Sebastian

A smile tugged at Blaine's lips, as he folded the letter back into its envelope. He'd been surprised to get back to David's place and see a delivery of roses, but it was really the carefully penned note inside that wiped away the last of his irritation. He considered his course of action, as he went through the motions of refilling the cat food dispenser, topping off the water dish, tossing a few plates and glasses in the dishwasher. In all of his past relationships, Blaine had been the one to make the first move. It was pretty flattering to think that not only had Sebastian been the one to pursue him, but that he'd been attracted to him for a while. Especially since it was being made clear that it was an attraction based on more than just appearance.

There was a slightly giddy feeling building in his chest, one that he sort of dismissed. Yes, he liked Sebastian, liked spending time with him. Liked all the things they did together, with and without clothing. It was kind of nice to just let things flow, he decided. To let things be spontaneous and not worry about labels or where things were going. They were young, and didn’t have to have all the answers right now. It was enough to just enjoy their time together.

It was about two months since the night Sebastian had bought him that first drink. And in that time, they’d settled into something comfortable and casual. Both of them had gone on a few dates with other people - Sebastian more often than Blaine, but it wasn’t like he was keeping track. Nights when ‘Bastian was busy, he just stayed at David’s, and played around on his guitar or the keyboard. More and more often, though, he spent the night at the other man’s apartment. He even had a drawer there, with a few changes of clothes and an overnight kit (toothbrush, contact case, shaving supplies, the usual). Other than a stop on his way from work every couple of days to make sure the cat wouldn’t starve, he barely spent any time at the empty apartment.

This was nice, Blaine thought sleepily. His head was cushioned against Sebastian’s bare shoulder, their legs entwined. Soft music played in the background, something instrumental that was lulling his eyes shut. Lips pressed against his temple, and he snuggled closer, wincing as a strained muscle in his back protested. He laughed quietly. Who needed a gym to work out? He got all the exercise he could ever want right here.

“Baby?” Sebastian murmured against his hair, fingers tracing gently down his spine.

“Hm?” Blaine tilted his chin, planting a kiss on his jaw. “What is it?”

“I just wanted to tell you... how incredible everything’s been since we really started spending time together.” He brushed his lips against Blaine’s forehead, then his cheek, then captured his mouth in a kiss. Pulling back slightly, Sebastian’s breath ghosted across his face. “And I think I’m falling in love with you.”

He froze, mind kicking into a frantic high gear. The first thought was that the statement was bullshit. No matter how happy or giddy or whatever Sebastian was feeling, actual love was something that took time and effort. It was scientifically proven that the rush associated with “falling in love” was just a release of seratonin and other brain chemicals, and that once they settled down after around ninety days, then genuine emotional attachment began. So there was no way that Blaine was in love with Sebastian, because they hadn’t been around each other long enough to come down from their chemical infatuation. But clearly, clearly ‘Bastian didn’t think about all those things, and was instead just going with his feelings.

God. What should he do? He couldn’t say it back, not when he knew he didn’t mean it. But Sebastian’s brow was starting to furrow, and he was pulling away slightly, and was that hurt in his eyes?

“Thank you?” he managed, knowing at the same time that it was exactly the wrong thing to say. “I mean, ‘Bastian, I care about you, a lot, and-” he backpedalled frantically, trying to save the situation. They’d been having such a wonderful evening!

“It’s okay. We said we’d always be honest with each other, and you don’t have to feel the same.” He had moved away completely at this point, sitting up on the edge of the bed, his back to Blaine. “I was just, you know. Hopeful. I’ve been pretty lonely since Ford... well. I suppose I thought I’d found something in you. I’m not looking to change things, I’m not ready for that. I just wanted you to know. That I do. I love you.”

“I just, I’m kind of surprised, okay? We didn’t-” Blaine reached out and placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder, heart dropping when he shrugged it off. “I don’t-” he tried again.

“Maybe you should go home tonight.” Sebastian stood up, grabbed his robe, and walked out of the bedroom.

Blaine didn’t move for a long moment, staring at the doorway as lights flipped on in the rest of the apartment. Slowly, he sat up, shivering in the sudden absence of warmth beside him. He tugged on his clothing and checked his pockets for wallet and keys. When he got to the living room, Sebastian was on his laptop, earphones firmly in place, pointedly ignoring the movement behind him.

“I’ll call you tomorrow? So we can talk?” he offered weakly, crossing into his field of vision. Sebastian made a noncommital noise, so he decided maybe a goodbye kiss was pushing it. The apartment door closing behind him felt like something more permanent than “Good night”. Blaine had never felt more confused in his life as he started his late-night trip across the city that never sleeps.

Things weren’t looking much clearer the next morning. Sebastian wasn’t responding to any of his text messages, and his phone rang through straight to voicemail. Blaine didn’t want to push, didn’t want to be that guy, but he really wanted to talk to him. It’s not that he didn’t think he could fall in love with him someday - even someday soon. It was that when he was sixteen, he’d rushed into falling in love over and over, and when that first blush of chemical rush faded away, he’d been left in awkward situations - like singing sexually charged songs in the middle of the Gap. To him, love was a choice, and a committment, more than just a fuzzy emotion. So for Sebastian to say those words to him, when they weren’t even serious to begin with... it was complicated.

He knew that he didn’t want to lose whatever it was the two of them had. He didn’t want to lose Sebastian. It was killing him how upset he’d made him. More than anything, Blaine wanted to fix this. He wanted to find a way to make it work. After his shift making overpriced coffee drinks for people in an enormous hurry, he went for a long walk. At first, it was because of his indecision: should he go to ‘Bastian’s, the way he usually would? Or should he head over to David’s for a long night in which he’d stare at the wallpaper and fight with that damn cat? Without his conscious awareness, his feet made the decision for him. Blaine came back to himself suddenly, looking up at the Law Offices of Hamilton & Smythe, where Sebastian was a junior partner owing to nepotism and charisma. He blinked a few times, and realized that there was a tall, slender man in a suit heading in his general direction, briefcase in hand, and clearly finished for the day. He took it as a sign, and moved to intercept.

“Sebastian!” he called, taking a few running steps. His voice cracked, heart thumping wildly against his ribs. Was he really going to do this? “I love you, too!”

Sebastian froze, half-turning to face him. “Blaine?”

Heedless of the impatient bustle of workers trying to move around him on the sidewalk, the shorter man rushed forward. “I know I didn’t say it earlier, because you surprised me and I was confused, and I really just wanted to think about it for a little bit, because since we said this wasn’t a big thing, I guess I didn’t see it as an option and I didn’t realize it or something at the time, but you’re really important to me, and the last thing I want to do is lose you, and I’m so sorry it took this long, and that you were upset and hurt, and I do.” Hazel eyes flicked earnestly from side to side as he spoke, because it wasn’t really a lie. He wasn’t in love with Sebastian. But he probably could be, and what could it hurt, this little white deception, if it helped smooth things over and get them back to the place where they could be happy together? It would be fine.

Sebastian’s hands were suddenly cupping his face, briefcase dropped on the sidewalk. “Do you mean it?”

Blaine’s tongue darted out nervously, wetting his suddenly dry lips. “I love you,” he lied, knowing full well that he was lying. It would be worth it, in the end. A mouth crashed suddenly against his own, and he melted against his lover.

“Let’s go home,” the taller man whispered huskily when they finally came up for air. “I want to show you just how much it means to me, that you’d come all the way here to tell me. And when we physically can’t move anymore, we’ll order Chinese and watch something mindless, so I can just hold you. Is that okay, baby?”

A brilliant, relieved smile. “That sounds wonderful.” A tiny seed of guilt planted itself in his guts. Blaine reached for Sebastian’s hand.