Chapter 54 - Stress

Kurt awoke the next morning still alone. He sighed. He knew he over reacted a bit yesterday. He knew he needed to apologize to Mr. Shue. Mr. Shue wasn't saying those things to be mean, he was saying them to help him. Kurt didn't like it, which is why he reacted the way he did. It seemed like he just couldn't get things quite right. He hoped that Blaine had been in the bathroom and showered already so he didn't have to feel awkward this morning.

The bathroom was dry signifying that Blaine hadn't even been in there yet. Kurt's heart sank a little because that meant that Blaine was still either in the guest room asleep or he showered in the guest bathroom. That was definitely not good. Nevertheless, Kurt knew he had to get up and face the music. When he was finally ready to go downstairs, he quietly opened the door and found the guest bedroom door open already. Blaine was up.

As Kurt padded down the stairs, he wasn't sure what he was going to say, if anything at all. Blaine was sitting at the kitchen table with two mugs of coffee. He had the paper out. He was definitely showered and ready for school. He looked up at Kurt as Kurt entered the room.

Kurt stuttered, "Hi."

"Good morning." Blaine stated. It came out as friendly indifferent. Kurt felt so very detached from Blaine for the first time ever. Even when they just met, he felt more connected than right now. "I made you coffee. I thought you could use it. I know I needed it."

"Thank you. I didn't sleep well."

"Neither did I."

"Um. You slept in the guest room."

"Yeah, that's why I didn't sleep well. I missed you, but I wasn't ready to sleep with you yet." Blaine admitted sadly.

"Oh. I understand. I just.."

"Just what?"

"Nothing."

"Kurt. I'm not going to force you to talk about it, but you really said some awful things yesterday and I know there must be something bothering you to make you fly off the handle like that."

Kurt just nodded. He wasn't ready to really deal with all of this yet. He was barely hanging on in his own head. "Are we going to school together?" He looked at Blaine hopefully. He really wanted to feel close to Blaine right now.

"Sure. I'm mad at you and I feel like you don't even care how bad you made me and others feel yesterday and right now, it's taking everything in me not to shake you and tell you to wake up and look at what you've got."

Kurt just nodded. "Thank you."

Blaine sighed because no progress was made this morning. It seemed to Blaine that he did most of the talking and Kurt didn't let him in on any issues that were in his head. Blaine was going to let Kurt come to him. It was Kurt's turn to really think about it and then explain what was wrong.

"You don't need to thank me. I love you, Kurt. I'll always love you, but you were mean yesterday. I didn't even know who you were yesterday. No one deserved to be on the receiving end of your rampage and I just feel like I deserve something. You really made me feel like I treated you poorly and I have never done that to you Kurt. I just wanted you to do what was right yesterday and yet I left feeling like I did all of it."

Blaine was disappointed in the way this went and decided to let it go for now. He wanted to take Kurt in his arms and kiss him until he told him what was wrong because there was definitely something wrong. Kurt's mind was leading him somewhere not good. If Kurt didn't open up by the end of the day, Blaine would definitely take matters into his own hands.

The ride to school was quiet. The classes they had together were quiet. Kurt pretended to be his normal self and Blaine let him. Lunch was strange. The rest of glee club seemed to let it go. Blaine figured they were used to him having mild breakdowns. Blaine stayed quiet and to himself a bit during the entire day. Glee club was going to be a bit odd with them singing a cute first kiss love song, but it had to be done. Regionals was a matter of a week and a half away.

Throughout the day, Blaine became quieter and more upset. Kurt seemed to not trust him with whatever was bothering him. He always thought Kurt could tell him anything. Whatever it was, it must be about him if Kurt wouldn't tell him. Blaine was starting to feel like Kurt wanted out of the relationship. He was becoming more and more unsure the longer Kurt didn't talk to him and the longer Kurt seemed to act like nothing happened. He slipped into the choir room before the last period of the day to catch Mr. Shue. "Mr. Shue, can I talk to you?"

"Sure Blaine. What's on your mind?"

"Kurt. He's still not really talking about the whole blow up yesterday. He hasn't apologized to anyone, yet everyone is treating him almost like it never happened." Blaine put his head down in defeat. "He didn't apologize to me either."

Mr. Shue smiled. "Kurt's had these little breakdowns before. It's never been that bad, but it's happened before. Before you, Kurt was the only out gay kid in this school. He let things build and then it would pop like a balloon."

"Like yesterday?"

"Yeah. Like yesterday. Are you and Kurt okay?"

"Yeah.. I guess.. I don't know. Maybe not."

"Don't read too far into this Blaine. Kurt probably had a little built up stress with everything happening. You remember his panic attack at the airport?"

"Yeah. I was so scared at first." He had been Kurt's savior. Kurt had depended on him and Kurt had trusted him to get through the panic attack. Why didn't he trust him now?

"I think I'd rather see him do this than have that type of reaction to the stress."

"I guess so. He's just been so distant from me all day."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

Mr. Shue turned to the stacks of music he had in from of him. He began to sort them until Blaine spoke up. "I slept in the guest room last night."

Mr. Shue stopped. "You did?"

"Yeah. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I guess I felt like he was somebody that I didn't know. I just wasn't ready. I don't know." Blaine was looking lost and sad.

"Blaine, you just need to give Kurt some time to tell you what's on his mind. Kurt has been so used to keeping everything to himself. It's been a lifetime of hiding his hurt and his feelings. Before you, he would make comments in glee club, but he would never say anything out of the classroom."

"Was I wrong for yelling at him?"

Mr. Shue shook his head. "I don't think I want to give you my opinion. It was bad. I know. I was on the receiving end of his words."

"Please. It's eating at me. I'm starting to feel like I was the one that did something wrong."

"Well, Blaine, you didn't. He deserved it. He was out of line yelling at me like that and he wouldn't have heard you if you weren't yelling."

"I don't expect him to be the female in our relationship. You know that right?"

"Of course. You make it obvious."

"My mother and grandmother have never been like that either. They didn't just sit around waiting for my dad and grandfather. He made them sound like they were dogs that obeyed their masters. I would never want that. I love that Kurt has a personality and a big one at that. He has his opinions and says what he feels to get his point across. He's special."

"I know. Well, maybe we can work it out in glee this afternoon."

"Well, that's why I'm here. I'm not going to be a glee club this afternoon, if that's okay with you."

"Blaine, we really need to get out numbers down if we're going to win. I also have a new idea for your song that changes the dancing. I think it'll work better for everyone and alleviate the stress."

"I know Mr. Shue, but I really need to do something after school. Kurt and I have barely talked since yesterday and I really need to do this. I need Kurt, even though he doesn't think so. I need him."

Mr. Shue knew that Blaine was being honest. He knew that whatever it was that Blaine planned, it was important. "I guess I can introduce the companion songs and we can start the choreography today. You'll miss it Blaine."

"I promise to learn it fast. I just need this Mr. Shue."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yes and thank you."

Blaine left the room and headed to his last class of the day. It dragged on forever. As soon as bell rang, Blaine was out of his chair.

Kurt caught a glimpse of Blaine at his locker and wondered why Blaine packed everything up and took off down the hall. He reasoned that Blaine wanted to put all of his stuff in the car now instead of later. He shrugged as Mercedes headed toward him. "Ready for glee?"

"Yep."

"Where's Blaine going?"

"I think he's going to take his stuff out to the car and come back." The y continued down the hall.

"Kurt, you know he's hurting. I can see it. I'm going to say this to you because you're my friend. So listen up and listen good. You were wrong to yell at Mr. Shue like that yesterday. He's your teacher and you need to show respect. Even if he wasn't our teacher, he was offering constructive criticism and didn't deserve you making him feel like a second rate choir director."

Kurt dropped his arms to his side. "I know. I know I was wrong to yell at him."

"And Blaine has never treated you like a woman or like someone he expects to sit around and wait for him. He told you what you needed to hear. He just wanted you to respect your elders."

"I know and I'm sorry I said those things. I just feel like everything is happening all at once. What if I screw up because I can't dance. What if the judges hate seeing two gay guys sing together, what if I screw up our relationship or his future or mine. What if the wedding isn't what he wants it to be. There are so many things. I don't want to disappoint his family or mine or any of you."

"Oh Baby. You need to lean on all of us, not push us away. You need to lean on Blaine even more now. He's your rock, Baby. He'll always be there for you."

"I know. I'm going to apologize." Kurt smiled at some of the weight leaving his shoulders. He smiled when he walked into the choir room and took his seat next to Blaine's empty one. He looked down at his watch a few times while everyone filed into the room. Still no Blaine. Mr. Shue finally walked in. "Okay. I'm passing out the music for our other two songs. We'll be practicing these songs today."

Kurt was looking around the room and was met with the same glances around the room. He raised his hand. "Where's Blaine?"

Mr. Shue responded with avoidance. "Kurt, let's just focus on the new music. We have 10 days to perfect this and the choreography. I think the songs will be easy for us to learn because they're so popular right now. We'll be doing Hall of Fame by The Script and Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson. So, what do you think guys?"

Kurt was a little frustrated. "Aren't we going to practice the duet today?"

Mr. Shue sighed. "No Kurt. We aren't going to practice the duet today because Blaine won't be here today." Mr. Shue didn't make eye contact but then looked down at the piano and saw a note that said, 'please give to Finn - B'. He picked it up and looked up toward Finn. "Finn, come get this note. It's from Blaine."

Kurt watched as Finn took the note from Mr. Shue read it and as he headed back to his seat behind Kurt he leaned down and said, "I'm supposed to take you to Burt's after school."

Kurt just nodded and his heart sunk down into the pit of his stomach. What did that mean? Did it mean the Blaine was asking him to move out? Kurt couldn't focus on glee at all. His heart pounded and all the thoughts that ran through his mind about Blaine were killing him slowly. He would miss his eyes, definitely. He would miss Blaine in the morning when his curly hair was unruly and matted down on one side. He would miss watching Blaine chest rise and fall when he slept. He would miss what it felt like when Blaine touched him gently and softly. He would miss what it felt like to be overheated under Blaine's hands when they had sex. Most of all, he would miss Blaine's voice. His beautiful musical voice. Singing or not, Blaine's voice was the best music Kurt ever heard.

Before he knew it, Kurt had stopped singing and he was crying softly to himself. "Kurt? Are you okay?"

"No. I think I've ruined everything Mr. Shue. I'm such a brat sometimes, but you know I'm sorry right? I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry that I was disrespectful. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it when I said those awful things and I didn't mean it when I told Blaine he was treating me like a dog." Kurt hung his head.

Finn put his hand on Kurt's shoulder in comfort. "Kurt. Don't worry. Blaine loves you man. This is nothing. Maybe he's doing something and wants you to be surprised?"

"I appreciate that Finn, but maybe he's packing my stuff as we speak and when I get to dad's my stuff will be there." The tears continued.

"You're overreacting Kurt." Finn squeezed his shoulder.

"Finn, he slept in the guest room last night. I never apologized this morning and I barely talked to him today. I never told him I was sorry. I am sorry for acting that way yesterday. I just didn't know exactly how to apologize."

Mr. Shue broke in, "I know you didn't mean it Kurt. It is means anything, Blaine and I talked before he left and I told him that you'd had these outbursts before and that it all blows over. He was sad Kurt. He was sad that you didn't want to talk to him about what's bothering you. He loves you."

Kurt took that little ray of hope into his heart. "Did he say that?"

"Yeah, he said he loved you. Trust him Kurt. He wants you to talk to him. He wants you to trust him fully."

And that was that. Kurt would have to wait and see. The only thing Kurt knew was that he loved Blaine and if he had a chance he would tell Blaine everything that was bothering him. Then he would kiss Blaine and show him how much he loved him.