Chapter 75 - Getting In

Regionals was coming together quite well and Mr. Shue promised to cancel rehearsal if they worked hard and learned all the choreography. The entire New Directions earned the day off. "Thank God Mr. Shue gave us the day off. I want to jump in the tub and get some heat on these sore muscles."

Blaine didn't seem to be paying any attention to what Kurt had to say. The look he got from Kurt was telling. "I'm sorry. My head is somewhere else."

"You've been kind of lost in your thoughts lately, Blaine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. I-I'm fine."

Kurt shrugged as they headed to the parking lot. Blaine was harboring a secret and he didn't want to tell Kurt. He knew he had to, but he just feared Kurt's reaction to all of it. Time was ticking and it would be out sooner or later when he drove in a different direction from their home. They climbed into Blaine's car and after putting their seat belts on, Blaine finally confessed. "We are going to see Dr. Stewart now."

"What? What are you talking about? I thought we were done with our appointments and only called on an as needed basis."

"I called her and made an appointment. You don't have to go Kurt, if you don't want to."

Kurt was mad but worried too. "Why didn't you tell me? It would have been nice if you had told me Blaine." Kurt was angry that Blaine didn't tell him. He didn't like to have things like this sprung on him like this. "Do you need to see her?"

"Yeah, I think I do."

"You could've trusted me." Kurt shook his head. "I'm trying not to overreact here, but Blaine, we're getting married in a matter of months and you can't tell me something so important that you made an appointment to see a psychologist? I just don't understand." Kurt changed from angry to worried. He took Blaine's hands. "Are you okay?"

"Yes... No... I'm fucked up. Ever since the whole bondage thing last week, I can't stop thinking about what I did. I'm feel like I punished you. I feel like I did something wrong." Blaine was up and down. It was very unlike Blaine to be this way. He could handle anything.

Kurt took Blaine's face in his hands. He could see the distraught look in his eyes. "Oh baby. I'm sorry. I really thought you were into it." Blaine felt like he betrayed Kurt by feeling like this. "Hey. Look at me Blaine. I trusted you. That's what we're about. I trusted you so much that I knew you would never hurt me. Ever."

"I know. I know you do. I just... I can't hurt you Kurt. I can't. It makes me sick to think that I may have hurt you." Blaine chastised himself.

"We need to see Dr. Stewart, baby. Come on, let's go." Kurt urged him. "I love you, you know that?"

"I do." Kurt gripped Blaine's hand tightly. In reality Kurt worried so much about Blaine. He was hurt that Blaine didn't stop and tell him it wasn't his thing. He was hurt that Blaine couldn't talk to him after. It had been days.

"Blaine, are you alright? From our discussion on the phone, I understand that you requested this appointment." Dr. Stewart was very matter of fact, but concerned.

"I did Dr. Stewart. I need to talk through some things that are really unsettling to me." It occurred to Blaine that she specialized in violent trauma, but how would she react to gay sex and BDSM. He blushed as he started to speak. "I wanted to talk about, um, something that happened in the bedroom. Can you talk to us about that?" Blaine blushed and glanced at Kurt who was blushing as well."

Dr. Stewart didn't seem fazed by the mention of the bedroom and she knew what they were getting at. "Blaine and Kurt, I'm trained in all aspects of teen psychology and if it makes you feel comfortable, I do have several gay clients between my two offices. I'm here for both of you and I'm here to help. Please share with me so I can help you."

Kurt took Blaine hand and squeezed it, nodding his encouragement. Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. "Kurt and I are very sexually active." He looked at Dr. Stewart thinking that he would get judged but he saw nothing but concern. "We did something different about a week ago and I kind of freaked out."

"Blaine, you haven't given me enough information to help you. Take your time. When you feel comfortable, I'm listening." She was patient and after all, it was her job.

Blaine took another deep breath. "Kurt and I have always had very loving passionate sex.." Blaine blushed. "..Because I love him and I treasure him. He's the most important thing in my life. I would never do anything to hurt him." He glanced at Kurt. "He asked me to bind him and blindfold him and, you know, take him anyway I wanted." Blaine stuttered through the whole thing.

"It sounds like he trusts you Blaine." She still didn't react in a disgusted way, which Blaine was sure she would at some point.

Kurt smiled, "I do trust him and I'm okay with trying new things." Kurt squeezed the hand he was holding again.

Blaine shook his head and looked at their clasped hands. "I feel like I treated him badly. I feel like I shouldn't have done that because I love him and value him and I would never hurt him." He ended the last sentence looking up at Kurt.

Kurt looked sad and that made Blaine sad. He did this. Why couldn't he get his brain in the right place? He couldn't even look at Kurt anymore. "You're not him, Blaine." He got down on his knees in front of Blaine and took both hands forcing Blaine to look at him. "You're not him, Blaine." Kurt repeated.

"But you made me feel like I was being him." Blaine admitted.

Dr. Stewart cut in, finally saying something. "Blaine, Kurt knows you love him just as much as he loves you, right?" Blaine nodded. "What was the most difficult part for you Blaine?"

"I think it was not being able to see his eyes. I always know what to think when I can see him." Blaine shook his head. "Don't get me wrong Dr. Stewart, I was really into it at the time. I really enjoyed it at the time, but it was a little different because I felt like I was the only one feeling something. I couldn't tell if he was enjoying it, really enjoying it. Then after, I felt like I took advantage of him and I just felt guilty."

"Did you feel like you treated him the Paul did?"

"Kind of, but not in the same way. Paul didn't have permission. I did. I had permission to do whatever I wanted to, but I think, what I really wanted to do was just hold him and know that I make him feel good."

"Oh Blaine, you do. You always make me feel good, but it's always about me. I wanted that to be about you." Kurt realized that there were a few things going on and was about to say it, but Dr. Stewart, being the doctor, picked up on it.

"I think some of this goes back to the roles that you have taken on with each other. Kurt always being taken care of by Blaine and Blaine never doing anything for himself." She flipped through her notes. "What makes me curious Blaine is why do you think you're like Paul by taking what you want?"

"Isn't kind of obvious. Taking is a key word in that sentence. I don't ever think of our lovemaking as give and take." He motion between them. I have always seen it as sharing something. Sharing something so special that no one could touch us. Now, I've kind of taken something. He wasn't really there."

"But I was there Blaine. Even if you couldn't see my eyes, you know I was there. You know I would've told you if you went too far. I really thought you enjoyed it." Kurt looked a bit defeated because obviously, bondage wasn't Blaine's thing. Kurt really enjoyed it. "I did. I loved the uncertainty of what you'd do next."

"I did enjoy it at the time. It's my stupid head. I keep over thinking things."

"Okay. So if I understand you, you were fine while engaging the actual act, but it was afterword that you had some regret or shame?" Dr. Stewart did what she did best

Blaine listened intently. "Yeah. I guess that's what it is. I just feel guilt, I guess."

"Why do you feel the guilt when you Kurt verbally said that he enjoyed it and he trusted you?" Dr. Stewarts question left Blaine speechless because what could he say? So she continued. "You need to let go a little Blaine. Kurt is not a porcelain doll. He knows what he wants and he'll ask for it. That goes the same for you. Remember how we talked about you never doing anything for yourself. This was Kurt's way of letting you do something for yourself. He never thought a negative thought while this was happening with you."

"Dr. Stewart, may I say something?" Kurt asked politely.

"Of Course Kurt."

"I love you Blaine. I trust you with my life. I trust you with taking care of me. Do you think I would ever let you do that, if I didn't trust you with everything that I am?"

A lone tear rolled down Blaine's cheek. "I know you wouldn't."

"Then stop feeling like you did something wrong. You didn't. You did what I wanted and what I needed from you." Kurt took a breath because he worried about what he was about to say. "I want to continue to explore this. I want to grow and learn. I want to be able to tie you up and you feel comfortable about letting me, but we won't if you don't feel that this is good for you."

"Kurt, no. no. no." Blaine said brushing the tears away. I think I can try this if this is what you want."

"I do want to add this to our bedroom."

Dr. Stewart nodded her understanding. "Why don't you do this the next time you attempt this type of activity. Kurt, don't ask for blindfolding because Blaine clearly needs to see your eyes. You will need to experiment with this to see what is good for both of you and what makes Blaine understand afterward that no one was taken advantage of. You may want to attempt to switch roles depending on your comfort with it Blaine."

Both boys nodded, but it was Blaine's relief that was visible. "Can we make an appointment for two weeks from now?" Blaine looked at Kurt hopeful that he would agree. Kurt thankfully gave a nod of agreement.

"We can meet at this time in two weeks, but neither of you should feel like you have to resolve this issue within that timeframe. It may take a while for Blaine to resolve it. Things like what happened to both of you because of Paul run deep and are sometimes ignored as the real root cause of the problem. It was a traumatic experience that could bring back memories when you least expect it to. Just call me if you have problems that you want to discuss prior to our next meeting." She stood with them as they walked to the door.

It was Friday night and Blaine seemed to understand everything that was said. They were moving Outside of the casual handjobs and Blaine sucking Kurt off in the shower that morning, they hadn't gone further since the talk. Kurt planned to propose something to Blaine.

Kurt and Blaine were at dinner at Breadstix. Neither had the strength to even consider cooking after the double practice on Friday to make sure they were ready for Regionals. "I can't wait until spring. The winter is killing me. Even though I don't like the sun, it's still healthy to have some sunshine on my skin. Plus, my mood will be better if I have some sunlight."

"By the way, we're set for Boston next weekend."

"Perfect. I think we can finalize everything else. I'm going to call your grandmother and settle all the places we need to go." Kurt paused. "They'll be in town won't they?"

"I think only my grandmother will be in town. She's so excited, she can barely contain herself. She has the final list."

"Did she give it to you?"

"No, she's going to give it to use next weekend."

"How about a number? Did she give you a number?"

"Um Yeah." Blaine Smiled. "We're going to have the wedding of the century."

"How many?"

"Only about 500."

"Holy shit. We're going to have the biggest wedding that was ever planned. Is it going to look bad?"

"No, why?" Blaine saw the concern in Kurt's eyes. "Think about it this way. All the support we have at our wedding has got to be good for all the gay people in the world. It's acceptance."

"I didn't want it to turn into a carnival."

"So what if it does?" Blaine took Kurt's hand. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that we're getting married and that we love each other. The important people that love us and support us every day will be there. That's what's important."

"I know, but I got Carole's list too."

"So what? I don't care if the whole world is there. I can't wait to officially commit to Kurt Hummel for the rest of my life."

The waitress came by to let them know that their food was coming. "Can you please wrap it all up to go?" Kurt asked.

"I'm so sorry for the delay."

"No, it's fine. We've just decided that we'd like to eat at home." Kurt winked at Blaine who blushed at what Kurt must have been thinking.

"Okay, I'll have it wrapped up for you and I'll bring you your bill." She said nicely.

The car ride home was filled with sweet caresses of hands and kisses at every stoplight. It was like they were already newlyweds and they couldn't get home fast enough. Blaine squeezed Kurt's thigh, but Kurt grabbed his hand and put it directly on his already hard cock. Blaine
chuckled. "I see what you have planned for me."

"You don't even know the half of it."

Blaine smiled and continued to drive. Kurt squeezed his hand gently and lovingly. "I love you, Blaine."

"I love you too."

They set up dinner on the coffee table with candlelight and their playlist drifting out over the speakers. It was when teenage dream came on that the Kurt got up the nerve to tell Blaine what he wanted to do tonight. The acoustic version that Blaine often played was beautiful and romantic. Kurt always melted to Blaine's smooth vocals, but this song especially could make him come in his pants.

"Blaine, I want to try some things tonight again." He paused waiting for a reaction. Blaine just nodded with a mouthful of salad. "I want to tie you up. No blindfolds. I want you to see how enjoyable it is for me. I want you to know how good it felt to just let you do what you wanted to do and not have to worry about anything else but the pleasure. That's what it was for me last week. I didn't have to worry about getting off or getting you off. All my thoughts were about what you might do next and how it was going to feel and then when you were doing things, my entire mind was encompassed in just the feeling of you. The feeling of you everywhere. You care for me deeply. You love me so much. I felt every bit of that love through your actions. You showed me. Trust me, I felt it. It was nothing like Paul. Nothing like he made me feel. He made me feel like a whore. Used. Ugly."

Blaine listened intently and surprisingly, he looked happy and blissfully peaceful. "Okay. I'm going to let go of this guilt and a little bit of fear."

"You were afraid? You didn't say so at the doctor's office." Kurt stared concerned at him again.

"No, I was afraid to do anything wrong and make it bad for you."

"You didn't and I won't make you feel bad tonight, if you let me."

"Absolutely. I'll always want you Kurt. Only you." Blaine leaned forward kissing Kurt and sucking his lower lip into his mouth. Dinner was officially over. Blaine put his plate on the floor which Gibby accepted happily. "Gibby will be busy down here tonight."

"If he throws up, you're cleaning it off."

"I'm totally okay with that." Blaine laughed as he stood. "Try to catch me."

Kurt ran after Blaine getting to him just as he got to the stairs. He jumped up on Blaine back causing Blaine to fall forward and both of them giggled. "Can you carry me?"

"Piece of cake. I can carry you bridal style if you want?"

"I like piggyback rides." Kurt kissed the back of Blaine's neck causing Blaine to laugh louder.

"If you don't stop that, we're going to fall down the stairs."

"But I love kissing the back of your neck. You have such a gorgeous neck."

"Not as gorgeous as yours." They reached the top of the steps and Blaine carried him all the way into the bedroom. He laid Kurt down on the bed crawling up to him. Your neck is like pure white silk. Blaine started to unbutton Kurt's shirt. "It's soft, like your skin everywhere." Blaine kissed down his neck sucking on his Adams apple just a bit before licking a line to his nipple flicking it lightly with his tongue. Kurt moaned at the sensation as the heat pooled in his belly and his cock fully hardened. Kurt was losing it and that's the exact point that he had to come back to his senses.

"Stop. I want to do this unless you're afraid."

"I could never be afraid of you."

"Can I do this for you than." Kurt looked at Blaine hopeful. "Let me tie you up and prove to you that I love you."

"You never have to prove it." Blaine replied.

Kurt decided that Blaine didn't appear afraid, so he reached into the nightstand and pulled out the scarves they used the previous week. He rolled them over so that Blaine was on his back and he was straddling him. "Trust me." Kurt pulled Blaine's tee shirt off, kissing his neck and down his chest. He sucked hard on Blaine's left nipple and bit down gently. Blaine hips bucked up and Kurt felt Blaine's hard cock against his ass crack. He arched his back into the sensation, closed his eyes and moaned. When he looked down at Blaine, he eyes were dark and wanting. Kurt was surprised to see Blaine's hands clutching the headboard rails. He was positioned for Kurt to tie him up. Kurt smiled at Blaine before bending down to kiss him again. "I want you so badly. Do you want me?"

Blaine breathed in Kurt's scent and whined his reply. "Always."

Kurt kissed Blaine's forehead and leaned down to start tying his wrists. As he was tying, Blaine's head reached up to lick at Kurt's nipples. Kurt had to pause to reign in his excitement. He hissed. "If you keep doing that, I'm going to lose my head and never get you tied up."

"I'll be good." Kurt could see Blaine's eyes follow him back to the headboard. Kurt glanced down catching him. "I promise."

"You're always good to me. You're perfect for me, baby." Blaine smiled brightly and Kurt saw the trust. It was the same trust he had for Blaine.

Kurt moved back down after he was sure Blaine was secure. "We're going to start with just you wrists." Kurt face was inches from Blaine's. "Now, I'm going to ride you."

Blaine groaned at the excitement he was in Kurt's eyes. "I want you Kurt. I love you so much."

"And I love you. Now settle down while I get myself ready. I want to make sure I prepare myself properly so that I can just slide you inside me. I'm not much for waiting too long." Kurt winked and gave a sly smile to his partner. He reached for the lube and turned his back to Blaine so that he could see properly. "Now just enjoy this Blaine. I'm doing this for you." He kneeled arching his back to reach around to his hole after covering three fingers in lube. He started with one finger stretching himself moaning as he found his prostate and was able to pleasure himself. He could hear Blaine moaning and moving his hips. He wanted to be touched. Blaine's toes were curling in clenching at the sight.

Finally three fingers in and Blaine sounded like he was going to come from just watching him. "Kurt. Blaine was almost in tears."

"I'm sorry baby. I'm ready." Kurt turned around to see Blaine so needy and desperate. He was afraid that one touch would send Blaine over the edge. Instead of mounting him, he laid down on top of him kissing him wetly on the lips. "Is this okay Blaine?"

"I need you."

"I know. I'm sorry I made you wait."

"No. no. It was nice to watch. You're so beautiful."

"You're beautiful. I promise that's what I thought when I was in your position. All I could think about is how good you're going to make me feel." Kurt kissed his lips again. "You won't believe how wonderful it is to just let me do all the work. It's a gift Blaine." The point was to make Blaine feel good and to feel taken care of.

Kurt straddled Blaine's hips and lined himself up with his cock before sinking down not stopping until his ass felt Blaine's thighs. He groaned loudly. "Oh fuck baby. You feel so good." Blaine bucked his hips up involuntarily.

Kurt starts to ride him slowly raising and lowering himself. "Baby, I wish I could touch you."

"This is for you Blaine." Kurt leaned down to kiss Blaine, while Blaine started to buck his hips into Kurt swiftly. Kurt was frozen right there, his breath in Blaine's face, his eyes entranced on Blaine's. "You.. Oh God, so good." Kurt realized about two seconds later that Blaine wasn't supposed to be working. He was supposed to be in charge. He stilled Blaine's hips with his hands and said, "no, no."

Blaine understood as Kurt's eyes locked on his. Kurt had a determined look in his eyes. It was love but it was also devotion. Blaine could feel it as Kurt began to ride him hard and fast. Kurt's head would roll back every now and again, but his eyes would always lock back on him. Kurt was gorgeous, his mouth half open as he breathed in and out riding him. Kurt's thighs must have been burning, but Blaine held back with every muscle in his body. He was loved. He was safe and Kurt was here and his. Blaine realized that they could try anything, do anything and it would always be out of love. There was nothing that either of them would do to the other that wasn't out of love. Blaine understood and as this understanding hit him, he came harder than he ever came before screaming Kurt's name. He hadn't even realized that Kurt was coming hard, moaning loudly. Kurt collapsed on top of Blaine kissing him murmuring I love you's between kisses.

When they finally came down from that beautiful bliss, it was Kurt who spoke first. "Now, did you feel how much I love you?"

"I felt it. I felt it everywhere Kurt."

"Are you okay?"

"Perfect. Well, except that I can't touch you right now."

Kurt laughed. "I'll untie you, but I'm doing this for me. I want to be able to feel your arms wrapped around me.

Thing's seemed right again. Blaine and Kurt realized that they could explore sex in different ways without feeling like they were hurting the other one. This was another conquered field. The field that was their next challenge was invitations.

"They're at the printers." Kurt called out. "We need to pick them up today."

"Tell me you ordered enough."

"I ordered 1500." They were at their lunch table when everyone overheard.

Rachael reacted shocked, "did you say 1500 invitations. Didn't you over order?"

"Dear Rachael, I wish I could say that I did, but I most definitely did not." Kurt nodded toward her.

Puck opened his inappropriate mouth. "I hope there are some single bitches at this party because I plan on making them a couple for the night."

"Puck, quit being crude. That's offensive." Rachael responded.

"It is offensive, but to answer you, I have no idea, but my guess would be yes." Kurt responded. To answer everyone else's question, our guest list is offensive. We have about a thousand guests on the list. Between my dad's political friends and supporters that he has been very close to and Blaine's entire family, the wedding has become the political even of the decade. I wouldn't be surprised if the president showed up." Kurt laughed but was still exasperated at how the list got so big.

Blaine knew what he was worried about. "I promise you that it'll be everything you ever wanted. If that means we have a small ceremony with just us, that's what we'll do."

Kurt turned to Blaine with tears in his eyes. "Do you mean it?"

"Of course I do."

"You're not buttering me up, are you?"

Puck laughed, "Like he needs to butter you up. I know you guys go at it a lot." The table laughed.

"Funny Puck." Kurt rolled his eyes turning to Blaine who immediately found his lips.

"Well, to change the subject to something really important. Are we ready for Regionals? Two weeks everyone." Rachel stood up looking at all the people at the table.

"Totally." Finn responded.

"Yeah." Blaine added.

"Party this weekend at my house before we win at regionals next week." Rachel announced.

"We won't be there." Kurt leaned over to tell her. "We're finalizing wedding plans."

"Aw.. I was going to invite the Warblers."

Blaine smiled. "Please invite them. They never get out of that place and have real fun."

"Maybe I will."

"We aren't going to Dr. Stewarts tonight are we?" Kurt asked Blaine as they stopped to pick up mail.

"No. Why do you think I drove us home silly?"

"I figured." Kurt was sifting the mail as they walked into the condo. "Blaine!"

Blaine was alarmed because Kurt looked frozen, almost hurt. "What is it baby? Are you okay?"

Kurt was staring. "Blaine look." He held up a big thick envelope.

"Who's it from?" Blaine smiled.

"Parsons." Kurt almost whispered.

"Open it! I knew everyone would want you."

"Not FIT."

"Not true. They want you, you're just on their first list."

"They can take me off the list permanently." Kurt had the broadest smile as he handed it to Blaine.

Blaine held it reading every line as quickly as he could. "Oh my God, Kurt. You received a full scholarship to Parson's." Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt, spinning him around. "Full scholarship, baby. I told you so. I told you, you're so good. Everyone's fighting for your talent."

"I can't believe it."

"I can."

"You know what this means?"

"What?"

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine. "We are going to New York together-"

Blaine cut him off. "We were already doing that."

"Let me finish. We are both going to New York together with our first choice schools and as equals."

Blaine knew that he didn't want to feel like he had to be taken care of. If he had to pay for a school that, even though his dad was a Congressman, he still couldn't afford, Blaine would. They were both going to top schools and Kurt was on a full scholarship. They were perfect for each other. It was like an affirmation that Kurt was good enough for Blaine, even though Blaine never cared. Kurt would always be good enough for him.