"Where is he?"

"Emily, I need you to calm down, you won't be any help to Blaine in this state."

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, Fiona! You told us he was doing okay!" Emily was livid. She was terrified. She was confused and so, so tired. She glared at the doctor, a woman who had forcibly become a painful feature of their lives from the moment Blaine had been diagnosed.

Dr Monroe held up her palms in a placating manner, "You know I can't allow you into Blaine's room until you have got your emotions under control. And I said that Blaine was doing remarkably well for his age. We still have to be prepared for dips and struggles such as this as he gets older." The woman's face was impassive, professional, her gaze steady as she waited for the mother to come down from the wave of adrenaline that had gotten her to the hospital as fast as she had. "However, I can now tell you that what Blaine experienced was not an empathic episode."

Emily slumped against the wall, all the energy drained from her body, "Oh thank god..." She pressed her palms against her eyes, blocking out the world for a moment as she gathered herself in the depths of her relief. Finally, she looked up to meet the patient doctor's gaze, "Then what was it? They told me he collapsed at school..."

"Although I can't be sure until Blaine wakes up and I can speak to him, my preliminary diagnosis from what I've heard from those who found him is that your son experienced a rather severe panic attack."

Emily shook her head slightly, dazed, "What? N-no, that can't be right, Blaine doesn't get panic attacks. He's not an anxious boy; he's never had one before."

"That does not mean he can never have one. You must remember how much everything has changed for Blaine recently. Although the episode he had when he was fourteen was a significant blow to his stability, it did not have the long term effects we necessarily would expect. That was thanks to his stable home life, I am sure. But now he's back out in the world, experiencing new things, new emotions, new people... that kind of thing is bound to take its toll." Dr Monroe sighed sombrely, resting a hand on Emily's shoulder in comfort.

"What are you saying?" Emily hated the way her voice cracked. John was always so much better with things like this; he was always able to be strong for Blaine. He must be getting here soon...

"I'm saying that while today will likely turn out to be a little more than a scare for Blaine, we should recognise this as a sign that things will not be getting better. From what we know about teenagers of Blaine's level and at his stage of development, we have already started to see the indications that his health will not improve from here." In a rare break of professionalism, the doctor turned to lean against the wall next to the mother, bringing their eyes level. "I'm sorry, Emily. Blaine has officially started to experience sense control deterioration. It's very early stages, but..."

"But it's all downhill from here." Emily finished, her voice cracked. She wanted to cry, she should be crying... but somehow... she didn't think she had any tears left. Over a decade of crying tended to use up even the deepest of reserves.

"Emily?" The sound of her husband's strained voice pulled Emily Anderson out of herself, it made her push off the wall and straighten her spine, and somehow made her pull on a watery smile.

Because just for that one moment, John didn't know.

00000

When the doorbell rang, Emily had been in the office going over some summer work from her students.

That was important to know.

It hadn't been something she planned.

It hadn't even been something she had considered.

Under normal circumstances, it would never have happened.

But these were not normal circumstances. This was her son, her son's life, and she was watching it slip helplessly through her fingers with the passing of each day.

"Kurt." Emily forced a smile through her tiredness, not wanting the teenager to misinterpret her distance as something to do with his low ES level. The first time she had met the boy, she wouldn't deny how wrong-footed she had felt. But he was still just that; a boy. And children didn't deserve to feel like the world was alienating them. "I'm afraid Blaine is out with Cooper at the moment."

She watched as the smile on the teenager's young face faltered slightly, suddenly uncertain. It was so strange, Emily reflected. She could see the emotions as clear as day on Kurt's face, but there was nothing to go with it. She found it disconcerting, every nerve set on edge as her instincts rejected what her eyes could see but her senses couldn't feel. "Oh. I was supposed to meet him here at three..."

"Why don't you come in? The boys should be back any minute, I'm sure they just got held up." Emily stepped back, walking back into the house, leaving the door open behind her. Only Kurt's footsteps told her he had followed.

Empty.

"So, Kurt, how was New York?" Emily smiled, gesturing for the boy to make himself at home. He was a part of Blaine's life, like it or not, and despite how much his presence unsettled her she really did like him.

Kurt's whole face lit up as he sat down on the sofa, "It was amazing. I can't wait for the day when I live there."

Emily's hands stilled, "Oh? You've started looking at schools then?"

Kurt fidgeted, suddenly awkward, "Well, I've always had my eye on a few colleges, but yeah... I guess I will have to start looking properly really soon." He shrugged.

At that point, Emily knew she should have walked away. She shouldn't have gotten herself involved. "It's good to be planning for the future." She sighed, perching on the edge of the plush armchair where her husband normally sat, raising her eyes to fix her gaze on her son's boyfriend. "It's not my place to be saying this, I know. I respect Blaine's privacy. But I have to know – have you talked to him at all about your New York plans?"

Emily didn't need to sense Kurt to see the impact her question had on him. His back straightened, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as his whole posture became defensive, "A little, yes." His voice was wary, even a little terse.

She was ashamed how much his attitude riled her, and the words were out of her mouth before she could think. "So I presume you've discussed with Blaine what will happen? Or have you not thought about that at all?"

"Of course I've thought about it Mrs Anderson." Kurt's voice was ice cold now, although he was clearly trying not to react to her sudden line of questioning. "But Blaine and I are strong, and long distance relationships are possible."

"Oh are they?" Emily laughed, although she wasn't sure why. "Well Blaine's recent trip to the hospital would tell me otherwise."

Kurt went incredibly pale, and she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty, except why should she? Blaine was doing fine until Kurt's arrival changed everything. "W-what? No, Blaine would have told me!"

"No, he wouldn't have. Because Blaine doesn't tell anyone these things. Ever since he met you, Blaine's behaviour had changed. You can't recognise it because you don't know him-"

Kurt stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry, Mrs Anderson, but I'm not going to sit here as you tell me I don't know my own boyfriend!"

He turned to go, and Emily was on her feet to, "You're killing my son!"

Kurt froze in his retreat, but he didn't turn around. He didn't say anything.

"You have your whole life ahead of you." A lump had lodged itself in her throat, and tears stung at her eyes. Her heart was beating far too fast, and even though in the back of her mind she knew Kurt was still really just a child and didn't deserve her blame, she just felt so powerless. She needed a direction for her pent up stress and unfortunately at that precise moment, Kurt was it. "Blaine doesn't. And you are making everything just that little bit harder for him. Every time you're not there, you confuse his senses. Your presence is chaos and passion for Blaine. It is fleeting, and anything but stable. Ever since you two met, Blaine has been different. You were gone for a few days and he ended up in hospital. What happens in a year's time when you run off to another city?"

Kurt's shoulders were hunched. Still he didn't turn, "I don't want to hurt Blaine... We'll work something out."

"Really?" Emily hated herself for the sneer that worked its way into her tone, "Well, do tell, because I've been trying to keep Blaine alive since his first diagnosis."

Kurt whirled around, his voice fierce and cracked, "Blaine and I are great for each other!"

"No." Emily refuted. "Blaine is great for you."

Kurt flinched. He seemed to deflate, biting his lip, suddenly looking so young. "Why are you saying this?"

"There is a school we've thought about sending him to since he had his first episode. After his last trip to the hospital, the doctors recommended it to us again."

"Dalton." Kurt spat, bitter. "Blaine's mentioned you wanted to send him away."

"I want to keep my son alive, even if that means I can't have him here with me anymore."

"You want me to break up with him, don't you?" It was hardly even a question. Somehow, and Emily still wasn't quite certain how, they had rapidly descended from pleasantries to... this.

"I want you to help me keep Blaine alive. And if that means breaking up now before it's too late, then yes, I do. If you care about my son at all, then please do what is best for him, not for you."

00000

The house was too quiet. There was no music, no chatter, no Blaine.

The first night Blaine spent at Dalton, and Emily had never hated herself more. John knew something more was wrong than just Blaine moving to a sense refuge. That, however horrible, was something they had planned, something they'd had years to mentally prepare themselves for.

She had cried herself to sleep that night in a horrible depression of loss, guilt, and doubt.

When Kurt broke up with Blaine, her son had utterly broken. Her family had broken. John had withdrawn, and she had never seen Cooper so shaken and unsure before.

As for Molly...

Emily couldn't get into Blaine's room, the first few days he was gone. His cat had set herself up in his bedroom, and in the space of mere hours had turned from a mild, patient house cat to an animal that was practically feral. The cat was so inextricably linked to Blaine that without him, she was completely bereft. She hissed, scratched, and bit. The Andersons' hands were cut to ribbons trying to extract her from Blaine's room.

Part of Emily wondered if Molly knew what she had said to Kurt that day.

What made it infinitely worse was that when they were finally able to call Blaine, when she was allowed to hear his voice and he asked about Molly, she had been forced to lie.

The cat had disappeared barely three days after Blaine had moved out, and the house was all the emptier.

As time passed and every report from Dalton seemed as foreboding and grey as the last, the doubt and the guilt festered in Emily's mind. For so long, she had seen Dalton as the solution to all her family's problems, but now... now she wasn't so sure.

Blaine just seemed so empty. His voice was dull, his teachers described him as a quiet, despondent boy, and it didn't escape Emily's notice that the last time she remembered seeing her son smile was back when he had been dating Kurt.

The end of the trial month came and went, and with that passing mark, it was as if her entire family just gave up. Her husband threw himself into work, Cooper barely called home anymore, and Blaine was out of her reach.

She had wanted to protect her son, to hold her family together... it had been one of those instances in the heat of the moment that once said were impossible to take back.

But now... deeply, darkly, as she watched her youngest son slowly lose his life, his soul, in a far worse way than she had ever dreamed – slow, dull, draining – what if she had been wrong about Kurt?

She would never forgive herself.

TBC