Dead. Tired.

Jonah's hand gripped mine tighter, giving off a little tremble. I felt for him, I hate being here too.

"Hello," the lady at the desk spoke. Her voice was completely drenched in sleep.

"Uh, hi. I'm looking for- um- Blaine Andersons?" it came out more like a question. His name felt foreign on my lips and my heart sped up. I was afraid of what she would say.

Did my father lie to me? What if Blaine's really dead? And my father just wanted me to be here to say my goodbyes. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I can't even handle that he lied to me. How am I supposed to handle him lying to me and him being dead? Easily, I can't.

I felt Jonah's hand pull mine. I looked down at him quickly; he's eyes were staring intensely at the girl. I looked up again. Her face was full of concern.

"Sir, are you alright?" she asked. I nodded quickly.

"Yes, sorry. What did you say?" she didn't seem to me when I told her okay. That was clearly printed on her face.

"I said, he's in room C315. Do you know where that is?"

I nodded once more, "Yes, I do. Thank you so much." She gave a tight smile, her eyes still full of concern. I returned a smile and then walked away from the front desk quickly.

I headed toward unit C. Jonah followed at my side quickly and quietly. I felt incredibly terrible for bringing him here.

"Kurt?" Jonah's voice was small and scared. I stopped where we were and looked down at the tiny boy.

"Yeah Jonah?" he looked up at me with his big green eyes.

"Can I ask you something?" he seemed so unsure of what he should do and my heart broke at this. I kneeled down next to him so we were eye level.

"Oh course, you can ask me something, Jonah. You can ask me anything, don't be afraid to talk to me, okay?" I wanted to make sure that he knew that I will always be there. Jonah nodded his face formed in concentration. "What was it that you wanted to ask me?"

"Can I ask you, why we are here?" Jonah spoke softly. I hesitated to answer. How do I explain?

"I – uh- there is someone here that is dear to me… I- uh-…" Jonah nodded.

"I understand, I think." I bit my bottom lip, feeling still unsure if he took me answer honestly.

"Okay," I said standing back up and he grabbed my hand securely again and we began walking.

When we reached unit C my heart was beating so fast, I thought it was going to fly straight out of my chest. My eyes were glued completely to the room numbers on the doors that we passed.

301 . . . 302 . . . 303 . . .

I couldn't tell it my palm that was sweating or if it was Jonah's.

308 . . . 309 . . . 310 . . .

What if Jeffery and Victoria hate me because I left? What if Blaine never wants to see me again because I left in a time of need? What if my father thinks low of me?

313 . . . 315 . . . 3 . .

"Kurt!" I recognized my father's voice. Looking up there he stood gawking at the little boy attached to my hand. I felt Jonah pull closer to my leg. He was obviously not likely the attention.

"Who's the kid?" my father asked. I thought carefully on how to answer this.

"This is Jonah," I told him. "Jonah, this is my father Burt. Dad, this is Jonah." My dad looked at my curiously before looking back down at Jonah.

"Hey, Buddy. How are you?" he asked.

"Good," was the only response from Jonah.

At that moment Victoria, Jeffery, and Carole walking out from room 315.

"Kurt!" Victoria exclaimed. "I'm so glad that you are here. I wish I could explain to you everything but I know Blaine wants to do that. He only woke up about two hours ago from the surgery. The doctor said that it was unusual how fast it was." She went over to hug him, but froze and turned to Jonah. "Who this little guy?"

Carole walked over to Victoria's side and muttered, "He looks like a mini Blaine." Victoria nodded and kneeled down to be at eye level with Jonah.

"Hi, I'm Victoria. What's your name?" I took a deep breath, oh the questions I will be getting when I'm alone with these people… Jonah wrapped and arm tightly around my thigh and whispered a soft, "Jonah."

"Jonah? That's a handsome name. You are very cute," Carole commented, but Jonah didn't respond. I patted his head softly and he looked up. I gave him a smile which he then returned.

"Whose kid is this?" Jeffery whispered to me. I turned to look at him. His eyes were studying Jonah uncertain. This was the question that I was dreading the most out of all the questions they could have asked. I didn't know how they would react nor did I really want to find out. But the time is now, so . . .

"He's mine. Adopted him about three hours ago or something and I plan to love and care for him for the rest of my life." I told them proudly. They all stared at my surprised but none of them said any negative comments.

"Jonah, do you like ice cream?" Carole asked. I felt Jonah nod his head against my leg. "Do you want to go see if we can find some in the cafe?"

"Yeah, we could make it some kind of adventure!" Victoria added. I looked down at Jonah to find that he was looking up at me already. His eye wide and pleading. I nodded and gave him a nudge.

"You can go Jonah. They are both very nice people. Carole is my step mom and . . . and Victoria is very close to me. You will be okay." I watched Carole extend a hand. Jonah looked at it questionably before grabbing it. Victoria grabbed his other hand and began to walked down the hall way. I watched them walk out of my sight feeling something tug at my heart. It doesn't really feel right now having Jonah at my side.

"Kurt, what the hell are you doing?" I heard my father ask. I sighed and looked at him.

"I'm here to talk to Blaine, what other reason do I have? You know how much I hate hospitals." I watched my father shake his head.

"He means what are you doing with a child," Jeffery concluded. I looked at them both. They remained silent waiting for my answer.

"Jonah," I emphasized his name. "Is my child now. What other reason do you have a child besides to love and care for them?" I argued.

"But Jonah looks like Blaine," my father commented. I was astonished.

"Do you think I adopted Jonah just because he looks like Blaine slightly?" my father and Jeffery looked at each other.

"Honestly," Jeffery spoke up. "Yes, we do." I couldn't believe it.

"Jonah was being bullied there! I watched it happen right in front of my eyes! This child needed a home. He needed to be loved by someone who could love him and understand him. I couldn't just leave him there and not feel guilty. I couldn't just leave him, there was god, or some higher power, placed him right in front of my view!" I exclaimed. "Let's be honest, at first I was curious about how close he looked to Blaine. But that is it. Just curious. He needed help and I'm going to give him everything he needs. A home. A place where he feels safe. Love. A family."

My father sighed, "A child is a lot of work."

"I don't care. He's mine. You can accept him or not. I don't care." The hall was silent after that, well besides all the regular hospital noises. I hope they get my point and just back off to leave me alone. I won't give Jonah up. I'll take care of him no matter what.

"What about Blaine? What if he doesn't want Jonah?" Jeffery asked. Honestly, I didn't think about Blaine's opinion at all.

I shrugged, "I don't know. All I know is that I'm keeping Jonah and that will be his decision." My father looked over at Jeffery shaking his head.

"How about we finish this later?" Jeffery stated clearly not wanting to continue this conversation.

I nodded, "Yes."

"Blaine wants to see you. He said to send you in when you got here," I didn't respond to him. "You can go in."

I looked at the door. The number read 315… ha. I laugh at the number. The door was hideous by the way. I took a deep breath before making my way to the door.

"We'll leave you guys alone for a bit." I heard one of them say.

This is it. Everything that I've been freaking out over in the past twenty-four hours is going to come together right now. When I walked into the room the first thing that I saw was Blaine's loose locks and my breath hitched.

He's actually alive. I didn't know what to believe before. I had to see him myself to prove that he was still alive.

I felt my eyes burn with tears and crossed my arms across my chest trying to find comfort in the lonely feeling room. I wasn't sure how this was going to go. I stood at the opposite side of the room, just watching him. Examining his body. There was a scratch on the side of his face just above his eyebrow and the hospital gown made his skin glow.

The tears were threatening to fall. I could not cry. I couldn't.

I watched him as he stared out the hospital window. His face, from what I could see, was stuck in a thinking expression. I don't really know how long we were in this room and him oblivious to my presence, but he found me when I breathed in sharply from not so silent crying. His head snapped around so fast I thought it was going to fall off. He first looked at me confused but then his golden eyes widen and the confusion and worry fell from his face and then I couldn't tell what he was feeling.

"Oh my god, Kurt," his voice dripped with worry. "They said they wouldn't reach you. I was so worried!" I wiped the tears from my face and stared at him in disbelief.

"You were worried?" I almost yelled at him. Blaine opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn't ready to listen to him. "I get a phone call saying my boyfriend was in a car accident and they wouldn't tell my any information accept that he was in the hospital. I was so fucking worried, I was going insane. Then I when I got to this stupid place and when you family got her, I found out that you have fucking chronic kidney disease! Which had reached stage five and he was dying! I wasn't just worried then. I was hurt. Confused. Frustrated. Upset!" I know I shouldn't be yelling but I just, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I took a step closer to him.

"Why didn't you tell me Blaine? Why didn't you fucking tell me! Did you even plan on telling me? Didn't you trust me? We've been together for almost a fucking year? That is like vital information!" I felt more tears fall down my face and Blaine had tears in his eyes. My eyes fell to the ground.

"I just don't understand . . ." I whispered.

"Kurt, I want you to know that I love you. I love you so fucking much." Blaine sounded small.

"If you love me so much, then why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you. I could have looked out for you. My fucking dad knew before I did! Now how is that supposed to help you, huh? Tell me. When we live miles away from home. Miles away from the only people that knew. How were they supposed to look out for you?" I know I was being a little harsh but I need answers. I need the truth, since I have been lied to for so many months. The truth must come out now.

"I-I- don't . . ."

"Don't you dare tell me you don't know because I will leave this room and take Jonah home and I won't allow you back in to the apartment. Call me when you find a way to not keep secrets from the person you love. Call me when you decide not to lie to my face. Because it's hard to be with someone you love so fucking much and have them lie to you." I knew I couldn't handle this.

I turned to walk from the room.

"I was- I was afraid." I froze at Blaine's voice and slowly turned to look at him. His eyes were trained on the hideous hospital blanket and his hands fumbled with each other nervously.

"Yes, that is what you wrote . . ." I said carefully. "But . . ." Blaine's head shot up eyes wide in chock.

"You read the notebook?" Blaine asked astonished. I nodded.

"Yes, I did. Well most of it. I accidently left it at the apartment," I whispered. "Of course I read it. . . you asked me too."

Blaine nodded slightly comprehending, "Then you should know why I didn't . . ."

"Those are just words Blaine. Words on a piece of paper that was written months ago! I need to hear you now. Say it. To my face. Make me believe." Silence followed that. I could see Blaine's mind reeling by his expression. He was really thinking about what to do.

"Come here?" Blaine's voice was soft and pleading. I looked at him questionably. He patted the space next to him. "Please . . . I can't get up. So please come here." I sighed and closed the space between the bed and I. this was a bad idea. I knew it right now, that is I sat down I wouldn't have the strength to stand up for myself it needed to but I answered his request anyway by sitting down as close as I could. Blaine raised a hand cupping my cheek, I froze at his touch. He ran this thumb a crossed my cheek bone slowly as his eyes stared into mine.

"When I got into the car crash yesterday the last thing that I remember was your face, the picture I keep on the dashboard. I remember my lips speaking your name and the first thing that I remember when I woke up was you. The day I met you actually." Blaine told me.

"Kurt, you are the love of my life. I wouldn't know what to do without you. I was afraid that if I told you that you would leave me. You would leave me because you didn't want to be with someone who was like me. And I wouldn't be able to live with that. Without you." Blaine whispered his voice breaking. I leaned into his hand on my cheek with a sigh.

"Blaine, honey, I love you. I wouldn't have left you. I love you and that means everything about you. I love what you think may be your flaws, which obviously aren't flaws. I would love you no matter what. I wouldn't have left you." I felt Blaine's hand fall from my face and his eyes cast downward. I looked at him confused and quickly grabbed his hand intertwining out fingers. I brought our hands to my lips and kissed his knuckles. He responded by giving my hand a small squeeze.

"Blaine, baby, you have to tell what's wrong? Don't shut me out."

"You . . . you . . . you left me last night," Blaine looked up with regret flooding his face. I shook my head. Slightly.

"Last night . . ." how do I put this? "Last night was different. I was confused and hurt. I didn't know what to think. I need to. . . I needed time. That was a lot of information to take in. I'm sorry that I left you last night, but I needed too." Blaine nodded.

"I forgive you. I forgave you ever since they told me you weren't here and that you found out. I knew it would happen but . . ."

"Blaine," I interrupted. He stopped but looked away from me. "Blaine, sweetie, look at me. Look at me please." I placed my fingertips under his chin gently and brought his face to look at mine. "I vow to never leave you again if, you promise to never lie to me again." I told him getting lost in his eyes.

"I promise," he said and then a cheesy smile appeared on his face. "Seal it with a kiss?" I couldn't help but have a grin appear on my face.

"Of course," I whispered. I brought his lips to mine in a sweet innocent kiss which rapidly turned to something more desperate. I sighed into the kiss. I missed these lips. I missed his love. Blaine pulled away and I let out a cry and chased his lips so I could continue to kiss him. He chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on to my lips one more time before completely pulling away. My eyes fluttered open. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles gently.

"I love you," he whispered. I smiled at him. I brought his hand to my chest and placed it over my heart letting him feel the pounding in my chest.

"Look at what you do to me. All the time, ever since we met. God, I was always so nervous around you. You made me feel so different. You made me feel something that I had ever felt before and it was amazing, wonderful but also it scared me shitless. I soon found out that that feeling was love. I wish I wrote down everything that I felt in the past year so you could read it and understand. So you could know. I love you Blaine."

"Trust me, I feel so vulnerable right now, knowing that you read that but I know you needed to. And I don't need a book to read when I can read you. I know you love me then, and I know you love me now. That's good enough for me," Blaine said placing his hand on cheek and pulling me into another kiss. I felt Blaine shift slightly and then wince in pain.

"Ouch," Blaine mumbled against my lips and I pulled away with a laugh.

"Maybe we should do that when you are feeling better," I winked. Blaine nodded and sat back in a comfortable position. We remained silent for a bit, my thumb stroking the back of his hand and brushing stray curls from his face.

"Kurt," he spoke softly.

"Yeah baby?" I kissed his knuckles again.

"Who's Jonah?" I froze looking at him eyes wide. Shit. How do I explain this?

"Blaine, please . . ." I swallowed. "Please like . . . don't . . ." I sighed in frustration. "I'll be right back." I stood and Blaine's face seemed confused. I gave him an apologetic smile and left the room.

All heads turned when I walked out the door. Carole and Victoria retuned with Jonah while I was in Blaine's room. A smile on his face bright as the sun as he told something to Carole.

"Jonah?" I asked him ignoring my fathers look from the corner of my eye. Jonah looked up at me smile stull on his face.

"Kurt!" I watched his eye sparkle as he spoke my name and I couldn't help but smile at him brightly as well. "Look what the nurse gave me!" Jonah held up a glove that had blown up into a balloon and a face drawn on it.

"That's awesome Jonah," I said endearing.

"I'm going to name him Wilbert," Jonah said smiling at 'Wilbert'. I let out a tiny laugh and saw Victoria and Carole smile at him as well.

"That's a great name Jonah. Would you and Wilbert like to come meet someone?" I asked hesitantly.

"Kurt," my father said sternly. I looked at him shaking my head. When I looked back at Jonah he was look at Wilber intensely giving him a nod.

"Okay," Jonah answered and stood up from the floor. He smiled to Victoria and Carole. I held my hand out for Jonah to grab as he made it way over to me. I could read the skeptical faces on mine and Blaine's parents' faces. But for some reason I had this feeling that everything is going to be okay.

Jonah's hand gripped mine tightly and we walked to Blaine's hospital door together.