Storm – Chapter Fifteen

Kurt stared blankly at the flowers surrounding the open casket. He had not had the courage to walk over and say his goodbyes yet. He didn't want to believe it. It was not possible, that just could not be Rachel. It just wasn't.

Kurt stood off to the side feeling people's stares on him while they walked on past him. By now, the whole town has heard the stories and the rumors of what happened back in Connecticut. Believing whatever they may be hearing. Kurt played nervously with the hot pink ribbon that he tied around his wrist before he left the house this morning

Kurt glanced over to where Jeffery and Nathan stood. They stood so close, as if they were keeping each other from falling; supporting each other. They both nodded listening closely to the man that spoke to the. Kurt couldn't help but notice their sad glances at each other and their red rimmed eyes as if they had not stopped crying since they got the news.

The boy averted his eyes scanning over the crowed room of people. Most of them, Kurt had never seen before. He did not want to, but noticed that the room was missing one main person. Blaine. He was not present and Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes. How could someone miss their own sisters' funeral?

"Kurt." He jumped hearing is name spinning quickly to face the one who spoke. Jeffery wore a sad smile leaning for support against Nathan's side. Kurt inhaled sharply feeling tears burn in his eyes feeling guilt overcome him at their closeness. Jeffery shook his head before stepping forward engulfing Kurt in a tight meaningful hug. Nathan joined them by wrapping his arms around both men.

"Deep breaths, Kurt," Nathan whispered in Kurt's ear rubbing his hand on Kurt's back in a soothing way. "Deep breaths." Kurt squeezed his eyes shut forcing his tears to remain where they should be.

"I'm so sorry," Kurt's voice broke and tears fell away.

"Kurt," Jeffery spoke softly attempting to pull away from him, but Kurt's grip remained strong.

"I'm so sorry, so, so, sorry," Kurt stammered fingers scrunching into Jeffery's dress shirt. His eyes were burning from the tears that were falling.

"Kurt, it is okay; it is not your fault," Jeffery whispered in the younger boys ear. Kurt looked so small and he felt smell in the older couples arms.

"But…" Kurt began to argue again. Jeffery pulled out of Kurt's grip to face the younger boy. His eyes were red and swollen with tear marks upon his porcelain skin.

"Look at me," Jeffery demanded and began to wipe tears from Kurt's face. "It is okay. This is not your fault. It is not Blaine's. It is no one's fault. It was an accident. So wipe those tears from your face and stay strong. Don't make it look like you are weak. Because you are not. You are not weak Kurt. You can make it through this. We can make it through this together." Jeffery gave Kurt's shoulder a light squeeze for comfort.

"Why don't you, after this, come over. Come over and we'll talk about everything, anything," Nathan looked at Jeffery before continuing. "The three of us. We will talk, okay? For now, stay strong. You can do it. And make sure that you say goodbye, okay? You will regret it if you don't…"

Jeffery leaned in placing a kissing upon Kurt's forehead and wiped a few more tears away from the boy's face, "Okay?" Kurt gave a small nod and felt his father's arm wrap around him. Kurt leaned into his father's grasp for comfort and support. He didn't know if he could keep himself standing much longer. Jeffery and Burt made eye contact briefly before adding, "I'll see you tonight, okay?" Kurt nodded once again. He watched Jeffery and Nathan turn and walk away. The older couple wrapped their arms around one another as they went.

Kurt turned into his father's grasp around his arms around Burt's waist. He felt small once again as if he was back at his mother's funeral. He remembered the tragic memory clearly. He felt weak and vulnerable then and was feeling it now. He knew that Jeffery and Nathan told him to stay strong and don't show weakness that wasn't there. But what if it was there already? Kurt knew it inside. He felt it. Last week Rachel was his rock. She was the one that helped him get back to his feet if he had fallen. And she was the one… but she isn't the one anymore. She's not… Who was going to be there for him now? How was he supposed to not feel so little? He would have to learn how to do it himself. But would he be able to?

A gasp of cold air fluttered into the room as the door opened. It danced around before running down Kurt's spine making him shiver. The boy shifted his eyes, his arms still wrapped around his father, over to the door. He froze at the sight of Blaine. He wore black dress pants, a black dress shirt, and a hot pink bowtie was tired around his neck. Kurt did not think that Blaine could ever clean up as good as he had today.

But Blaine's cleanliness was not what Kurt was concerned about. It was the fabric around his neck. The hot pink bowtie. Kurt's arms slipped off his father's waist and he took a step forward with his eyes glued to Blaine. His breath caught in his throat. Blaine had not noticed Kurt's obvious stare and Kurt could not stop from walking toward Blaine.

Blaine looked a bit lost standing in front of the doorway. His eyes danced around the room till he noticed Kurt was standing only a few feet away with tears brimming his blue eyes once again. Blaine's face remained blank confused as to why Kurt would be this close to him after the occurrence a few days before. He noticed Kurt's eyes were staring at the bowtie around his neck and he shifted uncomfortable.

Kurt found the courage to look into Blaine's eyes lifting his wrist to show Blaine the pink ribbon that was tied around it. It was something that only Kurt would understand, but apparently Blaine did as well. It was something Kurt thought was between Rachel and him, but it shouldn't surprise him that her brother knew as well. Rachel always said that her wedding dress would have been pink and at her funeral she didn't want it to be dark and dreary. She wanted color. She wanted life to be reflected upon it. She wanted, most of all, for pink to be shown. The main color. He almost didn't want to wear the ribbon, but there was no way he could betray Rachel like that.

Blaine's eyes flashed with something unknown to Kurt and he swallowed hard. Blaine averted his eyes away and started walking to where Jeffery and Nathan were standing. Kurt's eyes did not follow the boy's movements; instead they continued to stare at the door which Blaine had entered as he took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves.

"Kurt?" Santana's voice rang through his ears. Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to look at her. Something about her was different, but Kurt couldn't place his finger on it. He eyed her carefully. Her maroon dress fit her curves perfectly, her hair was placed neatly in a bun on top of her head, and three inch heels were placed on her feet. But it wasn't the outfit that was off about her. The mood around her felt relaxed with a bit of nervousness as if she was looking over her shoulder consistently. But at ease.

"Kurt, I – uh," she pursed her lips glancing quickly down at her feet and back up to the boys eyes. "I don't know what to say to you. I'm sor-" Kurt shook his head. He didn't want to hear it. 'Sorry' was one of those words that is over used and the meaning is lost. Just like 'love'. They meant nothing.

Santana nodded, "She was a fantastic person. We loved her." Kurt nodded already hearing this multiple times today. "I came out." Santana said the three words so soft that Kurt wasn't sure if she really said it. "Well, I am going to come out. Monday, at school, I'm Britney's girlfriend and ridiculous proud of it." She looked around nervously.

"But you didn't want…" Kurt began to question.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But this whole thing- This- this happening to Rachel and you being almost… it opened my eyes, Kurt. Life is too short. You just- you don't know what you got till it is gone. You know? I'm not going to sit around wishing and praying for something to come in my life to make everything change for better or for worse. I decided to take a stand. Grow a pair of balls and make my own fate." Santana declared proudly.

Kurt was in a bit of shock. One: for this to even cross her mind was something that he never saw coming. And two: she just declared right here, right now; out of all places.

"Britney is thrilled. She's excited to actually be able to kiss me and hold my hand whenever she wants to. I don't know why I even told you this now…here. You are basically my only friend. So i-" She began babbling nervously.

"It's okay Santana. I am glad that you can trust me and feel comfortable enough around me to share this information. I am happy for you and proud." Kurt saw tears begin to cloud her eyes as she went in to hug him. Kurt sighed missing the feeling of comfort in the hug.

"I think they are starting soon. I am going to go find a seat. You probably should, too." Kurt nodded and Santana turned away with a small smile.

A half hour later, found those who wanted to sit sitting and the rest stood patiently as they service went on and everyone shared their thoughts and memories of Rachel. Kurt stared absentmindedly at the wall behind the open casket. He didn't find the courage to say goodbye yet nor the courage to even look at the open casket.

A few people, including Jeffery, Nathan, Burt, and a few friends spoke about Rachel. Kurt didn't listen much; too afraid he would start crying once again. But Kurt understood the gist of the little speeches.

"Does anyone else wish to speak?" Jeffery asked kindly to the crowd of people. Kurt shifted down further into his seat feeling his father glance over at him. He couldn't speak, could he? What would he even say? 'I'm sorry I couldn't stop this from happening.'? People would...

"Blaine? Do you wish to speak on your sisters behalf?" Jeffery asked.

Blaine scoffed, "Why the fuck would I share anything about my sister with all these idiots? I bet most of these people didn't even know her like I do. I bet a lot of you don't even know who she is! Or how much she means to me! And I bet some of you are even the people that bullied her at school. You make a mockery of this service."

"Blaine," Nathan spoke sternly and Blaine let of a sigh.

"No. I don't want to say anything in front of these Neanderthals," Blaine stood quickly almost knocking over the chair and walked out of the room. Kurt looked around the room and for once had to agree with Blaine. Most of the people that stood in the room did not have a significant reason to be there at all. Kurt got lost in his thoughts again this time he thought about Blaine.

Kurt came back from his thoughts when a hand briefly touched his shoulder. Looking next to him, Kurt found his father standing there. The room was empty besides them two and Kurt wondered where everyone had gone.

"Did you…" Burt started and Kurt shook his head no. "Would you like me to leave, so you ca..." Kurt nodded yes giving his father thankful and understanding look. Burt gave his son a small smile and walked out of the room hand stuffed in his pants pockets.

Kurt let the silence fill his ears and breathed in and then out slowly before his tired eyes fell upon the open casket and part of Rachel's face for the first time since he had entered the building. His heart began to race and tears began to weld in his eyes, again. He stood and walked over the casket his eyes never leaving Rachel's dead- Rachel's face. Kurt reached out to touch her, but quickly pulled his hand away to afraid. She looked so fragile.

"Funny, isn't it?" Kurt jumped at the voice and quickly noticed Blaine standing next to him starring down at Rachel's body. Kurt gave him and incredulous look. What about this was funny?!

Blaine glanced up at Kurt before continuing, "Us. Wearing the pink items and everything. I am honestly shocked that she even told you. The first time that she ever mentioned it to me was when we were five and still the system. After a few years she told me about it again. I was shocked that she remembered telling me that, considering she had the worst memory at times." Blaine gave a tight laugh before a smile fell upon his face and Kurt listened in awe. "She didn't tell Jeff or Nate though. She probably didn't think that she was the first one to go. I don't think anyone thought she would be the first one. Heck, I was thought I would have been. Ha… silly Rach."

Kurt shifted uncomfortable, he felt like he was invading a private conversation suddenly. He took a step back, eye on Blaine's profile. His eyes shined with tears still.

"I do care, Kurt. About Rachel and about you. I don't regret it, Blaine said staring at his sister still. Kurt froze unsure what to do. They talked, well Kurt yelled, about this already. "I know you think that I don't care about you or-"

"Hey guys," Nathan interrupted, eyeing Blaine carefully before looking at Blaine. "We're about to leave."

Blaine turned away from Rachel's casket eyes dark with annoyance. He sighed and made his way to the door. A frown formed on Kurt's face.

"I'll see you later?" Jeffery nodded answering Kurt's question.

Kurt exited the building in such a daze that he almost tripped over Blaine who sat upon the steps to the door. A skateboard lay next to Blaine, his ride to the funeral home Kurt assumed considering he arrived late. Blaine stared off into the distance while Kurt continued down the stairs. He made it to the last step before hesitating and turned to look back at the curly haired boy. Blaine glanced over making their eyes connect. Blaine's eyes were soft and tired, but red with worry and hatred. Kurt looked to the skate board wondering how the hell Blaine skateboarded through the slush on the side of the road. It could not have been easy and something told Kurt that he wouldn't want to drive with Jeffery and Nathan.

"Blaine," the name left Kurt's mouth his brain said no. Blaine raised his eyebrows in curiosity. Kurt didn't know what he was doing. After that fight they had a few days ago and the way that he was treated by Blaine. But there was no going back now, was there? "Would you like a ride home? It can't be easy skateboarding in the melting snow. And I have to go to your house anyway."

Blaine's eye lit up in surprise, "Uh, sure. Okay."