Please don’t believe me when I say…that I will change…

You’re disappointed when you find, that I’m the same…

“I don’t want this.” Kurt whispered.

“What?” Blaine was busy kissing his neck, trying to unbutton his shirt.

Kurt swatted his hands away, desperately trying to distract him, but Blaine wouldn’t have any of it.

“Blaine. Please stop.”

Blaine did pause this time, frowning up at him. “We’ve been further than this…”

“Yeah, but I’ve always had an undershirt on.”

Blaine chuckled, undoing another button stealthily. “Kurt, baby…you know I love every inch of you. What could possibly be wrong with your bare chest?”

Kurt just shook his head, trying to crawl away, but Blaine pulled him back.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I just…I don’t want you to see my stomach.”

“Kurt…you know you look gorgeous…” Blaine’s hands wandered to his stomach, gently pressing against it.

Kurt winced in pain, biting his lip and Blaine frowned. “What…?”

“Blaine, please don’t. Don’t!” Kurt cried as Blaine unbuttoned the rest of his shirt.

Kurt swatted at his hands, but he’d already undone them all, pulling his shirt open to stare at five long, dark red scratches across his stomach, some newer than others.

“Kurt…” Blaine breathed, and Kurt let out a sob, crawling away from Blaine.

“No, just…Blaine just leave. Please. Go home.”

“Did you…did you do these?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Kurt sobbed angrily, buttoning his shirt back up.

“Kurt…”

“Shut the fuck up Blaine. Please. Just go home.”

“You said you’d call me!” Blaine growled, his initial shock gone. “I told you to call me if you needed to do this…Kurt…five months ago…fuck.”

“I don’t want to talk about this!” Kurt shrieked, his cry cut short by another sob.

“Kurt…”

“Blaine, don’t. Just go.” Kurt whispered, tears dripping down his face, eyes shut tight as he wrapped his arms protectively around his shaking body, curling into a ball.

Blaine stretched hesitant hands out toward him.

It hurt to see Kurt like this, tiny and insecure, knowing that he was still depressed, still hurting, despite Blaine being with him, despite him acting like he was happy.

“Kurt?” he asked gently, touching his shoulder. “Fuck, Kurt… You promised me…”

“I know.” Kurt sobbed. “But the way you looked at me when you found me…that first time… I couldn’t tell you, couldn’t stand you looking at me like that again.” He admitted in a whisper, refusing to make eye contact as Blaine shifted to kneel beside him, arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry Blaine. I’m so sorry.” Kurt cried, turning in his arms, clinging to Blaine, sobbing into his shoulder.

“Kurt… You need help.” Blaine whispered, rocking him soothingly. Kurt nodded into his shoulder.

“Okay.” He breathed, shocking Blaine, who’d been preparing himself for an argument. “Okay, I’ll go.” He repeated, when Blaine didn’t reply.

Blaine hugged him tightly.

“Thank you.” He whispered. “I couldn’t… I wouldn’t be able to cope if I lost you.” Blaine admitted in a whisper.

^.^

Later, after Blaine had finally had to leave, Kurt lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

He would go talk to a counsellor, because he’d promised Blaine, but he knew it wouldn’t help, wouldn’t change anything.

He just wanted Blaine to be able to feel things were getting better.

Nothing changes, nothing ever will

Nothing changes…