"I'll go make us some coffee okay?"

Kurt nodded, stretching out across the couch. He could hear Blaine bustling about in the kitchen as he pulled the blanket off the back of the chair and spread it out, snuggling into it.

Blaine was back in a few minutes, setting the cups down on the coffee table as he noticed the blanket.

"Cold again?" he asked in concern, reaching to brush his fingertips against Kurt's forehead, noting how cold he felt.

Kurt managed a half-smile, it fading almost as quickly as it had appeared.

"Always." He shrugged. Blaine bit his lip. It was so hard watching Kurt like this – watching the man he'd been slowly fade away into this sick person, watching as every treatment they tried made Kurt go through hell and make him weaker.

Kurt watched him worriedly.

"Hey." He said softly, breaking Blaine out of his thoughts. "Don't I normally get cuddles when we get home from the hospital?"

Blaine smiled, helping Kurt sit up and taking his place behind him, feeling Kurt sigh as he settled into his chest. He grabbed their coffee, handing Kurt's to him carefully before practically draining his cup. Finishing off what little was left, Blaine set his cup back down, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist – and god, Blaine could swear he was getting thinner – and snuggling into him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"I thought I'd miss my hair more than I do." Kurt said softly. They'd shaved it off almost two months ago now, before he had the chance to lose it. "I mean, I have so much more time in the mornings now." He teased, trying to get Blaine to smile.

Blaine just hugged him closer, kissing just behind his ear. Kurt sighed, putting his cup down and turning in Blaine's arms.

"I'm so over being sick." He confessed, burying his face in Blaine's chest. "I can't do anything I want to, anything I used to be able to do. And I just don't have the energy for anything anymore, and you're stuck looking after me on those days when I'm too sick to even get out of bed, or when the chemo makes me throw up – I can't even count how many times I've thrown up on you anymore! And it's not fair on you, that you're wasting your life inside with me, when I'm sick all the time."

Kurt was crying now, sobbing into Blaine's shirt as Blaine hugged him as tightly as he dared, silent tears running down his cheeks.

"Don't...don't say that." Blaine managed, lifting Kurt's head up and kissing him needily. "Don't ever say that. I'm not wasting my life with you Kurt – I love you. So much. So fucking much. And it's not your fault that you're sick, and can't do what you used to, it's the cancer. So please Kurt, don't blame yourself okay?"

Kurt pulled himself up Blaine's body, kissing at the tear streaks.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "Just sometimes, I... I feel so guilty, like I'm holding you back from the life you should have had, could have had..."

Blaine cut him off.

"Kurt, the cancer is holding us back from the life we should have had together..."

"Right." Kurt hissed. "The cancer."

Blaine pulled him even closer, tears making tracks down his cheeks.

"We'll make it. We will baby. We will."

"You'll make it." Kurt whispered. "And when I go...you can...you can be with someone else-"

"Shut it Kurt."

"No, listen to me, please. When I die...I want you to be happy."

"I'm not going to be happy unless you're by my side."

"Let me talk!"

Blaine shook his head, but his lips remained closed.

"You can't be sad forever." Kurt tried, his lower lip quivering. "And when I'm gone...I don't care if you find someone else...whether she be female...or he be male...or if he reminds you of me or if he doesn't. I just want you to be happy."

Blaine sobbed silently into his shoulder, shaking his head. "Please don't say things like that. You're going to be fine."

The hardest part was that he wasn't. Blaine could feel it - hell, he'd been told. The doctor had said - while Kurt was sleeping - that this certain type of cancer was rarely treatable. There was a ninety-five percent chance that Kurt would die.

But Blaine was holding on to that five percent chance like a lifeline.

He had to believe - hope - because that's all he could do.

"Please be happy, no matter what happens." Kurt whispered.

Blaine tried to smile through his tears.

"You know that's not possible without you."

Kurt's lip trembled.

"Promise me that you'll try to be happy – that you'll move on, and not just grieve over me for the rest of your life."

Blaine looked into Kurt's eyes, seeing the tears he was trying desperately to hold back, and sighed.

"I promise." He whispered, kissing Kurt gently. "But only for you. Only because of you."

Kurt smiled uncertainly at him, nuzzling his face back into Blaine's chest.

"Thank you." He breathed, his eyes closing.

Blaine tucked the blanket up over him as Kurt slipped into sleep – something he'd been doing more and more often recently, as increasingly small activities made him exhausted. Waiting until he was certain he wouldn't wake Kurt, he stood up, pulling Kurt easily into his arms –it was depressing how easy that had become – and carrying him up the stairs, tucking him into bed.

He kissed the top of Kurt's head as he stood, trying not to cry.

Kurt was getting weaker, and they both knew it, the doctors knew it...

It wouldn't be much longer now.

^.^

When Kurt didn't get out of his bed for three days in a row, Blaine decided it was time to take him back to the hospital.

"Come on Kurt." He called gently, repacking Kurt's hospital bag. "You have to get up."

"Mm tired."

"I know baby, but you have to get up."

"Why?" Kurt whined, burrowing further under his blankets.

"Because you're not well. Can you walk?"

"Doubt it." Kurt sighed, peeking over the edge of the blanket at Blaine. "Carry me?"

Blaine smiled at him, the worry not leaving his eyes.

"Just let me go put this in the car, and I will." He promised.

Kurt collapsed back against the pillows, unable to hold himself up any longer.

"Thanks."

Blaine glanced at him worriedly before hurrying out of the room, back within a couple of minutes.

"Alright, up you come." He told Kurt, slipping an arm under his shoulders and helping him sit up.

Kurt grabbed at the front of his shirt, leaning against him weakly as Blaine pulled him up from the bed, carrying him easily outside.

"Duck your head." Blaine instructed gently, tucking Kurt into the front seat. Kurt kissed the top of his head as Blaine leant across him to buckle him in. "Cold?" Blaine asked, reaching for the blanket on top of Kurt's hospital bag.

"Always."

Blaine smiled sadly, wrapping the blanket around Kurt as he nestled into it, shutting the door carefully and climbing into the driver's seat.

"Ready?"

Kurt smiled, clutching at Blaine's hand weakly.

"Am now."

^.^

When they arrived at the hospital, Blaine carried Kurt in, explaining to the nurses why he'd brought him back.

Half an hour after they'd arrived, Kurt had been established in a private room, hooked up to a drip, sleeping off the sedative they'd injected into him while Blaine talked to the doctors.

"I'm sorry, but it's not looking good." He told Blaine quietly. "He's very sick... Try to prepare yourself, I doubt he'll last until Friday."

Blaine took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions as the doctor patted his shoulder, wandering off to his next patient.

"But it's Wednesday..."

^.^

Blaine spent the night in the chair next to Kurt's bed, alternating between holding Kurt's hand between both of his, stroking his thumb across the back of his hand soothingly, or gently playing with his fingers, mostly just waiting for Kurt to wake up.

He fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, waking up to Kurt's gentle hand combing through his hair, stroking his face, almost as though he was trying to memorize it.

"Hey." He said softly, raising his head from where it had fallen onto the side of the bed, smiling sleepily.

Kurt searched his face, nodding to himself.

"What did the doctor say?"

Blaine blinked, smiling slowly. Kurt always knew when Blaine had been talking to the doctors behind his back – knew, and demanded to be informed.

"Blaine, tell me."

Blaine gulped, trying to swallow his tears.

"They...They don't think you'll make it to tomorrow."

Kurt nodded, almost as though Blaine had just confirmed what he'd already known, settling back against his pillows. Blaine dropped his gaze to the floor, no longer able to meet Kurt's gaze.

"Blaine." Kurt said insistently, waiting until Blaine looked back up at him. "Come here."

Blaine glanced hesitantly at the door.

"I'm not supposed –"

"Blaine, if today is my last day, I'm going to spend it however the hell I want, and right now, that means curled up with you."

Blaine smiled, crawling onto the bed and folding Kurt into his arms.

"Comfy?"

"Mmm." Kurt mumbled, nuzzling into Blaine's chest. "Tired. Sleep now."

Blaine held him closer, tucking the blankets up around Kurt and kissing the top of his head.

"Love you."

"Love you more." Kurt mumbled in reply, eyes closed.

"Doubt it."

^.^

Kurt spent most of the day sleeping on and off, curled in Blaine's arms. In between the spurts of sleep, all Blaine could do was cry. Kurt was weak, and Kurt wasn't getting better. Kurt was dying, and Blaine was still here - healthy.

If Blaine could give anything, it would be his life for Kurt's. He couldn't bear the thought - the fact that Kurt was going to leave him and he'd be alone.

But in giving his life for Kurt, could he really let Kurt be left alone?

He pulled the smaller, weaker man into him closer and sobbed into his hair, not able to help himself.

"Please don't cry." a weak voice whispered, choked by unshed tears.

"I'm sorry." Blaine sobbed. "I thought you were asleep."

"Even when I'm asleep." Kurt paused, letting the words sink in. "Please don't cry."

Blaine shook his head, burying his face into Kurt's hair and sobbing loudly. "Don't make me promise that." his body shook violently. "Please. God...I'm going...I'm going to miss you."

"Please don't." Kurt whimpered. "Please don't say that."

"I can't. Please don't go. Please. You can't do this. You can't leave me."

"Blaine..."

"How do you expect me to cope? How do you expect me to move on? Kurt, you...you've changed me Kurt...what if...what if I'm a different person when we're...when you're..." he let out another gut wrenching sob. "How...?"

Kurt managed - it took a lot of effort - but he managed to push himself up, to press his lips to Blaine's as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"When I'm gone...I'll still be here."

"Don't fucking bullshit me Kurt." Blaine whispered. "Please don't try that. I've never seen...never felt my mother - her presence, whatever the fuck you want to call it...and she's been dead ten years." Blaine kissed his forehead. "So please, just tell me you won't leave."

"Don't make me promise that..." Kurt whispered, a sob escaping his lips - the movement so exhausting that Kurt was almost left breathless because of it.

"Fuck Kurt...please..."

"Stop it!" he tried, as loud as he could - which was barely above a whisper.

"Please...stop...you're just...do you think I want to leave you? This is harder for me than it is for you, Blaine. I'm dying."

Blaine was caught by tremors of grief - sobs that refused to let him formulate a sentence, so he just hugged Kurt tighter.

"I'm sorry." Kurt whispered. "I'm sorry."

Blaine shook his head, kissing Kurt gently. "I'm sorry."

"I love you Blaine. I love you so much. Don't forget it, okay?"

"I'd never...never forget..." Blaine whispered. "I love you too."

"I love you..."

Kurt's eyes closed, his chest still rising and falling - haggardly, but still actively, nonetheless.

Blaine's eyes closed and he continued to cry, his nose buried in the crook of Kurt's neck - inhaling, memorizing him, and wishing, hoping and praying that Kurt would wake up alive and healthy.

But he didn't.

^.^

"Burt Hummel?"

It was far too early for anyone to be up. But there Burt Hummel was, blindly and groggily sitting up, phone pressed to his ear.

"Morning...may I ask who's calling, and why it's so bloody early?"

"This is Nurse Roberts - from the Hospital."

Burt was awake - his stomach turning to ice, and he managed to swallow the boulder that formed in his throat.

"Y-Yes?"

"Could you come down to the hospital please?"

"W-Why? Is it...is it Kurt?"

"I'm afraid so."

Carole was suddenly beside him, easing the phone away.

"It's Nurse Hudson - How long has he got?"

The nurse paused. "Carole...I'm so sorry...He passed this morning. At about two in the morning."

Carole's hand flew to her mouth, her body going rigid, tears flooding to her eyes.

"I thought he had...another week or so?"

"So did we."

Carole paused, closing her eyes as Burt watched her, his head shaking absently - mouth parted with tears building in his eyes.

"Is...where's Blaine?"

"He's...he's not coping well."

^.^

Not coping well amounted to throwing things. And throwing them hard.

The monitors went off the moment Kurt's heart stopped - sending Blaine into a panic. When he found his boyfriend – dead in his arms - with nothing he could do, he immediately broke down - screaming and bellowing at the ceiling - at Kurt, and eventually to the nurses that flooded the room.

One wrapped a blanket around him - the other pressing a cup of coffee into his hand, and guided him away.

But he protested - screaming at them - dropping the coffee on the ground and running to Kurt - pulling him into his arms and rocking.

By that time, they had calmed the monitors and stated time of death, so the nurses let him go, and he stayed attached to Kurt for the next four hours, crying to his lifeless body.

The next few hours passed in a stupid blur of tears and family.

Burt and Carole arrived first, and by then, Blaine had managed to curl into a seat, sobbing into his hands as Kurt – Kurt's body - continued to lie in the bed. Burt immediately burst into tears - it was the first time Blaine had seen the man cry - while Carole wrapped Blaine into her embrace, crying.

People came and went, giving their condolences – offering to help, and crying by Kurt's bedside. Blaine couldn't understand - it seemed far too much for one day. Blaine never left the room – and he was exhausted by the time night fell again.

"I can't do this." Blaine whispered into Carole's shoulder. "I can't do it without him."

"I know sweetie." she whispered, stroking his hair gently. "But you're going to have to try. He would have wanted you to, right?"

Blaine nodded. "He did want me to."

His tears were dry now - he couldn't cry anymore. Sometimes he'd be struck by silence - a good five minutes where he had to stop and his lip would quiver, his stomach turning to ice as he really came to terms with the fact that Kurt wasn't alive – he'd never see him again, never be able to kiss him, comfort him, love him. But tears weren't options anymore.

By the next morning - after a sleepless night - Blaine was numb.

Kurt's body was taken away - for funeral preparation - and getting him away was hard enough.

"No…god please. I don't want to leave him. I can't leave him." Blaine whimpered as they moved the bed.

Carole and Burt held him back the best they could, but they allowed Blaine to hug the frail man, and place a gentle, final kiss on his lips.

But now Blaine was just numb.

He spent the next four days curled into a couch - only eating - moving - when he absolutely had to.

"Blaine."

He looked up - it was Finn, and he held out a notebook.

"They found this under Kurt's mattress. You should...you should look at it."

Blaine took it from him, swallowing hard and waiting until he had left the room before opening it with trembling hands.

Blaine Anderson.
How long does it take for them to clean out rooms?
I'm not sure, so I'm concerned that you won't get this for a little while...but that's okay. As long as you get it eventually.
You're quite beautiful when you sleep. All the tension that you carry is just...gone. You're so peaceful.
If you can't tell - that's what you're doing while I write this. Just sleeping. It's been a long day.
I have some requests...now that I'm no longer in your life.
Get rid of that tension. I want you to go and do something you love.
And do it because you love it - do it because you want to make something from it.
Be remembered for it. And do it for me.
When I look up/down from wherever the hell I am, I want to be able to find you easily.

There is a purpose for this little book - it's not just for show.
This is your message book - your diary - for me. Know that I'll read it. Know that I'll be able to see what you put in it.
I want to know everything - new boyfriends/girlfriends - your life.
Just in case I don't get to see you again...so make it as detailed as possible.
I love you Blaine - always.
Never forget that.