Chapter Twelve

Kurt had never had a friend. Not a true, best friend. Not a person who was always there, always ready to listen, to talk to, to hug and laugh with.

He had thought he didn't need one.

Until Blaine.

And sure, when he and Blaine had first started to hang out, there had been the novelty, the happiness, the secret what if of something more, the warm feeling of knowing someone was right there.

But Kurt had never realised just how much of a difference Blaine's arrival had made to his life.

Until now. Because ever since the party, and their chat in the car when Blaine had probably let spill a lot more than he had ever intended, Blaine had been avoiding him.

And no, it wasn't in his head. It wasn't just Kurt being paranoid or oversensitive! It wasn't just because Blaine had trusted him with something so, so big, and all Kurt had done was sit there with his mouth open, offering stupid words and useless phrases until Blaine ran away.

The others had noticed it too. Admittedly, the girls had probably been clued in that something might be up between him and Blaine when, after Blaine had left that night, Kurt had stormed back inside and tore Santana to pieces for her persistent harassing of Blaine. But still, even they noticed how Blaine might turn up to practice bang on time, and flee as soon as it was over. They noticed how he would sit ever so carefully, perfectly neatly, a measured distance always between himself and Kurt.

And that's possibly what made it even worse for Kurt. That Blaine was all at once right there, but so far away. He could be all bright, fake smiles and bouncing energy, but at the same time, so dull and grey. So cautious.

Kurt couldn't take it anymore.

"I thought I'd find you in here."

Blaine jumped out of his skin, stumbling to his feet in a backwards momentum, legs catching on the piano stool. "Kurt! I thought, I thought you'd gone home."

Kurt's kept his face purposefully neutral, eyes methodically taking in Blaine, standing alone in the choir room with one hand pressed flat into the wood of the piano, as if trying to anchor himself. Blaine looked nervous and, perhaps, a little bit guilty. Practice had finished twenty minutes ago, and the school had emptied out, but Blaine had clearly looped back around after dashing out straight after practice.

"No. I've been wanting to talk." Kurt tucked his fingers halfway into his jeans pockets, leaning his hip against the piano. He hadn't realised until he spoke just how sure he was. He needed this limbo to end. He needed to know once and for all. He needed Blaine to be honest, and tell him what was going through his head.

He needed Blaine back, and he wasn't going to allow avoidance for a moment longer.

"Oh." Blaine's voice was small, resigned. His feet shifted unconsciously while his fingers tapped out a nervous rhythm against the piano top. "Okay."

When it was clear the other boy wasn't going to offer anything more, Kurt ploughed on before he lost his nerve, "Look, Blaine. I... I've missed you. I hate this, I really do. I don't know if we're fighting, or maybe you're angry at me, but something is clearly wrong."

"No!" Blaine blurted, eyes wide and scared. "Kurt, how could you think I'm angry at you? Of the two of us, you've done nothing wrong!"

"And you have, is that what you're saying?" Kurt shot back, more harshly than he intended, but he was sick of this running round in circles and the constant wriggly knot in his stomach whenever he thought of Blaine.

"Yes!" Blaine threw up his arms. "No... I mean... I don't know what I'm doing..."

"Then tell me. Don't shut me out Blaine, please."

Blaine sat down heavily on the piano stool, "I had to tell you about Amy. I had to."

Kurt sighed, slowly making to sit down next to him, choosing to face away from the piano so he could lean back and look at Blaine properly. Their hips grazed slightly, but for the first time since the party, Blaine didn't pull away. "No, you didn't, but I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me anyway."

Blaine shrugged, and Kurt could tell that he was determined to look anywhere but at his best friend's face. Silence pressed down on them, until Blaine finally whispered, "I made a promise that I'd tell you first. Before I... But then I did and I think I made things worse."

Blaine's words choked on his tongue, and Kurt was confused, "I don't understand."

Blaine took a deep, fortifying breath. "I don't want you to think it's because you're the only one apart from my family who I can stand to touch me; who I can hug, who I can hold hands with, and maybe... Because it's not, that's so far from it that I can't even begin to describe."

Kurt's heart was suddenly in his throat, and he couldn't breathe. He could only stare at the other boy as words unravelled, "Blaine, what..?"

Azure met gold as Blaine finally, finally looked at him. "You are... incredible, Kurt. Amazing. You are brave and strong, and the kindest person I know. I've known since I saw you, and I fell the moment I touched your hand in that hall. It's not because I can, it's because for the first time, I really want to. And I... I couldn't bear the idea of you thinking that it's just convenience, or something equally horrible. Because it's not, it's so far from that." Blaine's eyes were questioning, searching. Kurt's mouth was slightly open, because oh. Blaine's voice dropped to a quiet, murmured confession, and the truth was finally free. "I think I've been looking for you forever."

All of the air left Kurt's lungs, and suddenly the distance that had haunted them these last few days was reduced to nothing. Moments blurred, and then his hands were at a loss because Blaine was kissing him!

Unsure, uncertain, carefully, soft lips connected and the knots in Kurt's stomach tightened and loosened at random. Kurt's brain swam, his eyes falling shut to a joyful, trusting darkness as he lost himself in the kiss.

Time seemed to lose meaning, even if it was barely a few seconds in reality, as every inch of Kurt's skin tingled, and every nerve ending seemed to be hypersensitive wherever he touched Blaine.

Thoughts swam and blurred, touch sharpened and melted, and as Kurt fell deeper into his first kiss, all thoughts of not being good enough, not being sensitive enough, not being right, they all fell away until all that was left was Blaine.

And then, tiny, delicately, ever so tentatively, there was a spark. And another, and another and another, a wash of golden stars sprayed across a flood of midnight blue, dancing joyously, nervously, happily, lovingly across his mind's eye.

The stars scattered as Blaine pulled shyly away, a deep blush staining his cheeks as he failed to keep a disbelieving smile from his face. "I... you... umm... Hi."

Kurt just stared at him, slightly dazed. "Hi."

What had...

No.

Really?

"Was that... okay?" Blaine fidgeted as Kurt's rather stunned look made him second guess himself.

It couldn't... Kurt wasn't meant to have a first kiss. Not a real one, not like everyone always talked about. He knew that, he had accepted that, he had...

Kurt surged forward determinedly, hands cradling Blaine's head as he this time kissed him with more purpose. Blaine made a noise of happy disbelief in this throat, his hands coming to rest comfortably at the other boy's waist as tendrils of something tickled at the back of Kurt's mind, caressing him tentatively as he responded curiously in turn.

It was Kurt who broke the kiss this time, and this time, the stars lingered as ghosts for that little bit longer, tingling on his lips. "It was more than okay..." Kurt breathed.

Blaine was still flushed, and it only made him look all the more beautiful. He dropped his hands to Kurt's lap, gently knotting their fingers together in a slow, experimental way. A disbelieving laugh burst from his lips, so golden and happy, "I can't believe I just kissed you in the choir room."

Kurt nodded, only giving himself a split-second to try and stop himself before the words tumbled, "I can't believe I felt you."

Blaine's head snapped up, his honey eyes so wide that Kurt thought they could fall out of his head, "W-what? What do you... what?"

"I think..." Kurt shook his head, a happy yet terrified smile tugging at his lips, "I know I did. I...you were there. I could... see you, feel you, but... not like I'm looking at you now. It was... sky... I'm sorry, that sounds so stupid." Kurt shrugged helplessly.

Blaine gaped for a too-silent moment, before suddenly wrenching his hands away, "Oh my god, I can't believe I projected on you! I didn't think, I'm so stupid; I didn't even try to stop myself! I, please don't hate me, Kurt, please I didn't mean to, and I won't do it again, but please don't hate me!"

Kurt lunged forwards in alarm, catching Blaine roughly around the waist before he could scramble away and run off. He pulled him forcibly back down beside him, "Hey! Stop that! I don't hate you, and I would be very upset if you never kissed me again because Blaine that was the most amazing thing I have ever felt and the best thing is, it happened with you! Because of you! "

"But I..." Blaine spluttered meekly.

"No." Kurt cut over him firmly. I know what projection is, I may not have thought I'd need to know about it, but I've sat through the classes, remember? I felt you, and I felt me, and it was like... we were together. It was more."

"I felt you too." Blaine murmured, a little calmer. "You were in my head, in my heart, under my skin, and on my lips. But you weren't...invading. You just...were. I... I've never felt like that before."

Kurt bit his lip, letting his head drop to rest against Blaine's, their foreheads touching. "What does this mean?"

"I don't know." Blaine mumbled. "But I know I liked it. A lot."

"Me too." Kurt smiled softly, tilting his head slightly to press a lingering kiss to Blaine's cheek, just at the corner of his lips. He felt Blaine smile under the kiss, and hoped he didn't imagine the weak little tug of nervous joy at the base of his throat that wasn't quite all his own.

TBC