Kurt returned from New York full of excitement and stories, tinged only by the smallest hint of melancholy over their loss at Nationals. Blaine was careful not to let on any indication of his visit to the hospital in the week Kurt had been absent. Instead, he hung onto every one of Kurt's words with attentiveness and a smile, and Kurt remained blissfully oblivious.

Summer crept up on them much sooner than anyone had expected. The lack of school – or more importantly the lack of day to day contact with its students – was something Blaine could really get used to. He wasn't sure if he had felt this good since before Sadie Hawkins. Everything was just perfect, and Kurt's constant presence only served to add to that perfection.

At least, that was how the first week felt.

On Sunday, Blaine had meant to meet Kurt at his house, but he had been out with Cooper and they had got caught in a traffic jam on the way back from the store. It had been really nice to have Cooper around for a while. His big brother was due to fly to LA in a couple of days for a guest spot on a high-flying TV drama; taking a break from the stage for a while. But when they finally got back home, Kurt wasn't there. They had only been twenty minutes late or so, and Blaine had texted to let him know.

Hey! I thought you'd be here? :) x

No answer. Blaine figured that Kurt was probably in the car on his way over; he probably left his house later thanks to Blaine's warning text.

To kill time waiting, he caved to Cooper's pestering for Blaine to help run some lines, but he couldn't help but be distracted. He wasn't sure why either. Kurt was home in Lima, and yes while the other boy's absence had been a trigger for his panic attack the other week, Blaine didn't think he should be dwelling on Kurt's lateness as much as he was. There was an unsettled energy in his core that he couldn't explain away; a crackle of uncertainty that left pinprick burns all over his skin.

Blaine's mental absence did not go unnoticed by Cooper for long; the older brother was far too used to looking for those little tells that Blaine didn't even realise he gave off. "Call him."

Blaine jerked, frowning at his copy of script for a second in confusion, looking for a line that wasn't there. "What?"

"Kurt. Call him. You're clearly not in character, and I assume that wayward boyfriend of yours is the reason." Cooper raised an eyebrow pointedly.

"I can't call him!" Blaine shook his head, the multitude of ways that could go wrong already whirling around his head.

Cooper frowned, "Why? I know you hate serious conversations, but you guys are great at the moment, and all you'd be doing would be asking where he is. He probably just got held up at his dad's shop or something."

Blaine folded his arms, unable to explain the squirming feeling in his stomach.

"Everything okay boys?" Their mother entered the living room. She had been in the garden reading when they got home and they hadn't wanted to disturb her.

"Blaine's paranoid because Kurt hasn't called yet when he's probably about three seconds from pulling into the drive." Cooper supplied with a grin. Blaine gritted his teeth; Cooper was still enjoying himself far too much when it came to teasing Blaine about how head over heels he was for his boyfriend.

"Oh, I'm sorry Blaine I thought Kurt would have texted you – he called the house earlier to say he couldn't make it." Their mom smiled slightly, and a crackle of... of... something nudging behind Blaine's eyes.

Cooper frowned, a wash of deep emerald blooming against a soft white canvas, but Blaine was too distracted to interpret his brother's emotions. He desperately wanted to find out where Kurt was, but at the same time, he was determined to try and prove to his family that he wasn't going to end up in the hospital again anytime soon. He needed to show that he was okay, that Kurt's absence and silence didn't hurt him this much, or make his head pound in clenching confusion.

He needed not to need Kurt. That was the only way he was going to get through the next few years without losing his mind.

Except... that was so much easier in theory than in practice. Because Blaine did need Kurt. He needed his smile, his laugh, his touch... his love. Whenever the other boy wasn't around, Blaine was lost, struggling against blind currents and dragging swells in an ocean of emotions too dark and deep to comprehend.

Blaine forced himself to straighten his shoulders. He made himself not react. He would wait until tomorrow. He would be normal, and not needy or weird or clingy. Get over it.

Please.

00000

Blaine awoke the next morning with an odd feeling of emptiness. Molly blinked at him from her nest in his comforter, and he scratched her ears, letting her contentment fill him for a brief moment. The feeling didn't last when he broke contact; he was too busy struggling not to check his phone as soon as he sat up.

He lost the battle, but as Molly was the only one to witness his lack of will, he decided he could live with it. As long as Kurt-

Hey sorry about yesterday. I can come over this morning if your house is free? Xx

Blaine blinked at Kurt's odd message. There was no explanation, and it held none of Kurt's normal chirpiness. Also... why does his house need to be free? Sure, their make-out sessions had been becoming less and less innocent as they'd neared the end of school but... the tone just seemed off. There was no suggestion or playfulness, or even embarrassment. Sure, it was just a text, and Blaine knew he was pretty poor at interpreting anything even when it was face to face but...

He was nervous. He shouldn't be nervous. Why was he nervous?

Sure dad has work and mom and cooper planned to go out this morning. Come over whenever! Xx

Blaine's fingers tapped out what he felt was a good neutral response. It wasn't long until Kurt beeped back.

See you in an hour? Xx

An hour. Okay. Good.

Blaine managed to keep himself from creating elaborately constructed doom scenarios in his head in the hour it took him to get dressed and force some breakfast down. He didn't know why he was feeling so off kilter; the unsettled creeping that had clung to his skin since he had got home yesterday hadn't dissipated like he'd hoped it would with a little sleep.

The door bell rang too soon. Blaine nervously flattened a loose curl that wasn't even there before pulling on a grin and opening the door. Molly wound her way between Blaine's legs, her clear blue eyes staring unwaveringly up at Kurt.

His boyfriend smiled softly, slowly, in a way that was both guarded and yet so pleadingly open, "Can I come in?"

Blaine stepped back, but Molly's ears flattened with a hiss, her tail twitching as she stood her ground. Blaine frowned, confused. Molly liked Kurt... "Hey, stop that." He scooped her up, the unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach growing defensive and even more nervous with Molly's disquiet.

Kurt stared at the cat in Blaine's arms as he shut the front door behind him, "Is she okay?"

"I don't know what's gotten into her..." Blaine shook his head apologetically. The cat wriggled, hissing, and Blaine was forced to put her down. She immediately skittered aside to crouch not too far away from the boys, tail still twitching, clearly upset.

The taller boy fidgeted slightly, his fingers twitching oddly as his gaze remained fixed on the cat, "I'm sorry about yesterday." His voice was soft, laced with an emotion so deep that Blaine wasn't sure he could reach it.

"That's okay..." Every syllable felt precise, measured, a perfectly balanced weight on his tongue before it slipped out.

"I just... I needed time to think..." Kurt choked out, his words equally precise.

Blaine's heart spiked. He didn't know why.

Kurt's outfit wasn't as eclectically bright as normal. Blaine noticed, because normally Kurt stands out so beautifully in the reserved décor of Blaine's house.

"Kurt... What's going on? And please don't pretend there's not anything going on because I saw you two days ago and everything was fine and now... is something wrong? Is your dad okay?" Blaine struggled to sort out his thoughts.

"No, Blaine, my dad's fine," Kurt replied quietly.

"Kurt, please!" Blaine's voice choked, breaking at a swell of resigned melancholy that didn't belong to him.

"I can't do this." The words tripped jagged into the still air as too-silent tears began to spill from Kurt's eyes.

"W-what?" Blaine stumbled, his chest suddenly tight as he tried to understand.

Kurt finally pulled his eyes from Molly, and somehow managed to meet Blaine's bewildered gaze. As soon as he did, Blaine wished he hadn't. There was a horrible determination there, piercing though the misery and the tears. The kind of determination that normally made Kurt shine, but now only made Blaine's heart shatter. "I can't do this anymore, Blaine. I'm sorry..."

Somewhere from the tides Blaine pulled a sense of anger and hurt. He had a right to know what was going through his boyfriend's head, "What's going on Kurt? I didn't think anything was wrong! Talk to me! Don't just shut me out and run away! I won't let you."

Kurt's jaw set, "I'm not giving you a choice, Blaine. You can't make me stay if I don't want to." His voice wobbled, all sharp edges and broken notes. His hands were clenched so tightly into fists that Blaine was sure he must be drawing blood from his palms.

"And you can't just leave without giving me some sort of explanation! You said! You said you wouldn't leave me! You said we were in this together, and now... what? You lied? Why are you saying these things, Kurt? Please!" Horrible, wrenching, breath-snatching sobs were clawing at Blaine's lungs, and god, he couldn't breathe but he had to know. How had his life started to fall apart so fast?

"New York." Kurt choked out.

"What?" Blaine was so side-swiped by Kurt's reply that he nearly forgot he was crying.

Now Kurt had broken the seal, all his words started spilling out, each stronger and surer than the last. "You know I want to go to New York eventually, and when I was there I just... Blaine, I'll have to leave you alone and I just... isn't it better, that we end this now, before we both get in too deep? I don't want to hurt you..."

"And what you're doing right now?" Blaine's voice was chilled and stuttered, coldly disbelieving that this person in front of his was the same boy he thought he knew so well, "That's not hurting me? We've talked about New York! We've talked about everything! How can you do this? How can you just stand there? I don't believe you, you're lying. Why are you doing this?"

"I'm sorry Blaine." Kurt shook his head, his shoulders too stiff, his eyes too dead. "I've been thinking about this for a while, and I realised how unfair it is to you, to keep this going when I'll be leaving-"

"In over a year!" Blaine yelled. He couldn't help it. Blood was rushing in his ears as his head span with a horrible potion of both his and Kurt's crashing emotions, building and building and- He bit his lip, wrapping his arms around his torso, all anger suddenly gone from his body, leaving him defeated, "Please don't do this."

He took a step forward, hand outstretched, only for his heart to plummet as Kurt immediately retreated away from his touch. Tears scrunched in Kurt's eyes, beautifully staining his skin. "I'm sorry Blaine. I really am."

He turned to go, fingers grazing the door handle-

"But I love you." The words were soft and lost, almost reflexive in the way Blaine felt them fall from his lips. And for the first time, he knew for certain that they were fact, absolute fact. The love was his own emotion, deep and rooted in his heart, and it was all for Kurt.

The other boy's whole body seemed to stutter, palm thudding hard against the wood of the door as if Blaine's words physically took away his balance. Kurt gasped, wretched and ragged, fingertips white where they pressed against the door. In the still moment, Blaine's eyes took in every detail of Kurt's shaking form, waiting, hoping, wishing... he didn't know.

But then Kurt's shoulders straightened, and Blaine heard a swallowed sob.

He didn't turn. That was the worst part. Blaine didn't even get to look into his eyes one last time.

"I'm sorry Blaine, but I don't love you."

The words as they came from Kurt were wet with tears, broken and devastated. But the words as they impacted Blaine were ice cold, hard and piercing as they stole his breath.

Then Kurt was gone.

Gone.

And Blaine broke.

TBC