a good boyfriend for cooking me my breakfast’ Blaine shuddered when he heard that word…boyfriend. Sebastian used this all the time, and it just made Blaine feel sick and want to scream, but he never did, he knew better.

He felt Sebastian watch him as he was plating up the breakfast and they ate in silence, this was nothing knew.

Wordlessly, Blaine took the empty plate and washed it, the warm water that ran over his hands as he did so made them numb and the contrast between how cold Blaine was, both inside and out.

He felt Sebastian’s dangerous arms pull him from the sink to the bedroom and finally pushing him down on the bed. 

Blaine lay motionless as Sebastian started kissing at his jaw, down his body and back up again. He knew instantly what he wanted, and as much as Blaine had never wanted too, he gave in; hoping that one day, all this pain and hurt would go away.

Sebastian pulled at Blaine t-shirt and pulled it off him, he then proceeded to Blaine’s sweatpants and pulled them down with ease and Blaine was feeling more and more violated by the second and like a ‘Cheap Whore’ as Sebastian would often call him.

Blaine violently struggled in his mind to think of something that he could use to just blur out  what was really going on, he thought of the last thing that made him smile, the last person that genuinely made him happy… Kurt.

As Sebastian was kissing him forcefully, Blaine could only think of how it used to feel when he and Kurt kissed, how every time they did, it sent fireworks through Blaine entire being and had done the entirety of their relationship.

Before Blaine could stop himself, he found himself moaning the one name that he knew Sebastian would hate the most, he couldn’t help it, he was enjoying the image that he had build up of himself and Kurt that it slipped out. He moaned Kurt’s name into Sebastian’s left ear and regretted it almost immediately.

‘What did you say?’ Sebastian snapped, making a tight grip on Blaine’s shoulders, as he looked at the frightened man in front of him, making sure he hadn’t heard what he thought he had, even though he heard it loud and clear.

‘N-nothing’ Blaine stammered his eyes were jolting all over the room, trying to avoid Sebastian’s gaze like the plague.

‘I don’t think you heard me’ he tightened his grip on Blaine as a warning ‘I said, what did you say’

Blaine looked down for a few seconds, on one hand he really wanted to just tell Sebastian what he had said, that he had just moaned Kurt’s name while Sebastian was ‘Making Love’ to him (if you could even call it that, I don’t think that’s what it’s called when one person feels sick every time it happens) He wanted to stand up to him for once, he was sick of all of this and he was literally emotionally drained by all of this, but on the other hand, Blaine knew how bad tempered Sebastian could get and he did not want to see that, not again, he couldn’t.

But why? Blaine thought to himself. Why for once in his life, couldn’t he just fight back? He had attended boxing classes when he was younger, so he would be able to fight back, wouldn’t he?

He reminded himself of something that he had once said himself, the thing that he had said to the one person he has only truly loved.

Courage. He reminded himself

He closed his eyes and swallowed. He was so going to regret this…

‘I said, Kurt, Sebastian’ He stared at Sebastian with his eyes wide and full of fear, the blue/green iris’ staring back at him had changed, Blaine was sure that he saw something in them that could only mean sadness and hurt, that however only lasted for a second before Blaine felt Sebastian’s fist collide with the side of his face which forced Blaine head to snap to the side, he was sure he had a broken cheek bone, but by now he was used to at least that.

‘You fucking cheep whore’ Sebastian snarled as his fist made forcible contact to Blaine’s face again, and again. ‘Get out…just leave’ Sebastian said and Blaine didn’t think twice, he put his clothes back on and left, feeling sicker than ever, he knew he had to get out there, and he had been told to, and Blaine wasn’t stupid…Okay maybe he was for leaving the best thing that had ever happened to him, but apart from that.

He made his way outside to the cold February air, he started to walk with no direction of where he was going the punches Sebastian had given were really sore and swollen, and had made him slightly disorientated. Blaine had decided that coffee would probably be the best option. He felt that something stronger would erase this from his memory, but he knew better.

Walking to the coffee shop, Blaine inevitably had time to think, his mind started to wonder to Kurt as that was all he could think about right now, it was all he wanted to think about, he reminded himself of the good memories they had shared together, the first time they kissed, their first date, their first lovers tiff, and the first night when they had given themselves completely too each other, and how Kurt had looked at him after that. And this brought a small smile to Blaine’s mouth.

Blaine was suddenly reminded that soon, would be the 25th of March 2016.  The day in which he had written on that letter he handed to Kurt the day his world turned upside down. He still knew exactly what he had written in it, it was sketched into his head.

He often wondered what Kurt was like now. If he had actually moved to New York, what he looked like, what kind of person he was, if he had a boyfriend. Blaine felt selfish at the last one, because he realised he would be jealous if Kurt did have, that was a fact. But who was he to say that?

He just hoped Kurt was happy, and he was sure he was.

He arrived at the coffee shop and pushed the heavy door open with his arms, he honestly did not have the strength anymore.

He walked over to the counter and ordered himself his usual order of a medium drip. The woman behind the counter was often working when he was there and many a time had she seen Blaine come in with horrifying bruises on his face, she asked him about it once, but he just tensed up, she hadn’t said anything to anyone since, she had become accustomed to roughly when they appeared and ultimately how long each one would take to disappear. Once one had gone, another one would appear in its place.

Once Blaine’s coffee was done, she handed it too him wordlessly and Blaine walked over to one of the tables and sat sipping his coffee. He looked around the interior of the coffee shop, the walls were a warm red colour, and had pictures of different places of New York hanging around in it, the pictures were black and white, but in the more focused parts, their was the occasional splash of colour, for instance in the particular once Blaine was looking at, a yellow cab. Very touristy.

He continued to look around, until his eyes had started to gaze out side at the hustle and bustle of New York City. There were people going in every direction Blaine could see, people going to work, people going to visit friends, people shopping, everyone had a purpose.

Blaine didn’t, at least, he thought he didn’t. Sebastian had told him that and made it his business to remind Blaine of that everyday.

Blaine had to get out of this. He physically couldn’t take this anymore, all the pain, all the hurt; he honestly didn’t think he could put up with it anymore.

He just didn’t know where he wad supposed to go for starters, leaving Sebastian would mean he would be homeless, he guessed he could always go back to Lima, but that was something he wanted to avoid. Another thing was what if Sebastian lashed out at him and this time not only hurt him, but… yeah he didn’t want to think about that.

As he was trying to sort his life out, but not particularly going anywhere with his thought’s, he had to stay in this hell, he looked up at the door which had just opened, he saw a very familiar figure walk in and once again, froze in his seat, but not in a bad way, it was actually happy to see the tall, slender form walk in.

Kurt looked different, but at the same time, he had changed so much, he had grown up. He had certainly been working out because his arms had been more defined, you could see the muscles in them. His face had an older look about it, His jaw was more defined. His pale blue eyes however, had not changed in the slightest; the same 17 year old Kurt that Blaine had fallen in love with was still there.

Blaine could hardly believe this was happening, he felt himself breathing deeply.

Kurt Hummel was as beautiful as ever.

Should he go and talk to him?

What if Kurt despises him? Loathes him? Blaine wouldn’t blame Kurt if he did, he had broken this boy’s heart and he knew it.

He hated himself for it.

But what if Blaine could have a second chance?

Maybe even get his life back?

Feel human again?

Blaine was about to go and walk up to Kurt and apologize for everything he had done to him, he felt he owed him that at least.

Blaine stopped in his track as he saw another man walk in behind Kurt. He was about the same height as Kurt, blonde, blue eyes, and anyone could see that he had an amazing body, even if he was wearing a shirt, anyone could tell.

Blaine saw them smile and laugh with each other.

He saw Kurt smile.

Blaine retreated and instantly made his was to the bathroom, avoiding Kurt and the other man.

He could never intrude on Kurt’s life like that.

A few minutes later, Blaine decided that Kurt would have found a seat by now and so he made his was out of the bathroom and out of the door of the coffee shop, taking one last look at Kurt before disappearing back to his apartment, back to Sebastian.

To what he deserved…