Truth and Trust

There were so many things that Kurt loved about being at Blaine’s house when his parents weren’t there. It wasn’t just that they got to be alone. He and Blaine could be themselves without worrying about other people. Kurt’s family and friends were wonderful, but they were also suffocating sometimes. Kurt would never complain because he loves them all, but they didn’t have to worry about people walking in on them all the time. They didn’t have to constantly check in with someone or even tell anyone what they were doing or where they were going. They could just be Kurt and Blaine. It gave them a glimpse of what their life could be after college.

They never gave up this time, no matter what. They could sit and talk, they could kiss, and they could touch and cuddle without anyone bothering them or judging them. Both Kurt and Blaine cherished this time to appreciate each other and get back some of the friendship that was the basis of their relationship. This night was no different. They decided to pick up food to make salads for dinner tonight. When they got to Blaine’s, Kurt went straight to the kitchen to start making the salad and Blaine took their bags upstairs. Blaine was back in a few minutes and stopped at the doorway to take in the site of Kurt. Kurt took his breath away. He was cutting up the lettuce with his hands tearing the leaves into bite size pieces. Watching Kurt’s hands move like this was almost erotic. His hands moved to the knife and cutting board. Blaine watched him swiftly cut up a radish and onion. He used swift chopping motions and then his hands again would take the cut up pieces and spread them across the salad. Blaine would have never thought this would turn him on, but it was incredible to see Kurt’s hands move swiftly and precisely.

Kurt looked up. He must have sensed Blaine’s presence. “Hey you, are you ready for some salad? …. What?” Kurt paused because Blaine had a silly grin on his face.

“Nothing. You are gorgeous. You take my breath away. You are absolutely driving me crazy with your hands.” Blaine blushed that he had just admitted that watching Kurt’s hands was turning him on.

Kurt laughed at the fact that he was just cutting up a salad and Blaine was turned on by it. He also saw this as an opportunity to tease. “Don’t you wish I would use my hands on you?” Kurt smiled innocently.

“Kurt, don’t do that. You know just how to push my buttons.” Blaine crossed to Kurt at the counter. He wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist and kissed his neck. “I love you.” Blaine turned him around to kiss him deeply. His tongue grabbing onto Kurt’s and Kurt willingly kissing him back. Kurt started to stifle a moan. “Don’t do that, babe. I want to hear everything that comes out of the beautiful mouth of yours.” Blaine grabbed Kurt by his hips and thrust his hips toward him so that Kurt knew what he was doing to him.

Kurt usually let Blaine take the lead, especially lately, but not today. He turned Blaine around and pinned him against the counter. Blaine gasped because he was usually taking Kurt’s breath away. Kurt had just been making a salad for dinner, but now Blaine thought he was going to be dinner. Kurt’s eyes were a dark grey and full of lust for Blaine. “How about I confess that I want to hear you moan under me?”

“Kurt, I’m just not ready for it yet. I love making love to you. Let me.” What was that look in Blaine’s eyes. It was killing Kurt to no end what bothered Blaine, but he was going to find out tonight. Maybe Blaine just needed to know that Kurt would listen and that was the plan though now his teenage hormones were taking over.

“Not now Blaine. If you won’t let me make love to you, I really want to do something for you. I feel like this has been very one sided lately, not that I am complaining.” Kurt flashed that wonderful smile that made Blaine’s toes curl and his heart pound. “When I get you to come, you will be begging me to make love to you.” Blaine was taken aback by Kurt’s aggressiveness. Kurt reached down to Blaine’s waistband and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pulled them down over his hips. Kurt immediately grabbed Blaine’s butt and picked him up to put him on the counter next to dinner. Blaine always admired Kurt’s arms and his strength though he never needed to use it, until now. Kurt smiled at him and brought his lips to Blaine’s cock licking the tip before taking him fully into his mouth. Blaine groaned at the warm moist feeling of Kurt’s mouth. He never could get enough of this. Kurt’s beautiful mouth on him, taking him deep into his mouth. There was no better feeling than this. Kurt continued to suck hollowing his cheeks to create an unbelievable suction. This always unraveled Blaine to no end.

Blaine was breathless. “Baby, you are soooo good. I love you. I love your mouth. Kurt…” Blaine trailed off, leaning back on the counter arms reaching searching for something to hold onto. “Uungh. Please..” He was in sensory overload. Kurt could see him frantically looking for something to hold. Kurt reached out to Blaine’s hands and took them in his hands intertwining their fingers and never taking his mouth off of him. Kurt relaxed his throat and took Blaine’s entire length using his tongue to gently caress the length of his cock paying special attention to the sensitive underside of his head. Blaine’s grip on Kurt’s hands was so tight. Kurt could see his stomach starting to tense. Blaine came with a loud groan and Kurt’s name somewhere in the gibberish that he yelled out. Kurt swallowed and sucked until he was sure Blaine was done.

Blaine reached down to Kurt and kissed him. He could taste the remnants of himself on Kurt’s tongue. “I Love you, baby. That was incredible. Thank you so much for being mine.”

“I love you too. I only want to be yours.” Kurt grabbed a shaky Blaine off the counter and pulled up his pants and buttoned them back up. Kissing him softly on his lips and his cheeks, down his jawline. “I’m so glad you liked that. Blaine, there is so much I want to experience with you.” It was nagging at Kurt why Blaine would not let Kurt top when making love. That discussion would come soon. “But… we have all night to do all kinds of things. We should probably eat… food that is.” Kurt grabbed the huge bowl of salad that he made 2 forks and a bottle salad dressing. Lastly, he grabbed Blaine’s hand and led him back out to the family room.

Kurt turned on music from his iPod and set the salad bowl on the coffee table. “Do you mind sharing with me?” A smile spread across Kurt’s mouth.

“You are such a romantic Kurt. This is like Lady and Tramp, except, not spaghetti…. Oh, and we aren’t dogs.” Blaine and Kurt both laughed at the analogy Blaine used. He was a sucker for a romantic Disney movie.

“Can I ask you something honestly, babe?” The look on Kurt’s face was completely serious. “Because, we have always been totally honest with each other and I hold very precious the honesty we have between us.” Trying to lighten the situation a bit, Kurt took the salad dressing and poured it on the salad and started to pick at it gesturing Blaine to eat.

Blaine looked scared. Kurt wondered what caused this look. Blaine was so good at hiding himself at school that his reaction returned to normal after a few seconds. “Of course, Kurt. I never want us to have secrets.” Blaine looked like he knew what was coming. He had sensed over the last week since they first lost their virginity that this would come up. He didn’t want to hide anything. It just never came up and he knew he would be honest when Kurt asked him. He had just hoped it wouldn’t have to be discussed just yet.

“I am so happy with you and I love you so much. You make me feel like I can do anything Blaine and I feel like a stronger person just being around you.” Blaine knew this was just a preface for what was about to come up. It was coming and he wasn’t sure he knew how to answer the question that he knew would leave Kurt’s beautiful mouth soon. “We have shared so many things because we can be open and honest with each other. I never want that to go away. When I am 80 years old, I want to be able to tell you everything that I am feeling.” Kurt was staring at Blaine and it felt like he was searing into Blaine’s soul. “I love when you make love to me. I can’t even verbalize how unbelievable it feels to me, but I have wanted to..you know.. make love to you so bad. I want to know what it feels like being on the other end, but you keep stopping me or coming up with an excuse like you want to take care of me. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not enough for you?” Kurt was looking down at the floor instead of Blaine. He took a deep breath and sighed. “There, I finally asked you.”

Blaine let out a big sigh. He stood up and moved to sit next to Kurt taking his head and turning it toward him. He placed a gentle kiss on Kurt’s lips and forehead. “I promise to tell you everything, but can we eat first because I don’t know what will happen after I share this with you. ” Kurt started to stutter some words out, but was met with Blaine’s finger on his lips. “Shh. There is nothing wrong with you. You, Kurt, are perfect for me in every way. There are times that it takes every ounce of control to keep me from jumping your bones.” Blaine was gazing directly into Kurt’s eyes. He wanted to make sure that Kurt could see in his eyes that he meant every word. “Perfect for me.” Blaine picked up his fork and picked some salad up and fed it to Kurt. Dinner remained quiet with kisses placed on cheeks, lips, necks. There were some songs that came on during dinner that made Blaine sing. Dinner was done and Kurt picked up the bowl and dressing and made his way to the kitchen to clean up.

He was rinsing the bowl out when Blaine reached out and turned the water off. Kurt turned to him with questions in his eyes. The lights had already been turned off in the family room and Blaine took his hands. “Come on. Come with me.” Blaine led Kurt to his room turning lights off in the house. It was so peaceful with just the light from the moon showing through the windows. In Blaine’s room, instead of closing the curtains, Blaine left them open to serve as the light for them. “Please trust me, Kurt. I want us to be totally open tonight. I really need this.” He began to remove Kurt’s vest and shirt carefully placing them on the chair. Kurt moved to remove Blaine’s clothes but was stopped again by Blaine. “No, please, I need to do this. Let me.” Blaine removed his shirt and then jeans and boxers. He then proceeded to remove Kurt’s jeans and boxers. They were finally completely bared before each other. Standing in the moonlit bedroom. This was the place where Blaine first made love to Kurt, this was the place they shared so many things and tonight would be no different.

“Blaine, whatever it is. I will always love you. Forever, right?” Kurt reached out his hand to caress the side of Blaine’s face, running his thumb along his jaw feeling the rough stubble of Blaine’s facial hair. Kurt could see Blaine’s eyes start to tear. He was strong, proper, charming Blaine and now he was ready to bare his soul to the man he loved. He feared what Kurt would think. Blaine reached up to Kurt’s hand on his face and took it in his. He pulled Kurt to the bed and they laid down on top of the covers facing each other a mere inches apart still bared in the moonlight. Kurt knew he didn’t need to say anything more and waited with bated breath for what Blaine had hidden from him. Kurt would not pass judgment because even though they shared a lot, Kurt really knew so little about Blaine’s family. They were different and not as accepting of Blaine. He had always had to be someone else around them and he knew that it was hard for Blaine to chip away at his past.

After what seemed like an eternity, Blaine finally started. “I love you, Kurt. You are the most important thing in my life. I will never, ever do anything to hurt you.” Blaine closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Kurt remained patient and laid his hand just over Blaine’s heart. He mimicked his other hand over his own heart. It was as if, he was mentally transferring his knowledge that their hearts were attached as one. “I know you have questioned my reluctance to let you.. uh..be the top and I owe you an explanation. I knew this would come up eventually and I think that I knew I would have to tell someone, but it’s something that I wish I could hide from myself. I’m glad you keep asking me, Kurt. I was actually starting to worry that if I didn’t talk to you about it, you would stop asking me. I know you love me and I know I have nothing to fear with you, but I can’t help but worry what you will think about me. I know I have to tell you and lay it all out for us to continue to grow, so please wait until I’m finished to tell me how you feel.” Blaine was pleading now. He was really scared to talk about it.

“I have told no one about this before. Wes knows a little bit, but not even close to the whole thing. The year before I came to Dalton was not a good time for me. I was a popular kid and my crowd, my friends were looked up to. I had come out to my friends thinking that they were my close friends only to find out that they had no idea of the concept of friendship. They became the leaders of my own personal hell.” A tear fell from Blaine’s beautiful eye. Kurt didn’t dare to brush it away because he feared this might stop Blaine’s story from moving forward to what Kurt just needed to know. “Do you know how hard it is to take the beatings and verbal abuse from the people you were friends with since you were 5?” Kurt knew that his question was purely rhetorical. “It was like the weight of a thousand universes had shifted directly on top of me. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t get punched, pushed or made fun of. My school became my own personal hell. My popularity disappeared in that one defining moment. I became a shell of myself the next day. I started coming home with bruises on my face. My parents noticed but never said anything. They never even asked me if I was okay. Then one day, I didn’t come home and my parents were forced to face me and what I was going through.”

Kurt knew the meat of the story was coming. “That day, I decided to go to my favorite place. It had become my sanctuary since coming out. I had no one to talk to so I went to nature to help me through it. There was a creek at the back of park close to my house. It was always quiet because it was set back pretty far away from the parking and main area. I would bring my guitar with me and just sit and play and pour my heart out until I had to go home and face real life. It was there that I contemplated how to handle my future and how I could get out of where I was at.” Kurt remained silent but kept eye contact with Blaine. He hoped that all the love he felt in his heart could be seen by Blaine. Kurt realized that his grip on Blaine chest had become more evident and loosened it slightly. “I was followed that day. One of my old friends, Josh, followed me there. I was floored when he walked up to me and told me that he was sorry. At that moment, I thought there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, but then he confessed something to me.

“Blaine, I know we’ve been friends a long time and you expected that all of us including me would accept you when you came out. I know you haven’t changed from the person I knew since I was 5 years old. I’m sorry that we’ve made your life miserable when all you wanted was for us to accept you. After all, you never changed and you never lied to us. We just never asked.”

“You know, I’ve known for a long time Josh. I’ve known since I was around 8 or 9 years old. I just got tired of ignoring it and not being myself.”

“I have to tell you, the guys feel betrayed by you. Sometimes I think they are mad because they thought they should have guessed it before you telling us. After you told us, they started talking about how you just hung around because you wanted to check us out. They are really pissed and it’s getting bad. It’s gonna get bad for you.”

“Why are you telling me this? Because you feel sorry for me? Well don’t Josh. I don’t want your sympathy. I am bigger than this town and I will get out of here someday. I know it won’t be easy for me, but I will get out and I will find someone and I will be happy and have a life. This is my stepping stone to get out of here.”
“No, I’m not telling you this because I feel sorry for you. I wish we were still friends. I’m telling you this because they are going to do something really bad to you Blaine. I don’t know what they are planning because I try to stay away when they start to talk about it, but I keep hearing them.”

“You made your choices Josh.”

“I know and I’m sorry that I can’t choose to be friends with you. I’m not strong like you are Blaine. I’m not a straight "A" student with music talent and your looks and your charm.” Josh smiled at him. “I really am sorry and I miss you, but I can’t choose you over everyone else.”

“I wanted to cry so badly, but I refused to let him see that I wasn’t as strong as everyone thought I was.” Blaine’s were falling freely now and Kurt couldn’t help himself anymore. He reached up to Blaine’s face and wiped the tears away. Blaine caught his hand and held it with both of his. He kissed Kurt’s palm and tasted the salt of his tears on Kurt’s hand.

“I get it, Josh. Thanks for telling me.” He turned to leave and that’s when I heard them.

“Thanks for leading us to him Josh. Funny, I didn’t think you were playing on his team.”

“James. Just leave him alone.” He turned to me. “Blaine, I really didn’t know they were following me. I promise.” I believed him.

“So I see how you are. Getting close with the fag.”

“James. Leave him alone. He was just warning me about you guys.”

The tears began to fall consistently now and Blaine took a deep breath. His eyes seemed to beg for Kurt. Kurt leaned very close and whispered. “Do you need to stop Sweetie? I’ll be here when you are ready. Kurt pressed a chaste kiss to Blaine’s forehead assuring him that he loved him. “I love you, no matter what. No one can take away what we have. Nothing from the past and no one in the future.”

James walked to Josh and kicked him in the groin. Josh fell to the ground rolling in pain. I started to run toward Josh because James wasn’t stopping. He kept kicking Josh in the stomach over and over again. Josh was in pain and trying to roll away. James started to punch him in the face. Josh couldn’t even speak.

“I guess you did join Blaine’s team. You can’t even fight back. Look at you rolling on the ground like a girl.”

“James.” I lunged toward James only to be held back by some of my other friends. They had my arms pinned back and the next thing I knew I was getting the same treatment as Josh. The only thing I could think of was, at least it was me and not him. He never did anything wrong to them. They were angry with me. James punched and kicked me in the stomach and face. He finally stopped for a minute. It gave me a minute to speak. “What you are you so afraid of anyway? I leave all of you guys alone. Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Nice guitar Blaine.”

“James. Put it down. Leave it alone.” The guitar came crashing down on my head. I felt the blood on my face, but couldn’t stop. I was so angry. I broke loose from the 2 guys holding me, but I was just hit in the head and beat up. I was in no shape to fight back, but I didn’t want to give up. “I swear I will kill you.” I was enraged. James grabbed me around the neck and was choking me.

“Matty and Ben, Go get Josh and bring him here.” Josh was still lying on the ground. I hadn’t even noticed that there were 2 more of my ex-friends there, just standing around and watching. “John, come here and grab Blaine.” James came around the front to look me in the eyes. “I wanna see what you got in you Blaine.” I couldn’t even move. I was being held from behind. Josh was shoved in front of me. He was fighting the grip on him. James grabbed my pants and pulled them down to my ankles. He forced our heads together. “Kiss him Blaine. I know you want to. Josh isn’t this what you came here for?” Josh was crying now. I couldn’t move away our faces were being smashed together and I just turned my head. I refused to do that to anyone. I was there standing with my pants off. Crying because of my pain, crying because of Joshes pain and all he did was warn me that this would happen.

James was crazy. I knew he had a mean streak, but I had no idea the things he was capable of. He looked absolutely crazy. “Cam, go get the bat out of my car.” He finally let Joshes head go. Matty and Ben just pulled him back a little. “What, not your type, Blaine? What is your type?”

“James, let’s go, you don’t need that. Look at them. Let’s just go.” Yet Cam continued walking toward the car. Everyone, except James, seemed to know it was wrong, but they still kept doing it. Cam returned with the bat.

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine. He was sobbing. He wrapped his arms around Kurt and pulled him tight burying his face into Kurt’s chest. Kurt was running his fingers through Blaine’s curls and whispering. “Shh. Blaine, it’s okay Baby. Shh, I love you.” He placed light kisses to the top of Blaine’s head and wept quietly while his boyfriend was breaking down. Kurt had never seen Blaine like this before and it was frightening. Blaine was always bubbly, happy, and confident. The boy he was holding was a shell. Kurt wept because Blaine never shared this with anyone. This was a secret shared only with him. Someone he trusted and someone he loved. “You don’t have to continue if it hurts too much, baby.”

Blaine continued to sob. “No, I think I have to say it once and for all. I think I need to say it to you so that I can finally let it go.”

After a few minutes, he continued.

“Cam came back with the bat. James took it from him and ordered Cam and John to bend me over.” I understood what James was going to do and shut my eyes waiting for the pain I knew would be coming. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live or die after this. What would everyone think? Would my parents be sad?

Kurt was gripping Blaine’s hair and tears were now rolling down his face in double the amount. He tried so hard not to sob, but the idea of what was about to happen was too much to handle. Blaine was crying so hard at the same time and they gripping each other so tightly as if they let go, they might not survive.

Josh could see what was about to happen and I looked at him with the tears rolling down my face, not completely understanding how out of control James was right at this moment. He could probably see the fear in my eyes. He somehow got loose from Matty and Ben’s grip. “James. Stop it now.” He lunged toward James to save me. James swung the bat at his head and he landed on the ground with a big thud. His head was bleeding really badly. Cam let go and ran to look at Josh.

“James. What the hell have you done? Let’s get out of here now!” Cam grabbed a stunned James and everyone ran. I instinctively grabbed my cell and don’t know how I thought to take a picture of the boys running away, but I did. Then I dialed 911. I crawled over to Josh and put my hand on his head. I tried to stop the bleeding. I held his head and kept pressure on it. I kept talking to Josh telling him it would be alright. I just remember the ambulance getting there. They found the bat dropped a few yards away.

I woke up in the hospital the next morning. My parents were there. I asked how Josh was doing and found out that he had died from his head injuries, but that my calling 911 was a heroic effort or they would never have been found. I would have bled to death. By the time they got there, Josh was too far gone to save. I cried for the next hour. I cried because I lost a friend, who was true in the end. I cried for my youth. I cried because I lived.

“Blaine, I love you so much. I am so sad for everything that happened. I am so glad that I met you and that I have you with me right now.” Kurt could not hold Blaine any closer than he had him right now. Blaine’s grip was so tight on Kurt and his sobs were so heavy.

“I’m sorry if I am holding on to you too tightly. I just need you right now. I need…” Blaine’s words trailed off. Kurt didn’t need to hear them. He grabbed Blaine slowly urging him to stand up. Kurt pulled the covers up and they both slid under the covers. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and held him tightly to his chest. He intertwined his legs with Blaine. Blaine had bared his soul to Kurt. Kurt held him like the precious gem that he was to him. Without Blaine, Kurt may have been in the same situation. Without Blaine, he would never be whole.

“I need you close too.” Kurt looked out the window at the moonlit sky and Blaine remained tucked to him the rest of the night. They resembled love in its’ purest form. Their naked forms tucked together with nothing between them. Kurt vowed that he would not push Blaine ever again. He would patiently wait for him. Forever. They fell asleep in each other’s arms feeling love.