Chapter Twenty

"Here we are."

"Oh, doesn't it look lovely? So, peaceful. Charming. Don't you think, Blaine?"

Blaine raised his eyes to peer out the car window. The wheels crunched slowly up a long gravel drive as an imposing, old building loomed into view. A sign stood elegantly in the foreground, and just reading the words made Blaine feel sick.

Dalton Academy: Sensory Refuge for Boys

He had finally ended up in the last place he ever wanted to be.

And the absolute worst thing was that he had asked to be enrolled.

"Blaine! Blaine, buddy, please, open this door!"

Blaine could hear Cooper shouting through his bedroom door. He could hear Molly yowling and crying through the wood, as she had been for the past hour, since Blaine had run upstairs and slammed the door behind him.

The world didn't make sense. Nothing made sense, and everything hurt, so, so much. He couldn't focus on anything. He vaguely remembered shoving his chest of drawers in front of the door before collapsing to the floor.

Hide. Hide and it never happened. Stay here, stay safe, exist.

He couldn't stop crying. Crying so hard he felt that his sobs were tearing his lungs and throat to bloody shreds. Detachedly, he wanted to stop. His face was hot, and it was getting hard to breathe, and he knew he was scaring Cooper. But he couldn't, because if he stopped then the moment broke and everything Kurt said would be in the past and far too real. It would have happened.

He needed to exist in limbo. Just a little while longer.

In the end, Cooper had actually climbed around the outside of the house from their parents' bedroom, using the little porch roof to gain a footing. He had been forced to smash Blaine's window to get to him.

Blaine could remember the thud of Cooper's knees as they hit the carpet. He could remember scrambling away from his brother, desperate not to be touched.

He hadn't let anyone near him since – except Molly, but she didn't count. Not even the doctors. He would just scream until they stepped back again.

There wasn't any logic to it, Blaine knew that. But he couldn't explain it. The deep, wrenching knowledge that he would never be able to do something as simple as hold Kurt's hand was just too much. The mere idea of another person touching him, their emotions invading, clawing, burning through him in a way that Kurt's never had... it was terrifying. Because this time, if something happened, Blaine would never have Kurt to pull him back to shore.

Because Kurt was gone.

"I want to go to Dalton."

The only words he had spoken since Kurt had left. He had thought about it, he was clear on it. He had tried to be normal, he had tried to be a teenager, and he had tried to love. Look at him now.

Dalton had always been inevitable. In the deepest recesses of Blaine's soul, he had always known that. But Kurt had shined so brightly that somehow Blaine had been able to forget. He had been able to risk dreaming of a future beyond high school. Of a life beyond his immediate family. Of living, rather than just watching everyone else live from the other side of a window pane.

His parents hadn't fought his request, and his doctors definitely hadn't. Only Cooper had voiced his repeated objections. So, following Dr Monroe's suggestion, Blaine was to enter Dalton on a month trial basis. Unlike normal schools, Dalton offered board all-year round, for cases exactly like Blaine.

It was advertised as a haven.

Blaine wasn't naïve as to see it as anything other than the beginning of the end.

The Academy housed boys aged 14-22, with a sister school across the road offering the same for girls. Apparently gender separation helped stability, or some other crap like that. If you were lucky enough to be lower down the scale, you were only required to board weekly, but if you were like Blaine it was all or nothing. To maintain regularity and prevent upsetting change, obviously.

More like the best way to hide the freaks from society. But who was Blaine to argue. He agreed to this, remember? What was the point of fighting?

He didn't bother answering his parents' attempt at lightening the mood. Cooper sullenly sat next to Blaine; he wouldn't stop staring at his baby brother, like he didn't know who he was looking at. Like Blaine was already dead.

Maybe he was. Who knew anymore?

Blaine noticed a stray grey hair on his pant leg, stark against the fabric. He picked at it sadly. Molly had started shedding fur all over the house in the days leading up to Blaine's departure. The vet said it was stress, Blaine knew it was because of him. Molly knew. She didn't want him to go, she wanted to come with him, but there were no pets allowed, not even for long term residents.

Blaine couldn't even visit her. The trial month meant no leaving the campus in order to 'settle in', and after that if he did stay on he would have to get a prior two week's approval for off-campus visits even to home, subject to the doctors' discretion.

All for his own good, of course.

They had stopped, and the car door was already open, Cooper had taken the bags out of the car for an orderly to take to Blaine's new room, and his parents were staring at him expectantly. A man and woman stood with them, dressed in neat, simple clothes. Not quite scrubs, because this wasn't quite a hospital. Everyone was staring at him. He thought he should probably oblige them.

The woman stepped forwards as he got out of the car. She didn't offer her hand. "Hello Blaine, my name is Dr Hargreaves. I'm Dalton's headmistress. We're very happy to have you stay with us." She smiled, too chipper. Blaine just blinked impassively back at her. Like Dr Monroe, she had been sense trained, but unlike his childhood doctor, he couldn't even get a flicker of truth from her. She was a dead space of false emotions, and the idea of her coming in contact with his skin made Blaine want to scream all over again. In contrast, the man was older, and more honest somehow... he reminded Blaine of Kurt in how his soft emotions brushed lightly at the tips of Blaine's senses, but then he felt sick again, and tried to push that connection far out of his mind. "And this is Mr Edwards. He is one of our counsellors here at Dalton and who you should come to if you have any problems your sense buddy can't solve."

Blaine blinked in blank confusion before a cold dread seeped in. He had forgotten. Part of being a long term resident meant that he would be paired with another boy – hopefully close in age but that wasn't guaranteed. These boys, or 'sense buddies' as they were so charmingly called, were young men who showed exceptional aptitude in the field of sense manipulation. Dalton offered an elite honours program for promising students from all over the country who wanted to enter a career in the sense fields of medicine.

Blaine was going to be given over to one of these enthusiastic mini doctors, who probably were projecting all over the place, as a way of furthering their education. All under the guise of offering Blaine some sort of support system. Except no one seemed to understand that Kurt had been Blaine's support system! Instead, Blaine was going to be stuck with sharing a room suite with a complete stranger who, knowing his luck, would also be homophobic.

He trailed after the adults as they were given the grand tour, but didn't really bother listening. He was too distracted. It was so quiet. They were walking past classrooms and dorms and... nothing. Silence.

Blaine wanted to throw up.

Cooper voiced the begging question, but Blaine had already worked it out, "Hey, sorry, but I can't sense anything? Or anyone?"

"Oh yes," Dr Hargreaves nodded primly, "All our walls have been lead lined, just like most of the ES emergency wards you see in hospitals today. It helps give our students a sense of privacy in their own minds, and stops the... older ones from upsetting any of the younger."

Blaine's skin crawled. Most hospitals have lead lined ES wards because they were newly built extensions. This building was old. Older than any fancy new hospital wards, older than the thought revolution of the 1960s, when people began to think that they might be able to actually help people like him...

He started seeing all the little rooms, the narrow corridors, and too-few windows in a whole new light.

Even if he had been inclined to talk, Blaine wouldn't ask what Dalton had been before it became a school. And from the look on Cooper's face, it looked like he couldn't stomach asking that question either.

Their parents were steadfastly trying to hold a united front as the tour went on, but it was clear from the snatches of emotion Blaine gleaned that they were desperately trying not to have second thoughts. Even his mom, who had always been so in favour of the idea, was looking ready to bolt and take him with her. But she wouldn't, because she thought that in the end this was the best for him. And his dad wouldn't, because Blaine has asked to be here.

Cooper wouldn't because he had no power to stop anyone from putting Blaine back again. But he definitely looked the closest.

"And this is your room. Your sense buddy is in his induction class at the moment; he arrived yesterday. You'll be pleased to know that this will not be his first time interning with us, and that now he has graduated high school he will be staying on at Dalton for our one year preparatory program before he heads to college. Of course, if you have any issues or qualms, just talk to Mr Edwards here and we can easily get you a new buddy."

Blaine's dad pushed open the door to his son's new dorm room. It was large, and spacious. Unlike the classrooms, the dorms were set in a different building. It was still elegant and old, but there was less lead to muddy senses. Two bedrooms adjoined each other, and shared a bathroom in between. The other room was clearly moved into, but Blaine's was sparse and waiting to be filled.

"Well, we'll leave you to unpack and get settled Blaine. I'm afraid this is also where we must ask family to say goodbye. We find it's good in these instances to make a clean cut, and give the student time to settle into their own thoughts."

Blaine's back prickled at the way the woman suddenly switched to talking about him like he wasn't even there. It was like he was just some subject to be studied under a microscope, a creature of habit and expected behavioural patterns.

"Oh. Oh, yes, of course." His mom nodded, her eyes misting as he stepped forwards to hug him tightly, only to have Blaine step out of her reach. She cleared her throat, a crackle of hurt sparking orange against his senses. "You'll do wonderfully here, Blaine, I know you will. I'm so proud of you."

Blaine felt his chest tighten, but he refused to react. He was too aware of the teachers watching him from the corner of the room.

Cooper was next, "I'll make sure dogfood is okay while you're gone." Blaine couldn't help the tiniest quirk of a smile at his big brother's attempt to draw him out, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay? And we'll see you in a month."

Cooper was determined not to allow Blaine to think of this Dalton stint as anything more than a trial. While he appreciated the sentiment, Blaine wished he wouldn't. It only kept them hoping, and he knew now how pointless that was.

Finally, his dad sighed, fingers twitching as if he wanted to hug his son, but knew what would happen if he tried. "Blaine, are you really sure about this?" Blaine nodded, his stomach in knots. What other choice did he have? Surely his dad could understand that this was literally the only option left to him? "No, I need to hear you say it."

Blaine's shoulders drooped, but he found himself giving in all the same, tongue sticky in his mouth as he whispered, "I'm sure Dad."

"Okay then." His dad sounded so resigned. "We love you Blaine, remember. And we'll give you a call as soon as we get home."

"Actually," Dr Hargreaves put in, "I'm afraid there is a no phone policy for new students, for the first 72 hours of stay. And then for the first two weeks it is only incoming calls. After that our students are allowed to use the phone at set times, to a pre-approved list of number laid out by you and Blaine's doctors. This is all explained in the parent handbook, which we can go over before you leave today. It helps the new students settle in to their new environment."

Cooper looked ready to punch something, but their parents just seemed to deflate, nodding as they bid a final goodbye to their son for the next month.

And then Blaine was alone. He supposed he should unpack, but the idea of doing anything proactive just seemed so insurmountable right now. He wanted to sleep. Sleeping was better than crying.

He sat down on the bed, kicking off his shoes as he drew his legs up and lay down on his side. It didn't work. He couldn't even close his eyes. Instead, he just had to content himself with staring at his new room. He just couldn't shut his brain off. Was this even a good idea? What was he doing?

Running away. Giving up. Coward.

A rumble in the hall outside gave Blaine some indication that he had been lying down for longer than he thought. A bang next door made him sit up; the teachers hadn't shut the joining door when they had been showing Blaine's parents the room arrangement, and as he peered around the frame he could still see into the second bedroom.

His buddy had arrived.

The recently graduated high school senior was not who Blaine was expecting... although as he later reasoned, he didn't really know what a sense buddy should look like in the first place.

"Hello. You must be Blaine." The other boy had noticed him, a kind smile rising to his lips as he turned to the direction of Blaine's room. To Blaine's surprised confusion, he stopped just at the edge of his own bedroom, under the doorframe. "May I come in?"

Blaine nodded dumbly. He had expected his sense buddy to be one horrible sparkly bundle of glitter and false enthusiasm, like some twisted parody of a summer camp instructor, all wrapped up in a headache-inducing parcel. But he wasn't. Blaine felt that, if just for that pleasant surprise, the boy deserved some kind of verbal recognition, "Hi..."

The grin the other boy produced at Blaine's voice was bright, but not in a patronising way. He didn't offer his hand as he introduced himself, but there was an overall sense of welcoming that made Blaine feel just that tiny bit better, "My name's Wesley Montgomery, but you can call me Wes if you like. Welcome to Dalton, Blaine."

TBC