"If the weapon is your love, if you gonna take me down I surrender. I give you anything you want just don't leave me alone. This is a hold up, this is a hold up."
- Hold Up : Demi Lovato

Thursday February 9, 2012

Dear Kurt,

I…

I don't…

I can't...

I don't know what to say.

I had the most amazing time with you. I have fallen for you so much now. Spending the time with you tonight made me realize that I want you. I want you more than I did about 10 hour before now.

I knew I was planning on asking to by my boyfriend tonight anyway. I made that sound box to put in your build-a-bear hoping you were going to say yes and if you said no, I was going to explain everything.

And asking you at your door seemed like the only perfect moment. So I finally got the guts to ask you, and then your dad interrupted! I almost died. Then you forgot that I was going to say something to you and you said goodnight.

I almost had a heart attack right then and there. So I left. Without asking!

And now here I am freaking out, because I didn't ask and you have the sound box!

I really really hope you don't listen to the sound box and that you forgot about it…

I need to ask you in person! It's the gentlemen thing to do!

Kdfgohg;hgklasg I'm going to try and get some sleep. I guess I'll call you in the morning.

Blaine

Ps. Build-a-Bear was the best idea ever, if I do say so myself.

Present Day: Thursday November 29, 2012 - 2:00 AM

I slammed the notebook down on the table of the coffee shop. I don't know how much more I can handle. I gripped the coffee mug that sat in front of me. Tears dropped in the coffee mug that sat in between the tight grip of my hands. If this was a normal to-go cup it'd be crushed under the pressure of my hands.

Tears…

Tears…

Tears…

When will they stop? Will they ever stop? Can they stop? I don't even know if they are happy tears or sad tears...

My heart ached from remembering out first date. Was that a happy ache? Or a sad one? That day was awful at first, but turned brighter when I saw his face. The things that Blaine does to me. So many horrible days got turned around just by his presence, a single touch, or a simple smile. Confidence didn't matter when I was around him. Because when I am with him, nobody is around, and no one can bring me down.

I didn't even know that Blaine was going to ask me out that day.

My mind brought me back to this morning. It was about 6 in the morning, so I just finished getting ready to go out for the day. Walking into the bedroom of Blaine and my apartment, I could smell Blaine's body wash radiating from the bathroom as he took a shower. I walked over to our bed and began making it. Considering it was a complete mess, Blaine's a complete cuddlier during the night and sometimes that gets messy. I placed the last pillow in place and grabbed Blainey-Bear from my nightstand (he is removed from the bed because Blaine says he gets in the way of us, calls him a cockblock) and placed him in the center of bed against the pillows. I know that it is kind of tacky, but Blaine insisted on that is where it should be. Since I kept it this long that it should be shown. He says by it being in sight it represents our love, that our love should never be hidden. I believe it should be there are well, but he doesn't need to know that.

Anyway, I didn't know he was going to ask me out that night. It would have been the highlight of my day, of my night. I actually didn't know till later, much later, that night. I grimaced from remember certain things from that night.

"You're going to die, Hummel!" the rough voice screeched from the dark shadow. My face was smushed into the cold sidewalk. Pain pulsed through my body. This mystery guy beat me. Beat me so hard. I am almost positive that there is something broken. But I can't tell where it could possibly be. The pain covered every inch of me, engulfing me. Suffocating.

I kept my eyes closed tight not wanting to see when or where the next hit would be. Although, even if I had my eyes open I wouldn't be able to see because of it being night and being dark in the area I was located; wherever that may be.

I wanted this to all be gone. I want this to not have happened. I don't need this. I want this horrible tragedy to be over. I want to be able to open my eyes and this to be gone, to have been all a dream. But there was no way this could have been a dream. It was too real. The pain was too real. Everything was just too real to be a dream.

The guy chuckled, making it to obvious that he wanted my attention. But I refused to open my eyes, to look at this guy, this guy who had done these horrible things to me. I attempted to move my arm to be a little more comfortable. I should have known that would have been impossible. A pulse a pain shot through me. My hand slid back into the usual place that it was. I froze at the stickiness that was between my fingers.

I was scared now. I am going to die. No one is going to help me. I am alone. I've always been alone. I am going to die. Die alone. Hey, maybe no one will even notice that I would be gone.

I felt my body beginning to give up. My body felt tired. I felt tired. The world around me was leaving and I was finally escaping.

I breathed in deep feeling as if it would be the last breath I ever took. I smelled smoke. My lungs filled with it, making me cough uncontrollably. Smoke? Why was there smoke? My eyes flashed open wide to the horrid sight of yellow orange flames surrounding me. Tear filled my eyes as smoke attacked and burned them. Opening my mouth to scream, I breathed in a gust of smoke causing me to cough and choke.

The guy began to laugh; his laugh grew louder every second. "I told you that you were going to die." His voice echoed through my head. Breathing became hard and as I began to whimper breathing was non-existent.

This was it. I am going to die….

I bolted up in my bed. Eyes wide with fear. The blackness of my room made me nervous. Sweat was running down my face and tears began to weld up in my eyes. I gripped the comforter for comfort and safety.

It was just a dream. A nightmare. I laid back into my bed. My head hit the pillow gently and I waited for sleep to take over. But it didn't. I was scared to be alone in the comfort of my own room right now. Honestly, I was scared to go back to sleep. Sleeping was my only way to get away from this horrible reality I go through every day. But now reality has taken over my only escape.

When will this be over? Why can't I get away? Why me? Why me?

I wiped the away the tears that rimmed the edge of my eye lids. There was no way I was crying myself to sleep tonight. I rolled over and froze at the sound of someone's voice. I squeezed my eyes closed.

"Hiii Kurtie! I'm so glad you're my boyfriend now! You're amazing, adorable, fantastic, and oh so beautiful. Everything I could have asked for in my life. You are my light, you are my shining star in my darkness. You light up my life, my world. And one day you're going to be my everything." The voice paused. "No. You already are my everything. One day, we are going to fall in love. One day, I will love you for eternity. I just know it." was that Blaine? My heart pounded in my chest from being frightened.

I opened my eyes to be face to face Blainey-Bear. I starred in shock. Why was this stuffed dog talking to me? The sound box! I grabbed Blainey-Bear's left paw and sure enough there was Blaine's voice repeating the words I heard not so long ago.

Boyfriends…Boyfriend? I don't remember agreeing with this… Not that I wouldn't mind, but…

Oh my god! He was going to ask me to be this boyfriend before my dad came out to "take out the trash" wasn't he? That's the only solution. I reached over to my phone on my night stand and wrote a quick message to Blaine. Placing my phone back I grabbed Blainey-Bear and fell asleep with a smile on my face and Blainey-Bear in my arms.

Stepping out of the car, I took a deep breath and gripped Blainey-Bear in my arms tighter and closer to me. Here I am. L'amour du caf�. I checked the time on my cellphone. 10:07 am. Late. Or in my mind, on time. I told Blaine to meet me here at 10:00 and I planned on being late to make sure he was here when I got here.

I walked inside the coffee shop and looked around for Blaine. I didn't spot him at first but when I looked around again I found his dapper-looking-self sitting at the tiny table in the back corner. My heart fluttered at the thought of what I was going to do. Taking a deep breath I started my way over to him. Blaine was focused on the book in front of him. Wow, didn't he look just gorgeous. His jeans clung to his legs perfectly and his tight red sweater accented his muscle.

I noticed two coffee cups on the table. One closer to him and the other was place on the opposite side of the table. He got me coffee? Each step I took the faster my heart sped up. Blaine looked at his watch, his face turning to worry. He looked around a bit before his eyes met mine a smile broke across his face and I pretty sure one came across mine as well. He stood up and met me in a tight comforting hug. I felt instantly calm as his arms were around me.

"Hi Kurt," he whispered in my ear. A shiver ran down my spine.

"Good morning, Blaine." my voice was barely a whisper.

"I got you a coffee," Blaine said while sitting down in his seat. "I hope that's okay." Okay? Okay? God Blaine. That's more than okay. That's awesome, amazing, that's prefect! Your prefect! God, why are you so prefect?

"That's prefect, Blaine. Thank you." I took a sip. Oh my god, he knows my coffee order! My mind began to wondering, trying to figure out how he knew such a detail about me, but I made it stop. I need to focus on why I am here!

I placed Blainey-bear on the center of the table. Blaine's eyes widen a bit and a little shock filled his face. I smirked.

"You know, for you not really liking Build-A-Bear, you seem to be obsessed with that dog." Blaine joked looking around nervously and quickly brought his coffee mug to his lips. I rolled my eyes.

"Blaine," I started. He looked down at his coffee mug that was now placed on the table. I could tell that he knew I found out and that he was worry. "I don't understand." Blaine looked up to meet my eyes.

"I- uh. I can..." Blaine stammered over his words. "I can explain completely. That was stupid. I mean I didn't even ask you and I just permanently place that sound box in there. It was stupid. I completely understand if you wanna give it back or that you think I'm some creep. Or if you never wanna see me again." Okay, now he's being ridiculous and just rambling. "I mean-"

"Yes..." I interrupted him. I brought the mug to my lips and took a slow sip watching him with my eyes. He froze mid-sentence and gaped at me. I place the mug back on the table wrapping my hands around it. I then smiled sweetly at him.

"Wait...what?" Confusion covered his face.

"Yes." I said again.

"Yes what?"

"Yes, of course I'll be your boyfriend." What else would I be saying yes to?

"Are you seriously?" he starred at me dumbfounded. I nodded and went for another sip of my coffee.

"Wow." He said and sat back in his chair. "This is amazing. Officially the best day of my live."

"Hey Hun," the voice broke me from my memory. I wiped a few escaped tears from my cheek then looked up. There stood the owners wife. I'd been coming here for since January with Blaine, so we knew each other by name. I gave her a sad fake smile. Her belly was huge from the last time I saw her about three weeks ago. She had to be 4 month pregnant now. "More coffee?" she asked. I looked down to my mug, now completely empty. I nodded. She poured more into my cup.

"What are you doing her so late, Mindy?" I asked, my voice was coarse. She smiled at me and placed a hand on her belly.

"The baby has me on a different schedule, likes to keep me up at night." She sighed. She looked like she needed sleep. But hey, so did I. "How about you? What are you doing her so late? Where is your significant other?" I winced at her last question.

"I – uh – Couldn't sleeping, mind kept me up." I glanced at the notebook on the table. "He's – um…home." Lying.

No one needed to know my business.