Chapter Seventeen

The golden stars swam; a lulled reflection on an inky, mirror-smooth ocean. There was a perfect symmetry to it, all at once so intimate, and yet, so vastly incomprehensibly huge. Where once there were fleeting sparks and blurred lines, now there was an artist's landscape, engraved brightly into dreams.

Blaine let himself float, cutting languid ripples into the glassy water, resting on the cusp of sleep and waking.

And he let himself realise something, here, in the one place where things were okay, where he couldn't be scared, where he didn't need to think about the consequences. Here, where instinct and emotions weaved a sure path through his body... between their bodies, wrapped tightly in sleep.

There was no going back. There were no blurred lines, no too-quick sparks. Not anymore.

Blaine had passed the point of no return. If he lost Kurt now, then Blaine would lose himself as well.

That thought, that knowledge... it should have been terrifying, but somehow when he was here, floating in an ocean of stars, it was happy, warming, safe. It was a future, a hope; a smile and a laugh. A love.

And he knew... he knew that Kurt knew too.

But that's the problem with emotions. That's the problem with instinct. Dreams are sharp, beliefs are clear, conviction is set.

Until you wake up, open your eyes.

Realism.

Good intentions.

Rationality.

Logic.

Reason.

Doubt.

Don't drown...

00000

"Good morning..." Kurt's voice was soft, ever so soft; a secret murmur into the dawn-dark room.

Blaine blinked languidly. His body felt heavy, but in a nice way. Kurt's sleepy contentment caressed his skin, and for a moment he was still there, floating near the shore.

The spell broke, and Blaine twisted and wriggled, a wide grin spreading across his face, "Good morning to you too. We should do this more often."

Kurt rolled onto his side, elbow on the pillow as he propped up his head. He arched an eyebrow, and Blaine could feel a wry amusement tickle down his fingertips where he stroked feather-light patterns over Kurt's bicep. "I would rather not watch you go through something like yesterday again anytime soon."

"You know what I mean."

Kurt paused, his eyes dropping to stare at his own fingers where they toyed with the buttons of Blaine's pyjama top. It was so perfect, so domestic, so normal. Blaine wanted to wake up like this every day for the rest of his life. "Yes, Blaine, I know what you mean."

The words spilled from Blaine's lips, an abrupt subject switch as memories of the previous day started to prickle at his chest. "I need to think of what to tell them."

Kurt's smile fell, and his eyes lost some of their spark, "You don't owe them anything."

"I know."

"It doesn't have to be the truth."

"I know..."

"We don't even have to see them until Monday, we can just..."

"Let it fester?" Blaine sighed, rubbing his face. "I think I just want to get it over with. And... oh no... I really need to see if Sam's okay..."

Blaine struggled to sit up. He had completely forgotten about his friend! It had just been too much; the culmination of Sam's build-up of emotions that past week, and Mercedes' lecture, and the glee club's attempt at a relationship intervention. Blaine had just felt so attacked and raw, Sam's breakdown being enough to tip his own fragile emotion balance over the edge.

"Blaine, Blaine stop!" Blaine could feel a light prickle of frustration and worry under his fingertips from Kurt, and knew what was coming. "Please, I like Sam too, but you need to focus on yourself first. I don't blame Sam for yesterday, I couldn't, but he's not healthy for you right now!"

Blaine simply waited for Kurt to finish his plea. Because he could. Because even though he could feel Kurt's frustration, Kurt's fear, they remained just that; Kurt's. Just someone else's emotions, lapping at the shore, only to wash back out again with the tide.

"Like you're not healthy for me?" Blaine asked quietly.

"I... no..." Kurt stumbled over his words, "That's different Blaine, Mercedes is wrong."

"I'm sorry I scared you yesterday, but you need to understand Kurt, this is my life. You're my boyfriend, and Sam is my friend, and the glee club... they're my friends too I think. You have to let me make my own choices, even if you think I'm going to get hurt."

Kurt's eyes misted as his gaze dropped once more to his finger's rhythmic movements over Blaine's pyjama buttons, "I don't want to lose you."

Blaine sighed inwardly, wishing he could bring himself to speak the lying placation that would make Kurt feel better. But he couldn't.

Instead, he leant forward and brushed his lips to the corner of Kurt's mouth, where that adorable dimple should be if only Kurt would smile. He tasted salt and felt Kurt's shoulder jerk slightly with a swallowed sob. Close in his ear, he heard Kurt let out a shaky, steadying breath.

Neither spoke again until Blaine's dad knocked on the door for breakfast.

00000

Sam popped a fry into his mouth, "And they just... let it go?" His voice was sceptical.

Blaine shrugged, detachedly impressed at how well Sam had mastered the art of talking around food. They were sat out on Blaine's back porch, greasy brown paper bags of fast food scrunched between them.

"I think Kurt's death glares helped them accept things pretty quickly," Blaine said fondly.

Sam snorted, sending a bright shot of amusement up Blaine's spine. "Nice. I'm glad. You guys are awesome together, and an idiot could tell how good he is for you. Even before you told me, I could see that much."

Blaine couldn't help but smile at Sam's casual certainty. This was why he was glad he had told Sam about his ES level, why he was so happy he and the other boy had gotten to know each other more. Sure, Sam was having a rough time of it recently, but that didn't stop him from being one of the brightest, warmest souls Blaine had ever met. "I think it was easy for them to believe me. People getting a bit unstable when they're ill is a normal thing. People having a freak out because their ES is way higher than anyone can really imagine, that's scary."

Sam nodded wisely, "Yeah, I guess... but what if it happens again? Or if you actually get sick? Wait, dude, what if you get sick?"

Blaine grimaced, but tried to shrug off Sam's sudden curiosity, "It's not as bad as you'd think. It's actually more unpleasant for those around me to be honest."

Sam shook his head, "I dunno, I got tonsillitis once when I was a kid and though I don't remember much, I know it wasn't good."

"I think it depends on the person." Blaine shrugged, not really wanting to get into the topic. He had never been badly ill in his life, but when he thought back to the last time he had caught a cold... well, that has been distinctly not fun. Not for him, or anyone in close proximity to him.

"Did you ever read the issue of X-Men where Storm got sick and her powers went haywire so the weather started copying every else's emotions, but inside the mansion?"

Blaine snorted at Sam's ability to link everything back to a geek reference. "I don't think I did..."

"I can lend it to you if you like. Stevie's got some of my old comics."

"Thanks." Blaine flopped backwards on his elbows. "Do you ever wonder why Superman has an empathic sense?"

Sam blinked. A flicker of honest confusion skittered through breeze. "No. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's Superman. It'd be a bit dumb if he couldn't. It'd also blow his cover really quickly. Like, if he was the only one at the Daily Planet who couldn't sense emotions, Lois Lane might catch on."

Blaine shook his head, "But he's an alien."

"Yeah, but they couldn't exactly have their hero low on the ES scale could they?" Sam bit his lip. "You mean they could have let him pretend he was a human like Kurt, don't you?"

"But they would never have written him like that."

"No. They wouldn't have." Blaine agreed quietly.

00000

Monday swung around, and it was like Blaine's small episode on Friday had never happened. He had been ill, and now he wasn't, and that was that.

If only real life was that simple.

Instead, all the buzz of the glee kids was about their impending trip to Nationals and New York. Sam, Blaine, and Kurt were last week's gossip.

"I'm just saying that having Finn and I do a duet is clearly the only option. Everyone knows that we have the best chemistry and audience connection. This is Nationals. We can't afford to take any risks."

"And I'm just saying that maybe it would be nice to let some other couple duet for a change." Tina snapped back.

"I'm sorry, what? Are you saying you want Mike to duet with you at Nationals?" Rachel asked incredulously.

"Hey, whoa, don't bring me into this." Mike sidled away from the two warring girls.

"I'm just saying maybe it'd be nice if just one of our competitions sets wasn't 'Rachel, Finn, and their backing singers'!" Tina screeched.

"Okay guys, let's calm it down a bit..." Mr Schuester tried to step in, "We have plenty of time to discuss the set list."

"Nationals is in two weeks, Mr Schue," Kurt said flatly. "What do you want us to do? Write a few original songs in the hotel room when we get to New York?"

"It'll all work out fine, guys, stop panicking!"

"So in other words, that's exactly what's going to happen." Kurt rolled his eyes to Blaine. "At least you'll be on hand to help avert disaster. I hope there's a piano somewhere in the hotel..."

Blaine tried to focus on Kurt and ignore the electric bolts of tension and pride on the other side of the room. "Umm... I'm not coming to New York..."

Kurt's head whipped around, "What? What do you mean? Of course you're coming."

"Kurt, the club can barely afford to send its performers, let alone random hangers-on. Besides, me and New York? Possibly the worst potential combination in history; there is no way in this world that my parents would let me go."

Kurt seemed to deflate, soft sorrow welling in resignation. "I guess that makes sense. It's just... we'll be gone for nearly a week..."

Blaine pressed down against the anxious knot that suddenly formed in his stomach, instead quirking a fond smile at his boyfriend, "You're going to miss me!"

Kurt scowled, folding his arms as he haughtily replied, "You don't have to look so smug about it."

Despite his apparent annoyance, Blaine could feel Kurt's undertones of blushing warmth wash over him. Grinning, he forced his arm through Kurt's and dropped his head onto his boyfriend's shoulder, enjoying the contact. "If it helps, I'll miss you too. School will be really empty without you guys."

"There's always the band?" Kurt offered doubtfully.

Blaine wrinkled his nose, "Yeah. I guess."

"Seriously though, will you be okay?" A fissure of concern cracked open between them, making the knot in Blaine's stomach tighten further.

"It's not like I haven't braved high school without you before," Blaine mumbled quietly, his soft tones swallowed in the echoing shrillness of Rachel Berry's voice. "And when you get back, you'll have all these amazing stories to tell me."

Doubt mingled with concern, but both emotions were overshadowed with a crescendo of ego from the other side of the room. Kurt didn't reply, and the knot in Blaine's stomach didn't loosen for the rest of the day.

TBC