Let’s Go

“Please don’t separate us.” Blaine was insistent with their needs.

“Mr. Anderson. You need to have sutures for your cuts.” The emergency medic did not understand their needs. “You have lost a lot of blood and are very lucky that the cut isn’t any deeper.

“I don’t care about my cuts! You can’t separate us, dammit! I AM NOT LEAVING HIM! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Blaine was on a gurney and Kurt was right behind him. Right this moment, he was in more need than Kurt. He was still bleeding from both cuts. “Kurt! Can you hear me?”

“I’m here Blaine. Can’t breathe.Scared.” Kurt was panting heavily. Blaine recognized this from the airport. Kurt is starting to panic again.

“Breathe baby. Remember?” Blaine was done listening and being nice. He wasn’t getting what he wanted. “Fuck this.” Blaine jumped off the Gurney and hopped to Kurt. He took Kurt’s hand. “You’re going to pass out if you don’t slow your breathing down baby. Remember? We did this before.”

“Why are you doing this?” Kurt looked scared and ashamed. “I’m disgusting. I don’t deserve to live.”

“Baby, you didn’t’ do this. It was my fault.” Blaine caressed his face. “It’s me. Forever. No one will ever lay a harmful hand on you again.” Blaine began to cry again. He took out his phone. “Granddad. We need help at the hospital. They want to separate us. I can’t have that Granddad. We need to be together. Can you help?”

“Blaine. I will take care of it. Let me make some phone calls.”

“Blaine. I will be okay.” Kurt noticed that the blood was seeping through the mountains of gauze on his stomach. “You need to get taken care of before you lose too much blood.”

Two orderlies grabbed Blaine and next thing you know, he was given a sedative. “Owww…NOoooo.” Blaine was out cold within 10 seconds. When he awoke, it was in a private room. “Kurt stood over him and with tears in his eyes. He was playing with the curls in Blaine’s hair.

“Hi love.” Kurt was quiet and reserved but happy to see the hazel of Blaine’s eyes. Blaine stared into the blue eyes he loved so much.

“What happened?” He started to move to sit up. “Ohh..Oww. That hurts.”

“Stay down.” Kurt was firm, but gentle when he urged Blaine to remain down. “You were screaming and pushing people away that were trying to separate us. So, they sedated you.” Kurt couldn’t be this perfect after what happened to him. “I’d say the doctors here are lucky that they sedated you before stitching your arm up. You had a pretty big cut on your arm and your stomach.” He turned his head to look at something or someone.

“Kurt is most certainly correct about that. Apparently you have a pretty good left hook.” Blaine’s Grandfather was there.

“Several Granddad.” He leaned down to hug his grandson. “Thank you.”

“You’re my grandson. You have nothing to thank me for.” His grandfather pulled a chair in close. “Kurt here told me you could have killed the son of a bitch.”

“I was angry. Or. I guess enraged might be a better description.”

“And rightfully so.”

“Did it take away our ability to press charges?” Blaine was concerned about beating the crap out of Paul.

“The beauty of it all Blaine is that in Italy, if you rape someone and that someone is a minor, they are charged by the State. The penalty for rape of a minor is a mandatory life sentence.” Blaine looked at Kurt who looked okay. After all of that, he didn’t look overly hurt or damaged at all. He looked like Kurt, his boyfriend, his lover, his entire life. “So, what you did was okay. Kurt isn’t 18 yet, and therefore a minor. The rape kit they completed on Kurt is enough to put him away for life. Furthermore, neither of you will have to see him at trial.” Blaine took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. “But you will have to see him in a visual line-up and identify him. Then they will match the evidence from the rape kit. I have my lawyers on it. They are watching closely to make sure no mistakes are made.”

“Mr. Anderson?”

“Kurt, I believe I told you to call me Jack.”

“Yes. Jack? Can I have a moment with Blaine alone? I want to talk to him about some things that happened during the attack.”

“Sure Kurt.” He turned to Blaine. “It’s late anyway. I’m going to go back to the condo for the night. I’ll bring your grandmother in the morning. Blaine, you need rest to recover.” Jack Sr. turned and hugged Kurt gently and whispered something into his ear to which Kurt smiled. It was so intimate for just meeting someone. When Jack Sr. was gone Blaine questioned.

“What did he say?”

“He said that he was proud of me and that I was good for you.” Kurt smiled sheepishly. “After you passed out, they separated us and I got up and yelled at the nurses and doctors until they put us together in a room. They were just moving us somewhere to try to honor my demand and your grandfather called. It’s amazing how much quicker they made it happen.” They were in a very bright large room and 2 beds. “While you were still out, I met your grandfather and grandmother when they got here.”

“How long was I out?”

“Well. We got here around 6:30 or 7:00. So you were out for about 4 hours were out for several hours, Sweetie. It’s really late.” Blaine smiled that he called him sweetie. It was music to his ears. “Now. We have some things to talk about.”

“Wait. Kurt. The rape kit. I was too late?” Blaine was in pain at the thought.

“For some things yes.” Kurt was somber and tears filled his beautiful eyes. “But no, you saved me from the worst.”

“The worst?”

“Blaine. He did touch me there with his fingers. Somehow, Paul was thoughtful enough to not want me to hurt too much. As if that would ease the pain of what he was doing to me. He was crazy and he really wanted me.”

Blaine cried aloud and there was such despair in it. “Oh Kurt. I can’t ever make that go away. I can never heal that or make it so it didn’t happen.” Blaine saddened when because Kurt seemed so serious about this. “I failed you as a mate, partner, lover, boyfriend, as your everything. I failed you, Kurt, and I’ll understand if you never want to see me again. I get it.”

Kurt bit his lower lip and proceeded. “I love you Blaine. I love you with all my heart and I will always love you. What you did today was so chivalrous.” He wiped the tears away.

“I tried..”

“I know and it was stupid. We could have both died.” Kurt rubbed his forehead. “I want to tell you how I felt when all this was happening. I feel the need to tell you and the hospital psychologist said I should tell people that are close to me. She said that those are the people that will support me through all of this and I believe her.”

“You still love me? Even after I didn’t protect you?” Blaine looked away. He just couldn’t face Kurt.

Kurt reached out to Blaine’s face and turned him back facing him. “Blaine, there are no stereotypes in this relationship. It wasn’t your sole responsibility to protect me. It was mine too, just as it was my responsibility to help protect you. That’s what I signed up for when I took this promise ring from you.” Kurt held up his hand to remind Blaine that he was still wearing it. Kurt took a deep breath. “I need to tell you this to begin healing.”

“I was so upset over you not talking to me and then you accused me of always thinking about sex. I went to the bathroom to try to get my head around all of that and then come back strong so that I could support you in what you were going through. Even though I didn’t know what your problem was.” Kurt stopped to gather his thoughts for the next part. “There I was trying to put everything out of my head and be the best boyfriend I could be and Paul comes in. I was vulnerable and he took advantage of it.” Kurt was crying softly. “Paul was crazy and he was obsessed with me. He wanted me so badly. I tried to talk him out of it, I tried to beg him to stop and even tried to make him mad. None of this worked. I was terrified and all I could think about was protecting you. The knife he had. He said that it was for you. He wanted me, so he was going to kill you.” Kurt touched Blaine’s arm where a 6 inch sutured cut existed just under the gauze. “I couldn’t let that happen.” Kurt looked down.

Blaine was crying. Tears slowly streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry.”

“I won’t lie to you. I feel disgusting and ashamed and I feel like you shouldn’t care about me or want me, but I also witnessed your bravery to save me. You lunged at him and he cut you. You did all those things for me and amid all of this you said you would die for me.” Kurt looked down at Blaine and nudged him to move over. Kurt laid down facing Blaine. Blaine turned on his side but the pain was immense. “Don’t do that Blaine. The cut on your stomach was pretty deep and you damaged some muscle tissue there.” Kurt pushed Blaine back on his back.

“You’re mothering me.” Blaine smiled.

“If you are not going to listen, then I will mother you. I need to keep you get healthy and safe so that you can be with me forever.” Blaine eyes filled with tears of love. He never thought that Kurt could love him back ever again.

“So let me get back to it.” Kurt was on his side, propped up on his elbow. “Paul hurt me Blaine. In the worst way. He made me defenseless, he violated me and laughed while doing it. He made me doubt myself and my strength. I was begging him to kill me after he raped me. Part of me still wishes I was dead, but YOU are what keeps me going. I was trying to pretend that when he took me it would be you. But his touches were nothing like yours. I couldn’t imagine it. That’s what made me resort to dying. I prayed, and you know I don’t believe in God, but I prayed to whatever was out there to save you from him and to save you from finding me in that condition. Then I begged to die.”

“I heard you begging to die. I didn’t know Kurt. I didn’t know he was there, but when I heard his voice after you begging, I just lost it. God. I feel so guilty and worthless. You deserve someone stronger than me, someone that will always.. ” Blaine began to sob. “Ow- oh”

“Blaine. Take a deep breath baby. You can’t do that either. You will hurt yourself or tear your stitches.” Kurt caressed Blaine’s face with his fingers and the back of his hands and started to comfort him. “Shh-Shh. Calm down. It’s okay.”

“Thank you Kurt. Thank you for handling me. I feel so lucky. I don’t deserve you.”

Kurt smiled at him. “So, I was begging to die and all the while, I was saying good bye to you in my head. He put his fingers in me and I was saying good bye to you. He touched me and kissed me and I was saying goodbye. Everything he did made me think about you and how much I would miss you when I was gone.” Kurt was crying so hard now. “I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be for you to be alone. I know that I am destined to be with you and losing you would be like losing my arms or my legs. It would be paralyzing. That’s when I realized that I couldn’t leave you. No matter what he did to me, I could never leave you.” Closing his eyes, Kurt continued. “I knew there was a risk that you wouldn’t want me after being with someone else, but even if you weren’t with me, I would know that you are alive and happy and that your heart was beating. Even if it wasn’t beating for me.”

Blaine took a deep breath. “Oowwww”

“Blaine, you can’t do that either.”

“What, breathe?”

“No silly, no deep breaths. It will pull the stitches.” Kurt wiped his face. “Sorry. Mothering you again.”

“No, I want you to. I want you to do that forever. I want you to order me around. Yell at me. Cry to me. Cry with me.” Blaine was panting. “I want you Kurt. I never want to lock you out again. There’s no one else that this heart could ever belong to.I want you if you’ll have me.”

“There is no having you Blaine. We are tied to each other. I don’t think there is a force that can separate us.” Kurt took Blaine’s hand in his. “You are my match in every possible way. I feel it. I know that you are the only person that will help me heal from this. I want that.”

“Kurt. I’m sorry I failed you. He should never have been able to get that close to you where he could cause harm. I vowed to keep you safe and I didn’t.” Tears rolled down Blaine’s face and Kurt nuzzled in close to him. He wanted to breathe in all that was Blaine. He always loved feeling like there was just the two of them in the crazy world. “You are so precious to me. I feel so weak right now. Oww.” Blaine bent at the waist holding his midsection in pain.

“Let me see if I can get you more painkillers.” Kurt lifted himself up but was immediately stopped by Blaine.

“No. I want to feel it.” Blaine held Kurt on the bed. He was punishing himself.

“You don’t need to punish yourself.” He reassured Blaine.

“I do. I need to. I was quiet that day because I was trying to put away all the feelings of fear that I had. Do you remember when we were walking after dinner and we heard a noise? I panicked Kurt. I felt fear, intense fear. By the time we got back to the hotel, I felt useless and weak. I felt like I could never be good enough to take care of you. That’s why I withdrew. I know now that was wrong to feel, but I couldn’t help it.” Blaine couldn’t look him in the eyes. Kurt held Blaine’s face in the palm of his hands and forced him to look him in the eyes.

“Now continue.”

Blaine burst into tears. “It was my fault you were there. Ooohh.Ooww.” Tears were heavily streaming down Blaine’s face now. Kurt was pained by the sight of his lover in such pain.

“Shhh..Shhh…” Kurt was kissing the side of Blaine’s face quietly humming. “I don’t want you to hurt Babe. What can I do to ease your pain?”

“My pain? Fuck my pain? I need to figure out how to ease your pain. Who gives a shit about my pain. I deserve this. You..You didn’t.”

“Blaine. We are both going to have to endure the pain together. Right now, I am stronger than you. So, what can I do to help you?”

“Just say you love me Kurt. Look me in the eyes and say you love me. I need to see your eyes when you say it.” Blaine’s fear was that Kurt would say it and he wouldn’t see it in his eyes. “Tell me I haven’t lost you and that you forgive me. I need to know that you forgive me.” The sobs were hurting him so much. Blaine had started whimpering from the pain. “Uuhh. Hurt’s”

“Baby, please stop. Stop crying.” Kurt was crying from seeing Blaine in pain. “Blaine look at me. I love you. I will always love you. You could never lose me. I’m not sure that I could even function without you. I forgive you.” Kurt still felt like there was no reason to forgive him, but knew that Blaine needed to hear it if he was going to heal.

Blaine scooted as close as he could to Kurt and wrapped his arms around him. He was shocked and thankful at the same time. He could see the truth in Kurt’s eyes. By some crazy gift, Kurt still loved him. Kurt copied this action and they laid there together. Both silent from the pain.Both looking for comfort in each other’s arms, both soaking in the essence of each other. They fell asleep just like this.

Kurt slept soundly that night until Blaine awoke. “Stop it! Get …” Blaine sat straight up blinking his eyes several times. Then he remembered the pain from his stomach. He was sweating from the nightmare and now he cried from the pain.

“Blaine. It’s me, Kurt.”

“I know, baby. I know. I was running so fast. I wanted him to stop and I kept running and all I could see was the fear and sadness in your eyes. I was running and running and you kept getting farther away.” Blaine’s breathing was coming back down. He wrapped his arms back around Kurt and Kurt fell into them and back to sleep.

Blaine laid there, just listening to Kurt breathe. He listened for the rhythm, the little noises that Kurt made. He listened to the familiar. He waited for sleep to come and it finally did, but not without pain.

The sunlight. “I don’t want to get up yet.” Kurt groaned. He was wrapped in Blaine’s arms and his legs were entwined with Blaine’s. They were both a little sweaty from the body heat and from Blaine sweating a little from the pain.

“Me either. I can’t believe they let us sleep like this.”

“Your Grandfather has a way of handling situations.” Kurt smiled and kissed Blaine on the nose. “Are you okay?”

Blaine looked calm. “I don’t know. I can’t seem to get over how you can just… hmmm..love me and forgive me. I feel like this will be a dream and I will wake up alone.”

“Let’s just say that I love you and don’t ever want to be apart from you. If I hadn’t walked away from you, maybe we both would have been in better shape.”

Blaine frowned. “I don’t want to hear you blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Well it wasn’t yours either.” Kurt seemed resigned that they should move on. “Can we just not talk about whose fault it was anymore? Can we move on?” Blaine looked sad but hopeful and nodded at this request.

“I want to and would like to try.” Blaine and Kurt looked at each other hopeful. Kurt felt like he could, especially because Paul was going to go to jail. “Can we… um… Do you mind if I… try to, uh… “Blaine was stuttering like he was nervous.

“Just ask me, Blaine. Let’s make this our first priority from now on. Let’s always talk to each other. Not walk away from each other ever. We will share our hopes, fears, dreams and anything else.”

“I would like that.” Blaine smiled. “Can I kiss you? I feel like, if I kiss you on the lips, things will get so much better when I feel like we are us.”

“We are us.” Kurt leaned toward Blaine and attached his lips to Blaine’s. Blaine kissed back tentatively until he heard what he needed to hear. Kurt sighed into his lips and Blaine slipped his tongue out and swiped along Kurt’s lips. Kurt opened his mouth slightly and their tongues met between them Blaine could feel the heat rise in his chest and his pants. Kurt moaned at the taste of Blaine on his tongue. Tears streamed down both of their faces.

When their lips finally parted there was a soft sigh from both boys. Kurt pressed his forehead to Blaine’s and looked into his eyes. “I love you, Blaine Anderson.”

“I love you, Kurt Hummel. Marry me?”

Kurt couldn’t believe what he just heard. “Did you just..nevermind.”

“Yeah I just did. I mean it too. It’s not enough. The promise ring isn’t enough for me anymore. When a couple has been through what we have and can be so lucky to make it out the other side still together and still devoted, that’s saying something.” Blaine was a little weary from Kurt not responding. “You don’t have to…”

“Yes. Yes, I will marry you.” Blaine smiled widely as he pulled Kurt to him. “Oww. I can’t even pull my fianc�’ on top of me.”

“Shh. Let’s just lay here in the sun and enjoy it.” Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and Blaine tried to put his arms around Kurt, but could only manage to put both arms around Kurt’s arm. It would have to be enough for now.

Jack Sr entered the room to find them in the bed together. He let out a laugh. “Well, I am still getting used to this idea, Blaine, but I must say that you two are probably driving the nursing staff crazy.” Blaine’s grandmother, Ellen smiled at the two and stepped to the edge of the bed. She gave Blaine a kiss on the head and surprisingly repeated it with Kurt.

“You boys are probably breaking a million hospital rules, but I like it.” She smiled lovingly. “Kurt sweetheart. I hope you don’t mind, but we took the liberty of sending someone to get your Father and Mother in law. They are presently on their way here.”

“But how are you getting them here so quickly?”

Jack Sr. answered promptly. “Actually, they are on their way with Blaine’s father and mother in our jet. Some of the perks that go along with doing business overseas.” He looked at Ellen. “It was Ellen’s idea to get them all here.”

Kurt looked up at Ellen and smiled brightly. “Thank you so much.” Kurt hugged her. Blaine looked at Kurt and his Grandmother and knew that this was right. Everything would be alright.