"The moment that we met, I didn't know yet, that I was looking at a face I'll never forget, Cause I, I can't get you off my mind. I can't get you off my mind. Give me the chance to love you. I'll tell you the only reason why, 'cause you are on my mind. I want to know you feel it. What do you see when you close your eyes, 'Cause you are on my mind." - On My Mind : Cody Simpson

—

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Dear Kurt,

You left me in a state of confusion and a possible slight obsession. I don't know which is worse. The confusion or this "obsession."

As strange as that sounds I'm not even lying. I honest don't know which is worse. I guess in your case the worse would be the obsessing. I'm practically obsessing over you. Everything I do, is all involving you. Okay, it's not really obsessing, it's just talking about you like all the time and you never leaving my mind. You're like burnt into every part of my brain. Okay, so maybe it is this tiny obsession, sort of thing. How would you describe something like this?

I have an urge to talk about you all the time. Wes and David are the only ones I can talk about you to. I told them everything that happened on Friday. They couldn't believe I let you keep my guitar pick! They went berserk. Wes began to complain how unfair it was to let some boy I barely knew keep my most prized possession, but won't let him even think about it. David just shook his head and told me I have major problems. They were both completely surprised that I didn't start freaking out. I think their over exaggerating. I wouldn't do that….okay, maybe I would, but I know it's in good hands. Even though I barely know you but i strongly believe that I know you enough to trust you with it. I'm actually really curious to know what you did with my guitar pick.

Wes and David seem to be getting pretty annoyed with my obsessive talking about you. We were studying last night and the only things that came out of my mouth seemed to be. "He came! I can't believe him actually came!" They starting off saying, "Told you." to saying nothing at all. Their noses shoved into the books they were studying from. Or I'd also say "He's so beautiful. Gosh, did you see how beautiful he was? You should have seen him from up on stage!" Their comeback would be, "Sorry, but my boat doesn't float that way BlaineyBear." (Gosh, I hate that Nickname.) Wes left the room after about the 5th time I said you were beautiful. He came back about 5 minutes later and shoved a cupcake in my face, and said, "Shut the fuck up, and go marry this boy already, have gay babies, and eat unicorns and poop rainbows." David got a kick out of this. He wouldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes straight. I made them both help my wash my hair out. It was their punishment for shoving a cupcake in my face and laughing. Although, Wes seemed to 'disappear' and David was stuck helping me by his lonesome. (Do you know how hard and how long it takes to wash frosting out of my pretty curls! D: Curls which you will never see! Nobody can see my crazy hair!) Yeah, my friends are the nicest people ever. –Rolls eyes- It's all out of love though. They mean no harm.

You left me confusion because I think I like you. No. I know i like you.

I really like you.

But I'm afraid. Afraid of what? I honestly can't tell you. I want to get to know you better. I want to do everything with you. But I don't know how to get to that spot. There's just something about you that makes me scared to try something. I don't want to scare you away. I don't want to try something and then you disappear on me. I'd be crush. Crushed into a million little pieces and scattered in the ocean. No one would be able to fix me.

I wish I knew if you had interest in me. It'd make everything easier. If you did I'd give hints. If you didn't, I'd lay off and stay clear of your way.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Blaine

Ps. I can't wait till Friday to see you again. I have all my songs planed out to perform. I won't play some stupid song that I wrote about my stupid ex that will make me cry again. None of the songs will embarrass me (intentionally) in front of you. Friday will be my day to impress you. To knock your socks off by my awesomeness.

Pss. Maybe some songs along the line of, "Six billion people, in the world. But all i need is you. Ten million seconds, I've wasted, but I'll waste them again with you." Yeah, those lyrics sound just about right. Maybe you'll get the meaning of the song. Things should just float or fade from there.

I slammed the notebook closed on my lap. I shook the notebook in anger and threw in down in the snow. I stopped everything that I was doing and starred at the notebook. Realizing the notebook could get ruined by the snow, I quickly picked it up. I cleaned the melted snow off of it as much as I could and then placed it back safely back on to my lap. I placed my face in my hands and began to cry again. Reading these letters from Blaine made my heart swell, swell in pain and agony. Memories of us flooded my brain. All they memories from the past 11 months seemed to crowd my mind. Every. Single. One. All. At. Once. My body ached everywhere. And my face stung from the tears that kept pouring out of my face.

How can he make me read these? How could he do this to me? How? Does he not understand?

I whipped my face with ice cold and bright red hands. It was freezing outside. I felt my phone in my pocket vibrating. I pulled it from my pocket to see Mrs. Anderson name flashing on my screen. I breathed out frustrated and hit ignore. When the name disappeared it was replaced by my phone saying I had 16 missed called and a few texts. 12 missed calls were from Mrs.' Anderson and the rest by my dad. I ignored everything, turned off my phone and forced it back into my pocket.

"Excuse me." I jumped my heart raced scared to find out who it was. I turned around to see a police officer standing a few yards away from me. My heart rate slowed and my body relaxed. "The park is closed after dark." He spoke and walked a little closer.

Quickly standing with the notebook at my side I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." My voice sounded weak and fragile. I whipped a tear that escaped my eye.

"Are you okay, sir?" The cop asked. I nodded and responded, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just be going now." He nodded.

I turned and walked back the way I came. My legs felt weak and life less as I walked. A few cars drove by. I noticed a cab coming my way. I flagged it down and got into it. I mumbled the address to the cab driver. The cab flew off in the complete opposite direction of Mr. and Mrs. Anderson and the park. Within 20 minutes I stood outside a little building. The sign on the door flashed, "Open."

L'amour du caf�.

Mine and Blaine's coffee shop.