Chapter 35

Miss you x

Kurt didn't second guess pressing send on his message to Blaine, even though it was nearly midnight. It was their first night out of the hospital, and in the joy of getting out, in the elation of knowing they had actually done it, both of them had forgotten it would also mean going home to separate houses. It was the first time they had slept apart since Kurt had taken Blaine out of Dalton, and he was definitely feeling the separation.

Kurt's phone buzzed nearly immediately, and a picture popped up of Blaine pulling a stupid sad face, somehow holding a very put-upon Molly in frame. We miss you too! xx

Kurt giggled, warmth coiling in his chest. Dork. You're lucky Molly and I love you! Bet she was happy to see you :)

Wes brought her round after dinner. I missed her so much!

Kurt sighed, still unable to believe that things were on their way to settling back to normal, or as normal as they got anyway. That he was simply laying on his bed, texting his boyfriend.

His phone buzzed again, Can't sleep?

Kurt bit his lip, letting his fingers fly fast across the screen and hitting send before he could second guess himself for being too cheesy, Not without you here...

There was a longer pause, enough time for Kurt's stomach to tighten as he stared at the screen. But then, I know. I wish I was with you now. But at least my parents are letting me join the ND end of summer party!

To be honest, Kurt was surprised his dad was letting him go only the day after he got out of hospital, let alone that Blaine's parents were releasing him. But the doctors had been clear that it was important to get Blaine back onto as normal a schedule as possible. Yes, the last two weeks since leaving Dalton had been a terrifying rollercoaster, but Blaine really was doing okay. Treating him like glass would only be counter-productive.

It probably helped that the party was being thrown by Finn, in the Hummel-Hudson garden...

Tomorrow can't come soon enough. I think it's also a welcome home party. Don't tell Rachel I told you!

:)

Kurt bit his lip, tapping his finger against the side of his phone, debating. How are things with your mom?

Weird. She's my mom but I don't know what to say to her. Or how to feel. Coop's pretty angry about everything I think.

Kurt rolled onto his back. Maybe this wasn't the best time to have this conversation. But still... Your mom loves you Blaine.

A pause, and for a moment Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine was going to respond. I know she does. That's the problem. It makes it harder to hate her...

Kurt didn't know what to reply to that, but Blaine sent another message immediately afterwards, Thank you for not giving up on me in the end. I love you xxx

Never. And I love you too xxx

00000

"Hey," Finn sat down on the grass next to Kurt, handing him a drink. It was a beautiful Friday, one of those peaceful final days of summer that shine all the brighter for it. The New Directions were scattered around the garden and in the kitchen, music playing loudly as they took advantage of most of the neighbours still being at work. "How're you?"

Kurt leaned back on his elbows, smiling up at Finn as he tore his gaze from Blaine. His boyfriend was as carefree as Kurt had ever seen him, arms waving animatedly as he chatted with Sam. Kurt had been unable to take him eyes off him, taking in Blaine's glowing skin, his bright smile and, to Kurt's delight, bare sun-kissed arms.

The morning had dawned hot, and Blaine had thrown caution to the wind, much to Kurt's pride. It was a big step, and a bigger statement of how much Blain trusted both the New Directions to respect his no-skin-touching boundary, and for Kurt to be his safety net.

"I'm really good, Finn," Kurt said softly. "More than good."

"So..." Finn drew out the word, "Does that mean you and Blaine are coming back to school on Monday?"

Kurt snorted at Finn's blunt delivery. It was a topic no one had broached yet. The summer had disappeared far too quickly in a blur of stress, and Monday would mark the start of Kurt's senior year at McKinley. And if Blaine was to return, his junior year.

Leaving the hospital was one thing, having a party like this was easy, risk free... but going back to high school? Kurt knew he would be – his dad may not have said as much, but there was no way that conversation was going to end up any other way for him.

Blaine however...

His education was all over the place, and Kurt knew Blaine's mother would be considering homeschooling again after the scare the family had been through.

"What's going on?" Blaine blocked out the sun for a second, before flopping down effortlessly on his side right next to Kurt, mindless of any personal space as he casually draped a hand to rest on Kurt's stomach, propping his head up with the other. Kurt tried to stop his brain from flat lining, but wasn't having much luck.

By Blaine's mischievous grin, it had been intentional. Kurt must have been projecting his conflicted feelings across the garden, and now Blaine was very aware where Kurt's mind had jumped to.

Finn remained oblivious, "I was just asking Kurt if you guys will be coming back to McKinley with the rest of us on Monday."

"Oh, yeah..." Blaine's nose scrunched adorably, "I keep forgetting it's next week."

"There's been a lot going on," Finn said.

"Understatement of the century," Kurt muttered, but Blaine's fingers tracing languidly over his shirt banished any darker thoughts.

"So?" Finn prompted.

"Of course we are!" Blaine laughed, but when he sensed Kurt's surprise, he continued more seriously, "Well, I've not had the conversation with my parents yet, but there's no way we're not. The doctors said we have to be normal. Normal is school, and I can't spend the next year only seeing you guys and my family. We've fought too hard."

"Who'd have thought people would be fighting to go to McKinley!" Puck crowed, butting in as the rest of the New Directions whooped and clapped at the news.

"Bring on Sectionals!" Artie yelled, grinning as he caused another uproar.

Kurt took advantage of the distraction to lean over and press a light kiss to Blaine's warm lips, "You sure your parents will be okay with this?"

Blaine shrugged, "It doesn't matter. It's my life, not theirs, and I'm not going to waste another moment."

His fire and determination sang through Kurt, who couldn't help but smile, "I love you..."

Blaine grinned, sun catching in his gelled hair, surging forward to capture Kurt's mouth in a heated kiss of electric sparks.

"Get a room!" Santana yelled.

They ignored her.

00000

"I'm home!" Kurt called as he closed the front door. It was Wednesday, just over halfway through their second week back at school. And everything was, somehow, going great. Kurt kept expecting to wake up, kept waiting for something to go wrong, but it was still perfect.

Sure, there had been bumps in the road... The way the entire school had buzzed about them those first few days. Kurt's inability to focus unless he knew Blaine was in a class with at least one other glee kid. Blaine's slight dip when Cooper returned to New York last weekend. But these were hurdles they had been able to overcome together.

The school gossip had inevitably moved onto the next scandal once it realised that neither Kurt nor Blaine were about to sprout wings or whatever they'd been waiting for. Blaine had sat down with Kurt and talked through his fears that Blaine would be cornered by some jock, and Kurt wouldn't be there to help. And following their first session with Dr Nordstorm, Kurt had stayed over at Blaine's on Saturday night, simply letting himself be there for Blaine while his boyfriend processed the empty space left by Cooper's departure.

They were settling into some sort of rhythm, a sense of normalcy that Kurt was happy to bask in. Even the doctors seemed positive, although it was very early days. Kurt was beginning to breathe again.

"Hey Kurt, can you come in here a sec?" His dad's voice floated out from the kitchen. It was just going to be the two of them that evening. His stepmom Carole was picking up an extra late shift, while Finn had gone round to Rachel's after school. Blaine had been met at school by Wes, who wanted to catch up on everything that had happened since the hospital. Kurt had been invited to join them in the Lima Bean, but he had a mountain of homework to get through before Friday, and with glee club tomorrow he didn't have much time to fit it in. Besides, he was looking forward to dinner with just him and his dad.

Kurt dropped his bag in the hall, calling fondly, "What have you done this time? I told you, you need to preheat the oven."

"Hey, I'll have you know dinner is completely under control," his dad said with a grin, throwing a cloth onto the counter. "I just wanted to talk."

Kurt froze in the doorway to the kitchen, muscles tense and ready to bolt, "Dad, no. We don't need that talk. We did that, remember? It was traumatising for both of us, but you covered it. Just because I'm with Blaine now does not mean we need to revisit that."

Burt rolled his eyes, "Sit down Kurt. It's not that kind of talk."

Kurt sidled delicately into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. His dad sat down opposite, pushing something across the table. Kurt's breath caught. He knew where this talk was going now...

Tentatively he reached forward, fingertips brushing the neat, lovingly designed hardcover, flicking down the spiral spine of loose pages. Carefully, he looked up at his dad, trying to read his expression as he asked, "You've been looking at it?"

"I have," Burt confirmed. "And, while I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert... Kurt, these are amazing."

Kurt ducked his head, a smile tugging at his lips at the praise, "Thanks Dad..."

"So, I gotta wonder. Why is it you've not done anything with it recently? I get the summer was... a lot... but it's like you've just abandoned it. And this is just your work in progress book. I know, I found a stack of older ones upstairs," his dad said earnestly, eyes searching.

Kurt, draw the book across the table, fingers dancing along page edges before randomly flicking the book open. The spread was a carefully arranged splash page of nautical colours and fabric samples, along with an ink sketch of a final outfit, and a photo of the final piece. He remembered wearing it the day Blaine kissed him in the choir room.

"I guess I just stopped thinking about them..." Kurt shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant and failing. "They're just a stupid hobby." As soon as he said those words, his throat tightened.

"Stupid?" Burt repeated incredulously, "Kurt, you've put your heart into these. They were your dream. So, why am I having talks with Finn about colleges and the future when I've not heard one word about it from you?"

Kurt closed the portfolio with a snap, folding his arms as he avoided his dad's eyes. All seniors had been distributed with pamphlets and general application advice on their second day back. Kurt's were still stuffed at the bottom of his bag. "Maybe it's not my dream anymore."

His dad sighed, "Who are you trying to lie to here? Me? Or you?"

Kurt swallowed thickly, shaking his head against the tears that burned at his eyes, determined not to let them fall. He pressed his lips together, looking anywhere but the portfolio as he tried to gather himself. And even though he thought he had moved past it, he couldn't help but hear his own hollow words, all those weeks ago, when he had tried to defend himself to Blaine's mom. No real plans, just a vague idea of New York, and maybe something long distance.

How naïve had he been?

"I won't abandon Blaine, not when there's a chance for him now," Kurt finally said.

Burt shook his head, refuting quietly, "Kurt, the whole point of these sessions with Dr Nordstorm is to give you the chance to make choices. Both of you deserve more than to be stuck in Lima for the rest of your lives. You need to take any chance you have, or you're going to live a life of regret and, eventually, resentment."

Unbidden, Kurt's promise to Blaine in their darkened hospital room came back to him. A promise to follow his dreams, come what may. He let his fingers curl around the precious portfolio, "Can I think about it?"

"That's all I ask," his dad said, leaning back in his chair. "Dinner's at seven."

Kurt rose, hugging his portfolio to his chest, "Thanks Dad..."

Burt smiled, "You're welcome. I love you Kurt, remember that I only want the best for you."

"I love you too, Dad," Kurt replied sincerely. He had a lot to think about.

00000

The problem was, the more he thought about it, the more overwhelmed he became. Forgetting homework, Kurt had spent the whole evening looking through his portfolios with a critical eye, flicking through his old browser bookmarks of the top colleges in fashion design in the country. He had been trying to ignore it, much as he had tried to ignore the start of senior year.

The summer had wiped all chance for dreaming away. He had been lost in a mire of heartbreak, confusion, fear, and complete immediacy that he hadn't had a moment to think of the future, not really. If anything he had been actively trying to avoid thinking about it, because before, thinking of the future meant thinking of a world without Blaine.

But now... now there could be a future. Couldn't there?

And most importantly, Kurt couldn't bear the idea of growing to resent Blaine. Because if he looked at it with brutal objectivity, he knew he would.

The next day at school, Kurt knew Blaine was aware something was off, but his boyfriend didn't press him until they were pausing at their lockers, on their way to glee club. "So, are you going to tell me what's got you so distracted?"

Kurt's hand stuttered, and he nearly dropped his textbook. He took a breath, closing his locker and looking into Blaine's extraordinarily expressive eyes. Just say it, like ripping off a band-aid, "I'm going to apply to college to study fashion design. I've got a couple of options, but my top choice is Parsons School of Design, in New York." Blaine blinked, clearly surprised by what probably seemed like such an out of the blue topic. Kurt ploughed on, "I've already looked into it, and while my portfolio could do with a bit of a refresh, I think I've got a really good chance of getting in. And I really want to get in Blaine..."

As soon as he said those words, he knew it was true. His dad was right. This was his dream. Just as much as Blaine was his dream. Could he really have both?

Blaine's face was unreadable, and Kurt wasn't sure that he felt confident enough to reach out and take Blaine's hand right now to get a read of what his boyfriend was feeling.

Blaine shut his locker, nodding, as he said neutrally, "Well, that's it then."

Kurt blinked, the tone of Blaine's voice throwing him even more. But then Blaine had his hand, and was guiding him towards the choir room. Kurt still couldn't get a read on Blaine, even with the skin on skin contact, he was simply too nervous and worried by Blaine's complete lack of reaction.

"Ah, Kurt, Blaine, just in time," Mr Schue said in greeting, "We were just about to start-"

"Can I have a second, please Mr Schuester?" Blaine cut across their teacher smartly, taking everyone in the room by surprise.

Mr Schue raised an eyebrow, but gestured for Blaine to go ahead as he took a step back. Blaine guided Kurt to his seat, and Kurt was even more perplexed to see Blaine was grinning. "Blaine, what..?" Kurt asked.

Blaine pressed a quick kiss to Kurt's lips, before taking two steps backwards, addressing both Kurt and the rest of the club, "If you're going to New York, then I guess I'm just going to have to come too. And what better way to get in some practice, than to join New Directions? If you guys like my audition, of course."

Kurt's mouth dropped. Around him, his friends were grinning, clapping encouragement. Blaine was practically glowing, grinning cheekily at him in a way that convinced Kurt that this had been planned before he had announced his college plans.

It struck Kurt as unbelievable that the confident, happy boy in front of him was the same as the quiet, shy shadow who had stepped into Kurt's life at the beginning of the year.

And then, as Blaine sat down at the piano, Kurt realised that he had never, not once, heard Blaine sing.

The first few chords blended delicately, and Blaine's eyes flicked to meet Kurt's with a grin, registering the exact moment when Kurt recognised the intro.

Before you met me, I was alright,

Things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life...

Kurt had never understood what people meant, when they said what feeling a really amazing singer was like.

Now he did. And Blaine... Blaine was stunning. He swept the room up in his voice, in an indescribable energy of joy and trust and love. And it was all for Kurt.

Don't ever look back...

TBC