His body was physically and emotionally drained. He never wanted to move again. His mind and body screamed at him to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, they burned with a thousand memories.

How could this happen? Why did this happen?

Kurt couldn’t cry anymore. Whatever moisture left in his body was well gone. His fingers twitched, yearning to grasp hands that were no longer there. It was the only movement he had made in the past twenty-four hours.

“Kurt…” Jeff whispered, tiptoeing into the room.

Kurt didn’t acknowledge him – didn’t even hear him. A bomb could’ve exploded and Kurt wouldn’t have cared, or been aware of it.

Jeff came bearing a glass of water, and he placed it on the desk next to Kurt. “You need to have a drink, or eat something. Please!”

Jeff’s eyes were dry, but they hadn’t been for long. It was a trial not to break down in front of anyone – but is was especially important not to break down in front of Kurt.

Kurt still didn’t move, and Jeff closed his eyes. Warblers had been sent in to check on Kurt at all hours – and it was late afternoon. Jeff didn’t know what to do.

“We don’t want to lose you too,” he whispered, and Kurt’s eyes flicked once to Jeff.

Within a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it time frame, Kurt gave a firm shake of the head, his whole body trembling.

“Just leave.” He whispered, his voice coming out as a strange, strangled sound. His whole face quivered and he burst into a fresh round of tears – and Kurt couldn’t care how it was even possible. “Please,”

Jeff stood, complying with his wishes, trying to hold back a sob. “Your parents are on their way…they’ll be here by morning,”

“They know?”

Jeff shook his head. “Nobody could tell them…they…they just know it’s urgent. They booked a flight as soon as they could…”

Kurt closed his eyes and let the tears fall, and Jeff took it as his cue to leave. Kurt returned to staring at the wall – the tears still trickling down his cheeks.

Why?

Minutes – maybe hours passed before his head snapped up. A small smile flitted over his face and he took a long sip from the glass of water. With fierce determination, he exited his room and strode down the hall, getting several confused looks from the other boarders.

“Come on,” Wes muttered dejectedly. “We gotta keep an eye on him,”

David and Thad nodded, the three of them hurrying to follow their newest Warbler. They followed him to his car, stealthily keeping their distance. There was an unspoken agreement to take Thad’s car, and followed him all the way to the caf�.

Kurt strode into the caf�, his eyes still red. He wasn’t about to burst into tears anymore. He was fine.

Wes, David and Thad followed him in, exchanging confused glances at each other.

“Can I get a medium drip and a Grande non-fat mocha,” Kurt ordered with a small smile.

When the drinks were ready, he took them to their table, sitting down and waiting.

He didn’t drink his coffee – he didn’t move much. He just waited.

Ten minutes passed and he glanced around a little worriedly.

Wes gave a giant sigh. “I hope this isn’t what I think this is,”

Thad gave him a sideways look. “Denial?”

Wes nodded and David started to approach Kurt.

“You okay?” David asked gently, putting a hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

The boy looked up in hope, only for his gaze to fall when he saw it was David. “I’m good David, how are you?”

David sat down and took a deep breath. “Kurt, I think you need to come back to Dalton,”

“Why? I’m waiting for…” Kurt trailed off, as if not sure what he was going to say. “Someone,”

David closed his eyes. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“He won’t be coming, Kurt,” David whispered, and Kurt frowned.

“It’s Wednesday…we always have coffee on Wednesday nights.”

The sincerity in Kurt’s voice was hard to not break down with. David struggled to keep himself composed.

“Please. Just come with us,” Wes and Thad joined them, pulling Kurt up until he was standing.

“But…”

“Kurt,” Wes whispered and the boy finally resigned to being dragged out of the store.

They took him on a walk, to the small pond in the middle of the park. Kurt looked around, recognising the place.

“So…?”

“Kurt…we really need to talk about this…because waiting for you to come to terms isn’t working,”

“Come to terms with what?”

Wes stood at the edge of the pond, glancing down into the water. David and Thad remained silent, and he knew he was going to be the one to re-tell Kurt. Hell, he had told Kurt the first time.

“Kurt…” Wes started, not looking at him. Kurt rested on a park bench; his eyes alight, albeit slightly red. “Where do you think…where do you think he is?”

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. “I sent him a text earlier but he didn’t reply. He must be…out, somewhere,”

Wes closed his eyes. Kurt wasn’t making this any easier.

He didn’t really understand how denial worked. How could someone seemingly just forget such an important thing?

“Kurt, he isn’t coming at all,” Wes said with a bluntness he didn’t really mean.

Kurt narrowed his eyes, and Wes’ face dropped, his eyes watering slightly. Thad and David had already burst into a fresh round of sobbing – earning confused and concerned looks from Kurt. They had been his closest friends, aside from Kurt, of course.

Wes ran his fingers through his hair, giving a deep sigh.

“He’s dead Kurt,” he muttered, coming to sit down next to the boy. “I’m sorry,”

Kurt blinked once. “No he’s not,”

Wes sighed. “Kurt, listen to me…why would I lie to you about that?” Tears streamed down Wes’ face but Kurt looked away stubbornly.

“He’s not dead. What, someone disappears for a while and you automatically think he’s dead? What the hell is wrong with you people?” Kurt blinked, and almost immediately realised his reality.

Wes saw the life drain from him – all the fight gone – and he was pained to know that he partially caused it this time. Kurt broke, and all the walls came crashing down. His cries were loud, and Wes could almost feel his heart breaking open – leaking throughout his body. His hands flew to his face, burying within them and crying.

Wes, Thad and David couldn’t do anything. What the hell could you do? They stood, letting their own grief take over. They all needed to cry.

Kurt had stopped making noise, instead gasping for breath. He was sobbing and trying to breathe at the same time, and it really wasn’t working for him. Wes wrapped his arms around the younger Warbler and held him close.

“Breathe,” Wes commanded, trying to gain authority over his voice, which was breaking. “Please…just breathe,”

Kurt complied, taking a shuddering breath before accompanying it with a sob. He leaned into Wes, grateful for his presence. Wes just held him tight, gently rocking back and forth.

After a while, Kurt broke away and headed towards the small pond, receiving anxious cries from Thad, Wes and David. He ignored them and stopped at the edge, tears still making their way down his cheeks. His arms went to his ears and he screamed into the silence of the park, squatting down until he was sitting on the ground.

It felt good.

He knew it now. He remembered – he hadn’t ever actually forgotten. He just wished it was different. Kurt could feel him, watching silently, even if he wasn’t there. He turned to where he believed his presence stood, and Wes watched on – mostly to make sure that Kurt wasn’t about to hurl himself into the water.

Kurt’s face broke again and he had a moment to cry, before staring at the empty space. Lyrics floated into his head, almost as if sent by him.

The melodies in the air – singing life just ain’t fair,

Sometimes I still just can’t believe you’re gone.

Kurt nodded; a silent agreement with himself.

Feel your fire, when it’s cold in my heart,

And things sort of start, reminding me of my last night with you…

Wes watched as Kurt was silent and composed. He was listening, his head tilted to the side slightly.

I only need one more day, just one more chance to say

I wish that I had gone with you too….

Kurt turned back to Wes, Thad and David, not able to look at them.

You won’t be coming back, and I didn’t get to say goodbye…

His tears cascaded in never ending streams, and he walked back to the caf�. The trio followed him, not sure what to say. Their tears had evaporated, and all that was left was concern for Kurt. He obviously wasn’t taking it well.

When Kurt approached his car, he immediately slid into the passenger seat without prompting from the three. Wes slid into the driver seat, nodding at Thad and David to continue on.

“You okay?”

“Do you think he’s in heaven?” Kurt asked very slowly, trying not to cry.

Wes looked over at him gently.

“Do you think he would’ve gone to heaven?”

Kurt nodded. “If any of us should go to heaven, it would’ve been him,” tears welled in his eyes again and he struggled to keep his sentences coherent.

“Then he went to heaven,” Wes comforted him, “And he’ll be waiting for you forever,” the older Warbler stopped a moment, his lip quivering. “He’s probably up there now, and I’ll bet that he’s so proud of you,”

Kurt glanced at Wes, fighting to control his sobbing. “Why would he be proud?”

“Because…” Wes let one, small sob escape, before he continued. “You’ve got the strength to carry on without him.”

Kurt shook his head. “I don’t. I don’t think I can!”

Wes pulled Kurt into a side hug. “You can – because we’re all here, and he’s here too. He’ll be watching and waiting, and when you slip up, he’ll be there to help you. But you can’t give up,” Wes regarded Kurt seriously, his wet eyes trained on Kurt’s. “If you take the easy way out…you’ll never see him again,”

Wes wasn’t entirely sure he even believed what he himself was saying, but it provided the comfort Kurt needed.

“You need to stay strong, and you’ll be reunited,”

Kurt cried, feeling like someone had taken his insides and just chucked them in a pit. He slumped against his seat and let the remaining tears fall as Wes started the car.

I hope that I’ll find you in heaven…because I’m so lost without you down here…